THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brickheart]

Day 2...

 

I'm so sad. I just wish I could fast-forward to being healed and not torturing myself wishing he and I could be together. I love him so much, and all I can think about is how good it felt for him to hold me in his arms even with tears pouring down my face (and his) with him saying he loved me. I need to get beyond this, but it's sad to think about losing my first love.

[Blondie176]

I found this posted deep in the NC thread here, posted by someone called 'hurtandused' .. fantastic post and one that i am sure we can all identify with. xxx

[summer77]

That's really helpful to read, Blondie176. Thanks.

 

I'm on Day 2 now. I messaged him last night to say I was setting him free. I knew he was out with his family, but he answered in the early hours asking just 'Is that it?'

 

I have not replied.

 

No word since. I've deleted him from Facebook and everything, but I confess I looked at his Twitter feed earlier. He posted a song lyric shortly after he must have messaged me, but I can't work out the relevance, if there is one, and I'm working hard not to spend any time analysing it.

 

I feel a sense of relief, in a way - the drawn-out heartache of the past six months, and particularly the past few weeks, has been awful. But as soon as I start to feel lighter and happier, I remember things we did, the way he smelled, all the plans we had.

 

I'm going to get out of the house and try to distract myself for a while.

[Taylor10]

That was an awesome post Blondie176. Thanks for sharing it really helped.

 

Contacted him again last night. I dont know what i was thinking. Everytime i do this i end up hurting more. Ugh so frustrated. Back to Day 1. I dont know how to just give up on someone who once meant the world to me.

[kittycat12]

I finally went NC for about four weeks! A little less than a month I had no problem what so ever and I felt that I would contact him at the end of the summer

But he contacted me only to tell me a video I liked was out

In the 7 months we've been broken up not ONCE did he initiate contact this was the first time, all other contact was initiated by me

So I was surprised, and he had the occasion to tell me something like that many times before but he decided to do it monday out of the blue

I dind't want to answer, didn't feel like it but then i've got his mom on facebook and she posted something about losing one of their cats

I loved his cats so much.. they were like mine and it just hit me so hard so I did answer him

And that was it.. back to nc day 4... I still don't feel like contacting him, I don't know what made him want to contact me, i'm pretty sure it won't happen again soon, maybe he had a fight with his girlfriend or he is starting to think about me more

Anyway no contact for me! And I feel fine after all those months I feel so much better, lonely but better

[skheehee]

What if I pushed her away too much after the break up? I was having my examinations and I wanted to focus on my papers first, then reconcile with her after all my papers have ended. However, she kept dropping me bread crumbs along the way, while I was having my papers, by texting me that she missed me and all. By then I had already blocked her on Facebook and even blocked her calls. I replied her texts, saying I missed her too and what-have-yous. She wanted to meet up a few times for dinner but I couldn't, cause I was busy focusing on my papers. Little did I know that she was dating other people and after a month, she got into a relationship with a guy she met in the club, a day after my last paper.

 

I did the usual, begging, pleading, but nothing fazed her. She said I didn't fight for her. And she said that whatever I have done in the past, she can never trust me again. I have to admit, I am not completely innocent. I flirted with a few girls behind her back, I stole glances at them when she was around, communication was bad, leading to even worse arguments.

 

She moved in with this new guy barely a week after they got together. I can see that they're happy together, and it's been a month since they first became official. I feel great sense of loss, and I want her to be part of my life again. She said she wanted me to be her friend, but I told her that it was not possible, for we had spent 3 special years together. Ive tried "LC" for the whole of June, asking her if she wanted to stay as friends and hang out, and at the last second, chickening out. God, I feel so childish and immature. Right now, I don't know what I should do. The last time I contacted her was 2 days ago. She's having the time of her life. I am not.

 

I was distant from her when I was doing my revision, and I think that gave her the opportunity to meet other guys who would shower her with comfort and appreciation when she was emotionally at an all time low. Is NC the way to go? Or am I just digging myself a deeper hole?

[Reminiscence]

Uh oh. He asked me why I'm not talking to him. Should I keep ignoring him or tell him? I've gone 7 days with no contact and I had absolutely no desire to talk to him until now. What should I do? And could the fact that I'm struggling with deciding to answer his question mean anything?

[Vastaux]

Uh oh. He asked me why I'm not talking to him. Should I keep ignoring him or tell him? I've gone 7 days with no contact and I had absolutely no desire to talk to him until now. What should I do? And could the fact that I'm struggling with deciding to answer his question mean anything?

 

The last time i heard from my ex, she e-mailed me... i too had that same struggle and i decided not to reply, i felt to myself "what would i gain from replying"... I havent heard from her since. So her desire to contact me obviously want that important. I do not know your story so i cannot tell you what to do but maybe think the same as i did.

 

What would you gain from replying to him...? If the answer is nothing then dont reply, if he is desperate for an answer he will contact you again or find another way to get it, if you dont hear from him again then atleast you know you was right in ignoring.

[butterflyfly]

Day 1...after almost 8 months of divorce and 11 days of NC, I still feel like ****. Been drinking and eating a lot. Having a pity party with myself. I recently changed my number. He emailed me to confirm if I had changed it and that was the last of our conversation. Still love him and hope for a reconciliation, but I feel holding on to hope makes it more difficult.

[Reminiscence]

What would you gain from replying to him...? If the answer is nothing then dont reply, if he is desperate for an answer he will contact you again or find another way to get it, if you dont hear from him again then atleast you know you was right in ignoring.

 

If I do reply, he'll know that I'm upset. What do I gain from that? Not sure. But he's taken notice to my silence.

He's been texting me every two days ever since he decided 2 weeks ago we should just stay friends. He probably thinks I'm fine with being friends which I'm not. I didn't try to talk to him about changing his mind because you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

I can't wrap my head around anything that happened between us. Only that I felt led on and in the end I'm angry.

[Blondie176]

Day 2 and missing him like crazy but also not feeling the pain as much as my previous days 2's lol

 

I have to do this for my own sanity. Enough is enough!

 

xxx

[skheehee]

Day 3. This is after 4 weeks of LC. I would be a month through with NC if not for her mum. She keeps asking to me fight for her daughter. She did not understand that someone emotionally unstable can't fight for someone who already has her heart set on another guy. Now, it's NC all the way.

[brickheart]

Day 4!

 

Uuuugh today is hard... I was at Home Depot and I saw that the patio set my ex has been eying was 50% off. I want to tell him... can I?

[skheehee]

Day 4!

 

Uuuugh today is hard... I was at Home Depot and I saw that the patio set my ex has been eying was 50% off. I want to tell him... can I?

 

I'd say don't. Resist the temptation, friend.

[brickheart]

Yeah, I know it's a bad idea... but I care about him, you know? And I think he would appreciate my thinking about him. (He still loves me, or at least he did as of Thursday - I'm assuming he's not that quick to get over me.) But of course, I don't know that. And I think it's for the best that I continue with our agreed-upon NC.

[butterflyfly]

BH, bad idea. Save face and don't let him know of the sale. I'm sure he's not telling you about Victoria Secret's semi-annual sale.

 

*** I just broke NC. It had been 11 days, but my first post day, so that brings me back to ground zero. I had special ordred a congratulation gift for my ex husband's promotion. I emailed him to see if he even wanted it...Im still waiting. He divorded me 8 months ago and he did not give me anything for my bday a few weeks ago. All I got was a bday text. I'm not complainig about not receiving a gift because I wasn't even expecting a text from him. ANY FEEDBACK!!!!!

[Reminiscence]

Day 8

Now I'm struggling with not contacting him. Ever since he asked me why I'm not talking to him. This entire time he's been texting me but I've kept silent. Looks like he's taken notice of my silence. What to do now?

I'm so conflicted. Part of me still cares about him but another wants to hurt him. Part of me wants to say nothing but another wants to talk to him and ask if we can try again. Part of me doesn't want anything to do with him, to cut him out completely, he doesn't deserve me, he had his chance and he won't be able to have another. Part of me wants to do what he wants to do but another part sees no way of that happening. Part of me misses him but another part wants to give him the cold shoulder.

8 days and still so lost.

[skheehee]

What does it mean if they're with someone else but don't send you so much as a happy birthday text? How could someone I've shared my heart with for 3 years be so.. Heartless.

[Blondie176]

Day 8

Now I'm struggling with not contacting him. Ever since he asked me why I'm not talking to him. This entire time he's been texting me but I've kept silent. Looks like he's taken notice of my silence. What to do now?

I'm so conflicted. Part of me still cares about him but another wants to hurt him. Part of me wants to say nothing but another wants to talk to him and ask if we can try again. Part of me doesn't want anything to do with him, to cut him out completely, he doesn't deserve me, he had his chance and he won't be able to have another. Part of me wants to do what he wants to do but another part sees no way of that happening. Part of me misses him but another part wants to give him the cold shoulder.

8 days and still so lost.

When in doubt..do nothing! Thats what my gramps used to say about every dilemma ever. He has a point. My driving instructor used to say ''When in doubt, dont pull out'' same thing, if you're not sure then hang fire. xxx

 

What does it mean if they're with someone else but don't send you so much as a happy birthday text? How could someone I've shared my heart with for 3 years be so.. Heartless.

It means they are too busy being loved up with someone else to notice or care. Its cold and heartless but remember karma is a b i t c h . xxx

[Blondie176]

Day 2 and missing him like crazy but also not feeling the pain as much as my previous days 2's lol

 

I have to do this for my own sanity. Enough is enough!

 

xxx

Day 3 and i am doing ok, i am still thinking about him an awful lot but it doesnt sting as much as it did before. I think i just might be starting to accept that he is gone. But i have felt like this before and it usually isnt long before i feel sad and alone once more. Its such a bumpy ride this heartbreak stuff isnt it?

 

I have played all my cards and have nothing left to try, he knows how i feel, he knows where i am, if he wanted me, well he would come find me. Its really as simple as that. Ive cried and made a complete **** of myself in the past month. Hanging around for any breadcrumbs he might throw me.... not any more.

[skheehee]

Day 3 and i am doing ok, i am still thinking about him an awful lot but it doesnt sting as much as it did before. I think i just might be starting to accept that he is gone. But i have felt like this before and it usually isnt long before i feel sad and alone once more. Its such a bumpy ride this heartbreak stuff isnt it?

 

I have played all my cards and have nothing left to try, he knows how i feel, he knows where i am, if he wanted me, well he would come find me. Its really as simple as that. Ive cried and made a complete **** of myself in the past month. Hanging around for any breadcrumbs he might throw me.... not any more.

 

Stay strong! We are doing just fine.

[brickheart]

Day 5.

 

Today, I'm anxious because I was reading a certain poster's post about how her ex discovered that she's on here. I have a lot of personal details about myself, him, and the relationship... I hope my ex will tell me if he finds my posts, and then we can work it out from there. A, if you're reading this, please don't take it personally - I'm hurting a lot and I'm trying to work things out on paper so I don't go crazy. I still want to be friends once I've healed, and I hope this doesn't get in the way.

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 1

 

So I've decided that the best way to increase my chances of starting a new relationship with my ex and/or completely move on from my situation is NC. The circumstances that led me to this are a little different than most here in that my ex broke up with me a year and a half ago and we spent that entire time in NC. At the beginning of March she reappeared in my life shortly after she went through a breakup of her own.

 

We've spent the last three months getting to know each other and hooking up. We've had some really good times and of course it's been really nice being intimate with her again. Unfortunately, at the beginning of last month she told me she was not looking for a serious relationship, and she has made it very clear in her actions. I, on the other hand, secretly want a serious relationship with her. I could never just see her as a hookup buddy and the feelings I have developed for her feel nearly as strong as they did when we were together. I have been really good at playing along and making it seem like the only thing I want is to hang out and hook up, so I don't think she knows how I really feel about her. Her behavior, however, has really brought me down and now I feel depressed and have a ton of anxiety. The feelings are similar to how I felt right after our breakups.

 

So in order to get myself back on track I need to go NC. All the effort in this "relationship" has been on my end, and I just end up feeling worse after I talk to her, or see her. While I've been able to go through small periods of NC (a couple one week stints; I think the longest we didn't speak was two weeks during March), I haven't been able to commit to strict NC. Until now. The reason why I'm posting here is because I need to feel some accountability in seeing this through. Keeping track of it on this thread should hopefully remind me to stick to it and not give in, even when all I really want is to be with her.

 

So here's to making things right and getting myself back.

[gotanewbeat]

I am starting this today even though we've been in constant contact since things ended. We work together so we'll see how it goes. It's going to be difficult to keep things work related simply because he's the one who approaches me, and it's usually always unrelated to work. We'll see...

 

I just know I need some time away from him, to figure out what I want... and maybe a little distance could do us some good.

[skheehee]

Day 4 of NC, after 4 weeks of LC of failed attempts at trying to go out with her as a "friend", apologizing to her and trying to convince her to come back. I feel a little better today. I'm taking up new skills e.g. Learning how to play the guitar, learning a new language(Italian). It helps take your mind off things.