THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Reminiscence]

Day 14

 

Why do I like him? We barely got to know each other. He thinks we're too different but we never did anything together. What happened? First, you ask to text more and ask to plan something later but then 24 hours later you change your mind and just want to be friends. WHAT THE F***

[SSJlee28]

Day 4 - NC Broken, but heart completely broken.

 

I lost everything today. I was supposed to give her a pottery statue that we made each other during one of our dates after our break up. We broke up again after the dates. I texted her and told her I will drop it off on the front door, and have fun in Hawaii as she was leaving for a week. She responded that:

 

We are done. Full closure. I thought I could be with you again in the future, but there is no hope.

We can never be together again in the future.

You were everything to me once, and now you are nothing to me.

I am done. Move on. GOod luck with your life.

 

This, is what I got after a 7 year relationship. A relationship I thought was full of love. Seriously heart broken. I always thought we would end up together, even after the break up. We were soulmates, meant to be lovers, during our relationship, or at least that's what we told ourselves. I loved her so deeply and I know she DID too. Now I've lost her forever.

[Pleasedonot5]

SS,

 

Not to give you false hope, but she just seems to be doing that to help you move on. Just go NC and try to heal and improve yourself. It's a waiting game, but either she'll come back into the picture or someone else will for you.

 

Sorry about your heart man...It's never easy.

[brickheart]

Day 10.

 

HELP. I want SO MUCH to contact him. I've been thinking constantly about him today, and how I really, really want to be with him. I want to drive over to his house and just cuddle with him all day, maybe see a movie or get dinner. I cannot believe how strong this drive is right now. I know he's just sitting at home, and I want to go over there and talk and maybe do something, like in the good old days. Please stop me... HELP.

[brickheart]

Double post.

[Pleasedonot5]

Brick, stop. Don't do it -- it won't help anything and would probably make matters worse. You're doing yourself and him a favor by not initiating contact. Remember that!

[SSJlee28]

SS,

 

Not to give you false hope, but she just seems to be doing that to help you move on. Just go NC and try to heal and improve yourself. It's a waiting game, but either she'll come back into the picture or someone else will for you.

 

Sorry about your heart man...It's never easy.

 

She's blocked me on fb, and will be blocking my number. She said, she realized she gave me hope where there was one. Future together was a possibility not a reality, there is no hope for us. Don't want to marry you, or want to be with you. I will never forget you but I will never want to be with you again. Please have a great life, take care of yourself because you need to care for yourself and not for me.

 

I would love to believe that we would cross paths again. That we would be together with a neutral mind. Time fixes everything. She was the one who said we were meant to be, and soul mates, and she loved me. She put everything into us. I lost that. I feel so alone, like nothing. Has anyone seen anything like this happen and still come back together?

[brickheart]

Brick, stop. Don't do it -- it won't help anything and would probably make matters worse. You're doing yourself and him a favor by not initiating contact. Remember that!

I know... and I know HE'S doing ME a favor by not initiating contact, too. And yet it doesn't feel like it, you know?

[Pleasedonot5]

I know how you feel. My ex and I just had a very nice walk/talk yesterday in which I made it clear that I want to fight for her, and that I've been improving myself. She left things open for the future but it could go either way. We clearly have feelings for each other but it feels like she's trying to force herself to get over me. Maybe it's GIGS, or legitimately commitment issues, idk. We've agreed to go into NC for a few months for time and space to heal our wounds.

 

I, like you, wish I could do something or say something to help the situation, but I have to just sit back for now. It's only day one of NC for me. Last night was terrible -- I just couldn't sleep.

[brickheart]

I'm glad you were able to have that talk. I did have a good closing talk with my ex, but when I last talked with my ex, he made it clear there was absolutely no chance that we could get back together. He believes we can't get over our personal issues as a couple - he wants to date other people and see if he is more compatible with someone else. It makes me sad, because I've never met someone I felt so comfortable with or had such deep chemistry with in my entire life (not that I'm that old yet - fortunately I have more time, since I'm 24).

 

I love him so much, and he still loves me, too, but he's not coming back. That's what makes it so hard - if I were to go over there right now, he would have a hard time not folding me in his arms the way he used to.

[Pleasedonot5]

Ahh, you see it's anecdotes like that that make me uneasy, because this girl and I were so crazy for each other. Like your relationship, I've never met anyone that I've been more compatible with in my life. The stress and the phases we went through (and possibly GIGS) is what tore us apart, right at the end of our relationship. I also know what you mean when you talk about your intimate interactions. On the walk yesterday, we held each other when we were having intimate moments, and it was obvious that we still long for each other. Here's to hoping that our wounds heal and yet she still longs for me as a lover a few months from now.

 

But I guess I have to accept that we may never get back together and she may never feel the same way about me again. I guess we both know how much dealing with those thoughts sucks

[brickheart]

Yes, GIGS is what tore us apart (essentially, we argued a lot and he thought he could find someone who he didn't argue as much with). Frankly, I think if that was a key part of your break-up, you should let her get it out of her system. If you're so compatible, you'll be together again. I feel a little terrified of the concept that maybe my ex will find someone he feels more compatible with and I won't, but ultimately I actually feel like he and I will be together again after he's dated around and discovered that it's not as easy to find compatibility as he thought.

 

Food for thought, anyway. Yes, I agree, these thoughts suck.

[SSJlee28]

Damn.. These stories, everyone's broken hearts..

 

My ex told me that she loves me, but not in that way. She doesn't think we'll ever be together again. Told me we will never be together. Ever. Exact words. Have a good life, good luck with your future.

 

7 years of relationship down the drain. True and first love lost. My first everything lost. My break up brought 4 of my friends together with me, but I feel so empty inside. Longing for something I cannot have.

 

I am forced to NC, she blocked my fb, number. No way to contact her except email. Not that I have anything to say to her now. I've told her that I loved her, and I always thought she was the one. But if love can't fix everything.

We were everything to each other... My first over night ever with her. FIrst camping trip, first snowboarding trip, first out of country trip.... My high school prom date. Her high school prom date. I loved her deeply. Saw each other 3-4 times a week, every week. It's all over. But a stupid stupid part of me still feels that our magic feelings between each other can re-spark again, in the future. That once we clear our past mistakes and failures, maybe like Halloween or something, we can cross paths and re spark everything. But I need to move on. I feel like I need to find a new companion before she does, so that I won't get hurt. For that to happen, I must move on.......

[Pleasedonot5]

brickheart,

 

Yes, I think that while there are other issues involved in our break-up, they were temporary and we've shown that we've gotten over those issues. The only reasons she said she couldn't get back together with me now were because of her commitment issues. Maybe she's afraid that this will happen again, I know she's scared we could have a college break-up next year (but I know we wouldn't because I don't think we're going to be more than an hour away from each other), and/or that things won't ever be the same. I sincerely hope that those don't keep her from pursuing a relationship with me in the future, because I know if we're both willing to make things work, they will work. There aren't really any problems in our relationship that haven't already been solved, except the abovementioned commitment issues. Right now, I'm wondering whether GIGS is still playing a large role in us not getting back together. She said she can't give a definite answer on whether we have a future together or not. She said something along the lines of that if something did happen with each other in the future, we would have to both have moved on and found love again "naturally." Now, I'm not an expert but I'm not sure if that is likely to happen without any form of reconciliation.

 

I honestly feel like she's repressing her feelings (because I know she misses us and has feelings for me) and trying to force herself to get over me, when it doesn't have to be like that. That kind of behavior bewilders me. This is where I feel GIGS might come into play (or I suppose the space is good for the summer, because we wouldn't have any time for each other), but she already told me that she tried to start over with other guys and that none of them measure up to me. Why would someone love you, want you back, and think you're the best guy out there, but then at the same time try to force themselves not to want you, especially since the problems at the end of our relationship have been discussed and solved? Any insight would be helpful, so I can understand it better, but it's not like I can do anything right now for months anyway. We're in NC 'till the end of summer

 

If you could help me out and understand the situation better, my story is right here:

 

Any insights would be appreciated

 

SS,

 

Yeah, I'm sorry man In a way, the break-ups are good for all of us, because usually the hurt helps us grow as people, but that doesn't stop from longing for our exes' affections. It sucks more than any other emotional feeling I've yet experienced.

[skheehee]

Day 5

 

The pain from the heartbreak, which was so immense for the past few months, has surprisingly dwindled to little more than a slight cringe everytime I think about her. I still love her. I'm just looking at the bigger picture now, and realise that we need this space from each other, even if it means jumping into new relationships. Though, I'm not the one who's doing the "jumping".

[Taylor10]

I broke contact last night. I have been trying to talk to him for weeks now but he refuses to speak to me. I dont think there is anything i could say that would provoke a response. Anyways i was going on day 3 of NC. My mother and i got into a very bad argument. I was extremely upset at the time. My ex was the only person that i talked to about problems like this. I called him sobbing and left a message. He never got back to me not that i expected him to. Its hard to believe that he could be so heartless after everything we have been through...

[skheehee]

I broke contact last night. I have been trying to talk to him for weeks now but he refuses to speak to me. I dont think there is anything i could say that would provoke a response. Anyways i was going on day 3 of NC. My mother and i got into a very bad argument. I was extremely upset at the time. My ex was the only person that i talked to about problems like this. I called him sobbing and left a message. He never got back to me not that i expected him to. Its hard to believe that he could be so heartless after everything we have been through...

 

I know how you feel. Sometimes,you think to yourself, "How can someone so close and dear to us be so cold and heartless after everything we've gone through with them and done for them?" It just doesn't make sense. It feels like dagger through the heart. Everyday.

[SSJlee28]

You're a good guy man. You guys are both very young. I've been down that path. When you said "If we're both willing to make things work, they will work." That is definitely true. I will tell you why. My gf and I dated 1 year in high school, with both of us konwing I will be going away for college. To a college 3000 miles away, 4 hour plane ride, 2 hour differences. But we loved each other so deeply by then that we were willing to work thorugh it. We worked through it, throughout entire four years of university. That's how strong our love was. Which is why I am having a hard time now, and still think that, we can still get together in the future. For now, shes damaged me to the point where I cannot get up by myself atm. I need to heal first, and decide for myself if this girl is really worth pursuing.. after all these damages.

 

If she wants to make it work, and you want to make it work, it will work. She's confused, and naturally yes. I picked up my girlfriend when she had no interests from any other guys. I was a stud, she was just a bookworm. But trust me, she blossomed now, there's many guys out there for her. The point is, she needs to realize it for herself, that she loves you and she wants to put on the work. Then this can work for sure. She also needs to realize, nothing good comes without a risk. We took a risk by doing a LDR. If love is true, and two are willing to fight for one another, they can break any barriers. But she needs to realize it first, so give it time I guess.

 

I'm also NC with my gf until end of the summer probably. I will be going on a trip soon for a month, which would ease my mind. I can only hope that both of us can find ourselves individually. My girlfriend told me she does not want me at all, nor in the future. I know she said that because it's for the best of us, so we can get over each other. The hope I was clinging on to, wasn't doing me any good. I know what you mean though... I still can't get over the fact that I love her now. I hope that I can find a better girl in the future that fits me better, or find me in her warmth again.

[WhatSetsUs]

Day 5...6...

 

I had some friends from college visit this weekend...it helped keep my mind off of my ex. Drank a lot, went out, had a good time with really good friends. But even still, she's always in the back of my mind. I haven't been able to focus 100 percent on anything for the past couple months and its been a lot worse the past few weeks. I've been sticking to NC, but I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down and contacting her again. I'm not sure what I'll get by doing that, but something within is pushing me to do it. Just hoping that the desire will go away with time and distractions.

[Pleasedonot5]

Day 1

 

This is terrible. I really miss her and want to tell her we can make us work. I want to assure her that love has no boundaries, and it's all up to her. I know she probably really misses me right now, but I can't shake the feeling that she's looking for reasons not to and is looking for ways to try to get over me. This NC is for both of us to move on, and two months is a very long time. I fear that she will move on and I will not. I fear that even if we don't move on, she'll force herself to block out any hope of a future relationship with me.

 

And there's no fundamental problem with our relationship! All of the stress, temporary problems, etc. have calmed down and we both long for each other! God, I really don't know what's going on in her head at the moment. I just really want us to work. I hope I get sleep tonight. I was thinking about her the whole day and yesterday I didn't sleep until 5 A.M.

 

Was yesterday's walk/talk it for our intimacy? Was that the last it will ever be? I really don't want it to be over. I keep thinking ahead to the future. Obviously our feelings for each other are strong, but I hope that our wounds heal and we're able to still have that longing for each other's company at the end of 2 months. Heck, I don't care if she hooks up with a few guys the rest of this summer, as long as it makes her miss me like kissing her rebound did.

[brickheart]

Well, I personally don't feel too positive about "strong feelings"... because my ex is back on the dating website where we met after a few short weeks. I guess he wins this round. I feel so wrecked... I guess part of me was hoping he'd realize what a huge mistake he's making in moving on, and we could get back together. I still love him. It's obvious we go well together - even the stupid dating website knows it, since he popped up as my top match in my area.

[skheehee]

Sometimes, these "rebounds" work out. That is our biggest fear. Of losing our ex's forever.

 

Let's be real. How can we be friends with someone who is that special? I can't be friends with my ex as what we had was special. Too special to just be her "friend". I wish I could turn back time and fix things. I wish I could talk her out of being with someone else, just so that I can hold her in my arms again and call her mine. But the reality of it all hurts. You can't compete with the new "kid on the block". It's a waiting game that we shouldn't even be playing. NC for me to "move on with my life", cause I can't be stuck in limbo just because of this setback. However, never lose hope. Never lose hope that one day, things will eventually work out.

[dietcokenom]

Day 3 for me. It's difficult but I haven't shed a tear today. It's been one month since we broke up and I've done the whole begging, crying, meeting him etc. He hasn't initiated any form of contact and kept asking for space. I'm finally giving him what he wants. I do hope he gets in contact.... I'm just trying to focus on other things though.

[Blondie176]

Days 8-9 (Take 3)

 

HI fellow NC's..

 

Went out last night and i actually enjoyed myself, i had way too much to drink and am feeling crap today though But, i am glad i went out, i had a few moments when certain songs came on that reminded me of this and that but i soon picked myself up and danced my ass off and had a blast

 

Today i keep getting a thought running through my mind- i keep thinking that maybe i dont like him very much anymore...Im not sure where this is coming from but i am thinking about how cold he has been, how he has tossed me aside like a piece of rubbish he no longer needs, how he replaced me so easily. These arent the actions of someone id like to know. I dont think i even know him. The past two years seem like a dream or something, something that wasnt real. Its very odd. I dont even know if i am making sense?

 

All i know is that as time passes ( over 5 weeks now since he told me about her) the pain in my heart is not as painful. I havent cried in days, i am not bombarded with thoughts of him and her constantly like i was before, i am eating, i am sleeping mostly ok and i can see light at the end of the tunnel for me when once there was only darkness.

 

Pretty sure i will do a 180 anytime soon, i know how this works lol..but for now i feel ok.

 

Hope you guys are hanging in there too xxx

[Blondie176]

Day 3 for me. It's difficult but I haven't shed a tear today. It's been one month since we broke up and I've done the whole begging, crying, meeting him etc. He hasn't initiated any form of contact and kept asking for space. I'm finally giving him what he wants. I do hope he gets in contact.... I'm just trying to focus on other things though.

Hang on in there, i know its such a cliche but time does heal, it also moves us on one way or another. The early days are hell but you will come through this, i promise you that xxx