kittycat12

I finally went NC for about four weeks! A little less than a month I had no problem what so ever and I felt that I would contact him at the end of the summer But he contacted me only to tell me a video I liked was out In the 7 months we've been broken up not ONCE did he initiate contact this was the first time, all other contact was initiated by me So I was surprised, and he had the occasion to tell me something like that many times before but he decided to do it monday out of the blue I dind't want to answer, didn't feel like it but then i've got his mom on facebook and she posted something about losing one of their cats I loved his cats so much.. they were like mine and it just hit me so hard so I did answer him And that was it.. back to nc day 4... I still don't feel like contacting him, I don't know what made him want to contact me, i'm pretty sure it won't happen again soon, maybe he had a fight with his girlfriend or he is starting to think about me more Anyway no contact for me! And I feel fine after all those months I feel so much better, lonely but better

> called you yesterday and you answered..and you weren't mean or impatient you were nice but I assume it's because that now I just don't mean anything anymore...talked to you today and you say you don't wanna talk...nice i'm sick of this I want my happy ending... you can be such an * * * * * * * I can't believe it! hot, cold ,hot ,cold god

Well it hasn't happened to me and by the look of things I don't think it will... But I do have a good story a friend of mine was with her boyfriend for 10 months they broke up..she had other boyfriends I don't know about him but they got back togheter after about 15 months on being separated I don't know the details but they are incredibly happy

Well what can I say? still feel the same wondering how you're doing... I miss your random calls just to tell me you love me.. I miss your texts and your emails.. your presents that you gave me for no absolute reason..just because you wanted to make me smile.. all those times near the end when I was a total B**** and you would come back home with a surprise for me..always wanting to make me happy.. and I only realise now how special it was... I miss you so much I wish you can forgive me... I truly hope I was special... you said you'd get a tattoo of my face on your arm so you could always look at me..get my name tattooed... you wanted all of my pictures you kept one in your wallet and looked at it... you put some in the ipod I bought you and looked at them when you missed me too much... you had my tank top and my vest around your pillow so you could hold it when I wasn't there because you couldn't sleep without me... man I feel so stupid to realise this only after the breakup.. i'd like another chance... i'd like to go back and savour each minute I spent with you... I would wake up earlier and go to the computer because I was stupid.. man I regret doing this if only I could go back and lay on you like we used to do...everynight before spooning you wanted me to lay on your chest just a bit.. you needed it.. when we were close we were never close enough... I remember all this now... I wish you could too I mean she must be great and all but please remember me...I miss you I'm so scared

Is this what you wanted? I have becomed something I never wanted to be something I never thought i'd be i'm out of my mind..... how could you..please stop please...all I want is for things to go back the way they were.....no better I want to fix things up..you promised to protect me...please I just want to spend hours looking in your eyes again.. i want to hear you say those words you told me over and over again.. I want you to call me back after we hang up because you miss me..pleas You said you owuld die without me... i'm the one slowly dying and it's not fair...

Day 1 start over I tried lc saw you yesterday all went well nice conversation nice seeing you..but it only made me realise that I miss you and love you so much... and nothing positive is coming from it so I texted you telling you i'd rather still wait.. you didn,t respond..you must be with her i've been in so much pain for the past 4 months it's ridiculous.. i've tried everything to forget you and you come back haunting me with your promises and our dreams... so nc because there is nothing to hope for from you anymore Day one since I have given up on this

Good why do I keep feeling worse? You told me when you left that hopes sucks life sucks... you seemed so angry and scared..and would think the opposite... what hhappened? You ended up falling in love with someone else and be happy ! And me? always trying to stay positive I got my whole life taken away from me... all the promises.. how could you be such a heartless coward? How could you do this to me? You promised everyday I shouldn,t have believed you...not once even after everything you told me..you liar don't you feel bad? breaking someones life? not making me want to live anymore? I thought I was special I thought you would miss me...but I was nothing after all this you just don't care Why can't you hurt? Why can't you feel the unberable pain i've felt for the past four months? FOUR MONTHS! nothing works you keep coming back in my head all the memories WHY DON'T THEY HAUNT YOU! why do you always come back in my dreams... I hate you how could you do this to me? your love your princess? how could you destroy me this way...you promised not to... you liar.

I ****************** hate you.... how could you do this to me ? Do you know what you make me feel? Why can't I move on? OH yeah! Because you had to promise every day that I was the one and that you'd never leave! hahahahah I should have knowed... I told you baby don't say that you don'T know...and you said yes I know! It's all I ever want! Thanks for lying durinng 2 years everyday to my face thanks very much for pretending you cared... how could you be like this with me now? How am I supposed to live? You were supposed to love me and die without me you would cry when we didn't see each other I hate you I hate you for everything you did to mde! I hate you so much how could you ruin my life like thius? How could you? You destroyed me and you left with someone else? how could you? How can I trust anyone again? I hate you you are a monster! Can you see what you have becomed? You're driving me crazy why do I still care when you don'T? I hate you.... and yet I love you more everyday I hate myself and I hate you I see only one way of ending this

All the hudge letters you wrot me all gone all this love? I just want to go back....

I hate myself so much for still loving you.... why? I always hope you love me too and that you just can't be that way with me after all the love you gave me...you gave me all you gave me all your heart and now i'm nothing? You act like you hate me you just din't love me... how could you be so heartless how could you feel so indifferent about all this? Why do I keep my hopes up.. why did I believe all your promises I keep wondering how I could be absolutly everything to you and then nothing... why? Why me? What did I do we were perfect for each other... i'm so sorry why did you have to leave and fall in love with someone else? Why can't you feel the pain I feel...miss me love me? You said you will always love me...i'm so stupid for believing you...you don't have to be so mean with me....this should have never happened... I hate myself i'm so stupid keep wishing for you to come back... after all this time why can't I just move on like you.. . Or have you back.. it's all I want man i'm so pathetic and stupid...you've been happy for four months and i,ve been crying for four months.... you said you would never get over me... how could it happen ! jkmn

Didn't talk to you yesterday.. I did now because it is so pretty outside...yeah you know but I felt like sharing it with you because I felt happy...why do I keep talking to you? it just makes you hate me more and more...and pushes you away...but I can't help it... I have urges sometimes... you didn't answer my mail yet.. I knew you would't...but I still check i'm so stupid.. I still miss you more everyday memories pop in my mind..all the good times.. why doesn't it happen to you? why am I the only one to love you and be hurt.. you don't care you don't love me and you never will... You have everything you are so happy and well.... everything is better for you... and everything is worse for me I'M so sad...this sucks stop telling me to move on trust me it's all I want to be happy again.. But you stay..the love I have for you stays... and for you? it was gone in a few weeks... even though I was special... the one you loved the most... why did this happen to me? I don't deserve any of this... I'm so sick I miss you so much.. why don't you care? Why don't you miss me....why am I nothing now.. I was your precious.. your princess you would have done anything for me...your eyes were filled with love.. how can you look at someone else with those eyes so quickly when you promised.. I believed you... Wake me up from this nightmare i've been having for four months..... If only you could feel the pain I have...maybe you would be nicer...maybe you would care....maybe you would answer me... I'm so sick of crying knowing you are laughing and being in love... i'm so lost without you.... The hole in my chest gets bigger and bigger everyday... Why do I care so much? And why don't you care more?.... if I died you would be happy...no wait you would feel bad because you would think it was your fault.. I don't want it to be the only way you can think of me..feel something after all this why don't you remember? Why don't you miss? Take me back in time and let me live there forever...like you promised....

Images of us being so happy haunt me...of you not willing to let me go in the morning when I was just goign to the bathroom...hugging me tight and being so cute....when I would be on the computer you would do things to get my attention...you were so cute I only realise these things now...how precious they were... and I miss them so much... I want you to keep me from getting my clothes back on..spend entire days in our bed and simply...love each other...when I think of moments like these I cannot imagine you having them with osmeone else...loving someone else more... Why do I still hope.. do you remember any of this?? All the things you did? THe connection we had... do you think about it? no you don't miss any of it you want her and only her..but it doesn't feel right...it shouldn't happen.. why? You will never answer me will you?... you tld me you would..I asked you yesterday and you said you just didn't have time...yeah right you just don't want to..i'm a burden now... You said you would do it! Why do you lie? Why has it come to this... I feel so stupid...missing you and still loving you while you clearly don't...how could this happen? We were meant to be... you told me if I hadn't changed you would have been the love of my life... why did you change? what happened? I can'T live like this anymore..because I haven't changed you are still the love of my life..have you thought about it? ME I am left alone.....but you don't care..you never will because you don't love me as impossible as it seems in my head you don't love me you don't miss me you juste don't care You would be happy if I was just dead..out of your life I had everything...and now nothing.. it's not fair why don'T you feel anything? Why am I the only one suffering?

I don't understand any of this..you wanted to spend your life with me I was everything to you and now i'm nothing You fell in love with someone else how am I supposed to feel? I thought we would always last.... but with all the pictures you took with her and all the things... I don't know what to think anymore I would have liked you to be more hurt by this...to miss me to regret because what wqe had was beautiful..you loved me so much how can you in a few weeks go from loving me with all your heart and then totally forgetting about me and falling in love again how does this work? I don't understand...why can't you love me? why can't I get over this..even after all that even after telling myself you'll never be back and trying to move on I still want to cry everyday...and I still miss you...after all we did why am I the only one who cares? Why does it only hurt me? You would have died 6 months ago if I would have left...how can you be so happy now and that I have to be so miserable? I keep asking myself what I did to deserve this... I don,t understand you anymore... why did you care so much if I didn't keep all the stuff you gave me... why do you ignore me...but when you see me talk about throwing all away you answer and you get scared... even your stuffed animals? YES why do you care you love her you chose her I am nothing Why did you keep a picture of us? it's not a memorie you should not be thinking about me if you are with someone else...if you love someone else... You wanted all your exes out of your life but you still want to be friends with me? I'm so sick of this I thought I was more to you.. I thought you would never find better you promised you told me even after the breakup I feel so stupid now! I'm so sick of this I don't know what to think...why did this have to happen? how can you stop caring and missing and loving me after ALL this? How?? Why am I nothing? Why won't you come back... I miss you so much but you don't give a damn about it...you have her i'm nothing now.. I just wish to wake up from this nightmare everyday why can you let go so fast and not me? It's not fair...you were supposed to love me...you promised everyday... it's not fair I feel better writing this but I know i'll never tell you...and that none of my wishes will come true...you won't talk to me and you won't answer my message..you don't love me you don't care......