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HopefulNessie

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  1. HopefulNessie
    Broke NC after 57 days because I found out that he was in te emergency room with a broken arm and that's he's going to have to have surgery I just wrote him a simple message on FB telling him good luck with surgery and I hope he feels better soon. He liked it. Do I regret it? No. I'm human. I'd rather honestly wish him a good recovery than keep up my NC challenge.
  2. HopefulNessie
    Day 51 Haven't posted on this forum in about two weeks I think. I was doing pretty well but yesterday and today were really hard. I have an overwhelming urge to talk to him. I just miss him. I miss his jokes, I miss hearing about his day, I miss his voice.
  3. HopefulNessie
    I'm sorry Marty Was she the one to break NC?
  4. HopefulNessie
    AHHHHH. Something just reminded me of him and the puppy I'm fighting away tears. I'm so frustrated. I can't go more than 3 days without having a bad moment/entire day. I miss him so much and want to reach out to him so badly. I miss him and I miss the puppy. FML
  5. HopefulNessie
    69 days since the BU. When does the attachment start to fade? This is not like me I have never been this affected by a BU before. At least I'm taking baby steps, but it is still a frustrating and extremely difficult situation.
  6. HopefulNessie
    I know exactly how you feel. Last time I spoke on the phone with my ex he said he really doesn't know if one day there may be a future for us or not. Of course that's what I want (a future with him) but part of me wonders just like you. I wonder if all those things were lies to make it easier for him to handle (another thing he told me was that if we're meant to be will will eventually get back together may it be in two months or five months or whenever). All those things he said give me hope. Plus I know he really did love me. Our plans were a big deal and he developed doubts and we didn't communicate properly. All issues we had were fixable (that probably hurts the most) if only he had reached out to me or I had had the sense to handle the situation better since I thought something was wrong. But I can't dwell on that. It is what it is. What happens happened. I too am inpatient in a way and would love a resolution but life doesn't always go how we want it to and we have to roll with the punches. We may reconcile one day or we may not, just don't forget to love yourself in the meantime and use this time wisely! This is an opportunity for great growth and learning. As time passes, it will get easier. Honestly it's been a bit over two months for me and it still hurts, I cried two days ago like a maniac, but it doesn't feel as horrible as those first two weeks, that's for sure.
  7. HopefulNessie
    Hang in there! Everyone heals at their own pace and in their own way. It's very difficult, especially of you feel like you don't have closure. You will find what you need eventually keep your head up.
  8. HopefulNessie
    link removed
  9. HopefulNessie
    Epiphany today. Something clicked in my head. I'm not going to be the victim anymore. That is NOT who I am and never have been. No wonder I'm not happy. I not only need to improve ME but get back the real ME. The independent, strong, outspoken ME who could indure anything and come out on top! He's had all the power so far and I've been in the palm of his hand. No more. This time will be for me. Truly for me. If he comes back my door will be open for him, but I've definitely shut the screen door to keep all the mosquitoes out.
  10. HopefulNessie
    Hang in there I know exactly how you feel.
  11. HopefulNessie
    Does liking or commenting on a FB check in break NC? Day 33 I hope today goes better than last night. Last night was rough. I'm frustrated with how I feel.
  12. HopefulNessie
    Friday- really good day. Saturday- not so good. Today- started well, but it's not ending as well. This is such a roller coaster >.
  13. HopefulNessie
    Day 31 Yesterday was a great day. Today hasn't been as good. It's funny how this is like a roller coaster and I dont know why. If one day I'm fine, why am I not fine the next? A lot of people have said its like that but I wonder why (amongst the many, many other things I wonder about). I'm looking forward to tomorrow though I have lots of great plans for tomorrow. Hopefully I will be too busy and enjoying myself to worry as much as I do on some days.
  14. HopefulNessie
    I received a missed call from a blocked number last night. I have no way of knowing who it was but I have a feeling it was him. I wonder why? But I shouldn't wonder too much since I dont even know for sure
  15. HopefulNessie
    Thanks for the encouraging words patterned and saluk. Whats really crazy about those names saluk is that I never wanted biological children before I bet him. Ever. Since I was 8 years old I was telling everyone that I'd adopt kids. And with him it all changed. All of a sudden I wanted to make life with him. It seems so unfair that someone would wake up that much love and emotion within me and then we'd split.
  16. HopefulNessie
    Day 29 Yesterday was not a good day for me. I hope today will be better. I am not in the mood for work. At least it's Thursday. One more day and then the weekend. I feel like I relived some of the first stages of the break up yesterday. In the mornig i looked at the clock and knew he was getting up around that time. I wondered what he was doing. Was he working that day? Going to the gym? How is the puppy? How big must she have gotten by now? Etc. it was terrible. I've cried almost daily for the last two months. I think the longest I've gone without crying and with having good days was 3 consecutive days. It's like some type of cruel irony. I should be so happy right now. I joined an exercise class and got a new gym membership and have been using the treadmill at home. I lost 10 pounds (my goal weight), I made a huge dietary decision and after 7 years of being vegetarian I started eating seafood again and instead of feeling guilty I felt sooo liberated by it. I've leaned new recipes from my home country, I just put in my graduation application and after nearly 6 years I am about to finish university and I got some very good news from my school counselor on Tuesday about my academic requirement until graduation. I realized how many people care and are there for me during hard times. Things are better at home with my parents than they've been in a long time. Things are good at work (although I can't wait to quit as soon as I finish school and move on to something better). I've had fun since the break up, I've tried new foods, done fund things with friends and family. I learned A LOT about myself and who I wanna be. I've made time for my hobbies that I've neglected. I've been practicing my native language and made improvements in it. Etc. I should be SO happy. But I'm not. Everything is overshadowed by the loss I feel. Nothing is ever right. Every moment is bitter sweet. I am happy and have fun, BUT he is always in the back of my head. I always long to share everything with him. I feel like I lost the perfect future. We talked about having kids, what to name them, etc. he would have been such a great dad. No matter how good things are, it pales in comparison to the life we planned together. When will I ever get over this?! When will I ever stop comparing every single guy I meet to him?! When will I stop longing and hoping for the future that I lost with him?! Honestly, I'd rather live through a war than ever experience this again. I don't understand how we went from beig the dream team and planning our lives together to him saying his feelings aren't the same and leaving me. I was so angry at myself yesterday. So pissed that I was too naive and in love to see the warning signs and too naive not to fix things before it was too late. I will regret this forever. I will always think of what could have been.
  17. HopefulNessie
    the saying is true, "sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone"
  18. HopefulNessie
    Day 28 It has been two months since the breakup and I feel as though my love for him is growing rather than fading. I've changed so much over the last two months and I appreciate him and his traits even more now. It is hard. Really hard. I wonder how long it took others to be attracted to other people? Everytime I see a guy I compare him to my ex and they never live up to him. They never even come close. I wonder how long I can carry on like this before I start feeling like I'm going nuts. I just want to start a new relationship with him and show him the new me more than anything.
  19. HopefulNessie
    Today is the 2 month mark of our break up. They have been the hardest but also most life altering 2 months of my life. I feel like a different person now. I feel like I've grown and matured so much and found so much in life. I hope we find each other and happiness with each other as I can truly say that I'm not the same girl who he left.
  20. HopefulNessie
    Day 19 I had a fabulous weekend! but everything still had such a sad feeling to it...every happy moment that I feel, while still knowing I don't have him and while still missing him, is tainted....I could have the best weekend of my life I think and I still would feel sad.... It will be two months since the breakup soon. I've never been hung up on someone like this before. It all feels so strange to me. I was so sure that I'd marry this guy. That id have his kids. It feels so wrong to not be with him. I have no option but to wait and see what the future brings. I hope he had a good weekend I really miss our puppy...I wonder how big she has gotten sigh
  21. HopefulNessie
    Day 15 Feel relieved because my last major essay is done and just have a few tests left. Once this semester is over I will have more time to focus on myself and to make even more improvements I'm really excited about that!!! Time seems to not go regular speed anymore. Ether things seem like they were just yesterday or as if they occurred a decade ago. It's quite odd. I still wonder. A lot. I try not to but it's hard. I wonder how his day is. I wonder if her ever has me on his mind? Or has he forgotten already? This has been the most trying experience of my life (and ive had no shortage of Challanges in life so that says a lot). This has also really opened my eyes and changed me profoundly. I just hope that I will get the opportunity to share these changes with him one day. At least my days are easier now. The initial shock and utter dispair has worn off. But it still hurts. A lot. I try to stay strong and I've been doing a lot of fun things lately that I enjoy and I've lost 9 pounds (goal is 10 YAAYY 1 more!!) and I've had a lot of good times lately, I really have. But even though I've had a lot of good times and made improvements in my life it all feels tainted in a way. It's tainted by the knowledge that he is not here for me to share these changes with. I always think of him. I can't help it. Every good moment I think oh wow he would have loved doing this, or this is totally his type of restaurant or man the weather is nice we could be at the park right now etc. Sigh Time to get back to work and stay positive.
  22. HopefulNessie
    Day 14 It feels like a century. Also haven't posted on FB since the 18th. I set a challenge for myself to stay off FB until may. I wonder if he ever thinks of me? Does he have those moments when something happens and he's reminded of me like i am of him? I wonder how his business is doing. Is he enjoying the nice weather? How is the puppy doing? I bet she's gotten so big over the last two months I hope he's sleeping well and not suffering from insomnia like he often does. I think about that before going to bed quite often.
  23. HopefulNessie
    Day 13 Trying to stay strong. Trying to stay positive. Tryin to have a good day. I'm very busy so my mind has has little time to be distracted te last few days but he still sneaks into my thoughts. I miss him and hope he's enjoying the nice wether.
  24. HopefulNessie
    I don't mean for this to sound preachy, but don't be who she wanted you to be. Be who you want to be! And who knows, maybe those two things are the same. Good luck with the changes! I know its exciting, albeit sad (due to the circumstances), to be turning into a better you.
  25. HopefulNessie
    Day 10 part two Just got done with spending the day with my mom. The new shopping center that opened is awesome. I'm profoundly sad inside though. Everytime something happy happens or I enjoy something I feel sad because I'm not sharing it with him. It feels like its been a century. I wonder how he feels and if he ever misses me.
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