THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[transmit]

Hang in there spirit, it really will get better with more time.

[spirit seeking]

Spirit I hear you...

 

I'm hoping AND fearing the news that he's in another relationship.

On one hand, it would be the final motivation I need to block EVERYTHING and give up hope.

On the other hand...I'd be giving up hope. And I'm not ready to feel that way yet, despite having ZERO desire to contact.

The limbo is brutal.

 

I think the Limbo is the worst of all. Thank you.

[martyfarty]

day 5. sundays are hard but i've been trying to change my rhythm.

 

i wanted to call her but i tried to keep strong, so i drove around, bought some soda, hung around the park, walked my dog etc...

 

but this is the ending of my relationship story: we dated for 1.5 years. she strung me for 7 months:

 

when i broke up with my ex because i didn't know what the hell was going on with me ( i got busted for sex txting but never did anything), she started talking and banging someone 2 weeks later. a week later i come back and she tells me that she is going to give me a chance. but she's already involved with someone else. she strung me a long for 7 months (after proving to her that i would never ever do what i did before--even offered her my phone,etc...) and during the last month i couldn't take much more of it. i finally blew up and gave her my piece of mind. and when i did...dum dum dummmm....i'm a horrible person. been on no contact for a week and some change. every time i went no contact she would look for me and tries to get me back into the loop. this time around i'm ready to thrust forward. it hurts too much to see her, exp. to talk or to even trust her.

 

lately i've been reading up on A LOT of self help books. trying to understand relationships, and trying to learn what the opposite sex wants out of a relationship. i know everyone's needs are different, but after reading the books i get to figure out which needs that person needs and its up to me to see if i can fulfill it.

 

im 31 and she's turning 30 (the guy she's seeing is 25.) this july. i bought some disneyland tickets for 7 days and 6 nights all paid for (flight, meals, stay, etc). sucker costed me 4k! i was going to get down on one knee for her that day. the last day i talked to her i told her what was up.

[trishlove]

checking in for DAY 2

[pippy longstocking]

look

 

If I swallow will you come back

 

 

this must be day one million by now

[tonyintexas]

Day 1

 

It's been a little over 2 weeks since she broke up with me..I tried no contact last week but we both violated it over and over again until finally this weekend was the worst with her leaving me a drunk voicemail and then us having a conversation Sunday evening that led to kissing and expressing how much we missed each other. Its too confusing for me, so I'm going to give it a much better effort this time around. Even though I want to contact her ...today I'm not going to.

[lanaa]

I guess this is NC again.Really strange but i have no idea what else to call it.We have been having these conversations through text and then he suddenly stops replying and this happened Wednesday last week,he has still not replied.And i wont write again i promised my self that

 

So i guess i am at NC day 3

[Asher]

Day 17.

 

 

What a cavalcade of emotional turmoil this past month has been. I think it's safe to say I have never experienced anything quite like it before and I wish to never do so again!

 

 

I stepped up interaction with a girl I have known for a couple of years. We've been out drinking a few times before and chat when I go to my local (She's a barmaid/DJ there) and there has always been a bit of latent attraction. Well, for the past couple of weeks (all the way through this period of NC and dealing with the break-up) we have been spending quite a bit of time together. Problem is...she's in a relationship with a guy who has just gone off to do his national service so it's turned in to a LDR. We flirt like crazy and I had the opportunity pretty much sealed to go all the way with her the other day but restrained myself. I am just out of a LTR and she's still in a short term but now LDR with some issues (they are NOT getting on and they have already almost broken up a few times recently.) Not a healthy time to be going for something.

 

The thing that's crazy is that I have really liked this girl for a long time. I liked her when I was in my previous relationship but obviously never acted on it and put it down to the fact that there is nothing wrong with having a tiny bit of a crush on someone as long as you don't do anything about it and besides I was committed to my actual relationship back then and was truly in love with my ex.

 

Well, I don't know if it's a rebound effect or what but I have felt my feelings for this girl escalate a huge amount in the past couple of weeks to the point where I am feeling crappy about it because she has a boyfriend and that's just a no go area. There is a lot of sexual attraction there and we get on great but I think both of us are afraid of doing something we will regret and causing what I appreciate as a solid friendship from crumbling in to nothing but awkwardness. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty sad about that now! - Ultimately even if she wasn't in a relationship which she might not be in for long anyway I don't think we could date right now since I have a lot of work to do on myself. I have to deal with my financial shortcomings and a whole host of other things before I think about taking on another committed relationship.

 

So now I am thinking about her a whole lot more than the 5 year relationship that just ended. Except...It's another pretty lame situation for me so I don't feel much better!

 

I think I am truly at the acceptance stage of my relationship ending. I have been through the classic stages of grief about it but the thought of her with her new guy just doesn't bother me that much at all anymore. If you had told me that was possible even a week ago I would have laughed at you.

 

I like to think I'm quite an emotionally grounded person so I am quite taken aback by how my perspective on things has changed so much so quickly. I'm thinking about the other girl all day now. FML!

 

 

I don't want to be responsible for causing trouble in her current relationship (talking about new girl here) but I don't know how to approach it. I really do want to be her friend but I also don't want to be permanently friendzoned if some time down the line we are both single and ready to try something.

 

 

HOW do I not screw this up! Should I tell her upfront that I have feelings for her (she already knows I think) but that I don't want to do anything that jeopardizes our friendship or her current relationship (I'm just not cool with that and feel a little bad being as flirty as we have both been together so far because of that). I don't have any problem being patient since being single is the healthy move for me for the foreseeable future but I heavily dig her and don't want to lose any chance we have in the future if that was to happen...

[transmit]

Day 23

I really have seen a dramatic shift in the past couple of weeks. And by dramatic I don't mean "instant" - that never lasts - but a real, palpable change. Things no longer feel hopeless and empty to me. My life is full. In just over 2 weeks I'll be taking a trip to see someone new. In the meantime I can feel myself growing stronger day by day.

[brickheart]

Day 1.

Well, this kind of counts as a half-day, since I talked to my ex last night and texted him this morning about my expensive designer sunglasses and whether I left them at his house. But if I can make it through 8am on June 21, I will feel victorious. I know I will be a stronger person because of it. I'm not going to wait until tomorrow to start the challenge - I can start from this moment.

 

One thing that makes it easier is that he has said he will contact me in the future if he feels ready to reconcile. That means that I am absolved of the weight I was carrying around last week - wondering, should I take initiative? Am I the only hope for our relationship? I have always known logically that he would be the only one who could reconicile, since he's the one who broke up with me, but it feels good to hear him say it out loud. Now I can work on myself, work on healing, without feeling the niggling feeling that I should have said something. So, June 21, here I come! Then we'll see if I need to start another no-contact challenge at that point.

[tonyintexas]

ok...so on day 1 (I just posted this morning)...she texts me and asks me to help her by tutoring her in math (I have a degree in that subject). She most likely is trying to study for a college entrance exam, which I've encouraged her to go back to school for several years now.

 

So, I responded by telling her "I can't spend any time with you...It's not easy." and she responded with "Fine" which as we all know in women-speak its not fine.

 

I should have ended there but felt a need to justify myself so I said "you know too that it wouldn't be a good idea" and she responded with "whatever"

 

So now I'm sitting here upset that she's angry that I won't help her out...but at the same time ...this isn't my doing. If I spend time with her I'll just continue to have mixed signals from her that will continue to drag me through agony. I don't know why I even responded to her except that its out of habit and to try to be firm with her but I didn't do as good of a job at being firm.

 

I honestly feel like I owe her a better explanation...but will not do it...I am going to drop it right now.

[saluk]

I honestly feel like I owe her a better explanation...but will not do it...I am going to drop it right now.

 

Yeah you don't owe her anything. She thinks and comes accross as mad at you, but really she is mad at herself. Let it be.

[Kplum92]

Coming up to end of DAY1 and first post on this forum....

 

First of all, hello everyone

 

Snippet of my story... I am the 'dumpee' of a 4 year relationship. Started out 'close distance' for the first 2, then after we finished college together, I moved to London to pursue a university course in Midwifery, from then we have been living apart (3 hours drive away). Anyway, he initiated the break up, still wanted to be best friends, still wanted to see me, speak with me, be intimate with me... And as of up until yesterday I had agreed to all this in the hope that he would change his mind. From reading threads on here for a few days now, I realise this will not work .... NC is the way to go.

 

Its been a week since we broke up.. I am hurting like hell, an emotional wreck... But i cannot justify being at his beck and call when it pleases him, it will make it just too easy for him through this break up, and will never know what it feel like to truly miss me (main factor in break up.. the distance and hardly seeing each other... our diaries of work/uni/placement collided most the time.) and I have come to realise that in the long run, I will end up being the one who gets hurt the most... Because of this false hope of 'if I give him what he wants, he will change his mind'

 

So last night, we had a conversation about all this, he reluctantly agreed with the NC until the 29th July... He said that it's will hurt him so much, and that he still loves me so much. Just that the relationship didn't really work or feel 'real' enough for him because of the time apart...NC till 29th July because we have also promised each other to go on our booked holiday together on this date.... Not sure if that is the right decision or not... I hope this period between now and then is a long enough time of NC for him to really think and realise he made a mistake?! .... I know, I know, this is what everyone is wishing for at this point right, and I shouldnt get my hopes up, or pin all my might onto this fact? Yes I want reconciliation over this holiday, to start afresh, from the beginning... I also want to concentrate on myself. Work on my body image, look better and more appealing in that dreaded bikini! Once I become independent and able to move on within myself, then I can allow him to come to me if he wants to....

 

My aims for now.....

1. Keep NC, and TRY to ignore/not respond to any attempt of contact from him.

2. Concentrate on uni, nearly coming up to finishing second year now.

3. Bye bye muffin tops, hello flat, toned stomach and radiant skin.... (knock his Calvin Klein's off come August basically!!!)

4. Be prepared to move on if none of this works out. Gain confidence in self.

 

You guys on here are inspirational, some of you have so much will power and I admire that... Also great truthful (maybe sometimes harsh but fair too) advice...

AAAH I am scared, do I have the will power and guts?! (maybe today only felt relatively easy because I have been at work? And my, what a damn busy shift today was.....hmmmm )

 

xx

[chrisbuilder]

Well, I'm going to sign off from the NC board...we are technically no longer in NC, reestablished contact since two weeks. Can't say I feel any better, probably a bit worse even. I miss her so much, miss the life I had with her. There's a very slim chance she might be interested, but contact will have to come from her side for that to work. So far, it's fairly slow, and over long distance it's almost impossible to up her interest level. If I start pursuing her again, I think it will only backfire.. It is starting to look like a no-win situation. Anyway, I guess I'll have to find another forum thread to post in! One for the lost cases?

 

Good luck to you all.

[litttlemisssun]

DAY 1/2/3

 

SO he texted me saying "come pick up the snake please"

the last text i sent him was about 5 days ago telling him that he was completely dead to me and that I wouldnt change my mind about that and that was the last he'd ever hear from me until I went and picked up the snake. I'm not even going to reply to that text though, ill wait till the day comes when i go retrive my baby.

 

I've been feeling a lot better lately, moving has helped alot.

I've been meeting a lot of new people and a lot of new guys.

It sounds bad but a lot of people have been breaking up lately and a lot of people have been cheated on lately as well which helps me... it helps not being alone in all this.

Its been over a week since i last cried about it.

 

I'm starting to get interested in someone else that knows the whole situation and everything and he;s been so helpful through it all.

Same with my best friend, Corey.

I've known him for about 10 years.

I remember I was over at his house and i couldnt help but to cry about the whole situation and he just held me in his arms and reassured me that there's nothing wrong with me and all the blame and fault is on him.

I;m feeling so much more positive now, I don't want to talk to him, at all. Im not interested in his life or what he's doing.

I'm gonna finish this challenge.

[litttlemisssun]

DAY 1/2/3

 

SO he texted me saying "come pick up the snake please"

the last text i sent him was about 5 days ago telling him that he was completely dead to me and that I wouldnt change my mind about that and that was the last he'd ever hear from me until I went and picked up the snake. I feel like he's always finding excuses to talk to me. If I don't text him, he'll find a reason to text me...usually a bull * * * * reason. I'm not even going to reply to that text though, ill wait till the day comes when i go retrive my baby.

 

I've been feeling a lot better lately, moving has helped alot.

I've been meeting a lot of new people and a lot of new guys.

It sounds bad but a lot of people have been breaking up lately and a lot of people have been cheated on lately as well which helps me... it helps not being alone in all this.

Its been over a week since i last cried about it.

 

I'm starting to get interested in someone else that knows the whole situation and everything and he;s been so helpful through it all.

Same with my best friend, Corey.

I've known him for about 10 years.

I remember I was over at his house and i couldnt help but to cry about the whole situation and he just held me in his arms and reassured me that there's nothing wrong with me and all the blame and fault is on him.

I;m feeling so much more positive now, I don't want to talk to him, at all. Im not interested in his life or what he's doing.

I'm gonna finish this challenge.

[martyfarty]

day 7.

 

i've made it to day 7! this is starting to pick up steam! feel good atm. i had a few beers. i'm still watching 500 days of summer every night. i also watched pursuit of happiness today! very good movie! Pursuit of happiness shows a woman what it takes for a man to be happy! must watch.

[litttlemisssun]

DAY 1/2/3

 

SO he texted me saying "come pick up the snake please"

the last text i sent him was about 5 days ago telling him that he was completely dead to me and that I wouldnt change my mind about that and that was the last he'd ever hear from me until I went and picked up the snake. I feel like he's always finding excuses to talk to me. If I don't text him, he'll find a reason to text me...usually a bull * * * * reason. I'm not even going to reply to that text though, ill wait till the day comes when i go retrive my baby.

 

I've been feeling a lot better lately, moving has helped alot.

I've been meeting a lot of new people and a lot of new guys.

It sounds bad but a lot of people have been breaking up lately and a lot of people have been cheated on lately as well which helps me... it helps not being alone in all this.

Its been over a week since i last cried about it.

 

I'm starting to get interested in someone else that knows the whole situation and everything and he;s been so helpful through it all.

Same with my best friend, Corey.

I've known him for about 10 years.

I remember I was over at his house and i couldnt help but to cry about the whole situation and he just held me in his arms and reassured me that there's nothing wrong with me and all the blame and fault is on him.

I;m feeling so much more positive now, I don't want to talk to him, at all. Im not interested in his life or what he's doing.

I'm gonna finish this challenge.

[trishlove]

DAY 3

 

I'm glad I have some folks to talk to. I have a friend who's willing to talk to me and I am very grateful to have him. I have my good ex (the one before the scumbag ex) to talk to and comfort me. I posted in the "post here instead of contacting your ex" two vents that I was supposed to send him. I thought that posting it there and not letting him know about it is not gonna make any difference. Surprisingly, it does! And it's good that it prevented me from texting my ex. I sent a lot of vents to him the past few weeks and I regret almost all of them. Oh well. I love this site.

[tonyintexas]

Day 2

 

But maybe this should be day 1 again. Last night, I called to tell my daughter goodnight and then had to speak to the ex about picking her up today after school. She was obviously frustrated about something and chose to take it out on me. She told me I needed to come pick the rest of my stuff up right away. I'm staying at my sister's house temporarily, so I reminded her of that and told her there was just no room and she'd have to wait till I get my own place.

 

We hung up and I began to cry because she was so mean to me...I couldn't believe how cold she could be. After a few minutes, she calls back nearly in tears and apologizes for being cold, she was upset because she got into an argument with the neighbor about the dogs and decided to take it out on me. I told her an apology wasn't necessary, thats just how things were and she again apologized, then asked me to come over. Ha! One minute she's telling me to pick up my * * * * , the next she wants me to visit her.

 

So I told her that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to go over and then we hung up, but not before I agreed to go over today (while she's not there) to do a couple of quick chores with the lawn. We both are responsible for the house (we're leasing) and I don't want a huge bill when the lease is up and the lawn isn't maintained so I agreed.

 

The hardest thing is that I can't go completely NC because of our child, and we both are using the times we have to communicate to talk about other things. Its not just her its me too and I need to stop.

[lanaa]

we haven't been talking since Wednesday but i will count it as day 2,as i first now started to see this as NC again.I am all surprised he has not replied yet but i wont contact him ,if he feels the need he will do it.So day 2 of NC for me!

[spirit seeking]

Day 30 of no contact, but i did see her facebook page. I requested her as a friend after day 7 of the break up. I hadn't started no contact at that point. But, she accepted friend request, confirmed as a friend rather. Anyhow. What does it mean? Perhaps something, perhaps nothing, perhaps i should just continue working on myself and not analyze it, but I have a smile on my face that I can't take off. I know i'll just feel like crap tomorrow. Oh well.

[brickheart]

Crap, he sent me an email about his work situation. Not sure if he just wanted to unburden himself or what, but I replied and just encouraged him briefly.

 

Back to Day 1...

[clarkyyeah]

Day 3,4 and 5, i havent been on here the past three days but i also havent contacted him which im very happy about. I find myself thinking about him less, theres times i still get really angry at how things have played out, then theres times ill sit there and just think about him, i find as the days go on and the longer i go without looking at his pictures i forget his face, i really loved him so much, i really did, i guess life doesnt always go the way you want it too, im moving on and getting myself out there more and its helping alot

[ClarityCoast]

Day 29

 

Spirit, conversely, today I took DOWN my Facebook page.

I realized that while we weren't SPEAKING...I was still "checking in" on him DAILY.

We were not friends...but we had many MANY mutual friends.

It hit me that at the one month mark...it may only be a matter of time before pictures and posts of him and my future replacement hit the web. I am not strong enough right now to handle that.

 

So I took away the weapon.

 

I'll be interested to see how long I keep it down. I hope...at least another month. I will miss interacting with my friends.