THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[tothecoast]

Day 3 NC (day 9 since breakup) - woke up feeling sad, as is my pattern. Mornings seem to be the worst - every morning, I wake up and remember that we're not together anymore, and it's like a fresh wound for the first half hour of my day. Wonder when that will stop happening.

 

Hate that I still have so much of her stuff at my house. I'm going to give it back through a mutual friend, but I'm afraid she'll try to contact me to thank me, and that will mess me up. Mutual friend says the ex is a mess, and told her that she's never cried so much in her life. That makes me sad, and also confirms for me that this breakup sucks for both of us, and also gives me hope, probably stupid, that maybe someday when she's healthier we'll get back together. I know from past breakups that she probably will come around at some point - they always do - but by then, I'll have finally, painfully moved on, and won't be able to go back. That thought feels so tragic.

[chrisbuilder]

Opinions please!

 

So, I yesterday met my ex after three months of more or less no contact. It was very nice, natural, we didn't talk about the relationship, it was like it was when we were still together. Just a 45 minute lunch before she had to work again. She texted me later saying she had really enjoyed it although it was so short. We had hugged good-bye, and on the whole she had been touching me quite a lot, like before. She really seemed to enjoy seeing me again.

 

The reason for our break up was that I was too needy, in a nutshell.

 

So, do I go back to NC now and play 'hard to get' and wait for her to contact me, basically see if the seed I planted yesterday will grow in her mind? Or should I contact her, let's say somewhere next week or so, to try to continue on yesterday's experience?

 

I feel there's some sort of opportunity here because there definitely was a spark yesterday, but I'm not sure which strategy I should follow from here on...

 

Help!

 

UPDATE!

She unblocked from skype!!! Whohoo! That's worth celebrating! She blocked me like a month ago, whoh, this is more than I could have hoped for!

[spirit seeking]

I think you can do it. If I can, you can. I think of this. I would want my girlfriend back, free and clear. Without any emotional baggage. I can take this time to make myself even more amazing. If I get her back, Great! If not, well....I did some amazing work on myself. I can't loose. I debated whether or not I should wish her a happy mother's day. hmmmmm not sure. Good Luck.

[BrokenOverYou]

Day 7 and i feel happy today

[HopefulNessie]

Friday- really good day. Saturday- not so good. Today- started well, but it's not ending as well. This is such a roller coaster >.

[saluk]

Rollercoaster here for me. Had to sit and try not to look at her for two hours in church. Wasn't always successful. I did catch her glance in my direction a few times. How can she not? I got a sweet haircut and shaved differently, I look way hotter now than when we were dating. I think I'm on day 9 of the no contact challenge, but I did say hi to her today, I mean we crossed paths. Giving each other a cold shoulder is worse I think than at least acknowledging we still exist. But I don't know. I felt crappy again, pretty much all day. Tried to show my mom a good time but moped almost the whole time. After last night almost getting to the point of not even wanting her back, I feel like I took quite a few steps backward today. I will be seeing her in the hospital some time this week, and can't really avoid it. It's going to be a really stressful time, with my friend having to choose whether to take his newborn off life support or not. Strict NC is not really appropriate. I will think about going back to NC after this week, but damn it's so messed up right now. I still believe with all my heart that she never stopped loving me, merely got cold feet, and made a huge mistake. I just don't know if she will see that.

[Tom1990]

Day 4 down. Easy peasy. I didn't even look at her FB profile. I still miss her like crazy. Hopefully eventually I'll stop waiting for her to contact me. Tomorrow will be a little hard; first game night without her. And she was a big reason I started game nights.

 

Sigh.

[martyfarty]

day 7.

 

another sunday.... sundays are always hard for me. this sunday i tried my best to stay away from the places that we went to. i did think of you for a bit, but i tried my hardest to move on.

[litttlemisssun]

Day 4

 

I feel like a failure. He texted me with "Guess what?" out of curiosity I responded and I know I shouldn't have. He don't deserve the time of day.

"I went to that Joe guy's house a few nights ago and I could see him lying about you doing stuff with him".

 

Since the breakup so many rumors about me have come up.

All so untrue and so unreal I can't believe it.

Supposedly, I had a relationship with a guy named joe and I even stayed with him at his place for a month but everything ended because I robbed him...

RIDICULOUS.

I met Joe once. He took me to a party the day after me and him broke up. I needed to get out of the house and get my mind off of him

Joe ended up ditching me at some random's house because I wasn't flirting with him...

 

But that was as far as the conversation went. Next time i will completely ignore him and not say anything. I felt like event that one little response of "What?" wasn't worth it. He doesnt deserve to have my least bit of attention

[jeepman41]

Communication has already broken down after a break up. (Or more likely a bit before the breakup) One side is neither talking nor listening. NC isn't about repairing the relationship, it's about getting space to separate yourself from needing the other person to make you happy, and not giving them any ammunition during the phase of not listening to you which pushes them away further. Getting yourself free of needing them gives you a stronger bargaining platform when the other side of communication opens up, and having not been annoying during the separation makes it more likely for them to listen to you when they are ready to.

 

Good communication, like good relationships, only happens when both parties are trying.

 

 

Al of this is very true. I've been in a situation where after a period of time I approached the other person and asked about having an open line of communication. They agreed and we began to talk but after a period of time the communication became less and less. There was larger gaps between our emails until finally one day they quit responding at all. The worst thing to do when someone wants to be away from you is to try and draw them closer. Ways and actions speak more volume than words ever will.

[rickyspanish]

day 7 of nc. My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks I hope she says happy birthday to me atleast....sigh.....

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 25 - still angry with him and feeling kind of upset about the whole thing but....I want to be better off without him, I can doooo this! I can't believe I'm on day 25 I should be feeling amazing but some times I'm not sure if I feel worse....whyyyy the backwards steps?!!!

[jeepman41]

DAY 25 - still angry with him and feeling kind of upset about the whole thing but....I want to be better off without him, I can doooo this! I can't believe I'm on day 25 I should be feeling amazing but some times I'm not sure if I feel worse....whyyyy the backwards steps?!!!

 

 

It's fairly common place to feel this way after a breakup. You ride a roller coaster of emotions. Some days you miss them and then some days you feel anger towards them and then some days you are glad they are gone. You are experiencing a normal set of emotions but it will get better in time. I went 270 days of no contact with an ex and then I tried to open the lines of communication. It didn't work out too well. I went back to NC to further my healing process.

[BrokenOverYou]

Day 8 and feeling down today as i had a dream about her last night, in that dream she told me she was better off without me. Ive considered writing to her and asking her how do you just erase someone out of your life like that but im staying strong and i wont do it, hopefully tomorow will be a happier day

[patterned]

Day 16. Huge epiphany yesterday. I guess this is why we do NC and try to move on. I checked out of the relationship months ago but couldn't leave. I've been pushing for the breakup. I feel horrible about it and ashamed. We've been doing this too long. I've lead her to the leaving and I don't feel any better. this is the second time i have done this. I went back and read old journal entries that showed me how i went down this path. I see where we were sick now and I wish I could say something about it to her, but continuing NC.

[HopefulNessie]

Does liking or commenting on a FB check in break NC?

 

Day 33

I hope today goes better than last night. Last night was rough. I'm frustrated with how I feel.

[Divine010]

36 day-

 

I saw my ex on the weekend, but because we work on the at the same place, I just went over work related things and then I left. I don't even know what I saw in him. He had so much facial hair like he looks a mess..ugh..I don't know what to say today.

 

I am in just a better place though. Can't believe I put up with so much. It has made me stronger.

[secondchance67]

4 months, 6 days and counting of TOTAL NC - no cyber stalking, no calls, texts, emails......6 years together, and this time apart has felt like an eternity.

 

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure; the "not knowing" how she is feeling or doing, when she was all I thought about and cared about for the last 6 years.

 

NC is necessary, it keeps me from knowing things that can ultimately hurt me in the long run....but it almost feels like a prison sentence at this point.....when will I be paroled?

 

When my heart stops beating, most likely.....

[broken17]

I guess this is Day one again! But I don't think there's any point me even making a big deal out of as it's just to give him some space..

Couldn't be more confused!!

[HopefulNessie]

4 months, 6 days and counting of TOTAL NC - no cyber stalking, no calls, texts, emails......6 years together, and this time apart has felt like an eternity.

 

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure; the "not knowing" how she is feeling or doing, when she was all I thought about and cared about for the last 6 years.

 

NC is necessary, it keeps me from knowing things that can ultimately hurt me in the long run....but it almost feels like a prison sentence at this point.....when will I be paroled?

 

When my heart stops beating, most likely.....

 

Hang in there I know exactly how you feel.

[Divine010]

4 months, 6 days and counting of TOTAL NC - no cyber stalking, no calls, texts, emails......6 years together, and this time apart has felt like an eternity.

 

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure; the "not knowing" how she is feeling or doing, when she was all I thought about and cared about for the last 6 years.

 

NC is necessary, it keeps me from knowing things that can ultimately hurt me in the long run....but it almost feels like a prison sentence at this point.....when will I be paroled?

 

When my heart stops beating, most likely.....

 

Your in my prayers 67. You are doing the right thing.

[Divine010]

Does liking or commenting on a FB check in break NC?

 

Day 33

I hope today goes better than last night. Last night was rough. I'm frustrated with how I feel.

 

Ahhh yes. It's still verbal via web..lol

[martyfarty]

day 8. today i woke up not thinking of her but then she rushed into my mind. the feeling of loss is what flooded me. i tried to imagine her with other people to see if i can accept the fact and move on. i'm trying.

[tothecoast]

Day 4 NC, Day 10 since BU. Was feeling okay today until I saw a mutual friend mention her name on Facebook. Totally innocent and meaningless (literally just mentioned her name in passing), but even that just sent me reeling. It was like a huge epiphany: oh yeah, it's not just my life that is going on without her, now that I'm doing NC...her life is going on without me too. Sent a wave of pain over me...now I'm trying to recover. This stuff is so hard.

[spirit seeking]

Day 22

I deactivated my facebook account. I hate facebook anyway. I only had it to communicate with her anyway. Still thinking about her. I want to stop doing that too. I wonder if there is a No Thinking Challenge? That would be way harder to do. I hate this memories, well they were incredible moments. In the middle of an incredible moment, we never stop and say...hey this moment is going to end up haunting later. We should do alot of drugs and try to kill those brain cells immediately. Or throw ourselves down a flight of stairs and hope for the best. Nooo, we don't do those things, we just keep kissing in the moonlight and take of all our clothes. What's up with that? Damn you passion!!!! God that was an incredible night. The question is...was it worth this pain? Yes! Yes it was.

Day 22