Divine010

Well, its Saturday and I am stopping by my usual coffee place to get breakfast before I clock into work, I walk in and guess who's there? YOU...Ugh. This is the last place I want to see you or at all. Your not suppose to be working this morning I think to myself. You turn to me, smile and say Hi, I say Hi back and look the other way, just so you know I am not gonna start a convo with you any time soon. Oh goodness. I am counting the weeks down so, I can give my resignation and then I will be done. I'm over you, but Im not ready to be your friend or friendly to you. Sorry! Don't have time for that. No more seeing you at work, or bumping into you at places that I frequent. No more of this awkwardness. It's gone on long enough. Oh Lord help me.

I wonder if you know how much you blew it with me. How much you F*cked up! Even after we broke up and started dating another person, that I you couldn't find someone better than me! But you think it's good enough to have someone to occupy your time is cool. All the best with that. What do you think when you see me? You can't have me anymore, cause you know I don't want you? I won't come back to you. When you came in to work a few hours early and parked your car outside of the building I was working in, were you there to see me? But you didn't come into the building when you didn't see my car outside? Creepy...dude..just creepy! You never come into work early and you know I am the only one in the building during that shift..I am so glad I wasn't there cause I was dreading this day. That you would try to get me by myself and ask if we could talk. Thank god my supervisor relieved me early for lunch break and I wasn't there. Whew! I am not ready to talk to you. Its hasn't been long enough. It's bad enough we have to see eachother passing through. When we broke up, we went our separate ways, but we still had to see eachother breifly every weekend at work. So this was a very dramatic and akward time for us. Cause people usually don't have to see eachother after they break up and I couldn't quit and you couldn't either. So We just dealt with it as it came and even though I was heart broken and hurt, and then heard you were seeing someone else, I knew could never talk to you again. It just hurt again and again! You F*cked up a good thing between us. Even if we couldn't be together, we probably could have left the door open for friendship some place down the road, but you messed that up too! I had to close the door on idea for GOOD! The day I found out you were seeing someone and it was only a month after or break-up, I told you that I would never consider you a friend, NOTHING! Someone like you doesn't deserve someone like me in your life ever! That was the day I kept my promise. So here it is 10 months later, what do you have to say to me now? Please. I am not looking for no Sorrys. You can keep those. I am not looking for some closure. You can keep that too. I am doing just fine, as you always knew I would. You on the other hand, don't look so well. When we pase eachother at work, I don't even know who you are. You are someone from a place and time, that I was close to, shared most of my feelings and dreams, stories with. Somebody, I once love. But that's not who I am looking at today. You seem strange. You see lost and alot less confident. Hmmm..I try not to analyze what I see right before my eyes. but I am not impressed anymore. All I have is the memories and what you use to mean to me. I loved you and god knows I did. With all of my heart. All that was in me. I had love and alot of it to give, but you took me and US for granted. Now that's IT! You have to live with your decisions and I am living with mine. I am no longer pondering the "what ifs" and the "what could have been". Because it's simply. There couldn't be another time or another place for you and I to have what we had. We can not "re-create" that again, unless it was sent from above. And my God, I don't think he would do that to me twice..lol Anywho, this is what I think I would say if he ever stopped me to ask those 3 words -- but not so lengthy!..lol

I feel the same way too! New job, new apartment, new friends, the list goes on! I still have to see is stupid butt at work too. Oh how I would love to tell him: "Im doing better than you are"...ha ha..but I have already set the rules and he knows, he is not to say a word to me unless its work related..lol..oh but it's so tempting. Good for you Einstein

Day 46 Today I am actually missing you because we would be doing something this weekend or planning something for the summer and since we are not, this will be our first time not. I just miss that part of the relationship. Maybe I do miss you participating with me in those activities. I don't know. But my emotions go in and out, up and down. I can only guess why I am feeling this way is because it will be that time of the month for me soon..ha ha..but yeah, I guess it's part of the healing. So I shall embrace it. I would like to forget you, but I can't fight it. You were important to me at a time, but you just put me through so much, that I know it could not work. I have to see you on the weekends at the job, but it's not so bad cause I don't feel nervous anymore. In person, you actually don't appeal to me, just my memories of you. Sometimes, it's so sereal, like wow I use to date you and we are not even friends or on speaking terms. I can't even smile at you and be genuwine about it. I am much better off and happier, so I won't show that to you just so you can think you can start up a conversation. Oh no no. But I do miss bit's and pieces about you and the relationship. So I will just roll with it. Dating for me now is exhausting and I am going to focus on me this summer and do the things that I love. If I meet someone that wants to do those fun things with me, great, but I will be happy just doing them by myself. I have my friends and my family - that's all I need right now.

I forgive you for what you put me through, the lies, the hurt the deceit and I wish you well, like 100% this time. Because I know there is something better out there for me, someone better than you. I am so excited right now, I can't contain myself. I don't wish to make you jealous or hurt your feelings even though it would be fun. The resentment, bitterness and pain is gone. The feelings I had for you are now being directed towards someone else. I should feel bad, but I think they are ginuwine. Who would have thought that after 3.5 months, I have feelings someone new. OMG. I thank you for doing me a favor and not trying to cloud my mind and judgement and you and I know that this was the best thing for me or us...lol..I am so glad that I don't have to go through another year of drama with you. You are such an attention seeker, and all that you did to me, i am sure will come back to you! I don't have to worry about that for sure! I am doing what I should have been doing while I was dating you and that is Keeping MY Options Open...ha ha..and I am having fun doing just that! And I am not going to settle simple because somebody says they want to marry me..huh..prove it! I hope you are happy with your decisions, but you can not be apart of my life right now. I want to focus on my new life, new friends, new journey. Maybe in a year, I can consider reaching out to you. But right now, it's just not good for me. Your so selfish and egotistic and I don't want you to be knowing what's going on in my life so you can try to keep up. This was never a competition. Just be glad you got to spend 2 1/2 years with me. But having me in your life in any way, it not gonna happen! Sorry

Day 37 of NC 3 1/3 months of BU I am losing count..can't really keep up. Just that I don't miss the days when I looked at the clock and said "he should be calling me around this time". Wow, who would have thought I be feeling this way at this point. Thank God. I don't miss you like I use to. I don't miss your face, your touch, your voice. Maybe, I am in denial, but I just don't..hmm I don't miss worrying about where you are at or what you are up to. I don't miss arguing with you about the same mudane things I don't miss you doing or saying stuff that hurt me. I don't miss that I continued to lose trust in you I don't miss doubting what we had I don't miss the scary and nervous feelings I use to get in my stomach I just don't miss alot about you and after seeing you this weekend, it really confirmed all of this. I am so glad I can see clearly now.

Ahhh yes. It's still verbal via web..lol

Your in my prayers 67. You are doing the right thing.

36 day- I saw my ex on the weekend, but because we work on the at the same place, I just went over work related things and then I left. I don't even know what I saw in him. He had so much facial hair like he looks a mess..ugh..I don't know what to say today. I am in just a better place though. Can't believe I put up with so much. It has made me stronger.

30 days of NC Dreamed about you last night up until this morning...ugh..one of those days. Hey, it's part of the process. Still don't want you in my life and I am doing just fine without you.

27 Days of no contact, broke it over the weekend. To tell my ex to stop contacting my family especially my mother and father through text. It must not be working out with his new girlfriend, but I will not give him the satisfaction of hearing my voice or letting him know how I really feel. I am doing this for me. Staying away from you and not talking to you. I don't want you in my life anymore. So just try to find a way to let go of me. I am doing my best and you are not going to hurt me anymore.

25 Days of NC, 3 months of BC - OMG,I lost count..ha ha I still don't feel the urge to contact you. For what? so you can tell me something that may make me miserable? Not going to happen. But I still can't believe that you would be completely out of my life. Just feel weird about it all. I am not as mad at you, just a little hurt that you could be talking to a new woman. But hey, I am talking to plenty of men, so it doesn't hurt like hell. I am in a much better place, my head is on and I see clearer now. I miss you sometimes, but not enough to drive 5 minutes to knock on your door. I am going out and enjoying myself. I am so busy, I think I need a vacation. Working out, volunteering, on the go go go, that the days just fly by and I don't wish you were apart of it. I don't wish anything bad for you. i hope you are well. That's it. Do I love you anymore, can't say right now. I just try not to think about you or us much, I can't. I can't care anymore. You didn't value me or saw my worth while we were together. What can come of this now. I don't know.You did what you did and you have to live with that. I don't want to hear about anything from you! I am good.

It's that time of the month and feeling emotional right now. Had a really intense dream about you! I hate that part of the night. Just when I thought I was getting over you!

I guess you still think about me since you texted me last week. But I will not break NC. I know i meant something to you and I know I will be hard to forget, that's why I won't even attempt to reach out to you, because you never deserved someone like me to began with, but you had a piece of me and that all you will get.

Today, I am still thinking about you, but not in a bad or good way. I am just happy that I don't have to worry like i use to when I was dating you. I am so so happy those days are over. I really hope you are happy with your decision and enjoying your life. I am not bitter about it for some reason becuase wether I meet someone now or later, it really not about that. It's about ME and enjoying what I do best in my life. Not you!

I am bitter, but a healthy bitter, so that I don't have to think of all the good parts of our relationship. You gave with the little you had, but you stole a huge part of who I was. But I am thinking clearly and I will reclaim and renew what I use to be, becuase I have let go. Let go of all the possibilities that involved you. And open to the new beginings of what could be. Growing and to a much better ME, a more confident ME. A sexier ME! I am so bitter at allowing myself to let you remain in my life as long as you did. I thought you were trying to string me along, just so you could figure out what you really wanted. And now it's clear. And you think you going to string me along in "friendship"? Not gonna happen. Do you know what you really want? I don't think so. You will just continue jump from one bed to next until you finally realize that the problem lies with you and you are selfish little human being. I am getting stronger and because I know that I showed you love, that it will never compare to anything you ever felt or will feel again. Love is kind, patient and forgiving -- all that I learned to do while being with you and I know that some day I will be in a better place and married to the person who I am truly destined to be with!

16 days, OMG - I lost count. I still think about you and how could you be seeing someone so soon. But I feel sorry for the new person you are about to bring into your deranged and crazy life. Oh well, things will eventually surface and it will be a matter of time that you realize that no body can help you feel happy or feel good about yourself, that comes from within. Can you really fall in and out of love like that? Will you take her to the same places we went to. Will you spend weeks with her like you did with me. I hate to think that you can never create the same memories that you had with me, with her. Impossible! Are you close to her now and opening your heart up to her so soon? ARe you falling for her? Who know's I can't sit here and imagine these foolish things. You are no longer apart of my life and if you can move on like that, then I will never give you the satisfaction of ever caring about you again! Because of what you did, you don't deserve a person like me to ever be apart of your life!

Day 11 You texted me yesterday and hoped I was doing well. I won't flinch. I am not even faized. You are no longer important to me and will not be significant person to me in the future. I have to be strong now because you weren't. I have to show you that I will not keep in touch or be another option for you just in case this new person doesn't work out. You are on your own. I'm done.

You texted me today to say: Hi..I hope all is well with you! Well you are onh my DO NOT CALL list. I am definintely staying in NC. Day 10 of NC

Not really loving you today. Missing you, waking up to you and you there by my side. I know you can't be lonely and part of me doesn't blame you, but couldn't you have some dignity and at least waited a little while longer before you started seeing someone again. I know she is nothing like me, she won't do that same things that I did for you and she won't even compare. But besides the point, I wonder are you going to take her to the same places that we share so many times and memories. Oh, that would suck. Anywho, I hope in the next few months, I will able to be open to making new memories with somebody else. I will be the best thing that ever happened to someone else. You weren't right for me anyways!

Day 8 Although he is not good for me. He put me through so much heartache. I have to continue to place the bad thoughts of him to move on. But I still miss his presence. The times we traveled, the places we visited. Is he thinking of all that we did together. It will be hard to replace those memories unless I move to another part of town. We did everything together and now that its warm out, it's so tough.

5 days of NC since I wished you a Happy Birthday. Then you told me you were already "talking" to someone and it's only been 2 months. I wish you well. I hope you find what you are looking for, but I doubt it. I feel sorry for the person's life you are about to mess up. YOu are needy and an attention hore who can't learn to live by yourself. If you got over our relationship like that, then why they hell would I ever want to friends with someone like you in the future? To throw away what we had like it was yesterday's news or an old newspaper is beyond me. How you went to being so caring to now just cold. I am glad I see you for the little boy that you are. You are starting to seem less and less apealing to me. I pray that god continues to remove the love that I had for you from my heart. You disgust me. You are such a disturbing little person and sick in the head. I block all the good thoughts that I had of you and replace them with all of the negative ones. Before we hung up, I told you that I was the best thing that happened to you and you will reap just what you sow. Lieing and being sneaky. Your day will come. I will now be the best thing that ever happened to ME and to the next person that is worthy of my love.

5 day's of NC since I wished him a happy birthday. He had the nerve to invite me to his b-day party while we were on the phone. How convienient. I don't miss him like I use to. What could I have possible think I was doing with him for so long. I pray and pray that the God takes the love that I had for you away. I believe it's working.

Some days I can go a few hours and not realize that I haven't thought about you and then when I finally realize it, then I start saying "darnit, I almost when the whole day, without you crossing my mind". But how can I? You are still there. You were apart of me and I like to think that you still think of me and it's hard for me to leave your mind as well. You told me a few weeks ago that you remenise about us alot, so that was comforting. But to leave it at that is best. Because to hear about what's going on in your life, if you moved on or met someone, is too much for my head to handle. I like to think you are getting your life together as I am getting mine together and we need the space to focus without the distraction. Oh how much I want to call you up and say how much I miss US being together and doing the fun things that we did. Maybe somebody will fill you spot, but not any time soon. I hope nobody is filling my spot either. It's been 2 months and I wonder if you still love me, cause I still love you even though I force myself to think of all the mistakes you made to help me forget you and move forward. I guess this process is going to take longer than I like..ugh : (

I miss you and still think about all the places we traveled to around this time of year. Not having any more dreams about you at night, just day dreams, but you are always there no matter how much I try to block you out of my head. I wonder do you ever still feel connected to me in some way? By looking at old pictures or thinking of all the good times we had? It's okay this time, cause I don't get those painful, nervous feelings anymore like you might have moved on. I don't worry anymore. I can't afford to. So In time, this all will pass, but I will never forget you, you were important person in my life.