jeepman41
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It's a hopeless feeling to want somebody you can't be with. But stay strong in side and keep pushing on. It will get a little better each day.
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You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!
jeepman41 replied to SuperDave71's topic in Getting Back Together
@ PH 88. Checking on an ex's FaceBook page is still a form of communication. That is definitely a no-no if you are going to implement NC. -
You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!
jeepman41 replied to SuperDave71's topic in Getting Back Together
When you are riding that roller coaster of emotions that come at the end of a breakup it is hard to listen to sane and logical reasoning. That's the point of doing NC so that you don't push the person further away. Whether him being in the picture mad matters worse, you'll never know. When a person breaks up with you especially if you are deeply emotionally involved it is hard to let go. But letting go is the very thing you need to do in order to start on the road to recovery. -
Do it for the right reasons, do it for yourself. No matter how you feel there is nothing you can do to make that other person come back. They have to want to.
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Hard to say what is going on in his mind. He may or may not be but you have to take such statements at face value. If he was the dumper in the breakup then he is only concerned about his feelings. Sometime it seems the people we were involved with can become so cold and callous as to be a stranger when a relationship dissolves. They become quite selfish and right now he is only thinking of himself and how he feels. No contact will allow you to step away and gain clarity.
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No one knows how second chances will work out. If that is what you want it is best to let go for now though. If keeping in contact is causing you a great deal of pain, it is best to distance yourself from the relationship. If you do come together again you will be in a better frame of mind and then in the interim you might just meet someone else.
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I've read several of your posts about the breakup and it seems to me that you are doing everything that pushes someone further away. All the begging and pleading will not change his mind but only confirm that the decision to breakup was a good one from your ex's perspective. I don't know how old you are but you said this is your first love. The only way to gain any clarity is to distance yourself from this person and the relationship. Don't over romanticize it, accept if for what it is. The thing is, if you don't go away this person will not miss you or have the realization what life is like without you around. You have it within yourself to do this.
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We have all been where you are at one point in our lives. It does get better but it takes time. You have it within you to do this. It's not a prison sentence, it's freedom so you can get yourself together and reach a calmer state of mind.
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It's fairly common place to feel this way after a breakup. You ride a roller coaster of emotions. Some days you miss them and then some days you feel anger towards them and then some days you are glad they are gone. You are experiencing a normal set of emotions but it will get better in time. I went 270 days of no contact with an ex and then I tried to open the lines of communication. It didn't work out too well. I went back to NC to further my healing process.
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Al of this is very true. I've been in a situation where after a period of time I approached the other person and asked about having an open line of communication. They agreed and we began to talk but after a period of time the communication became less and less. There was larger gaps between our emails until finally one day they quit responding at all. The worst thing to do when someone wants to be away from you is to try and draw them closer. Ways and actions speak more volume than words ever will.
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It does seem daunting that someone you were so close with can turn so cold. They appear to be a stranger. That is how some people cope with the end of a relationship. It is natural to feel the way you do. The relationship is still a source of contentment in your mind. You are romanticizing the good feelings that you had. You might feel like dying but you need to remember that you made it without this person in your life and you can make it after they are gone. Do not let them be the reason for your existence. You have it within yourself to change things. You must put yourself first, that is what the person you are broken up with is doing. Healing does take time as it will not be accomplished overnight.
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Don't beat yourself up about this, it happens. We are only human and sometimes the curiosity of not knowing is overwhelming. You were probably looking for answers but now you know where you stand. If you want to heal then it's back to NC to get yourself back. You've already shown that you have the strength to do it after over 2 months of NC.
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It's just human nature. After the breakup you may hardly recognize this person if you were very emotionally invested in the relationship. It's not complicated, it's just the way things are.
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Thanks for the vote of support. Life and love is not a game and I'm tired of the game playing. I believe you should say what you mean and mean what you say. It should be easier this time as there is no emotional attachment.
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I'm back here for my second time. Been 29 days so far. My story is we had a 5 month relationship back in 2010. We broke up in October of the year. I went NC util after Thanksgiving of 201 when she sent me a text. My short curt replies were construed as anger and we didn't talk again until Christmas Eve. We continued to have an exchange through email and text until march of 2011. I was trying to get back together when she told me she had become interested in someone else. I was floored. Didn't see it coming. So I went hard core NC until December of 2011, exactly 270 days and I broke it by accidentally sending a text. We began to talk again by email until the 19th day of February and nothing since. No email or any other kind of communication. I'm done with this. She just pulled a disappearing act. I really don't need this and it is time to put her in the rear view for good.
