THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[patterned]

Day 29

Yesterday was not a good day for me... I was so angry at myself yesterday. So pissed that I was too naive and in love to see the warning signs and too naive not to fix things before it was too late.

 

Well said on your entire post. I does sound like you're doing great even if you've got shadow over your heart still. Of course you are still healing but I hope you can find a way to take joy i these wonderful moments. No person is worth sabotaging these experiences. Love can be painful but don't let it be harmful.

[saluk]

Day 29

No matter how good things are, it pales in comparison to the life we planned together. When will I ever get over this?! When will I ever stop comparing every single guy I meet to him?! When will I stop longing and hoping for the future that I lost with him?!

Honestly, I'd rather live through a war than ever experience this again.

I don't understand how we went from beig the dream team and planning our lives together to him saying his feelings aren't the same and leaving me.

I was so angry at myself yesterday. So pissed that I was too naive and in love to see the warning signs and too naive not to fix things before it was too late. I will regret this forever. I will always think of what could have been.

 

What happened was the only thing that could have happened, that it happened proves this to be true. There is no such thing as could have been, there is only could be. You were too naive to see the warning signs, so why are you blaming yourself for not seeing them? You were not capable of seeing them and could not have done anything different in that state. Now that you have lived through it, you are more aware of what warning signs could be for next time. You have improved by leaps and bounds just by being able to recognize what went wrong now. You had to hurt to learn that lesson. Also, he left you, not the other way around. If it was a mistake, it was his to make. While true that you were in the relationship too and may have made some mistakes, his is the only one that really matters now. Remember those kids names for when you have them with a man who recognizes what an amazing person you are and doesn't quit on you.

[HopefulNessie]

Thanks for the encouraging words patterned and saluk.

Whats really crazy about those names saluk is that I never wanted biological children before I bet him. Ever. Since I was 8 years old I was telling everyone that I'd adopt kids. And with him it all changed. All of a sudden I wanted to make life with him. It seems so unfair that someone would wake up that much love and emotion within me and then we'd split.

[and86]

Royal Holloway

 

Ha! I was actually gonna apply for MSc in International Management there, but then I got into Birkbeck College instead

[martyfarty]

day (4)

 

i go to bed feeling good as always but i wake up feeling like * * * * like always. humm... at least i'm going to bed good.. i guess you can say thats the fist step forward.

[BrokenOverYou]

Day 4, it isnt one of those good days today, all those happy thoughts have gone to me feeling like crap. Just before i heard a song playing on a program and it made me think of you, i remember you telling me when we first met that if we ever ended you didnt want me to listen to that song, i miss those memories with you, i thought we were so happy.

[spirit seeking]

day 18

I think...Came to the realization that she didn't think of me the same way I thought of her. The thought hurts, but it's there. And also, I just realized I still can't get over my ex wife. I'm not going to contact her either. I just wish I could get them both out of my head. They creep into my thoughts. I just want to be happy. I had enough of this. Maybe if I go rock climbing. Or wind surfing. Paint a painting. Draw. That sounds like fun

[the dude91]

Day 16

 

I've been thinking about her quite a bit, although it's not the same kind thoughts anymore. More like, why should I care who she's with now and what they're doing? Why should I even care about her anymore when she showed she didn't care about me anymore? I'm still getting things done without her so I didn't really need her like I thought I did although it still would've been nice to share the moments of success with her. But oh well I suppose, we don't always get what we want. I'm not sure if she did this before or after the BU but I found a request from her on Google Latitude, I'm pretty sure it was after because when I went on before the request wasn't there. For people that don't know what Google Latitude is it's an Android smart phone service that lets you share you positions in the world with your friends and such so you can see where each other are. I accepted it because I figured hey, maybe she wanted to see where I was at so she could avoid me which would work for my favor anyways. I really don't care if she knew where I was because even still, she wont know what exactly I'm doing or who I'm with, but at least she'll see that I'm not just laying around at home all day. My life keeps going with or without her. I'm now at a point where if she were to try to come back tomorrow I wouldn't accept her back, at least not nearly right away. You can't treat people like this and expect it to be all okay and they'll forgive you no matter what and right now, I definitely cannot forgive her... Karma is definitely going to be a * * * * * while I'm getting my new M3 soon. ;-)

[Tom1990]

She ended our friendship. Day 1 was today. I cyber-stalked her FB profile a couple times, kinda hard not to since she unfriended me this morning while we were at work. So tempted to e-mail her and say "If you ever change your mind I will be here waiting." But that never solved anything.

 

I hope this will eventually be a good thing, because right now it sucks.

[saluk]

Day 6, day 20 of BU

 

I don't know what to say. I'm coming to the realization that this horrible world I find myself is the real one, and the wonderful world I used to now has passed on. Knowing you, believing that we were in love, feels like it was a nice dream I had. A dream I want to have again, but a dream just the same.

 

It's funny. One time when we were dating I told you it felt like a dream, and was afraid of waking up. You responded that you would still be there when I did wake. But of course, a dream would say that, wouldn't it?

[danzman]

I know the feeling saluk and I often wonder to myself whether I actually did go out with her sometimes! Since the breakup (and akin to when my dad died) it literally feels like my world has changed and will never be the same again. Just need to remember that anything that doesn't kill you make you stronger...

[lanaa]

Day 8-I am glad to be able to say he is not on my mind a lot,but that is probably because i am soo stressed out for my exam.But hopefully it will help me to move on too

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 22 - exam today...feeling nervous...if I bump in to him before my exam I will make sure to personally hurt the universe in some way for being so cruel....!

[markie6]

Good Luck

[litttlemisssun]

I need to do this, I'm too civilized with a douchebag that compulsively lies, kisses a** and betrayed my trust to an extreme. Whenever he tries to contact me, a very long and eleborate name on what a POS he is pops up. I need to bury that hatchet. I feel like this will help me out alot. I do run into him a lot though, like when I'm with friends, he'll be with friends and the skank he cheated on me with but is now dating.

 

LET THE CHALLENGE BEGIN.

[Asher]

Day 7.

 

This has been one of the most miserable weeks of my entire life. The entire 3 weeks since we broke up have. I actually feel a TINY bit better today compared to how I have up to now. I want to know what she's up to and what she's doing so badly but after everything that has happened this week of NC has enabled me to regain some power and control for myself. After being made to feel the fool and being dumped for another I am finally getting some small measure of peace although it does come and go and I think I have a VERY long road of recovery to go on up to now. I do know that if I was phoning her all the time I would be in a much worse state right now though. It's weird to think that this is the longest I haven't spoken to this girl in half a decade. NC isn't easy but it's all we have right now.

 

It's HER turn to wonder what I'm up to.

[rahulrocks]

Best of luck !

[HopefulNessie]

I received a missed call from a blocked number last night. I have no way of knowing who it was but I have a feeling it was him. I wonder why? But I shouldn't wonder too much since I dont even know for sure

[the dude91]

I received a missed call from a blocked number last night. I have no way of knowing who it was but I have a feeling it was him. I wonder why? But I shouldn't wonder too much since I dont even know for sure

 

I've also been getting some unknown number calls from a female... But it doesn't sound like my ex although whenever I answered the person hung up.

 

Day 17

 

I just realized I'm starting to get closer to the end of this challenge. I just realized that she unblocked me from Facebook, not sure what that's about but I shouldn't get any false hope, it'll only lead to disappointment. Although it's hard, I feel like she's trying to contact me. She sent me a friend request on Google Latitude and unblocked me on Facebook... but again it's false hope until she actually breaks NC. Have to stick to my guns and move on, I feel like I've really started to do so also. Now when I think about her finding true happiness in another man or that the new guy is her soul mate or future husband, it doesn't bother me anymore. I almost find myself smiling for her, I'd still like her back after she's worked for it, but I'm not really feeling like she's a necessity in my life anymore. I'm starting to think of her less and less, but we'll see how long that lasts...

[transmit]

Day 13

Doing great, but I think about him resentfully now and then. I wonder how long he wanted to break up with me before he did. How many times he lamented how "busy and overwhelmed" he was when he was really trying to suggest something else, and how often I tried to comfort him for that completely different set of problems. How leading up to the breakup it seemed like he was trying to get in a fight with me, so I could end it for him, so he wouldn't have to. He only cared about what I'd think of him - never how bad it would hurt me. Completely spineless.

 

In a perfect world I wouldn't be thinking about him at all, but I guess it's natural that all the negative things I overlooked would become obvious over time. I could never fathom getting back with him unless he changed considerably. Hooray for NC.

[patterned]

Day 13

Yesterday seems like forever ago. Today I feel stuck. I'll take that as a sign I need to stop obsessing over a decision and just leave it alone.

 

I often think of connecting, almost a fantasy.

[lanaa]

at day 8 of NC,i just got a text from him..should i answer? he wrote this "i hope you are alive and well,no news from you so i guess everything is fine take care"

[saluk]

Day 7

 

I am doing a little better every day. I am spending my time reading other peoples issues on here, which in a way is still obsessing about relationships, but it helps keep me from obsessing about my own. Thanks forum!

 

One thing still haunts me. The comments she made the night before she broke up with me, saying she has waited her whole life for a man like me, and that she was still looking forward to our wedding. How could someone who didn't love me say such things? What could she have heard or done that changed her mind in such a drastic way?

[spirit seeking]

Day 19? I think. I'm seeing her everywhere. I know it's not her, but i walk closer just to see, and of course it's a stranger. This is getting worse. I don't want to see her, i don't want to think of her. But she keeps leaking in my thoughts, or i think i see her on the streets, in the malls, at starbucks. i'm torturing myself. I wish i could just forget. I wish i could just be happy. Stop crying. Day 19

[saluk]

Ran into this article: link removed

 

Basically, thinking about someone who broke up with you is identical in your brain to pouring hot coffee on yourself. You can't stop the thoughts of her from coming, but you can control your actions when they do. Think of something else every time you have a thought. Don't approach lookalikes on the street, in fact turn around and walk the other way. Over time this kind of training WILL lower the amount of times you pour hot coffee on yourself