THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[patterned]

17 Days, Vacillating between anger and love. I think anger is good for self respect right now. I planned on making contact, but I've realized that when I just wait one more day, I learn something. So I'll take it one day at a time for now.

 

I do get anxious about it though. She's deathly afraid of rejection and being alone so If I'm not around I could be adding to her jumping into something else. I would guess she already has however, and it's really not up to me anymore. She can make her own choices and I guess that letting go is a part of my own recovery.

[ClarityCoast]

Patterned...true....right now I'm reading "Getting The Sober" and I finished "The 5 Love Languages" last week.

 

But...I'm always up for new suggestions. I find when I finish one book...I need another!

[jeepman41]

I've read several of your posts about the breakup and it seems to me that you are doing everything that pushes someone further away. All the begging and pleading will not change his mind but only confirm that the decision to breakup was a good one from your ex's perspective. I don't know how old you are but you said this is your first love.

 

The only way to gain any clarity is to distance yourself from this person and the relationship. Don't over romanticize it, accept if for what it is. The thing is, if you don't go away this person will not miss you or have the realization what life is like without you around. You have it within yourself to do this.

[jojo415x]

NC: 7 Days

BU: 32 Days

 

I was fed some breadcrumbs at a time of weakness, and caved 14 days in. All of the feelings and emotion that had been pent up poured out in text after text after text.

 

Today was really tough. I remembered a story my ex told me about her parents. When she was young, her mom left her dad and moved halfway around the country. Her dad, undying in his love for her, travelled by bus to her new home and proceeded to sleep outside her house underneath a tree until she'd at least speak to him. They've been together ever since. Sometimes I feel like I should pursue my ex the same way her dad chased her mom. Nothing would make me happier than to show up on her front porch with guitar in hand and sing to her. We'll see if I feel the same way in 23 days...

[Mizz]

BU: 16 days ago

NC: 9 days

 

I actually counted where before I hadn't. Time seems to be flying since, sort of. I mean I can't believe the BU was basically half a month ago! I have been focusing on my own life so I guess that's made it easier.

 

I think I'm doing very well. It's still hard sometimes, ups and downs. I don't think of him as much or the same way I had before at least. I miss him sometimes, which is natural. Haven't cried a lot. The worst was of course in the first few days. Now if I get emotional it's only a few tears and I am done. I have been happier lately! Not moping around and I haven't been bummed out since. I am able to laugh and smile again and joke around like I used to.

 

I'll think sometimes though. In my time away from him I've had a TON of time to look back. I remember the last time I talked to my ex how he said "But I only try to remember the good times" when we talked about how it was over. Then I thought about how last night I got sort of emotional thinking of how nice my prom was last year, how he looked into my eyes and just smiled the whole time as we danced, how happy we seemed that night. Jeez typing it out even brought a couple tears (not necessarily of pain though, it's weird I don't know how to describe it) XD. I don't know how these "good times" if they're all he likes to focus on after the BU wouldn't have the same affect on him. I wonder sometimes if he will ever miss me and try to reach out. Not like I'd want to reconcile though, it's more just an "I'm just curious" kind of thing. Though I can't worry about how he feels.

 

I thought about breaking NC a few times, but remember why it's a bad idea and that I know it's best to stick with it. I am always proud when I stick with it.

Either way I am moving on and not thinking too far ahead. Just trying to focus on healing

[tothecoast]

day 5 NC, day 11 since BU. today was one of the worst yet. i think i'm in the stage where it gets worse before it gets better...every day seems to hurt more than the day before. i guess it's sinking in that we're over. everyone keeps reminding me that she is not (mentally) well, that i did everything i could, that she needs professional help, that this wasn't about me. but that doesn't help, because i know SOMEDAY she'll date someone again, and when that day comes, i'll wonder, why couldn't it have been me?

[IAmPerfection]

Coming up on a month of NC and I feel a ton better. She broke it twice to ask for trivial stuff back but I had someone else arrange for her to get them. I don't know if she's found someone else or how she feels but I'm happy with myself. I got a good paying job, I have 30+ girls texting me daily, and it's summer. I still think about her from time to time, and even have my moments where I miss a good memory that we shared. It just seems like what we she wanted wasn't doable for me. She doesn't need to have a ton of guy friends, and I don't need the stress of a girl that's been with so many guys and is completely unstable.

[HopefulNessie]

69 days since the BU.

When does the attachment start to fade? This is not like me I have never been this affected by a BU before. At least I'm taking baby steps, but it is still a frustrating and extremely difficult situation.

[patterned]

18 days now and I'm thinking of breaking NC. I feel like I need to clarify that even though this seemed mutual at first, this wasn't what I wanted.

[broken17]

I've read several of your posts about the breakup and it seems to me that you are doing everything that pushes someone further away. All the begging and pleading will not change his mind but only confirm that the decision to breakup was a good one from your ex's perspective. I don't know how old you are but you said this is your first love.

 

The only way to gain any clarity is to distance yourself from this person and the relationship. Don't over romanticize it, accept if for what it is. The thing is, if you don't go away this person will not miss you or have the realization what life is like without you around. You have it within yourself to do this.

 

I know, I just get really caught up. I feel so stupid after but he just messes with my mind.. Well that's what I'm doing for now. I'm blocking him out of my head and so far I've had no cravings to get hold of him. So far so good I guess?

[HopefulNessie]

AHHHHH. Something just reminded me of him and the puppy I'm fighting away tears.

I'm so frustrated. I can't go more than 3 days without having a bad moment/entire day.

I miss him so much and want to reach out to him so badly. I miss him and I miss the puppy. FML

[martyfarty]

day 1 all over again.

 

* * * * my life. it does hurt so much more. she tells me that i'm the one but we need a break. told me that her other 'fling' is only a friend and she can't see her self with him. but yet he wont let her go and is kind to her. i'm all mest up. day 1 all over again ....

[HopefulNessie]

I'm sorry Marty Was she the one to break NC?

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 27 I've been doing a fair amount of flirting and retail therapy today...it really helps as I feel good tonight but I can't retail therapy my sorrows away every time I feel low! On the upside...I have some really nice new clothes...hehe I will be good from now on....no more splurging till I have a job! Promise Wait no...I can't promise..I'll just promise to be better!

[broken17]

Day 3

Feeling not good, but best I've been for a while.

he's just texted saying 'Hey how've you been?'. I think it might be best to leave it, but I'm scared if I totally shut him out that's it forever. Someone help?

[saluk]

Day 3

Feeling not good, but best I've been for a while.

he's just texted saying 'Hey how've you been?'. I think it might be best to leave it, but I'm scared if I totally shut him out that's it forever. Someone help?

 

It's important while healing to be active and not reactive. Give it a couple days at least and see how you feel then.

[martyfarty]

HopefulNessie :

yes and no. I had her under a contact for ADT Alarm system for the shop that i own. when the alarm went off Monday ADT called her. she called me at 5pm but i didn't pick up. so i then called her last night. we talked and then we met up. now i feel like crap. =*(

[chrisbuilder]

Hi everyone!

 

Just had the first long skype chat with my ex since we broke up four months ago. She really seems to have renewed interest in me. We are not talking about the relationship yet, but she did say in the end how she missed talking to me, and we reminisced a bit as well...chatted for more than an hour all in all!

 

The good thing is, that through NC I myself are in a much better place now, so much so that I don't need this to work in order to be happy, although I'd love to see us get back together in the future.

 

So what can I say, NC, it works! Stick with it! It will give you the chance to work on yourself, and create distance so that the other person can view fresh again. And even if it doesn't get you back together, you'll be in much better shape than when you keep in contact with your ex all the time right after the break up.

[ClarityCoast]

Chris was it full NC for four months?

[tothecoast]

day 6 NC, day 12 since BU. today started out good but then got even worse than day 5. i feel so angry today. this is probably a good emotion for me to feel in the long run, but right now it sucks. i'm angry that she took me and my support for granted - angry that she gave up on us, and let something so good go - angry that our friends who are having issues are still together, but because she's a commitment-phobe and is afraid of intimacy and thinks she can only be alone, she threw in the towel. my friends all think i deserve better - someone without mental health problems, someone without deep family issues - and i know they're right. i'm a pretty healthy, happy person and i've done a lot of work on myself...i deserve someone who's on my level! but what sucks is, i'm in love with her. and that's not gonna fade for a long time...

[the dude91]

Well tomorrow will be the start of day 1 again. I thought reconciliation would've been possible the last few days but alas it wasn't. This time NC will not be broken no matter what, time for me to finish moving on to the next chapter. I've realized something that has me kind of excited for it though, I noticed that after every girl that leaves me the next one is always better than the last. Time to hope that the pattern continues in my favor. Day 0.

[litttlemisssun]

STARTING THE CHALLENGE OVER

doing it right this time. No contact whatsoever, EVER.

***Except when I go to pick up my pet snake from his house, I'll post what happens after the visit.

Other than that, I will not talk to him at all.

i'm done done done.

 

THIS IS DAY 1

[chrisbuilder]

Chris was it full NC for four months?

 

Discounting a single unanswered message and a short exchange on my birthday, it was full NC since february 15th (we had to work together for the two weeks preceding that date), so about 2 months and three weeks of full NC.

[markie6]

NC for sorting yourself out, giving time to think without getting into more arguments , or pesterring the SO is what it's all about.. no trick.. no game... Peace and quiet to get your own stuff together Nice 1 Chris , now next time you think you are blocked on skype.... you cannot tell , only if they remove you from contacts hehe

 

Pleased you're doing better

[clarkyyeah]

Okay! I'm here to take on this full no contact challenege. He's been blocked and everything else so lets start shall we.

 

Day 0, feeling pretty worthless after everything but i cant allow someone to make me feel that way, its hard to believe people can change like they do, one minute your there everything and the next minute your not even worthy of them saying hello to, oh well life goes on doesnt it, put this down as a lesson learned the hard way