Mizz

It’s hard to think what goes through people’s heads because that’s the thing, we never truly know what someone else is thinking I re-read both posts. You got back together the first time and at first it was back to normal, then he broke up with you a few weeks later. Hmm, well I’m trying to think. When you got back together did you guys talk about what happened, why you ended it, that you were sorry etc? There’s so many possible things I could think of... Was he seeing his friends more and not making time for you at all? Were you guys that first week arguing or seeing each other a lot? Maybe he wanted a little space so he saw his friends? He could have been more busy than usual, and maybe wanted to see his friends a bit more for whatever reason, but if he was completely ignoring you then that’s not good. I wonder if you talking to him about how sorry you were, if he possibly felt pressured to get back with you after you broke up. Maybe in your time apart (you mentioned going on vacation for a couple weeks?) he could have possibly reflected on things and his feelings. Maybe he’s confused of what he wants. But if you kept asking questions and asking what was going on and if he was telling you it was fine and you kept persisting then it might have turned him off a bit. But if he wasn’t making any time for you at all then you being concerned and wanting to talk and him not willing to talk isn’t right either. He should be willing to listen to you and respect your feelings. Again, he could be acting cold and a bit distant now possibly due to if he’s confused of what he wants though. You never truly know what’s going through his head. But if he isn’t responding and if your emotions are all over the place then it’s best to just not talk to him for now. You can’t overanalyze things, that only makes things worse You also can’t sit around and wonder if he’d contact you or not because that will also drive you crazy. You need to focus on yourself for now, keep your mind off of this all for the time being. I’ll say what many have said before, if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be. No amount of trying would change his mind, it’s a decision he’d have to make on his own. But you can’t wait around wondering, you need to live your life in the mean time. Do things you like, see family, friends, read a book, do something that makes you feel pretty. Before anything you need to get your emotions under control, relax, and focus on yourself.

He was your first love and you broke up with him and regretted it, tried to get him back and he then didn’t want to work anything out? Possibly he’s still hurt from everything. If you broke up with him and quickly regretted it and tried to get back together really fast with out really talking about what happened then possibly he’s still hurt and has a harder time trusting you after this. The best thing to do now is to leave him alone for a bit, it hurts not to talk, I know it does. But constantly trying to communicate will push him away more. If he loves you he won’t suddenly forget about you. Maybe he needs some time to think. If he reaches out or contacts you, you can take things slow and be casual when speaking, don’t bring up anything sad or depressing or the relationship for the time being if he's acting distant. My ex broke up with me, he was my first love too (I’m 19 and he’s 18.) we dated for 2 years. He was my first everything. He decided he wanted to be alone, not with me anymore. He wasn’t bothered at all that he ended it, and still doesn’t seem to be. He's going about life like it never happened and even told me "you're single now, other guys will make a move and I want you to be happy" a week or so after we broke up. It hurt a lot. But I left things alone at first. Then a few weeks later got my emotions under control, accepted it, reached out to him and set things on good terms. We talked occasionally after that point, a couple times a week. We saw each other twice since the break up, he was being so nice, I thought he may have had interest in me based on a number of factors, I told myself not to get my hopes up but I did, but then he’d be so cold at other times. It was confusing. I asked him how he felt, brought up the relationship, and it was a disaster to talk about that. I got frustrated because he repeated all the reasons why we can’t be together, it was like hearing everything from the day we broke up ALL OVER AGAIN. But after that it seemed to cool down and be ok. I was frustrated at first but then accepting once more that he just really doesn't want to be with me. I tried casually texting him 3 days after that and he ignored me all that week. He finally got back to me saying he didn't get back to me because "last time I yelled" and by then I was so discouraged anyway that I didn't even care anymore. We have talked a couple times since then, but it’s casual/, I won’t bring up the relationship again. I realized if he wanted me back he’d be the one to show it/say it. He might not even ever want me back or come back, but that's ok too. But I realized no amount of me trying or any sort of tactic would change his mind. But I reflected a lot on the relationship in the 2 months that it has been over and realized the relationship wasn’t perfect in many ways. I hadn't been happy the last few months before it ended. I was having doubts myself, I believe I tried discussing my unhappiness several times one of them I almost broke up with him and he told me to give him another chance, that he'd respect me more and try. But in general how he’d treat me wasn’t always fair, things he’d say, things he’d do, how he'd handle things, how he'd get defensive/flip things around on me like I had a problem. But yet he broke up with me, and I wanted to talk about it at first and he didn't. Ironic, really, since I had given him another chance yet he didn't even want to try and work it out when he was breaking up with me. I should have ended that relationship months ago. But so now if we talk it’s casual, I realized a lot in my times of NC and at this point I don't expect anything, am not bothered when we do/don't talk. I’d be SO incredibly hesitant to take him back if he ever wanted to that I just wouldn't even after all of this and because of also realizing so many things. But my point kinda is, since you broke up with him you’d have to show him and prove that you want him back not just with words but actions. He’d have to gain your trust back. Break ups are hard, there’s no exact way set way to handle them. What’s worked best for me has been leaving things alone and if he reaches out I respond calmly occasionally. But other than that constant contact or begging or crying will only push him away. He probably needs time to think. I am sure you need some time to get your emotions in check as well. Break ups are tricky, he might have lost trust in you if you broke up with him like that, but it can be gained back. He might be hesitant, he might not want to come back after that happened, but you can try to show him you are serious and want him back (though don’t beg or plead or cry). Just calmly talk about it all after some time of no contact. for now it seems as if everything needs to cool down a bit.

My friend's mother dated a guy in high school, they were "high school sweethearts" and broke up when they went to college. She met another man and he moved to Australia and met another woman. But then she went through a divorce and so did he. They hadn't talked since they broke up in high school til one day about 40 years later they got back in touch, started dating again, and got married. They were very happy, and very much in love, but he sadly passed away about a year or so ago. My cousin, broke up with her bf of two years. He loved her SO much, would do anything for her. He was completely heartbroken. She left him because she wanted to be single, party, meet other guys. He kept trying to contact her and she'd blow him off. She eventually blocked him from calling her/texting her, she deleted him and blocked him from facebook. Yet he still tried to contact her. A month or two later she realized she missed him. She had tried dating other guys like she had thought would be so fantastic but she found out that it wasn't as nice or as great as she had anticipated. She started comparing the guys to her ex. Then she genuinely missed him and really was sorry. They since have been talking again and plan to get back together but are taking it all slow. A friend I knew from high school, broke up with her bf and they had gone out for a few years. A few months they hadn't talked and now they are back together and seem happier than ever. I think it depends on the people and the circumstances of why the break up happened. Some things can be worked out while others can't. Everyone's different though and so is every relationship and what "works". People do in some cases get back together, so it is possible given the right approach, time, and warranted that both people genuinely want each other back too.

In my relationship the love was equal, very intense at first and fairly consistent throughout. We had our awkward moments or ups and downs. Through it all we still loved each other though. Sometimes I felt like I cared more though. I always wanted things to go well, like if we planned to see each other I always wanted it to work out one way or another, but if he couldn't see me for some reason to him it was no big deal. There was one difference, but we had worked with it. I feel like it eventually got to a point where there was a good amount of baggage though, for a lot of reasons. I'd try to look past things that would happen, but then other things would happen, eventually it certainly affected my mood. Then when he started acting differently it really emotionally took a toll within the last week of the relationship. I remember at one point the week before it ended lamely saying "I feel like I am chasing something that doesn't want to chase me back" and he told me "that's not true" HAH, well, it wound up being true. It was a rough week before it ended. We still saw each other but it was so much more emotional than usual. I figured it was just a bad week and that the Sunday when I'd see him again that weekend we could possibly just have a nice day together to make up for that awkward week. But then that Sunday was when he ended it. I was sad but then at the same time I seriously remember thinking "well, I am upset, I didn't exactly expect this, but at the same time I am not completely surprised/devastated". It was still a loss so I was still upset for a few days. But then in my time to reflect I realized there were times I questioned the relationship too, thought how it wasn't at all like it once had been, I thought about how within the last few months how sometimes at night I'd just cry cause I'd think "what happened to what it used to feel like? I'd love to feel that again". Apart of me knew it wasn't going so well either. But we were still loving towards each other. The last week or so before the break up was a rough one. So I came to accept it's over fairly early after the BU. Before the BU I felt not like myself, more clingy and super sensitive. I think I could sense something wasn't going right. Before I had been s confident and happy! But something before it ended, within the last couple weeks just didn't feel right. He was still telling me he loved me even up til the point it ended. But apparently now he doesn't love me anymore, only as a "friend". But in my time alone my feelings have faded too. I'd wish us both happiness. I don't think it could be anything romantic again, there's too much baggage and it'd take a lot to work out. I don't think it could be and I don't think I'd want to try. For your situation, I am so sorry, I know it's hard. Especially if you don't expect it at first. If you look back at the signs of her love fading you can learn from it though. See it as a learning experience, never blame yourself, and know there's someone amazing out there for you who would not leave you like that and hurt you. But you seem to be strong and know what's best for yourself. It'll have ups and downs but I wish you the best! NC really does help to sort emotions, reflect, and heal.

This will sound completely crazy because I had been advocating NC for myself and encouraging others to do the same. Now, don’t get mad at me here haha, but I had broken NC and texted my ex. To some it might seem pointless or “Oh my gosh it’s going to set you back now. You’ll regret it!” but I didn’t at any point and still don’t feel all tingly or emotional post conversation with him. He’s not on my mind all the time now and I don’t think of him the same way anymore. I don’t feel anything for him really other than just neutral. No hate, no love. I actually don’t mind if he never contacts me again after this. It wouldn’t bother me. But for me, and with the mindset I am in now, I at least know whatever happens I was able to get things on good terms. Some might ask, “Well why!? he broke YOUR heart! You reached out to him?!” and yes, that’s true, but I knew my ex very well. I knew if I never talked to him again he seriously wouldn’t have minded. He rationalized everything even if he first did wrong or hurt someone, so in his mind he’d figure something like, “Oh, she hates me, oh well”. I can’t make assumptions though and I know I can’t care how he thinks. And I could have very well moved on my merry way like I have been with out giving a single care. I know it might sound completely idiotic or counterproductive. But keep in mind that I did once love him, I cared for him. It was 2 years of both of our lives. I had two brief boyfriends prior but he had been my actual first love. It’s a special place in my heart despite how the relationship ended. I was understanding when the BU happened, confused at first, but even from the beginning I did not beg or plead for him to take me back. The day of the BU I remember thinking “this is surprising, I’m still sad, but a the same time I am oddly not completely devastated” because a few weeks prior to the break up I was questioning if I was happy too. And plus that wasn’t the first time I thought about if things were going well either. Times I’d think I deserved better too. So I eventually came to terms that it’s best it’s over anyway. I contacted him because I didn’t want there to be hard feelings. Yes, he had hurt me in the past in several ways but I can’t be angry or hold onto negative feelings forever. It had been a learning experience for me. I learned a lot about myself and what I want and deserve in future relationships. I had and have accepted it's over for a while now. Last night I wanted to talk to him to sort of straighten some things out, make things on good terms between us. I had a clear mind and am no longer emotional so I was ready to try and talk to him. I had messaged him and we talked a bit. He was happy hanging out with a friend and I was happy just in general from also talking to new people and enjoying my life again. We were both glad for each other's happiness. We were having general conversation, asking how each other was doing. We were talking nicely and I told him if he ever wanted to talk he shouldn't be a stranger, he said that "I'm glad we are still talking together then he went to sleep/said good night. I don’t see ourselves ever dating again. I am not interested in rekindling anything and he doesn’t seem interested as well. I no longer have feelings for him and he told me earlier over a week ago that he no longer has feelings for me either. I would never want to get back with him in a romantic way, for several reasons, I really do not think he would wish to either because I know the relationship is just better over. If anyone still has feelings for an ex or is super emotional still thinking about their ex or the past I’d still say that’s when NC is crucial, to heal, to move on. Personally, despite it being rather fast, I came to terms for some time now how it’s better not being in a relationship with him so for me to reach out that time wasn’t emotional or making me want the past or him back it was more for peace of mind. Again, I really don’t mind if we never talked again. He could completely just never contact me and I’d be fine. Either way I’m excited for my future and the things I hope to achieve and I know some day I’ll meet someone amazing!

It gets easier every day with out you, especially since every day we have not talked. Sometimes I still wish to talk, but not to reconcile, just to end everything on a more understanding note. Not like it hadn't, I was sad, sometimes frustrated, but more understanding and accepting even within the first few days. I loved you enough to respect it's what you wanted. I loved you enough to let you have what you wanted, a life with out me. I have been moving on and seemingly pretty fast too! I know I'll be happy and eventually meet a great guy. It's kind of exciting! Maybe you even did me a favor ;D haha.

BU: 16 days ago NC: 9 days I actually counted where before I hadn't. Time seems to be flying since, sort of. I mean I can't believe the BU was basically half a month ago! I have been focusing on my own life so I guess that's made it easier. I think I'm doing very well. It's still hard sometimes, ups and downs. I don't think of him as much or the same way I had before at least. I miss him sometimes, which is natural. Haven't cried a lot. The worst was of course in the first few days. Now if I get emotional it's only a few tears and I am done. I have been happier lately! Not moping around and I haven't been bummed out since. I am able to laugh and smile again and joke around like I used to. I'll think sometimes though. In my time away from him I've had a TON of time to look back. I remember the last time I talked to my ex how he said "But I only try to remember the good times" when we talked about how it was over. Then I thought about how last night I got sort of emotional thinking of how nice my prom was last year, how he looked into my eyes and just smiled the whole time as we danced, how happy we seemed that night. Jeez typing it out even brought a couple tears (not necessarily of pain though, it's weird I don't know how to describe it) XD. I don't know how these "good times" if they're all he likes to focus on after the BU wouldn't have the same affect on him. I wonder sometimes if he will ever miss me and try to reach out. Not like I'd want to reconcile though, it's more just an "I'm just curious" kind of thing. Though I can't worry about how he feels. I thought about breaking NC a few times, but remember why it's a bad idea and that I know it's best to stick with it. I am always proud when I stick with it. Either way I am moving on and not thinking too far ahead. Just trying to focus on healing

I feel like I am doing so well to get over you thus far. Seeing friends, being with family, trying to do things to distract myself yet I still think of you. I want the thoughts to stop. For some odd reason I really want to talk to you which I know is an absolutely HORRIBLE idea! The urge to talk to you is there but I have been keeping myself from doing so, thankfully for my own sake. I feel like talking would only be frustrating, again, like it was the 2 other times we talked since we broke up. I know talking wouldn't even be the same anyway. It'd be a waste of time and get nowhere. Yet I still oddly want to. I wish I didn't feel like I even wanted to. I don't want to do something I'll regret or something stupid that will prolong this healing process. I will not contact you though. I'll stay strong.

I keep staying strong. Still continuing to do so much better! Still no tears, actually really no emotion when thinking of you. Which I think is really good. I'm continuing to realize that what I had thought was so amazing actually pretty much wasn't at all. It wasn't equal, I felt unappreciated, disrespected, I'd even cry some nights in the last few months wondering if I really wanted to be with you and asked myself if I was happy. I'd re-evaluate things. I don't know why I was holding onto everything then. Why I still stayed with you when I was beginning to feel like things weren't even working out like they used to. I think I stayed because I still was hoping it'd be different. Go back to how things seemed and felt before. Though you were still saying sweet/cute things, saying you loved me I thought that possibly I was too sensitive or something and it was all in my head. But really it wasn't, it wasn't my fault. I tried and wanted it to work. But things kept happening. It had all started to bring me down negatively. I didn't feel right, I became so worried, anxious, emotional, I didn't even feel like myself before it ended. Yet I had still loved you at the time. Through everything I put up with, I still stuck by you. I should have ended it months before you did. I see it as a positive thing now though. I no longer am afraid to say how I feel in fear of being judged. I can be myself, not worry about anything, be happy! I realized if we had stayed together I would have become more miserable, felt more uncomfortable, been more worried instead of being happy. You told me you wanted me to be happy and I think now I can be! I am starting to be. I've seen friends that I hadn't seen in a while, am starting to talk to more people, and it's fun! It's exciting. When we last spoke almost a week ago, you had told me you were happy. Despite feeling liek I deserved better and what happened and that you ended it for reasons I'll never exactly understand, I still would want you to be happy as well. Maybe it was sort of a blessing in disguise. Ultimately I see it as a new start now and a chance to find the things that I want and deserve.

I keep staying strong, haven't cried in days, don't think about you as much, though times you still cross my mind, like right now. I realized that a few weeks prior to the break up I had questioned if I was still happy, if things were going right. So in a way I can't understand why I was so devastated when it happened then, if I too thought maybe it wasn't working. Maybe I was the one trying to hold onto something that I knew wasn't even right. Either way I had loved you a lot though and I had wanted it to work. I had hopes my doubts were just all in my head. But then later they became reflections that everything wasn't so perfect. I don't know why I still feel like you'll contact me. I feel like you'll say you're sorry or ask me why I deleted you. But it's been days since I removed you from my facebook and my phone after you ended it with me, and you haven't noticed or don't even care. You haven't talked to me in days and I shouldn't be wishing that you will because I know it'd only make everything worse. Part of me just wants you to admit that you made a huge mistake and that you'd want me back, even though I know it's not going to happen and even if you did I would not take you back. If you wanted me in your life you would still be in it. I would have been with you, we would've been still together.

You're such an * * * * * * * , you don't even regret anything or care. One minute you loved me and the next loved me "just as a friend". 2 years we had been together and you ended it with out even talking to me about it first or trying to work it out. You called me amazing and sweet yet tossed me back into the world for some other guy to now have. Other guys have started talking to me and it doesn't even bother you, all you said was "well, you're single now and guys will make a move. I want you to be happy". We had so much planned together in the near-coming future. I had JUST bought a damn prom dress for YOUR senior prom, had the fitting for it and alterations, now it's a waste of money. I was looking forward to a lot together like your prom, a couple parties, your graduation, this summer and going to the beach with you and your family, generally having a good time with you while we had our separate time with friends too, an enjoyable summer that would've been balanced/fun. I'm not just disappointed that now I won't have your prom, the beach or other things to go to with you, it's not all about me here, but the fact that you didn't even want to work anything out with me, together, and I still don't understand your mindset regarding this all or why you did this. I know being mad at you won't solve anything I do want you to be happy, and I want to be happy too, though I will never understand why you ended it with me. 2 years together, all of which I thought were happy. Til I looked back on everything and now think maybe it was better that it ended. I still want to talk to you sometimes cause I miss you but realized it's a bad idea and would only make things worse and more confusing. I didn't just lose someone I loved, I also lost a friend. But it's time to move on.