THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[spirit seeking]

Day 29

 

Spirit, conversely, today I took DOWN my Facebook page.

I realized that while we weren't SPEAKING...I was still "checking in" on him DAILY.

We were not friends...but we had many MANY mutual friends.

It hit me that at the one month mark...it may only be a matter of time before pictures and posts of him and my future replacement hit the web. I am not strong enough right now to handle that.

 

So I took away the weapon.

 

I'll be interested to see how long I keep it down. I hope...at least another month. I will miss interacting with my friends.

 

I was just debating with myself if I should take down my facebook or leave it up. I never update it or anything. hmmmm..Maybe I'll leave it up, but I'll try not to check it or update it. If she wants to see my profile and check up on me, she can. Thanks

[ClarityCoast]

I update mine regularly...I've lived all over the country so its the only way I can keep up with all my friends accross the globe.

We've been separated for a year but have gone back and forth.

This is the longest we've not spoken...and as each day passes I'm finding myself clinging more to the ONLY line into his life I have...which unfortunately...is on Facebook.

 

When I realized how much time I spent checking in on HIM (partially relieved to not see a 'couples' photo...partially wishing I had)...I knew I was missing out on time I could spend healing ME.

That's why I took it down.

I don't know about you...but at 30 days...I'd still be leveled to see some big, smiley lovey-dovey photo of him and a new person.

 

On another note...I'm really happy you are here.

Most people seem to be in the first week of NC.

I'm so relieved that we are on the same time span...

[tothecoast]

Day 12 NC, Day 18 since BU. Went out of town for a much-needed vacation with friends. It was good, but I came back and reality smacked me in the face...some days I feel like I'm back at Day 1. Just got an invite for a mutual friend's birthday party (as I think I've noted here, we unfortunately have a TON of the same friends), and feeling really sad because I know I can't go - she'll almost certainly be there. Just feels so unfair to be constantly missing out on social events that I want to go to, because I know she'll be there.

 

Also feeling conflicted about her stuff. I have a bunch of her stuff that I was planning on giving back through a mutual friend, but now I'm not sure. Given the circumstances of our NC (she didn't want NC, and begged me not to do it), I'm afraid she'll take this opportunity to send me an email - something along the lines of, "I know you don't want to hear from me, but I just wanted to say hi, and thank you for sending my stuff over. I want you to know that I love you so much, and miss you in my life..." etc etc etc. I know her SO well, and I can almost guarantee that she would send that exact email. I'm sure she would mean well by it, because in her eyes, this breakup was a mutually painful, mutually devastating event.

 

But no matter how well she means, I know that hearing from her would just totally mess me up, and it would set me back so bad. Not hearing from her is the only thread I'm hanging onto right now. So I think I'm going to throw her stuff in a box in my closet and give it a couple months...it's nothing urgent (mostly clothes), and I'd rather be a jerk and hold onto her stuff than risk her breaking the NC that's keeping me sane.

[lanaa]

day 3 of NC! i am starting to doubt i will ever hear from him again

[Streetbob]

Spell 1: 2 months and then I mailed to say all was ok.

Spell 2: 10 days.

 

Forgotten her voice and face....How bizarre! Still love her though and miss her like mad.

 

Still have hope and pray that she is happy everyday.

 

What else to do?

 

SB

[litttlemisssun]

DAY 4

 

 

So today in my new city of Portland a VERY attractive guy approached me. He was friendly and polite. And then he told me his name...and it was the same as his.

I shuttered a little when he told me his name but I still took his number.

There is no comparison between him & him though. They're complete opposites, just the way it should be.

Oh my hopes just keep getting higher and higher.

[Kplum92]

Day 3

 

Feeling.... okaaaay...

 

Today should be a relatively easy day, doing a night shift tonight so about to crawl back into bed and sleep for a few hours.

Missing him very much right now, although I did do a workout today, so feeling good about myself in that respect.

 

Oh how much you just wish they would come grovelling back to you and then having the strength to not reply to them... Will have to cross that bridge when it comes (if it ever does...WISHFUL THINKING AGAIN!!)

 

Keep strong everyone

xx

[trishlove]

DAY 4

 

I have to be honest I'll be a no-lifer til june since I am on a summer vacation. I'm beginning to have more fun talking to this guy who I'm friends with. He's funny and I even told him not to hesitate talking ill about my ex. Together we can call him every name in the book. Also, I've been chatting up with the good ex (not the scumbag ex). For some reason, I asked permission if he'd like to be my cushion to soften the blow. He said he's fine with it. Oh dear... I really am on rebound mode. Well. Doesn't matter. Didn't contact him.

 

You're not that good

In fact, you suck at life

You don't deserve me

In fact, I should have cheated on you

You're not irreplaceable

In fact, you're boring

You're not charming

You just got lucky with a hoe

You're a loser

You can't stand being alone

I hate you

Go to hell

[tonyintexas]

I'm off this thread for the time-being. Yesterday the ex asked me to come back home and said she wanted to work on our relationship. I'm not moving back in with her but I did agree to work on the relationship. I'm not putting any expectations on what is going to happen, but am hopeful that things work out. Best of luck to all, I'll be posting on different on different threads now.

[Analog]

Well, here goes.

DAY 2

 

It's so strange not hearing from her since we used to talk on a daily basis. I've set a goal for myself for NC, and I plan to achieve it.

 

So far it has been ups and downs on my end. Moments where I feel fine, and then others where I feel weak. I usually snap out of the weak phase within 5 minutes or so. I just have to remind myself that she broke up with me, and that NC is what she deserves

 

She removed me as a friend from Facebook. It's not because she hates me, but likely so she wouldn't have to see what I was up to, and the same for her. I'm okay with that.

 

 

One day at a time, one step after the other.

[ASHAN4U]

~ Day 1

 

Well here I am. Dwelling, thinking, what if-ing…not fun. I’m the dumper, but somehow subconsciously when I was doing the drastic via text message then phone “dump” I was thinking that maybe, just maybe he would see how hurt I was from some underlying issues we had in our relationship and we would live happily ever after. Yep..nope…didn’t work…it backfired. So instead of him “realizing” and maybe compromising with me he took the break up and ran with it…yep ran with it straight to someone else (an acquaintance of mine and his) 2 days after the deed. Of course he and I carry many mutual friends and I heard everything right through the grapevine. No..he wasn’t already seeing her, in fact we ALL were hanging out one night and they exchanged numbers…didn’t bother me so much at first b/c we were all just friends, but it happened. He’s the type that can’t be alone so he found the next best thing I guess. We were together for just over a year but have known each other for about 18+ years and it’s just so hard to understand how someone can move on so fast with no regard for the last year while I’m here still trying to pick up the pieces.

 

Well I guess this is why I am here. So with that being said…I tried the NC thing 2 weeks ago when I dumped him…and it lasted 2 weeks. It’s called DO NOT CONSUME ALCOHOL by yourself while you still have access to your phone. NOT a good thing but we all do it anyway. So yeah, I did the text “can you come get me” and I got the blow off and then the block…THE BLOCK! What did I do to deserve being blocked! Yeah, it stings a little, ok…A LOT! You know that end of all communication thing, OMG I’m never going talk to him again…ugh.

 

So…can you guess what I did next? Yep I waited 2 days and borrowed a friends phone and sent him a sweet NOT mean text….waiting and hoping that he A. got it and B. would respond. Well he did, BUT not how I wanted…he basically stated he didn’t hate me but he just wasn’t happy. Talk about triple crush on thy heart L . Ok here I am one of the few who have to deal with him on occasion’s b/c he is a customer of mine…sooooooo that same day he came into work (yesterday). Long story short, we talked for a few cordially, he said he would unblock me, thinks about me BUT he just “wants to do his thing” now. Ok fine, I understand…but I wanted to still be his friend…he said we will be there again, blah blah. So he did unblock me and sent a text saying so but it basically was very demeaning…I unblocked you but don’t start anything to make me regret it. Take Care. TAKE CARE! I hate those words…but he knows it. I didn’t respond and he sent another text making sure I got it.

 

Ok. Wow…I should feel great he unblocked me…NOT…what does that do, give him power over the situation? That’s not what this is about…UGH. Now I am here DAY 1…my guess he is thinking I’m going to text/call, but I WILL NOT just to prove him wrong. Don’t get me wrong, all I want to do is profess my love to him but where will that get me, nowhere. The thoughts overwhelm my mind, it sucks…where is he, is he with her, is he texting her good morning beautiful, I’ve been replaced, is he thinking about me, will I get that text/call again that makes me smile…WILL HE COME BACK.

 

Onto day 2…

[martyfarty]

Day 8:

 

Longest run so far....failed god knows how many times

starting to pick up some steam. now its a number and a pride issue. a home girl told me that the opposite of love is apathy. today i had a 2 dreams of her back to back. the dreams were me helping her w/ her dreams. it was cute and all but it worthless. i guess i'm at that stage and i need to get over it.

[transmit]

Day 25

Feeling great today. very focused. Not worried what he's up to.

[Kplum92]

~ Day 1

 

Wow…I should feel great he unblocked me…NOT…what does that do, give him power over the situation? That’s not what this is about…UGH. Now I am here DAY 1…my guess he is thinking I’m going to text/call, but I WILL NOT just to prove him wrong. Don’t get me wrong, all I want to do is profess my love to him but where will that get me, nowhere. The thoughts overwhelm my mind, it sucks…where is he, is he with her, is he texting her good morning beautiful, I’ve been replaced, is he thinking about me, will I get that text/call again that makes me smile…WILL HE COME BACK.

 

Onto day 2…

 

Hang in there!!

Like you said earlier in your post it may just be because he does not like being alone.... This girl is most probably a rebound type of thing.... Keep strong and don't give him what he wants, or the satisfaction that he knows your thinking of him. What is keeping myself going is the thought that if he realises, okaaay I do actually miss her, I want her back then he will contact you. In the mean time, keep your head high (I know, I know, soooo much easier said than done!?) And when/if he comes into your shop, just act professional or better still disappear out the back (if you have the opportunity to do so!!)......... I am sorry to hear that things sort of backfired in your face a little here, it really does sound like a complete irrational decision on his behalf to behave like he has, most probably due to him being afraid of being alone.... I hope you find as each day passes it gets easier.. Prove him wrong you can do it!!! God, this feels so much like a game sometimes!?......

 

DAY 4

Back home from the night shift... Nearly broke down last night. No particular reason at all, just went to the bathroom, and had to control hysterical tears from blubbering down my face whilst I was going for a wee!! No idea what came over me. I think I am still in shock/denial over all this (I am the dumpee here..) Still secretly hoping he will give in to this NC and then I am able to have the strength NOT TO REPLY, until we see each other again on the pre arranged date of the 29th July....

 

AAAAH this is so hard. Bring on day 5......

[spirit seeking]

day....? what day is it today? 32...So I guess it's overanalyzing day today. I'm proud of myself for not contacting. She accidentally added me as a friend on Facebook. She told a friend her daughter did it. (I believe that) So I deactivated my Facebook, for a day. I was laying awake thinking of that. Trying to find a Bhuddist answer. The middle way. I don't want to have zero contact with her. But, I don't want to text her and contact her all the time either. And I shouldn't be reacting to her actions. It's my Facebook, I'll leave it open. I will also leave lines of communication open as well. I may break No Contact Challenge to say a friendly: "Hello!" (Exclamation mark? Hmmm...no....too enthusiastic) "Hello"...(too formal)..."hi": (Holy Cow, I think I'm going nuts here) Well, whatever....So, I'm leaving Facebook open, but no contact. That's showing real strength...however...

 

I just learned about Avoidance Personality Disorder. Some people, especially women, push men away to test them. To see if they are persistent enough to stick around. Was this a test? So, my thought patterns went back to the past. Her recently separated husband keeps calling her everyday. She has medical problems. Children. I may be in the way. Maybe she doesn't love me....(but no one kisses me like that and doesn't feel something. I mean...Kissing until four in the morning???) When she needs me the most, she'll push away. Why is that? To see if I'll stick around? So...what is the answer? I should still be focusing on myself. I'm not interested in pursuing any other woman. I know what I want. I know who I want. Patience. Persistence. (am I fooling myself? Does it matter? Three feet to gold) Keep with No contact for now.

[lanaa]

Day 4 here of real NC,,although it has been 8 days since we talked

[trishlove]

DAY 5

 

Okay so I spent...20% of the day thinking about the trash (that's what I call the scumbag cheating ex now). For some reason, I don't feel bad about it now. Actually, I feel much better. I probably really love myself; which is probably why our relationship then was all about me, me, me, ME. Maybe that's why I don't feel so bad about it (or maybe it's part of the emotional roller coaster and for now I'm at the peak). We'll see.

 

I know I'm not a loser. I just dated one. I can make anything happen to my life in just a snap of a damn finger. He can't. What a scumbag. So now he's gonna be stressed in a relationship (AGAIN) with a rotten woman while I can heal with the person I love the most: myself.

 

I have a pictorial tomorrow and I am just so excited! Again, I'm throwing all the crap my ex gave me (except for the plushie). Then I'll make sure I'll let a lot of people talk about me next semester (in a good way) so the kick goes to the trash. HA! I can't * * * * ing wait.

[ClarityCoast]

Day 31

 

The feeling of invalidation and resentment for letting "this" be "the way it all ends"...is nearly overwhelming.

Truly, I am so envious of you that reach one month and are able to shrug your shoulders and move forward freely.

[aha850]

just to lighten up link removed

[ASHAN4U]

KPLUM92~ Thanks! I appreciate the words and yes it does feel so much like a game sometimes...ugh. When we first began dating I was basically the "rebound" that ended up being a long lie. Verbatim him " I never thought we were going to turn into a relationship". So that's the part that kinda sticks in my gut...SHE may be a rebound now BUT.....things can always change. You're so right about if he misses me, then he will make it known and in time he may...it's just this time now that I have to heal and figure out on my end what makes me happy and if he honestly did.

 

For you, I know the feeling of just breaking down, I thrive on the moment I walk out of work to just put my sunglasses on and shed some tears and then more when I get home. I usually end up feeling better after that...it's like releasing some of the negativity harbored up. I wake up in the mornings hoping that today will be the day he will just send that "good morning" text...so I can smile, cry and then ponder what I will do with that. We are all on here so we can help each other to NOT REPLY...and I'm sure you can do that until the right time. Like you said to me...hang in there and if it's meant to be it WILL happen.

[ASHAN4U]

~ DAY 2

 

So woke up this morning with a bit of a struggle…mornings are harder than nights for me. I guess its b/c when I first wake up I immediately start thinking and wondering if today will be the day he may miss me just a little. NOT…if he missed me he would have called/text. If he loved me, he would have communicated. If our relationship was WORTH it to him he wouldn’t have done what he did so fast. It was worth it to me every step of the way but maybe I drove him to just say screw it…I dunno.

 

I’m actually in a bad mood today. I don’t really want to talk to anyone…I’m tired of hearing from people (that didn’t know we broke up) that they think they saw him out (with a girl). It just puts my emotions back to square one. It amazes me that when we have broken up in the past it was always him missing me and telling me he feels like he’s lost his best friend…him saying he wants a relationship and now I guess he’s just tapped out. Yes he’s been the rubber band a few times…pulling away b/c he was basically afraid of commitment, didn’t know what he wanted and then would turn around and couldn’t stand to be away from me…so what makes that different now! I got the “chill, I want to be in a relationship BUT I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it” speech. We disagreed on that statement so much that it’s almost the reason for the demise of our relationship.

 

In the end he’s right I mean, he’s a grown man… he CAN do what he wants…but he never elaborated on that…he left it opened ended so that IF he went and cheated or whatever, he could come back to that statement. I personally feel when you are in a relationship that you have boundaries and respect and you set them BEFORE a freaking year down the road when people’s feelings and emotions get caught up.

 

I wish he would have communicated better with me, actually listened and heard what I had to say instead of being selfish and all about him. Guess that’s what he is still doing…being SELFISH. It was ALWAYS about him. Yeah…sad to say but my b-day last month…yeah…nothing. I actually had to remind him it was my b-day…do you think he made up for that with dinner or ANYTHING…no. L Why would I want to be with him anyway. Good luck to the next girl when you find out he doesn’t do holidays and don’t expect being put on a pedestal.

 

I find myself checking me phone all too often…I need to stop.

 

Onto day 3….

[Divine010]

Day 46

 

Today I am actually missing you because we would be doing something this weekend or planning something for the summer and since we are not, this will be our first time not. I just miss that part of the relationship. Maybe I do miss you participating with me in those activities. I don't know. But my emotions go in and out, up and down. I can only guess why I am feeling this way is because it will be that time of the month for me soon..ha ha..but yeah, I guess it's part of the healing. So I shall embrace it. I would like to forget you, but I can't fight it. You were important to me at a time, but you just put me through so much, that I know it could not work. I have to see you on the weekends at the job, but it's not so bad cause I don't feel nervous anymore. In person, you actually don't appeal to me, just my memories of you. Sometimes, it's so sereal, like wow I use to date you and we are not even friends or on speaking terms. I can't even smile at you and be genuwine about it. I am much better off and happier, so I won't show that to you just so you can think you can start up a conversation. Oh no no. But I do miss bit's and pieces about you and the relationship. So I will just roll with it. Dating for me now is exhausting and I am going to focus on me this summer and do the things that I love. If I meet someone that wants to do those fun things with me, great, but I will be happy just doing them by myself. I have my friends and my family - that's all I need right now.

[transmit]

Day 26

Getting easier and easier...

[brickheart]

Day 2.

It feels like it's been months... I thought about him practically every 30 seconds yesterday, and I woke up thinking about him today. Just wondering if he's thinking about me and if so, how he's progressed in what we talked about. He's going to message me if and when he stops thinking of how much we used to argue... I don't know how long it will take, but I earnestly hope it won't be too long. I miss him so much. I don't want to lose him, but I've promised him and myself not to contact him first. It makes it easier that I know (think) he'll contact me in the future, but waiting is so painful.

[martyfarty]

day 9.

 

keep on trucking. can't love someone that does not love you. further more, can't love a girl who you dated for 2 years which never said that she loved me. good enough reason to move on. apathy...