transmit
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Day 14 (almost 3 months since BU) This will likely be my last entry in the NC thread (I will probably be scarce on GBT as well). I met someone new, we spent the weekend together, and it went great. I don't know where it will go just yet, but I'm ready to let someone new into my life. I'm not 100% healed but I've let go of the old relationship, I no longer seek reconciliation, and though I'm smarter than before, I'm also willing to trust again. I'm happy alone -- the fact that someone nice wants to be with me is a great bonus. I really appreciate all the advice I've gotten from hanging out here, and I encourage anyone who's struggling to hold out for their own happiness. It seems impossible to be happy without your ex at first, and letting them go feels like a failure. But it's truly the opposite - the more fully you let go, the stronger you feel.
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Day 8 It's getting easier again. I'm movin' on. Traveling in 2 days.
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Day 6 These days, I'd like closure. When my brain goes into a panic wondering how to get closure, I remind myself that everyone who's hurt me in a relationship has eventually felt regret and apologized. And at some point, he will reach out. It no longer matters to me whether he wants to reconcile or be friends. I know deep down that I always take a step forward after breakups, and my exes always become aware of it after I've stopped worrying about them. It's a feeling I look forward to, on some level. but a watched pot never boils.
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Day 4 Dull hum of thoughts about him this week, all from running into him. I wonder if he had the same reaction. It's not upsetting me but I hope to get past it soon. My impulses to wonder flare up so easily.
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Day 3 Feeling better. I think I'm in kind of a funk because I injured myself (minorly) and can't work out. Keeping busy and having fun in other ways though.
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Day 2 Yesterday and today have been rough. Seeing him in public reawakened all kinds of anxiety. I'm not back at square one, though - far from it. Just gotta push through to the next week when I take my trip.
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back to Day 1. Ran into him in a cafe. No conversation, just pleasantries. It made my heart race and I didn't like it at all.
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trishlove: ugh that sounds horrible. At least you recognize it for what it is: a bunch of breadcrumbs. Stay strong.
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I wrote a little about my experience earlier in the thread, if it helps.. Don't get discouraged. 12 days is a long time for someone who's struggling every day! You're going to feel better. Don't force it or adhere to a timeline of ways you're "supposed" to be. Just let yourself heal at your own pace.
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Day 29 Great weekend with friends. Suddenly it's summer and there's so much to do.
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A month is not that long. And you're not "good friends" with your ex - maybe someday you will be, but not any time soon - so don't keep in touch as if you are. You don't have to contact her after a month to "keep the option open". All you'll do is drive her away. Be patient and don't torture yourself. Keep going with NC until you stop having thoughts like this!
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you're doing fine. just get through these next few weeks.
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I would not say things have been smooth... just steady, I guess. My relationship lasted a year and the breakup in March was quite shocking and horrible for me - the worst I've ever had. I've spent a lot of time since then working out, eating well, being EXTRA busy with work. I've been very social and have made room in my life for more friends (when I was with the ex, I didn't see the need). I've also learned to be happy by myself. I work from home and some days I don't see anyone, but I'm still able to feel happy in my routine, and I think that's just as important as being social. It's been helpful to push myself in new ways (I'm in better running shape than I've ever been, and still improving), to make myself look nice (even if I don't plan on going out, why not?), and to take small joys (park breaks during work hours, coffee with a favorite snack, playing with the dog, cooking a dinner I'm really looking forward to, etc.). Don't get me wrong, I've had moments of weakness. I e-mailed my ex (neutrally asking how he was) about a month ago, sure that he'd want to reestablish some casual communication. He was polite but brief, which hurt - and I decided to leave him alone after that. I still love him and I've had my fair share of crying. There are days when I think about him more than others. But those urges to cry and contact have ebbed, to the point where they no longer overwhelm me. I can put them out of my mind with any number of new things I've brought into my life. And of course, reading and trusting in the wisdom of ENA has helped. Each time I check the forum I feel like I've internalized more knowledge - I don't just read it and say "yeah, that's probably true" - I know and understand. I hope describing this process will cheer up some people who feel hopeless. At the beginning of the breakup I would plead for the pain to be over. I could see no end. I never woke up and felt better. I barely even noticed that things had gotten easier -- it was so gradual.
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Day 26 Getting easier and easier...
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Day 25 Feeling great today. very focused. Not worried what he's up to.
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Day 23 I really have seen a dramatic shift in the past couple of weeks. And by dramatic I don't mean "instant" - that never lasts - but a real, palpable change. Things no longer feel hopeless and empty to me. My life is full. In just over 2 weeks I'll be taking a trip to see someone new. In the meantime I can feel myself growing stronger day by day.
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Hang in there spirit, it really will get better with more time.
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Day 22 Feeling good, working hard, having fun with friends. 3 weeks feels like an eternity, but the days are going faster than ever.
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Day 20 Doing fine. Acceptance is creeping back, after I felt a glimmer of false hope/pain for a short time. Summer's here and I have so many good times planned. I'm determined to make this an even better summer than the one we spent together last year.
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Day 19 Things are going well. Really noticing some changes in my body from eating well and exercise. I've been thinking about him still but it's a low hum in the back of my mind, and it's not constant. I suggested to the person I met recently that I visit him in his city, and we're currently working out the dates. I want this to be a memorable summer.
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Day 16 Had a brief freak-out and cried yesterday, for the first time in weeks. I recovered much faster than I would've those weeks ago, and was able to get right back to work. I'm definitely stronger than I was, but I'm not as "over it" as I'd like to tell myself. It feels good to be able to acknowledge that, like it's something I can control with enough time. I have someone else on my mind who lives far away. I don't think anything long-term could come of it, but I've been thinking a lot about visiting him. It would be nice to put some new memories with a new person in my head.
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Day 13 Doing great, but I think about him resentfully now and then. I wonder how long he wanted to break up with me before he did. How many times he lamented how "busy and overwhelmed" he was when he was really trying to suggest something else, and how often I tried to comfort him for that completely different set of problems. How leading up to the breakup it seemed like he was trying to get in a fight with me, so I could end it for him, so he wouldn't have to. He only cared about what I'd think of him - never how bad it would hurt me. Completely spineless. In a perfect world I wouldn't be thinking about him at all, but I guess it's natural that all the negative things I overlooked would become obvious over time. I could never fathom getting back with him unless he changed considerably. Hooray for NC.
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Day 11 talk about a palate cleanser. Having someone else on my mind really diffuses some bad impulses. I still intend to be unattached for a while -- my single life has been kind to me. I don't know what my ex is up to and I don't care.
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Day 9 days continue to melt away. I had an amazing weekend and I met someone great. Being with a new person instantly made it clear how many lousy things I'd overlooked with my ex when we were together. a palate cleanser if you will. My ex is not a bad person, but he's nothing special either, and I can do better. I don't miss him at all right now.
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Day 6 It seems like the days are melting away faster. Rearranged the furniture in my room. Went on a date last night. Breakfast with friends this morning, then travel. I'm looking forward to leaving town for a little bit.