trishlove

I don't want to feel this way anymore. It kind of made me wish that we didn't start a relationship in the first place. So many memories are drowning my mind and it is so painful remembering them. I wish I can just forget them. I really wish I could.

Day2: Talked to a friend of mine last night and he did the honors of shoving reality right at my face. "Why the hell did he broke up with you just for THAT?" I remember him ask me incredulously. He then said that X was lucky to have my loyalty for two years, and even if I had my own chances and reasons of breaking up with X, I didn't. What he said last night made things so much clearer for me: "If there's a will, there's a way. Clearly, X didn't find a way, so he didn't have the will. Guess what? If he didn't have the will, he just doesn't think you're worth the trouble." It stung, but it did pull me back intro reality. I'm not a thing. I have feelings. I'm not something that X can just drop if he finds me too heavy. I also had the chance to ask advice from an ex from a more outdated relationship (our relationship came first before my last one). He said, "X will regret it. I'm sure. God knows I did." Can't wait for that day to come. But as of now I have to control MY life NOW.

Day 1 Of NC: Okay, I cried my eyes out for four hours this morning. Now I'm back on track. Goodbye, X. You chose to live without me the moment that you broke up with me, so there is NO WAY I'm gonna be friends with you. You can't have your cake and eat it too!

why did you promise forever when you didn't mean it?

I told you I didn’t want to be friends. Spending time with you last night ended up with me spitting out venomous words while you take cover like your life depends on it. There goes my façade of being calm and nice. Let’s stop being friends before we reach the point where we can’t be friends even if we’ve both truly moved on. My mental state is, as of now, very unstable. Would you want to spend time with a mentally unstable person? It feels like sitting beside a ticking time bomb! I know you can’t live with or without me, but baby, you can’t have your cake and eat it to. You have the chance to choose to live with or without me, and by breaking up with me you chose to live without me. So get the hell away from me, and shove your friendship up your ass!

Hello baby, I feel really bad that the time is just not right for us, but I'm glad that you gave me the best two years of my life. They say mutual break ups don't hurt as bad as one-sided ones, but nonetheless I still feel a sense of loss after last night. You promised me that you'll be back when the time is right -about four to five years from now. However, I never was the one who believed in promises. Please don't feel compelled to keep your promise five years from now. We probably have changed in ways we can't imagine, and I understand that. It happens a lot. I feel no anger or disgust that one would usually feel after a split. I have nothing to say but good things about you. You are a good man, and I was very happy. The break up was shockingly serene, and I accepted it fully. I understand. I love you.

Here are my personal stories: 1. More than a year ago, I had a fling with a guy for a week. During the duration of that week we already professed love for each other. However, the turn of events resulted in us being bitterly separated for a long time. All lines of communication were cut off by me, since the loss devastated me. Took me a while to get over it, and I believed then that I would never see him again. Flash forward more than a year later, he came back in campus for good. I found out he felt the same about the separation, and the whole time he was visiting campus he was looking for me. He told me that he thought he'll never see me again, and that he will not allow himself to let me get away again. We're in a relationship now. 2. The whole time my boyfriend and I were separated, I had another relationship with my ex. I was on the rebound, but I came to love him after some time. 10 months later, he cheated on me. I broke up with him. Three months later he came knocking on my door, asking for forgiveness. He told me that I was the best thing he ever had, and that he was stupid to let me go. He said that memories of me haunted him while he was with the other woman. I didn't take him back. I was already in a relationship with my boyfriend. Besides, I hate cheaters.

I don't know what to say. That night while I was staring at you, looking so depressed and full of regret, I can't help but feel miserable. I wish you never told me the things I wanted to hear a long time ago. I wish you never told me that you miss me, and that you regret leaving me. I wish you never told me that everyday you're with her you were thinking of me. I wish you never talked about what we once had, reminding me of our happiest days in the past. I wish you never told me that I was the best you ever had. You should have known that before you did those things to me. Things happen for a reason. You had your chance. You ruined it. You're too late. I have someone else now.

I hope you're happy. God knows I am. I'm having the time of my life! Too much, I guess. It's weird not knowing much about how you're doing now. I can feel the past being just that: the distant past. It's like it's not a part of me anymore. Weird.

checking in for DAY 4. Nothing much to do. My new guy is out of town.

Day 3 (2 months after BU) I don't feel bad at all. The new guy is a very good distraction. Honestly, I'm beginning NOT to see him as a distraction. I really like him, and I hope he likes me the same way. The whole day it was him I was thinking of, not my ex. I didn't experience a single urge to text my ex, but I'll keep posting in this thread til I reach day 30. I'm almost on my way to indifference, and I'm spending more energy on the new guy. I genuinely like him.

Day 2 My time with the new guy is going well. To be honest, he has a lot of things that my ex lacked. I don't know much about him yet, and I'm well aware of the honeymoon phase. I'm just planning on enjoying the moment without thinking about the future of it. The new guy hasn't mentioned any future plans as well. Maybe we're both in the same boat. One thing's for sure, he's a very good distraction. I've almost completely forgotten my ex.

DAY 1 I’m now back to no contact. My ex and I had a talk two days ago. We’ve already accepted that there’s no hope for the two of us. My ex has changed, and I know he wasn’t who I fell in love with anymore. He said that he couldn’t trust himself anymore, and that he doesn’t want to hurt me again. He said he was sad that I am now starting to see someone else, but we both think it is best that we part ways. He told me he loves me so much, and that he hopes I’ll be happy again someday. Nonetheless, he promised that he will always be there for me when I need him. He left. Today I had a lunch date with a cute guy. He’s four years older than my ex, and I assume that he’s probably more mature and experienced. I had a great time with him, but the moment I went back home I saw my usb (my ex borrowed it) on the floor. My ex probably slid it under the door. I’m not sure if he knocked to see if I was there. He didn’t even text to tell me he already gave it back. It made me sad. It’s over. Nevertheless, I have another date with the same guy tonight. I’m getting myself ready for it right now. I’m excited.

I'm so confused. I hate this feeling. The pain, the sadness, the loss. Everything. And now that I'm back home, every time I pass by every place I see you, I see us. But now they're just memories. We don't exist anymore. My heart is broken to pieces. I feel like a ghost, walking by each place like I don't even exist in it. It's sad, it's terrifying. No words can describe the emptiness in my heart now.

Day 12 Been texting my new FWB a lot. I'm gonna meet him this Monday. Sweet! The novelty of it is so exciting. Went out to party with some high school friends. While I was nodding my head to the music (in a drunken daze) I realized that life is good with or without my ex. I actually had a lot of fun and laughs. Drunk texting my FWB made it so much better! Day 1 (UGH) Just got back in town from my long vacation. Though I didn't text my ex about it, he already knew two months ago that I'd be back home by the first day of June. He showed up at my place unexpectedly, which surprised me. We had a long talk, and I made sure we had no sex at all. He has no idea what to do with his life. He couldn't let go of me, but he feels "trapped" with his rebound. Yeah right, trapped. He said he still loves me, but he's confused. He told me he knows his situation isn't good at all, and that he's actually waiting for his own karma. I just kept nodding my head like an idiot. He offered to meet up with me again this Wednesday, and that by then he already has a decision. I didn't have any problem with it. I told him that if he chose not to get back with me, then it's best we don't see each other anymore after that, and that we should cut all sorts of communication. He agreed, but he said, "Please be there for me." I told him that if he chose to let go of me, then I must let go of him as well. I guess the next time I'll reenter this challenge is by Wednesday, if he chose to walk away. In the mean time, I'm gonna have some fun loving with my FWB this Monday.