Asher

alright dude, keep me posted and if you have any questions don't hesitate. Done this a few times and I've made all the mistakes enough times so I know the deal (somewhat) now.

Sounds like you did pretty well. Kudos for keeping your cool. I know--trust me--how hard it can be to keep the calm and collected shiz together. Definitely don't contact her right off the bat. Complimenting her was fine, btw. It's all good to give her a few compliments on how she looks (this also displays subtly that you are not interested in the friendzone) as long as you don't over do it. I like that she said that she wants to visit you at your place if you invite her. That sounds way more than a friendly gesture to me and is also green lighting you to contact her (not that you should soon ). A really positive sign. If she wasn't interested she could easily still be polite without saying something like that. As you said, she's under pressure from work and from your previous post it sounds like she really is and that wasn't just a big excuse. Don't contact her. You had a nice interaction, and now it's up to her to send you. Remember, even if you're not, you're also BUSY. Remember this! Nothing is a bigger turn off to a girl than thinking the guy is thinking about them all the time and eager to contact them. It's a lie that girls want to be chased. Sure, they enjoy it, but we're talking about attraction here. You are a well rounded person who has his own life going on. Sure you like her and are happy to have her in your life to COMPLIMENT it but she is not the focus. She did breakup with you (no matter how nice she was doing it) so your life is NOT on hold. If she doesn't respond in a week-10 days (although I think she probably will) then shoot her a casual message. Something along the lines of you are going *insert bar/place here* anyway, and if she's free would be cool if she joined you. Again, this shows that you are not trying too hard. You're going anyway, right? But don't do this unless she doesn't contact you for a while. And if she says she is too busy or whatever excuse, just reply "no problem, send me sometime when you're free, gotta run now, work kicking my ass today xx." Casual, normal, chilled. Always these things you are displaying. ALWAYS. I think you have a legit chance here. She has reached out already by coming to hang out with you and saying she is open to further interaction down the line. Now is the crucial time not to mess it up. You want to be friendly and open but never eager. She is not on your mind all the time as far as she is concerned. You are a varied man of the world and you are pursuing your own life. She can be part of that but you don't drop everything just because she comes a knocking. She will pick up on this behaviour and it is far better than sending her a hand written note.. DUDE... Come on now. The hand written note after hanging out and having a nice time with her? Way too much. No..no...NOOOO. Would you have written her a handwritten note after the first date you ever had? Of course you wouldn't. Your old relationship is DEAD. You are resetting here. Act in a way that you would with a chick you were in to but not in love with. I will keep explaining this until you get it because it's very important. As I said, you do have a chance. Just don't overegg the pudding and you will be fine. Remember there are way more ways to screw things up than there are to succeed. what is counter intuitive is usually the best option and ATTRACTION CAN NOT BE REASONED. Professing your feelings will do nothing. Once you have seen each other a few more times--and hell, if you can get her over to your place at some point then you should know what to do from there--then you can talk more openly about giving it another try. This is a marathon, not a sprint. You are the prize, not her. Self confidence, independence and a take it or leave it attitude. These are your new overwhelming traits. They will serve you well. Again, good luck.

Your best move is to not go in to any interaction with the mindset that you must "win her back at all cost" as you put it. She will sense this no matter how hard you try to hide it. You need to go in to seeing her like you did when you first met. There were no big expectations, just two people connecting and having fun. Obviously bring up NOTHING to do with the relationship (good or bad) and especially not the breakup. Keep it casual, fun and lighthearted. Your job is to relieve pressure and make her feel like you are not going to be a smothering influence or push for something more when she is not sure about that. By just being fun and casual you will present yourself as a person who she can hang out with any time and it will always be fun with ZERO pressure. Positive reinforcement my man! It's a powerful thing. Then, from that point on, just wait and see. Less it always more. Ultimately for any reconciliation nothing can be forced. Just enjoy the "date" and don't linger too long. Lead the conversation so she does more talking than you as well. You don't want to start blurting out how good things are, ect. Your demeanor will matter more than explaining through small talk. Attraction and logic do not go hand in hand. You can't explain yourself to attraction. Good news for you is that she was attracted to you at some point. Her interest level dropped though (sorry, this is the reason for 99% of amicable breakups no matter WHAT they tell you) and she had second thoughts. By being strong, assertive, fun and someone that doesn't bring any pressure to the table you are presenting yourself as an attractive option again. Let nature do the rest. And hey, if it doesn't work at least you will know you didn't go in and do any rookie mistakes. Good luck! Keep us posted.

Day 17. What a cavalcade of emotional turmoil this past month has been. I think it's safe to say I have never experienced anything quite like it before and I wish to never do so again! I stepped up interaction with a girl I have known for a couple of years. We've been out drinking a few times before and chat when I go to my local (She's a barmaid/DJ there) and there has always been a bit of latent attraction. Well, for the past couple of weeks (all the way through this period of NC and dealing with the break-up) we have been spending quite a bit of time together. Problem is...she's in a relationship with a guy who has just gone off to do his national service so it's turned in to a LDR. We flirt like crazy and I had the opportunity pretty much sealed to go all the way with her the other day but restrained myself. I am just out of a LTR and she's still in a short term but now LDR with some issues (they are NOT getting on and they have already almost broken up a few times recently.) Not a healthy time to be going for something. The thing that's crazy is that I have really liked this girl for a long time. I liked her when I was in my previous relationship but obviously never acted on it and put it down to the fact that there is nothing wrong with having a tiny bit of a crush on someone as long as you don't do anything about it and besides I was committed to my actual relationship back then and was truly in love with my ex. Well, I don't know if it's a rebound effect or what but I have felt my feelings for this girl escalate a huge amount in the past couple of weeks to the point where I am feeling crappy about it because she has a boyfriend and that's just a no go area. There is a lot of sexual attraction there and we get on great but I think both of us are afraid of doing something we will regret and causing what I appreciate as a solid friendship from crumbling in to nothing but awkwardness. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty sad about that now! - Ultimately even if she wasn't in a relationship which she might not be in for long anyway I don't think we could date right now since I have a lot of work to do on myself. I have to deal with my financial shortcomings and a whole host of other things before I think about taking on another committed relationship. So now I am thinking about her a whole lot more than the 5 year relationship that just ended. Except...It's another pretty lame situation for me so I don't feel much better! I think I am truly at the acceptance stage of my relationship ending. I have been through the classic stages of grief about it but the thought of her with her new guy just doesn't bother me that much at all anymore. If you had told me that was possible even a week ago I would have laughed at you. I like to think I'm quite an emotionally grounded person so I am quite taken aback by how my perspective on things has changed so much so quickly. I'm thinking about the other girl all day now. FML! I don't want to be responsible for causing trouble in her current relationship (talking about new girl here) but I don't know how to approach it. I really do want to be her friend but I also don't want to be permanently friendzoned if some time down the line we are both single and ready to try something. HOW do I not screw this up! Should I tell her upfront that I have feelings for her (she already knows I think) but that I don't want to do anything that jeopardizes our friendship or her current relationship (I'm just not cool with that and feel a little bad being as flirty as we have both been together so far because of that). I don't have any problem being patient since being single is the healthy move for me for the foreseeable future but I heavily dig her and don't want to lose any chance we have in the future if that was to happen...

Day 7. This has been one of the most miserable weeks of my entire life. The entire 3 weeks since we broke up have. I actually feel a TINY bit better today compared to how I have up to now. I want to know what she's up to and what she's doing so badly but after everything that has happened this week of NC has enabled me to regain some power and control for myself. After being made to feel the fool and being dumped for another I am finally getting some small measure of peace although it does come and go and I think I have a VERY long road of recovery to go on up to now. I do know that if I was phoning her all the time I would be in a much worse state right now though. It's weird to think that this is the longest I haven't spoken to this girl in half a decade. NC isn't easy but it's all we have right now. It's HER turn to wonder what I'm up to.