THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Bigdeal123]

Day 5. I still don't know what exactly made him thinks there's no spark between us when he convinced me otherwise before. And I still don't know why he can think there's no future between us based on his gut feeling, when we haven't given it a try and work things out. I'm still devastated, yet I know there's no point of me contacting him...

 

I know what you are saying bcs I am in the same situation. The contradiction in what he has said and how he has acted is blowing my mind literally! The books he offered me to read regarding values he pretended to strongly behold, the picture he painted of himself making me believe he is one hell of a stable, grounded, kind and gentle man. I am not exaggerating if I say almost EVERY single thing he said, he contradicted it in another way. I get dizzy even thinking about it. Hypocrisy to the t! Knowing how limited our time is on this planet, it makes me sad thinking how someone waste this precious time being a hypocrite! At the end of the day, you are the only one you have to face in the mirror!!! If it makes you feel better, just know hypocrisy is what defines people as such!!!

[adviceplease2]

Having to start over today. Had made it NC for 8 days after she showed up at my little girls birthday party. Then she initiated contact via text three times in two days, taking pictures of my kids at a school event and sending them to me. Then I ran into her at pickup the next day, her little girl hugged me so tight with her standing right there watching, telling me how cold she was. So, back to day 1 today.

 

Still don't know understand why you wouldn't even try to work things out because you "thought" I didn't see things from your perspective. Still love you, miss you terribly. But I don't grovel/beg...you said I never text you first and how childish it was...but didn't stop to see what was going on in both of our lives and I was still there. What's childish is how you broke up with me and your reasons and the vileness with which you said them.

[Bigdeal123]

Having to start over today. Had made it NC for 8 days after she showed up at my little girls birthday party. Then she initiated contact via text three times in two days, taking pictures of my kids at a school event and sending them to me. Then I ran into her at pickup the next day, her little girl hugged me so tight with her standing right there watching, telling me how cold she was. So, back to day 1 today.

 

Still don't know understand why you wouldn't even try to work things out because you "thought" I didn't see things from your perspective. Still love you, miss you terribly. But I don't grovel/beg...you said I never text you first and how childish it was...but didn't stop to see what was going on in both of our lives and I was still there. What's childish is how you broke up with me and your reasons and the vileness with which you said them.

 

Have you ever heard of "Emotional Vampires"? Reading your post gave me a shiver. I can feel your pain. Although time will heal everything but time will also pass on you healing(while not being the best and happiest you!)... Sometimes the questions we have, the doubts are more painful that we prefer to focus on the one who gave us the questions and put the doubts... Some people cannot help it but be cold. Cold souls. Read about what I just said and it may help you answer a few of your questions and clear your doubts... Remember you are not responsible for someone else's not feeling good about themselves but you only!

[adviceplease2]

Bigdeal123......sorry my post gave you a shiver. I've heard the term emotional vampires, yes. This woman gave me so much happiness during our time, we even discussed how we didn't expect what was happening, how she said she was glad I was so happy because I deserved it after the nightmare divorce crap I went through. And she was happy, I could tell....so happy...everything just clicked. But her sending me those pics of the kids from school....then her little girl hugging me yesterday.....it has been too much for me to overcome last night and today. I've felt it in my chest like I did when she broke up with me....in my shoulders. I haven't initiated any contact....was all her....she knows how I feel about her....she knows her little girl misses me...I can obviously tell she hasn't bad mouthed me to her little one....its honestly to the point I don't know if she wants me to reach out or if she's just giving me breadcrumbs. She's pregnant with my baby....and its killing me that I can't be there and supportive for her....because she doesn't want me to be. And whether that's all her hormones talking in conjunction with her thyroid med adjustment and anti depressant meds......she stole my heart. She said I'd stolen hers.....and I actually naively thought her little one hugging me yesterday would cause just a little stir on the heart strings.

 

But....NC day 1...again. I haven't deserved what she's done to me but I am here and I will survive and I will be a father to the baby....and her little girl if she'll let me one day.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 26. Another slow day, but managed to get through it just fine so far. Another regular weekend to get through. I'm feeling very normal throughout the weekdays, but when the weekends come it's much harder to keep busy during all the extra alone time.

Meeting up with a friend tonight though, so hopefully will be able to have some fun.

[Hls923]

Day 0 - I fell for it AGAIN. 😕 I told him "Do NOT contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation".

 

I go NC, and 9 days later, here he is again. I answered because I mistakenly thought he would respect my decision and was wanting to discuss reconciliation. Stupid mistake. His only concern is that he doesn't want me to be mad.......,,SAME crap he said when he dumped me, same crap he said 11 days ago.....STOP!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

[saluk]

Day 0 - I fell for it AGAIN. 😕 I told him "Do NOT contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation".

 

I go NC, and 9 days later, here he is again. I answered because I mistakenly thought he would respect my decision and was wanting to discuss reconciliation. Stupid mistake. His only concern is that he doesn't want me to be mad.......,,SAME crap he said when he dumped me, same crap he said 11 days ago.....STOP!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

 

I guess it's time to stop trying to get him to give you what you need and just take it. If he breaks contact again... leave it alone.

[SenseCanada]

Good morning Day 6.

 

Yesterday when I finished work I started crying in the car. I couldn't control it, I think I held it in for some days. It wasn't the same anymore, it was sadness mixed with anger. Not against her. Against myself, why was my brain tricking me into contacting her. I made my begging and pleading for 2 days after the break up.

I met her couple of times, tried to act as I was cool and nothing happened. And we slept with each other. But seriously, I was just hurting myself. I've understood that contacting here will not benefit me in anyway. But still it's hard. I'm a person that likes to have different scenarios and work hard for them. Logic is the key. But in this situation logic doesn't work.

 

It's sad to say that time is the only thing that will help.

My brain still don't want to let her go. Let the hope of her coming back go.

 

I know that I need to work on me for myself. But I can not NOT see her coming back when I'm back and found myself again.

 

Sorry for writing wired stuff, I struggle with talking with friends because it feels so monotonous talking about the same thing and always end up with NC.

I know that's the only way but still I want to talk... And that feels weird

[misstinkerbell]

I know what you are saying bcs I am in the same situation. The contradiction in what he has said and how he has acted is blowing my mind literally! The books he offered me to read regarding values he pretended to strongly behold, the picture he painted of himself making me believe he is one hell of a stable, grounded, kind and gentle man. I am not exaggerating if I say almost EVERY single thing he said, he contradicted it in another way. I get dizzy even thinking about it. Hypocrisy to the t! Knowing how limited our time is on this planet, it makes me sad thinking how someone waste this precious time being a hypocrite! At the end of the day, you are the only one you have to face in the mirror!!! If it makes you feel better, just know hypocrisy is what defines people as such!!!

 

I had doubts too about the relationship because it was long distance (a 9-hr flight) but at least I was willing to give it a shot. Working through differences, compromise, and accepting that everyone is different is what I think builds an emotional bond / relationship that lasts. I suppose at the end of the day, he just didn't love me enough. His gut feeling was more important than me.

 

Bigdeal123......sorry my post gave you a shiver. I've heard the term emotional vampires, yes. This woman gave me so much happiness during our time, we even discussed how we didn't expect what was happening, how she said she was glad I was so happy because I deserved it after the nightmare divorce crap I went through. And she was happy, I could tell....so happy...everything just clicked. But her sending me those pics of the kids from school....then her little girl hugging me yesterday.....it has been too much for me to overcome last night and today. I've felt it in my chest like I did when she broke up with me....in my shoulders. I haven't initiated any contact....was all her....she knows how I feel about her....she knows her little girl misses me...I can obviously tell she hasn't bad mouthed me to her little one....its honestly to the point I don't know if she wants me to reach out or if she's just giving me breadcrumbs. She's pregnant with my baby....and its killing me that I can't be there and supportive for her....because she doesn't want me to be. And whether that's all her hormones talking in conjunction with her thyroid med adjustment and anti depressant meds......she stole my heart. She said I'd stolen hers.....and I actually naively thought her little one hugging me yesterday would cause just a little stir on the heart strings.

 

But....NC day 1...again. I haven't deserved what she's done to me but I am here and I will survive and I will be a father to the baby....and her little girl if she'll let me one day.

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can feel your pain reading your posts. It's hard to deal when the other person who stole your heart told you you stole her/his heart and then one day, poof, they're gone, hanging you out to dry instead of working things out together. Please take care of yourself. You want to be strong enough to be there for your baby down the road. My thoughts are with you.

[coldmoon]

Well, the guy i currently like has no feelings for me. So i told him i can't be friends with him.

 

I'm going NC now.

Haven't heard from my ex for 4-5 months either.

 

Day 1

[MrBrightside15]

Day 27. I've noticed lately how a little bit of anger and resentment has crept into my feelings. Idk if it's just setting in or what, but the whole idea that apparently I'm not good enough for her any more is what gets me a little times. That and the fact that we're going on a month now and she hasn't reached out once. Upsetting for multiple reasons.

I also accidentally saw a picture of her on FB, as she was tagged in someone else's photo. God that's such a killer. Even though the photo was harmless, just seeing her face and how amazing she looks is so difficult. Makes me just further think what an idiot I am. Even though I didn't do anything wrong, I also allowed the relationship to flounder. I allowed myself to lose her, and for that I am an idiot.

Side note, the last two nights I went out with friends and had a lot of fun. Definitely was much needed, as ego and pride are definitely at a low right now.

[SeanCages]

Day 27. I've noticed lately how a little bit of anger and resentment has crept into my feelings. Idk if it's just setting in or what, but the whole idea that apparently I'm not good enough for her any more is what gets me a little times. That and the fact that we're going on a month now and she hasn't reached out once. Upsetting for multiple reasons.

I also accidentally saw a picture of her on FB, as she was tagged in someone else's photo. God that's such a killer. Even though the photo was harmless, just seeing her face and how amazing she looks is so difficult. Makes me just further think what an idiot I am. Even though I didn't do anything wrong, I also allowed the relationship to flounder. I allowed myself to lose her, and for that I am an idiot.

Side note, the last two nights I went out with friends and had a lot of fun. Definitely was much needed, as ego and pride are definitely at a low right now.

 

After a few weeks, I got angry with her.

What helps is just saying: "Things went how they went, I forgive xxx." "I forgive myself and learn from this", silly stuff like that, saying it out loud or writing it down helps. You'll never be able to rewind the clock, people make mistakes, but you won't realize how bad or how good those mistakes were until alot later. (I for one realized I should be very very grateful my first ex and me went down the drain, after seeing her again after so many years), the only thing you can do is have history not repeat itself.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 28. Despite having a good night out Friday night, the rest of the weekend was more on the down side. I just missed her terribly. Didn't do anything special for the Super Bowl, which didn't help. Have a busy week coming up, so hopefully will be able to stay focused.

[gundam94]

It's been about 4 weeks with NC. I just found this thread. My relationship ended terribly.

 

I take it day by day. Some days are better than others. I missed her a lot on Saturday and I tried my best to keep myself busy.

 

I write my feelings down in a journal every day and it helps a lot. I also see a therapist once a week.

 

There's anger replacing my sadness. But whenever the anger goes away I feel very guilty for being angry at her. I still love her very much. It's hard to explain.

 

You can find my story here:

 

Or if the link doesn't work, you can find my thread under Relationship, entitled “My girlfriend of 2 years dumped me”

 

But to make a long story short: She dumped me claiming I was abusive and controlling. It took a long time and a lot of outside perspective to get me to realize she was doing it to me.

[pokemonfan]

I'll like to join this challenge, if you don't mind. This community has been amazing in providing support to broken-hearted individuals.

 

It's been Day 7 (1 week...woohoo!) since NC. However, it's actually me who started the break, because we faced conflicting views on marriage (long story short, I wanted it and he didn't) It might still have been negotiable if not for the fact that he didn't even seem interested in talking it out, and signed out of the conversation as soon as possible. He also initially led me to believe that marriage was part of the plans for us.

 

I'm left with thinking if I made the right decision, and/or he even knows what I'm doing now since I didn't officially say I wanted a break-up. He's a stubborn pig which means he's likely to anticipate me contacting him first and essentially admitting I'm wrong. I'm not gonna do that!! My parents have been giving me amazing support in this journey as well.

[kickedin]

Day 42 for me... been missing her(obviously the good parts) What bothers me most is that she hasn't made any effort worth calling an actual effort and after 2.5 years with quite a few rough spots it sucks to be wondering why below is a link to my story if anyone is bored

 

 

[jex24]

Day 30 something.

 

Today is his bday so I'm not having an easy day today. I'm super emotional and just missing him lots but I'm SO ANGRY at him for everything he put me through. How do you hate and love someone so much at the same time?

 

Just want this day to be over

[coldmoon]

Okay, after 4-5 months my ex just send me friendrequest and asked how i am, i'm shocked.

However, i don't know if i'm going to reply

[adviceplease2]

Miss her terribly today. Cant get my mind off of her today. Day 5...hope shes happy.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 29. Had to work about 12 hours today, so just went home and went to bed.

[gundam94]

Day 28

 

It was a normal Monday at work. Did some thinking on our relationship. I still really miss her but it's not as painful as it used to be. The desire to talk to her is still there but it's very very small now. I'm still left with a lot of questions that I'll never have answers to.

 

Other than that, I'm making plans for the weekend. Thinking I'm going to go see a movie with my brother.

[pokemonfan]

Day 8

 

Feelings are fluctuating. One moment I was confident that my decision was correct, next moment I'm wavering and was so tempted to contact him. Stared at his whatsapp more times than it's healthy. Partly angry that he refuses to fight for us. But also afraid that he does think we're not worth fighting for, and he just wasn't that into me after all, which scares me when we had 8 years of history behind us.

 

Sigh.

 

All the best to everyone out there! We will emerge better!

[coldmoon]

Out of NC with ex, talked with him today and had a very nice chat with good communication. Gonna see what happens

[MrBrightside15]

The only way I can put it is that it gets "less hard" as time goes on. 24 days certainly isn't a long time, even if it might seem like it at this point. But the no contact is the key. If you have no info to go off of in regards to their activities, then there's nothing new constantly giving you something to stress over. Like I said, finding a way to fill time is so important. Ideally, you could go out and socialize with other people to take your mind off of the break up, but obviously that's only going to happen sometimes. For all those other times you're stuck at home by yourself, you need to be able to distract yourself even more, because those are the hardest times. For me, it's playing guitar. It takes enough of my concentration that my mind doesn't wander. Maybe for others it's playing video games, or drawing or something.

 

It takes a LONG time before things are ever "normal" again, but you eventually get to a point where the break up doesn't affect your daily life. At least, not on the exterior. Right after a break up, it's hard to find happiness in anything, because you're just so sad and heartbroken. Eventually, you can get to a point where that's not the case anymore, and even if you're still thinking about your ex and sad about the break up, it's not messing with your life like it was in the beginning. It's still a roller coaster, but the rises and falls aren't as extreme anymore. This is where I am at right now. My ex is still almost constantly on my mind, but at this point it's just a vague picture in the back of my mind, that throughout most of the day I'm able to ignore, or at least not be bothered by. I'm guessing that this will continue to lessen more and more as time goes on. The real hard times are at night in bed while I'm trying to go to sleep. I don't know how to handle those dark hours where you're left with nothing but an empty room and your thoughts. These are the times where I still get emotional.

 

Time will help, definitely. It doesn't ever get "easy," just a little bit less hard little by little, but the key is definitely to try your best to keep yourself occupied, especially with productive activities, and not to punish yourself by trying to stay in contact with them. Even little things like paying attention to their online profiles is enough to mess you up. Try and completely keep yourself free from reminders of them. Regardless of how you want the relationship to turn out in the future, this is the only way to proceed.

Day 30! While I've reached the 30-day mark, its actually kind of an arbitrary achievement. Nothing changes at this point, other than I can feel good that I made it at least this far.

 

For my reflection, look to the post I'm replying to here from a few days ago. It adequately sums up how I continue to feel at this point. As much as I'm trying to tell myself to move on, I can't help but be saddened by the fact that she hasn't called in a month, and hope that a call will come sooner rather than later. I know that isn't the right state of mind to be in, but right now I can't do any more than I am to combat those feelings.

 

I've decided to give up all social media - FB, Twitter, Insta, Snapchat - for Lent. I normally don't really bother with such a thing (not really religious) but it seems like the perfect opportunity to really test myself by breaking free from the cyber world from which I find myself getting too sucked into each day. I'm looking forward to going off the grid for awhile, and hopefully it will help me continue to heal from the breakup. I'll have plenty to do at work during this time, as well as continuing to improve myself.

 

I also plan to stop counting the number of days of NC that it's been. Seems healthy to let it go, and stop keeping such an accurate tally.

 

While I won't be posting daily on here anymore, I'll still be checking in regularly.

Thank you all who have given me advice in the last 30 days, and best of luck to everyone in dealing with their own heartaches.

[TheDoctor]

114 days...it's getting better some days and others it feels like its taking forever. This process is so brutal...I've been here before, I know it takes 6-9 months to really get back on your feet. Praying to make it in one piece as this break up has cost me a lot.