THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Zorea]

I know you are tempted to text, but think, what good would come of it? You will either be disappointed because he ignores it, or he will text something cold or otherwise anything but "I want to get back together", and you don't deserve to feel disappointed or upset! Anything you have to say to him, he does not deserve to hear. Of course you will be yourself again... When you find yourself asking questions like that, if you will ever get better etc, you should give yourself an answer: YES! Tell yourself, "Yes, I am strong, I am awesome, I WILL get through this pain!" Everyone experiences pain and grief, and that is okay. Accept it, and also accept the fact that you have your entire life ahead of you and there are so many important things in your life. YOU are important! You do not need to let yourself suffer

 

Thank you! You made me feel better I guess I am the one that dumped him...it's still not clear to me or hard to understand. I was tired of his behavior ( such as not responding my texts etc) so I snapped and texted him that I was done and told him he was a jerk that he was a waste of time and I regretted wasting my energy on him... : ( I was drunk. He never replied to my nasty text message but I texted the next day and I apologized... sort of...and he still didn't reply. I then started NC...I guess he started it as he didn't reply to nasty text as well as to the apology. I am now confused if I should just let it be or wait till he calms down. The other option is to close this chapter and move on .....

Any advice?

[mandeelove]

Day 1 of NC. Made 24 hrs. Very very hard !!! I blocked from all media, changed my phone number. No way of reaching me yet i miss him. Hope i make 30 days !!!!

[Wolfshook]

Nc day 8 (or should I say NIC), she contacted me yesterday asking some stupid question about coffee shops, I didn't see it untill today (I have no fb policy so I dont go on for few days), answered it today but got simple response (not that I hoped to get more response since I'm not really into talking with her). It's weird how easy nc became, not really trying anymore (it's been 3 months since BU and longest NC was for a month).

 

I'm not in friends mood with her but rather being polite.

 

Great feeling when you stop waking up in pain, having friends with benefits relationship with one of my girl friends helped me a lot (if you cant get over somebody, go under somebody else ).

 

Long live the NO CONTACT.

[luishenrique]

So I started my journal today. After a mutual breakup with my ex, we agreed we would still be friends. 2 months went by and this "friends" thing is not working at all. I still have unresolved feelings. Told her just today I'm going no contact because I need to heal. Not expecting to get back together with her or whatever. Just doing it for my own well being. Doing it for me to move on.

[Raindrop22]

I am thinking of texting him tomorrow and letting him know I understand the situation and I am taking this time to work on my issues. And things along that line. I am not expecting a response but I'm sure he will respond. I'm afraid of what he will say.

 

He texted the other day letting me know he has sent a text wishing me well for the recent holiday and he wasn't sure if it went through. What an odd thing to text. I been no contact for almost a week. Mostly for the sake of feeling ok mentally.

 

If anyone on here want to talk and help each other out, hit me up. I am down to help one another through this hard time.

[Zorea]

I am thinking of texting him tomorrow and letting him know I understand the situation and I am taking this time to work on my issues. And things along that line. I am not expecting a response but I'm sure he will respond. I'm afraid of what he will say.

 

He texted the other day letting me know he has sent a text wishing me well for the recent holiday and he wasn't sure if it went through. What an odd thing to text. I been no contact for almost a week. Mostly for the sake of feeling ok mentally.

 

If anyone on here want to talk and help each other out, hit me up. I am down to help one another through this hard time.

 

Hi there,

 

I am in for helping eachother out. I am also new to this site....25th day of no contact for me. Some days I am fine and other days I am just so down. A Rollercoaster. ....arghh...

[Tind]

Thank you strongmily ..i will try this exercise i so appreciate you being here for me as i will be here for you and everone else who needs kind words and strength to lean on....god bless

[Tind]

A little over a week of breakup. And officially almost 2 days no contact. I am doing it for me.

 

So today I woke up feeling sad. It's to be expected. I understand my feelings better and that these things happen in waves. One moment I find some clarity, the next moment I am drowning in sadness. I am ok though. Something in me feels like we will be together again. He never said that it was over forever. And there's been some implied words that has me thinking we just need time right now to grow, mature, etc.

 

I been talking to a friend who's been helping me through this. They remind me to be strong and focused. I had a small pity party, so I cried and then I got up and got on with myself. It's something courageous and brave if you can pick up the pieces of this experience and not let it define you. Let this be a lesson. No one is perfect, we all have something to work on with ourselves. Why not use this time to be on our own and do our own thing? I am not going to date anyone or pull someone into my vulnerable self. That's unhealthy and not giving myself time to breathe, reflect, and truly find contentment on my own. I love my guy so much, I can sit here and tell you I feel he's the one. He has been a breath of fresh air in my life. I only hope I had such an impact on him as well. Time will tell what happens and how stuff unfolds. Right now, NC is helping me focus on all this stuff inside me. I have been writing a lot to get things off my chest. I don't send it to anyone, I just write for me.

 

Today he sent me a text letting me know he had sent a text the other day incase It didn't send. I don't know why he would care so much to make an effort to just say that but he did. This is leading me to believe that NC is working already. You have to keep in mind him and I had been together for a few years. We have this history together. He always cared a lot for my well being all the time. I took him for granted because I fell into deep anxiety and lost my self esteem as well. I was also dealing with PTSD. It made me an irrational person. It takes the relationship to end in order for me to see clearly and now I do. In many ways I appreciate this experience so I know better how to fix it and what to fix. Once I am in a better place, if he comes back and we work things out, well then it's meant to be. I know we will be much stronger cause of it.

 

 

 

It seems as if he still cares for u deeply..i feel strongly that you two will find your way back to each other.... God bless

[Zorea]

Day 26

Does it ever get better?? I want to be where I don't need to count the days ....

[allibaidoo4]

Today will be day 3 of NC we, after having NC for 2 months you came back and apologized for the break up, we decided that we would date. Face timing you on Thursday I could just tell from your face that you still had feelings for me,I could feel it. Yet I don't understand how you can hurt me twice .I told you that we need time apart and you need to figure out what you want and if you want me you have to be capable of being the man that I need you to be the one that doesn't break up with me every other year and you know where to find. Today , I am having a really bad day. i have thought about you all day. I miss you more than anything but I know its best if I'm not in your life. I pray you come back so that you can do right by me. I just want to make to you happy,love you,and take care you.I love you so much.

[cortneys11]

I guess this is the right thread? I recently read on this site somewhere about the site exboyfriendrecovery and read some articles and the no contact rules... And since then this is day 3, even when he texted me I haven't replied. Well today monday, since my break up and a whole bunch else that's going on in my life I decided to see a reputable psychic... Basically, about my relationship there were cards that said don't wait on him this time is for you to grow and even if he says he forgives you he hasn't yet, you really hurt him. So she goes on to say there will be a window of time where he will come back in the summer but take this time to work on you because he doesn't know yet. Ok believe what you want but other things she said about stuff that has nothing to do with my ex has me believe she is legit. Anyway, as much as I want to continue no contact cause I want time to grow and whatnot I also have more than any other day in months want to call him and tell him about other things this psychic said. So since it's only been 3 days should I break no contact to talk to him about these other things? I mean he doesn't even know we aren't in contact cause one day he was telling me we are still friends keep communication open... But then I read the articles and was like that's what I'm going to do. What do you all think?

[Cecilia724]

Day 21 of NC: I've been struggling so much lately. I keep imaging what I would say to you if I saw you. I keep missing you, but I can recognize it's the companionship that I miss, not you. I'm tired of feeling lonely. I want you to apologize for what you did, for how you wronged me. I wish my plans to move away would fall into place tomorrow. I can't get away fast enough, I hate this place

[strongemily]

I guess this is the right thread? I recently read on this site somewhere about the site exboyfriendrecovery and read some articles and the no contact rules... And since then this is day 3, even when he texted me I haven't replied. Well today monday, since my break up and a whole bunch else that's going on in my life I decided to see a reputable psychic... Basically, about my relationship there were cards that said don't wait on him this time is for you to grow and even if he says he forgives you he hasn't yet, you really hurt him. So she goes on to say there will be a window of time where he will come back in the summer but take this time to work on you because he doesn't know yet. Ok believe what you want but other things she said about stuff that has nothing to do with my ex has me believe she is legit. Anyway, as much as I want to continue no contact cause I want time to grow and whatnot I also have more than any other day in months want to call him and tell him about other things this psychic said. So since it's only been 3 days should I break no contact to talk to him about these other things? I mean he doesn't even know we aren't in contact cause one day he was telling me we are still friends keep communication open... But then I read the articles and was like that's what I'm going to do. What do you all think?

 

I don't think you should tell him what the psychic told you. Think of it this way: you can tell him all about the crazy experience with the psychic when you are back together. I don't think there is any reason to tell him about that! How will it make him feel? He would probably be sort of freaked out. The emotions he is feeling are going to be raw and he is not able to think rationally; that's why you need to give him space to let him recover from whatever happened. Don't worry about what he's doing; worry about what you're doing for yourself. When your thoughts drift to him, refocus on yourself and what you can do right now in this moment. A hobby, studying, exercise, whatever you like.

[cortneys11]

I don't think you should tell him what the psychic told you. Think of it this way: you can tell him all about the crazy experience with the psychic when you are back together. I don't think there is any reason to tell him about that! How will it make him feel? He would probably be sort of freaked out. The emotions he is feeling are going to be raw and he is not able to think rationally; that's why you need to give him space to let him recover from whatever happened. Don't worry about what he's doing; worry about what you're doing for yourself. When your thoughts drift to him, refocus on yourself and what you can do right now in this moment. A hobby, studying, exercise, whatever you like.

 

I don't want to tell him about what the psychic said about us. I want to tell him about the other things she said like how my dad, whom I have had no contact with in 21 years supposedly committed suicide and his body is in the woods by a lake. About how there supposedly will be a cure for my medical condition within my lifetime ... Stuff like that.

[tylersi]

Day 4 of NC...My girlfriend and I were seeing each other for almost year. I am her first real boyfriend and we are about to graduate college in a month yet neither one of us will be moving away for another year. The breakup was very emotional for us both as I didn’t see it coming. She said she is having doubt and is not 100% in it right now. She is freaking out about graduating/leaving her friends which may have something to do with it. Her sister told me drunkenly two weeks before the breakup that my ex thinks I may be the “one”. My ex and I talked over coffee a 5 days ago for 2 hours. The conversation went very well. It was the deepest conversation we have ever had yet she still doesn’t want to start anything up right now. We went over what went wrong and what could be different in a future relationship. She said I did not put in enough effort to have a relationship with her friends which is important to her. I was always willing to do what she wanted to do and not say “No I think we should do this”, rather than myself coming up with something fun and adventurous to do.We both agreed that if we would have communicated better in the relationship like we did over coffee then we may still be together. Talking about a possible future relationship makes it sound like Im waiting on her. I don’t want to wait on her but I don’t want to lose her. Looking back on that conversation today I think she was trying to make herself feel better by putting all the blame on me. I admitted to mistakes, praised her for how good of a person, but said if she ever wants to come back it may be too late. The beginning of the day was very hard but towards the end I started feeling really good. Like I didn't need her and this whole breakup is essentially her loss. I don't know if I truly think she'll come back within the next couple months or if its false hope. Right now I don't think I am going to contact even after the 30 days unless she makes an attempt to contact to me. Hopefully tomorrow goes well...

[steadyanchor]

Day 11. I almost texted him when I found out my family is going to put my beloved dog down. I feel so abandoned, alone, and broken. Well, actually I did text him. But smart me, I blocked his number and all I got in reply was "Your message could not be delivered because it was blocked". So..yay for that?

[steadyanchor]

Hey, I would love to talk more! I'm going through the same thing as you... I want to reconcile with my ex bf but I'm on day 11 of NC and finding it so hard to mix reality with keeping hope. Can't seem to PM you though..

[steadyanchor]

I am thinking of texting him tomorrow and letting him know I understand the situation and I am taking this time to work on my issues. And things along that line. I am not expecting a response but I'm sure he will respond. I'm afraid of what he will say.

 

He texted the other day letting me know he has sent a text wishing me well for the recent holiday and he wasn't sure if it went through. What an odd thing to text. I been no contact for almost a week. Mostly for the sake of feeling ok mentally.

 

If anyone on here want to talk and help each other out, hit me up. I am down to help one another through this hard time.

 

Hey, I would love to talk more! I'm going through the same thing as you... I want to reconcile with my ex bf but I'm on day 11 of NC and finding it so hard to mix reality with keeping hope. Can't seem to PM you though..

[Raindrop22]

Steadyanchor- I tried to write back to you but it said I couldn't PM you because you have made it so that no one can PM you. I'm on my phone and not sure how to directly message you, sorry!

[Raindrop22]

Well I am not keeping count of how many days it's been since no contact because I don't want to go crazy counting down the days.

 

It's been a bit over a week since contact and I am not exactly feeling better yet. It's been 3 weeks almost since BU.

 

I find it hard waking up on the mornings. Nights are okay but I can't sleep. I've had some very nice people message me on here to help me cope as they are going through the same thing too.

I know he's cares deeply for me. He never said that things will never work out or that all hope is lost. He said he's not trying to completely burn bridges to our relationship returning. I take it that we just need space and time to heal as our own people.

To say I miss him is an understatement. I been doing my best to not think of memories. They hurt. I go blank whenever a memory starts to seep into my thoughts. It's hard to control but I really don't want to break down and cry. I have a friend who calls me almost every night for accountability. He went through something similar and he was suicidal. I am not like that but he still takes it seriously and tries to make sure I am ok. It makes me happy that someone cares.

 

I can't seem to know what day it is anymore. It all seems like one big blob. I guess I'm in a fog or something. My heart isn't feeling that intense pain anymore but the sadness is lingering like waves. I'm starting to feel it is easier to not contact. I wish I had started sooner. But that's ok.

 

Private message me if you want to talk or vent. Some times giving other's advice helps us a lot. It gives us clarity.

 

When we ended things, there was no fight. We held each other tightly before he went on his way. It was very hard for us both but we were trying to be mature, respectful, and not act stupid and lose our wits even though I wanted to. I loved him too much and wanted the last time he sees me to be a positive experience and not one that made him glad to walk away.

[Tind]

Hi feeling down today miss the ex..this my 7th week on NC..haven't heard from him not expecting to...was thi king back on the good and the bad and wondering if he is seeing anyone..trying my best to move on and leave it in God's hands

[Ksol9]

Tind, it could have been me writing your post. I am on the 7th week since break up and 4th week NC. Haven't heard anything other than his last text message a month ago in response to an apology I sent. His text read, "I've been thinking about you a lot." After that, complete silence and at this point I'm no longer expecting to hear from him.

 

Please be strong. Words from the wise here on this board. I know it's hard. I'm experiencing these same dark times. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

[purpldreams]

Tough situation. No real break-up, more like an undefined and strange break out of the blue. Part of me wants to ask her for a Skype session in order to clarify things in my head and know what's coming next, but I know it's too early, I want to wait at least 30 days to see if he she comes back first, whether it's with bad or good news. I am not stupid, I know her perfectly, and I know what break can mean, so lots of questions need to be answered and there is a difficult conversation ahead (and a very long NC behind it if things go bad), but I will remain patient for now.

 

Today (day 18) was pretty hard. Some days are definitely harder.

Basic NC is the easy part now though, the hard part for me is to avoid stalking and the disappointment at the end of each day, when not a single e-mail, text or facebook message had her name on it.

 

A week ago she liked one of my posts on Instagram and she doesn't follow me so she had to come on my profile to see it. My heart jumped in my chest, but now it's a week later and nothing, so it clearly wasn't a sign.

 

Still have her on facebook but she doesn't share anything on it, however she is pretty addicted to the chat function and I know all her weekly schedule with work and the gym, so some days, when I see that her last time on the chat was 4 hours ago and it's midnight for example, or she comes online late after hours off, I know she went out/saw someone. Could be anyone. That's hard, really messes with your mind. I know she won't look for a serious relationship with anyone else, so I try to tell myself that if there is sex, it's just sex but... Yeah, that's hard, because it would mean she also kinda lied to me about that break.

 

(amazing forum btw, thanks to everyone)

[Raindrop22]

Well just posting in on my day. It's weird but everyday around 2pm I feel increased sadness. I feel empty, sad, hurt, and mostly just that heartbreak feeling. And then as the day progressss, I start to feel fine.

 

I had a breakdown in the shower earlier. I couldn't contain myself. I let myself go. I cried. I thought I'd feel better after but I didn't. I felt worst. I had a lot of those negative thoughts like maybe he found someone new, maybe he doesn't think of me anymore, maybe he stopped caring.

 

I know the answer to all these but I guess someone's the mind can't help but dance with some of these usual thoughts post breakup.

 

I have zero urge for contacting at this point. I been reminiscing on how we would reconcile if it were to happen and I try hard to stop it and snap to reality.

 

One time we had broken up for 3 days. I couldn't stop sending him texts. He read them all and showed up at my door to reconcile. That was a year ago. It was confusing for us both and we weren't sure how to move forward and I wish I had read this forum. We just naturally fell back into the same routine. It was different though. Less arguements! But it's the kind of arguments and not so much the amount sometimes.

 

Anyways hope you are all ok out there. Broken hearts definitely suck but we will get through this. This too shall pass.

[Wolfshook]

Day 8 of nc:

It's been more than 3 months since breakup, she contacted me 9 days ago but I missed it and seen it day later, she asked me something stupid and then just went cold on me again, it didnt hurt untill yesterday and today it'a just worse. Hate it when she does that to me.

 

I'm at the point of my life where my BU is not the biggest problem to me and I still feel down, I'm at my bottoms now, the only way it could suck more is if the BU hurted like it hurted the first month. Idk how to continue (sorry for off topic I just wanted to get that off my chest and I dont want to bother my "friends" ,and opening ny thread would mean that somebody actually read that and I'm not into that).

 

I'm about 2 weeks into NIC, and I hate her for calling me telling how she screwed up and then going cold on me again,that was b*tchy move.

 

Hope you all are doing good.