THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[MrBrightside15]

Nc for almost 2 weeks now (I wished her happy birthday last week but I dont believe it breaks nc),last attempt of nc was broken by me falling on breadcrumbs and then trying to contact her few days later but got no response, Im nc eversince and it's going good, I realized that I do not need her to live my life , but I still often get sad. What helps me is reading stories on ENA and one of my ex girlfriends that likes to behave as we are in relationship (sometimes I feel awfull after I'm with her but it makes my day pass quicker and brings me some happyness, Im just sad that it will end in a week as she needs to move). I also started working out which really helps me in dealing with stress, and I'm working on being more self dependant by doing my hobbies. I still think about her a lot,but I'm in peace with our breakup and realize that this might be the only solution, I try to understand that it must be hard for her too and thats what helps me with not contacting her. I just hope I dont fall for the breadcrumbs again.

 

To all of those who just broke up and started nc, the other person will contact you soon believe me,but dont fall for breadcrumbs and most of all if this is your first breakup and the other person states that they want to go back to you,give yourself at least a month of nc and dont rush into relationship again (even if they want to) because it will not end well since you had no time to realize true mistakes. NC is really important and tell them that you need some space,othervise you are bound for failure.

 

Btw remember this:

 

"It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul."

It's always so tempting to fall for those breadcrumbs. It definitely takes an incredible amount of resolve to ignore them. Very good advice about continuing to give yourself time, even after they want to get back together to make sure it's not a mistake.

[gundam94]

NC attempt 3 Day 5

 

It's been a very strange week. Lots of mixed feelings. I found out the truth on Monday. How she had been lying and cheating on me for months. So I've gone from feeling extreme anger to extreme sadness. I'm glad she's gone and I miss her terribly.

 

I've also had the overwhelming desire to contact her. To yell at her and ask her why she did all this. But I know the only way I can move on and forget about her is to not contact her.

 

And after learning everything, I want nothing to do with her.

[SeanCages]

Well.

I dropped off my exs stuff beginnen of January, I didn't see her, but I did make sure she was home, so I guess it's NC for like 40ish days.

 

Anyways, as of late, I'm having a really hard time ignoring missing her. I'm doing internships next month and she's still with her new boyfriend. Which isn't that bad, it makes things simpler than would she be single, but still, I miss her alot recently. I can't point my finger on why exactly now, why now, but it's really annoying. I'm pretty sure she's happy, so good for her. I'm not planning on interfering, it wouldn't benefit me at all either, so there's that. It's just rough. Rough. I don't know how to handle it. The only option is 'not handling' it, but well.. I don't know. It pains me.

[Wolfshook]

A little update, I'm going quite fine compared to some other ena posters (less than 2 months into breakup and I'm coping with it quite good, still sad sometimes but not as much). I've been on some dates even few weeks after breakup, and now I'm having fun with one of my ex-exes, sometimes I'm a bit sad afterwards but I can live with that. I'm sad that ex-ex will probably go back home in few days but it's ok,hope we can have some more fun untill then.

 

All of you that feel bad remember that things will get better with time and that there are lots of amazing people out there, you just need to open your door.

[adviceplease2]

Ex called to wish me happy birthday....was very odd seeing her pop up on the phone, wasn't expecting that. Put her little girl on the phone too....whole thing was surreal honestly. Had this perplexed look on my face for a while after we hung up.....I know I said to myself several times, why the f*** did she even bother. Now I'll bet I won't hear from her for a while again.

[jamie7]

Re-starting NC again today...day 1. Not doing too hot as it's the third attempt in a week, huh? Our social circles are so intertwined - he came over the other night while I was at work for my roommate's birthday party - roommates said he looked awful, like he'd been crying/not sleeping, etc. My roommates hang out with him more than they did when we were together. I deleted him from Facebook yesterday because I hid him from my news feed but we have so many mutual friends that I would still see posts/pictures. I found myself still checking it frequently. I told him, and he said, "Aw that sucks, but if you must." I told him it wasn't great for me to constantly be reminded of someone who didn't want to be a part of my life and he responded, "I think you know that's not true". I didn't respond and am back to NC.

 

I don't know how to navigate a breakup like this - where we both are still in love with each other and it's just bad timing. His birthday is Sunday and I bought him a card, but haven't sent it. I guess I shouldn't. He invited me to his party but I'm obviously not going. I don't want him to think I don't care. I know I have to move on though and treat this like it's over. Today is a hard day.

[sb26]

NC Day 140- I am doing quite ok as it's been months of NC. The desire to reach out to him or he contacting me is already dead. I don't think I would ever initiate contact with him. There was time I used to wait for his morning messages, get upset & restless if he didn't text. But thanks to the will power that I showed during this entire NC phase that I no more feel miserable without him. It takes time & test your real streangths but I assure you - it does heal.

Yes I do have feelings for him and that will take some time to fade away. Waiting for the day when I get to see him & feels absolutely nothing(like my previous Xs).

 

Yeah update on him..He again called up both on Saturday & suday last weekend, making me wonder all time "what the hell you want now?". His calls remained unanswered. Rather its upsetting-you never bothered and always made me feel worthless when I was there and now what is the point of reaching out when months back I told you to stop msging & calling me. I don't get that.

I feel that He sees me doing good without him & now that is something not going well with him. And wants to hurt me again as he did in the past. No way I am gonna give you that chance. Keep calling & messaging..I WILL NEVER RESPOND. I AM DONE WITH YOU!!

[gundam94]

NC attempt 3 Day 8

 

I am really struggling today. I really want to contact her. I...miss her so much. I hate the fact that I do. She has done all these terrible things...and I still can't stop loving her. I can't stop missing her. I know she's absolutely toxic for me...but I'd give absolutely anything to have her back. I don't understand why she couldn't just tell me the truth. It would've hurt just as much but I think I'd be easier to get over. Not this...I'm torn between loving her, missing her and wanting her back. And hating her (which makes me feel guilty) and being glad she's gone.

 

I'm so angry at myself. I put my life on hold for her for 2 and a half years. She promised me the world and I bought it, hook, line and sinker. Now I'm sitting her crying because I've wasted almost 3 years of my life for nothing. I loved her. I would've done anything for her. It hurts so much to be replaced so quickly. It says how little me and those 2 years truly meant to her. I tried do hard to save our relationship, only to find out later that there was nothing to save.

 

I would give anything, absolutely anything to forget all about her. Those 2 and a half years were, despite all the BS, we're the happiest of my life. I thought that if we could make it till she graduated then we'd be together forever. We had final gotten to the point where we had more time behind us then in front till that day. The next year and a half were supposed to be smooth sailing. I was supposed to get engaged on Christmas. Instead my perfect future was destroyed by the one person I'd thought would never hurt me.

 

She left and moved on to the next one. And I'm left to pick up the pieces of myself. To try and carry on. And I don't know how. She was everything to me. I feel so empty without her.

 

I hate this so much. I just want it to go away. It's been almost 2 months now and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I just want to forget. I just want to move on.

[jus23]

NC attempt 3 Day 8

 

I am really struggling today. I really want to contact her. I...miss her so much. I hate the fact that I do. She has done all these terrible things...and I still can't stop loving her. I can't stop missing her. I know she's absolutely toxic for me...but I'd give absolutely anything to have her back. I don't understand why she couldn't just tell me the truth. It would've hurt just as much but I think I'd be easier to get over. Not this...I'm torn between loving her, missing her and wanting her back. And hating her (which makes me feel guilty) and being glad she's gone.

 

I'm so angry at myself. I put my life on hold for her for 2 and a half years. She promised me the world and I bought it, hook, line and sinker. Now I'm sitting her crying because I've wasted almost 3 years of my life for nothing. I loved her. I would've done anything for her. It hurts so much to be replaced so quickly. It says how little me and those 2 years truly meant to her. I tried do hard to save our relationship, only to find out later that there was nothing to save.

 

I would give anything, absolutely anything to forget all about her. Those 2 and a half years were, despite all the BS, we're the happiest of my life. I thought that if we could make it till she graduated then we'd be together forever. We had final gotten to the point where we had more time behind us then in front till that day. The next year and a half were supposed to be smooth sailing. I was supposed to get engaged on Christmas. Instead my perfect future was destroyed by the one person I'd thought would never hurt me.

 

She left and moved on to the next one. And I'm left to pick up the pieces of myself. To try and carry on. And I don't know how. She was everything to me. I feel so empty without her.

 

I hate this so much. I just want it to go away. It's been almost 2 months now and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I just want to forget. I just want to move on.

 

I can feel the same pain you are going through right now. We have the exact same situation. My ex and I have been dating for 4 years. When we broke up, it only took her 3 weeks to replace me. I learned from her cousin that she was already seeing the guy before we broken up. The guy was her high school classmate. When we were still together, she wont let me come with her and her friends when they go out. She told me that i will not enjoy it. Well, it looks like she doesn't want me to come because there's already something going on with them and her (now) boyfriend. It only took her 3 weeks to replace our 4 years. It really hurts bad. I just want to cry but I have to be strong. We can do this brother, we need to. We don't have a choice.

[kickedin]

DAY 57 ... Today's My bday and I kinda hoped she'd reach out.... but nothing yet

[Bigdeal123]

DAY 57 ... Today's My bday and I kinda hoped she'd reach out.... but nothing yet

 

 

Just wanted to hop in and say I am so surprised by how many guys so decent and in love yet so heartbroken... And I thought that is what guys do. They break up and they break hearts and in no time they are already on their way to their next target! My ex of 3 years gave me every excuse in the book on Christmas eve day to finally say: "This relationship is not going anywhere!", like he was trying to convince himself more than me bcs I wasn't asking for whys. He kept justifying himself to the point of me texting him: "who are you? Do I even know you?" But here I am, reading your posts and thinking guys actually have feelings!!!! (I beg your pardon as I, by no means, am trying to insult anyone, honestly)... He dropped me like a hot potato after 3 years of: "my devotion and loyalty to you is eternal!" (up my arse!).

I don't remember where I read this quote but it is stuck in my head:

 

"He(she) who cares the least controls the relationship!"

 

But I thought a relationship is not about control and/or exercising your power but communication and compromise and compassion? How could I be so wrong then? Hang in there all, it will all be good before you know it...

[gundam94]

I can feel the same pain you are going through right now. We have the exact same situation. My ex and I have been dating for 4 years. When we broke up, it only took her 3 weeks to replace me. I learned from her cousin that she was already seeing the guy before we broken up. The guy was her high school classmate. When we were still together, she wont let me come with her and her friends when they go out. She told me that i will not enjoy it. Well, it looks like she doesn't want me to come because there's already something going on with them and her (now) boyfriend. It only took her 3 weeks to replace our 4 years. It really hurts bad. I just want to cry but I have to be strong. We can do this brother, we need to. We don't have a choice.

 

Thank you. For what it's worth I'm sorry for what you are going through. I am trying my hardest to be strong. Some days are better then others

[gundam94]

Just wanted to hop in and say I am so surprised by how many guys so decent and in love yet so heartbroken... And I thought that is what guys do. They break up and they break hearts and in no time they are already on their way to their next target! My ex of 3 years gave me every excuse in the book on Christmas eve day to finally say: "This relationship is not going anywhere!", like he was trying to convince himself more than me bcs I wasn't asking for whys. He kept justifying himself to the point of me texting him: "who are you? Do I even know you?" But here I am, reading your posts and thinking guys actually have feelings!!!! (I beg your pardon as I, by no means, am trying to insult anyone, honestly)... He dropped me like a hot potato after 3 years of: "my devotion and loyalty to you is eternal!" (up my arse!).

I don't remember where I read this quote but it is stuck in my head:

 

"He(she) who cares the least controls the relationship!"

 

But I thought a relationship is not about control and/or exercising your power but communication and compromise and compassion? How could I be so wrong then? Hang in there all, it will all be good before you know it...

 

I have been absolutely devastated by my break up. I was a week away from proposing to her. When she dumped me she didn't just leave, she completely destroyed (on purpose) me then left. What you ex did is exactly what mine did. It felt like I was arguing with a stranger.

 

Relationships are supposed to be about equality.

 

It's a long read but it's an example of just how much a guy can be heart broken. It's my story and it proves your quote right. Please read it and share your thoughts.

 

[kickedin]

Just wanted to hop in and say I am so surprised by how many guys so decent and in love yet so heartbroken... And I thought that is what guys do. They break up and they break hearts and in no time they are already on their way to their next target! My ex of 3 years gave me every excuse in the book on Christmas eve day to finally say: "This relationship is not going anywhere!", like he was trying to convince himself more than me bcs I wasn't asking for whys. He kept justifying himself to the point of me texting him: "who are you? Do I even know you?" But here I am, reading your posts and thinking guys actually have feelings!!!! (I beg your pardon as I, by no means, am trying to insult anyone, honestly)... He dropped me like a hot potato after 3 years of: "my devotion and loyalty to you is eternal!" (up my arse!).

I don't remember where I read this quote but it is stuck in my head:

 

"He(she) who cares the least controls the relationship!"

 

But I thought a relationship is not about control and/or exercising your power but communication and compromise and compassion? How could I be so wrong then? Hang in there all, it will all be good before you know it...

 

Not all guys are bad... lol When I am with someone I am WITH them.... no games no bs etc...and sometimes it just doesnt work out.... so we hope that they realize they lost something because we feel the time invested should be a daily reminder but sometimes it isnt

[Densel]

It has been 3 months since my ex girlfriend dumped me for someone else. It was devastating. We have together for 2.5years and she went off with someone opposite of me.

 

I did NC on my end. She text me once every 30days. Her text was asking to meet to exchange our stuff. 1st text, I said I will see when I am available. And we left it from there.

Another NC for 30days, she text me again asking to exchange stuff. I said 'sure' , I suggested a few dates and all she rejected.

 

And so NC from there. If she is so happy with her rebound why not just ship my stuff over or get a mutual friend for help? Why is she so wishy-washy?

[Quidam]

Day 1 .... We still have to sell the car ... Still have to pass to the notary for the condo sale, and then I will truly start a no contact. Its been 4 months, she gave up on us and now I'm stuck with a 15 months old child, my daughter is my everything but when we decided to have her I made it clear we needed to do every thing to make it work. How silly was I to trust her with money and her capacity to be normal and have a family.

 

The dates that will hurt the most:

 

19 of march... My 30th birthday

5 of april.... The end (hopefully and sadly) of it all.

 

My mind is feeling so much better but my skin calls for her on a daily basis and I really strongly believe I can't trust anyone for the rest of my life. I was an collecting girls like prizes and then met that girl that seemed so perfect.

 

5 years later I'm back to square one

 

5th of april can't come fast enough.

[SeanCages]

It has been 3 months since my ex girlfriend dumped me for someone else. It was devastating. We have together for 2.5years and she went off with someone opposite of me.

 

I did NC on my end. She text me once every 30days. Her text was asking to meet to exchange our stuff. 1st text, I said I will see when I am available. And we left it from there.

Another NC for 30days, she text me again asking to exchange stuff. I said 'sure' , I suggested a few dates and all she rejected.

 

And so NC from there. If she is so happy with her rebound why not just ship my stuff over or get a mutual friend for help? Why is she so wishy-washy?

 

Well, maybe because although she's seeing someone else, she still cares for you and your well being and seeing you might help her close off that chapter. But telling you she wants to see how you're doing might make you think she wants more, so she's using this as a ploy to not make it too obvious.

And she wants her stuff back, obviously.

[Densel]

SeanCages.

 

You said my ex seeing me will help her close her chapter. So why don't she want to close that chapter? What is holding her back?

 

My ex has been with the new guy for 3 months. Isn't it more than enough to motivate her to close our chapter??

[SeanCages]

SeanCages.

 

You said my ex seeing me will help her close her chapter. So why don't she want to close that chapter? What is holding her back?

 

My ex has been with the new guy for 3 months. Isn't it more than enough to motivate her to close our chapter??

 

Women are like that. She doesn't want you to hate her or whatever, so getting her stuff from you might be a way for her to see and maybe talk a last time.

 

I'm not sure if that is what it is, but please don't read any signals in this. Just tell her you'll drop off her stuff when she isn't around and be done with it yourself.

[coldmoon]

Nc day 1, ex was negative. I feel worthless

[sunflowercurls]

I'm super late, but I'm on day 23 of NC. I feel okay, but she still crosses my mind more than I'd like. I haven't been tempted to reach out to her, but I did get an unknown call and the person didn't say anything...they just hung up. I have a feeling it was her.

[MrBrightside15]

I'm super late, but I'm on day 23 of NC. I feel okay, but she still crosses my mind more than I'd like. I haven't been tempted to reach out to her, but I did get an unknown call and the person didn't say anything...they just hung up. I have a feeling it was her.

Convince yourself it wasn't her. That it was just a random wrong number or something. As nice as it is to think they're missing you, it's not a good way to think. This is where I am right now: constantly trying to convince myself that the worst case scenario is true. If we always cling to hope, we can never heal.

[adviceplease2]

MrBrightSide....that's interesting you said it that way, but that's exactly what I've done in my case....convinced myself of the worst possible scenario and convince myself that its 100% fact.

 

And just when I've convinced myself....she calls on my birthday, or texts about something at the school, or just today runs into my family and says she's doing fine.

[sunflowercurls]

Convince yourself it wasn't her. That it was just a random wrong number or something. As nice as it is to think they're missing you, it's not a good way to think. This is where I am right now: constantly trying to convince myself that the worst case scenario is true. If we always cling to hope, we can never heal.

 

Will do! What day of NC are you on?

[SuzyMacQ]

Day 1

 

I will accept this challenge. I just finished writing a lengthy thread on this site, but I think it's lost. Even still, it made me feel better writing some of those things. Last night I told my alcoholic bf to stop contacting me. I've done this before and we did manage 28 days but this time I want it to stick. He's not abusive or anything where there is danger. He's just incapable of loving me and I have to come to terms with that. So here we go. Good luck everyone!