THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[saluk]

9 days since hearing the news. It's been a rollercoaster. I don't think I can really call it NC, as I've been talking to everyone about it pretty much daily. Still processing the shock of it. Will be easing into NC soon, maybe already have.

 

The mood swings are terrible. I'll feel absolutely fine at some times - to the point that I think I could go up and have a conversation with them if I saw them in the street with no hard feelings. And other times I feel really low, wishing that my life was different somehow. I'm not even sure HOW I wish my life were different. That she and I were together? Bleh, no. That the version I had of her in my head before we broke up still existed and were together? Gosh, I don't know. That I was with someone and able to feel about them the way I felt about her so long ago, without all of the mixed feelings that came afterward? I think that's getting closer to it. But I'm still not quite there I think.

 

I'm giving myself till march to clean up myself. Somehow. And what that means I don't even know lol. I've started, I'm looking for a house. I think that will be a good project to occupy my mind and my time for a while, and might be a good thing to have when I find someone anyway.

[Hls923]

DAY 11 - missing you today. Your sister is going to be a grandma any minute now, if not already.......I wonder if you'll give me the news of your new grand niece/nephew, or will I have to see it on your sister's FB? I wish things were different, but I can't open myself up to another heartbreak from you.........if only you would come to me with a sincere apology and desire for US again....but I doubt it will happen. Although you did respond to my texts on New Years and 11 days ago, the last time YOU contacted ME was Christmas Day...

[heartless]

honestly I did this , I tried to get her back at first but then left her one long message agreeing with her about everything that was wrong with us, wished her happiness and an amazing life, destroyed the 30 day thing because honestly thats nothing, ive been with her for 7 years and it was hard as but then before i know it , it was 5 months, she iniated contact , i decide to see what was going on and she had been going on dates but finally decided to date a nice guy and they've been together for 2 months going onto 3 now.....so like i said it wasn't the no contact rule i was following i just gave up because i felt like she was making the fight to get her back to hard and i just needed to respect her decision, i just want to say..if some of you guys are expecting them to contact back it could happen the opposite way she could start seeing someone else, females usually have a few guys lined up on the wing to replace you so its much easier for them to cope with the ...i wonder where he is when captain rescue is there comforting her.

[saluk]

honestly I did this , I tried to get her back at first but then left her one long message agreeing with her about everything that was wrong with us, wished her happiness and an amazing life, destroyed the 30 day thing because honestly thats nothing, ive been with her for 7 years and it was hard as but then before i know it , it was 5 months, she iniated contact , i decide to see what was going on and she had been going on dates but finally decided to date a nice guy and they've been together for 2 months going onto 3 now.....so like i said it wasn't the no contact rule i was following i just gave up because i felt like she was making the fight to get her back to hard and i just needed to respect her decision, i just want to say..if some of you guys are expecting them to contact back it could happen the opposite way she could start seeing someone else, females usually have a few guys lined up on the wing to replace you so its much easier for them to cope with the ...i wonder where he is when captain rescue is there comforting her.

 

No contact is for you to get to a place where you don't care that she's with someone else. Because she's not a part of your life or your headspace anymore. You were doing well, go back to no contact and you will get there faster than you did before.

 

You don't need her. She's not for you anymore. The fight to get her back was too hard, so you quit. That's the right thing to do. You shouldn't have to fight so hard to be with someone.

[Malfunction91]

Woah this thread is still going strong. 3 days into NC. I deactivated my Facebook account so I can focus on my work, my studies and I don't want find myself in a situation where my tummy will feel weird. In few days I'm starting my German lessons and I thought of starting to learn something about app developing and coding in general. Started playing football/soccer once again.

 

However, I know i'm still early in the NC. Heck i started rather late after i begged for a month and 2 weeks of LC. In 4 months I'm going to feel different I know, but I just ordered a CD album for her B-day which is in April. Even now I don't expect no response. I intend to give the gift only if she's still single, which to be honest knowing her is highly unlikely.

 

Stay strong people! .. NC works wonders.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 13. Playing a lot of guitar this weekend. It's been therapeutic. Very difficult not thinking about her with all the attention on DC because of the storm. Trying to get through this tough spot. It's like the initial withdrawals have set in around the two week mark. Now it's about just getting used to her absence. I know trying to talk to her would only be unproductive, so I'm dedicated to NC. I don't expect to hear from her any time soon, so I feel like 30 days will be no problem to reach. Painful, certainly, but doable.

[saluk]

I was helping my sister figure out her travel plans for a trip she is taking with her friends - including mrs. ex - when her flight was canceled at the last minute. I knew the ex was going to be there too at some point. She came in. I was my charming self, to everyone, helping my sister and everyone, and didn't mind her being there at all. I didn't feel drawn to her in any way. I didn't feel awkward. She may have, I don't know. Wasn't paying much attention. She spent most of the time engrossed in her phone. I hope they all have a lovely trip, and that her husband isn't too annoyed with her being gone for 2 weeks so soon after the marriage.

 

I'm OK again!

 

No need for "no contact" because that's just kind of a given. So goodbye again thread, you've helped me a lot!

[allibaidoo4]

I seriously ing hate your guts. Everything is being brought to the light and i refuse to talk to you ever again . I blocked you so you cant get to me. Good riddens desmond. You were a horrible boyfriend ,who used me to feed your ego. Now you refuse to talk to me because someone doesn't want you to be with me.i hope you rot in hell.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 14. Two week mark. Weekends are harder than weekdays - so many more hours to fill. Watched football today. Going to a show tonight. No matter what I'm doing, I can never get my mind completely off her. Constantly experiencing the classic feelings everyone feels, "Does she miss me?" "Is she having a hard time too?" and of course "Will we ever be together again?" Need to get past this part, but unfortunately there are no fast forward or easy buttons for getting through this.

[saluk]

Her MOM sat me down at church, told me I shouldn't leave the church because she doesn't want me to just cover up my pain. She thinks I can heal.

 

She's kind of right, as I have already healed. I think I am more healed than she realizes I am. I just want to go see if I can make more friends or meet a girl somewhere else.

 

But it's kind of nice to know she still cares about me.

 

She also thinks that despite the whole elopement mistake, that this guy was the right guy for her daughter to marry. Not a dig on me at all, she thinks that I would have been unhappy. She's right

 

Very cool.

[gosu98]

This thread is 12 years old, but it's so relevant to me today. I failed NC challenge by responding to him over the weekend. I had gone 5 days the first round. Then I saw him at his request and caved and slept with him. Now, I'm feeling terribly guilty that I disrespected myself and he still won't address the issues that caused us to break up (he broke up with me). Yet, he wants to text me every single day. I started over again today (well, last night, so maybe I'm on day 2). I just need support. I feel like this is all I want to talk about with my family and friends, and I'm sure they're getting tired of it. Work has been hard. I own a business and I'm getting easily distracted because all I can think about is the ex and how badly I miss him. Since I've had some successful days before, I've tried doing the following when I get crazy: take a hot bath, exercise for 20-30 minutes, kick a punching bag, play a game with my kids, write in a journal, do a devotion to get refocused on God... still not enough distractions! I will take any and all suggestions and examples of how you've managed to get through this time.

[saluk]

When you get those urges, come write to him in the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread and then come write in the no contact thread about how you are doing

 

He is going to keep using you as long as he can. You gotta be strong!

[gosu98]

Would openey is one of the greatest things I've ever heard! Lol. That is exactly what I keep doing to myself. Thank you for the smile.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 15. Halfway to the 30 day mark. Was very good all day today, being back at work on a Monday. Unfortunately, you were tagged in somebody's Fb post this evening, and even though it was a completely harmless post that meant nothing, it's still enough to trigger those sad feelings again. Even something that small is a reminder of something that I no longer am able to do - communicate with you in any way.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 16. Was feeling a sense of hopelessness today. Some days are more optimistic, like I'll be hearing from you any time now, while other days, like today, are much more pessimistic, or perhaps you might say realistic, where I feel like I'll never hear from you. There are just always so many questions and uncertainties in these situations. I hate to think that you're doing just fine, but that you're hurting just like I am. Since there's no way to know, it depends on how I'm feeling on the day, which is why some days are better than others. It's going to be a long week, and the depressing part is that the weekend isn't going to be any better. What, then, is one supposed to look forward to?

[saluk]

The days you feel like you will never hear from them are the good days. Your emotions trick you into thinking they are bad, but those are the days you are making actual progress.

 

You are supposed to look forward to a time when you do not feel this pain. It will come. It will come. Trust that it will come.

[ArtyO]

Day 18 (ish)

I've been here before, yet you always find a way to sneek back into my life through texts and emails in the middle of the night when you're drunk and asking for money because you're stranded in a bar somewhere, or haven't paid your phone bill.

I don't know why it has been so hard for me the last couple of days. You are all I think about throughout the day this week. It is such a dysfunctional relationship but I crave you despite everything. Ughhh.

 

On a side note a had a dream that 2 beautiful and sl_tty women wanted a 3some with me. I started kissing them then they laughed and pulled away. When I asked what happened, what was wrong, they said I talk to much about politics and it was boring them. Lol. Hopefully I'll have better success in my dreams tonight...

[MrBrightside15]

Day 17. Seems to be going by very slowly. 30 days seems quite benign when my assumption is that we won't talk for months. Didn't go to my parents for dinner tonight for the first time since the break up. Feel like I need to make sure and not lose my independence. Thought about her a lot today. A lot. But tonight was better. Focused on work and playing guitar. Those things, in addition to going out more and being social, are what I must focus on now to keep mind somewhat off of her.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 18. Had a pretty good day, for the most part. Stayed relatively busy, and avoided having those long periods of time with nothing to do that only leads to me thinking about her. Hopefully this weekend is alright.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 19. Hiding you on Spotify and Facebook has been good. Completely cut off the last few days from seeing any kind of online activity, and it really does help clear the mind. Going to try and make the most of the weekend.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 20. Finally out of the teens. Not a very eventful day. It's really hard to be sitting at home on a Saturday night with nothing to do, because all I think is that you're out having the time of your life or something.

It seems I'm the only one keeping this thread alive right now. I'll finish out the 30 days, but I can't see much difference between now and 10 days from now..

[SeanCages]

Day 20. Finally out of the teens. Not a very eventful day. It's really hard to be sitting at home on a Saturday night with nothing to do, because all I think is that you're out having the time of your life or something.

It seems I'm the only one keeping this thread alive right now. I'll finish out the 30 days, but I can't see much difference between now and 10 days from now..

 

If there isn't that much difference, just go longer.

30 days is arbitrary, and actually applies at first if you want to get back together, in hopes that before 30 days you realise you really don't.

[MrBrightside15]

If there isn't that much difference, just go longer.

30 days is arbitrary, and actually applies at first if you want to get back together, in hopes that before 30 days you realise you really don't.

I'll definitely continue with NC passed the 30 days, just probably won't be posting each day.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 21. 3 week mark. Kept busy with work and guitar all day, and for being home by myself I'm pretty happy with how I was able to stay focused and keep my mind relatively off of her. Have an eventful week at work coming up tomorrow, so hopefully that will be helpful

[ArtyO]

Day 20. Finally out of the teens. Not a very eventful day. It's really hard to be sitting at home on a Saturday night with nothing to do, because all I think is that you're out having the time of your life or something.

It seems I'm the only one keeping this thread alive right now. I'll finish out the 30 days, but I can't see much difference between now and 10 days from now..

 

Keep up the good work! I've bounced back and forth between contact and NC, and although always hopeful, I always end up disapointed that I didn't move on. I feel the same for her that I did last summer, but am tired of the lies and being let down. I'm maintaining NC this time until I get my life in order. There is no point being in contact until I improve myself anyway.

You might not feel different after 30 days NC, but the point is to get rid of the raw emotions that betray you, and plan for your own future. You can do it.