Hls923

Day 0 - I fell for it AGAIN. 😕 I told him "Do NOT contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation". I go NC, and 9 days later, here he is again. I answered because I mistakenly thought he would respect my decision and was wanting to discuss reconciliation. Stupid mistake. His only concern is that he doesn't want me to be mad.......,,SAME crap he said when he dumped me, same crap he said 11 days ago.....STOP!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

NC day 9......ughhhhhhhh. Why? Why? Why?.........doesn't matter. The reasons don't matter, the silence is deafening........ I'm sorry I had to block you 9 days ago, I just couldn't stand the back and forth uncertainty from you. I unblocked you 3 days ago, so I know that you haven't even tried to reach out. It hurts, but I know that even if you did reach out, it's too soon, nothing has changed. I survived the breakup of an 18 year marriage, I can survive this. Fake it till you make it, right?? :

NC day #8. Went 15 days last time before you dropped some breadcrumbs my way. I fell for it, but not again. Blocking you and saying "do not contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation" was sooooooo empowering. It hurts, but hopefully you will stay away unless you've done some serious soul searching and figure your sh*t out. It sucks that you know where I live and where I work because I know how much you used to like "just stopping by"........please don't...

Tonight will be 1 week since I blocked you and said "don't ever try to contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation." I didn't even give you the chance to respond-I blocked you as soon as I saw the "read at 8:54pm" Felt good to stand up for myself and stop the cycle of scooping up your breadcrumbs, but you are on my mind a lot today.....

I am on day 6 of NC after meeting you last Sunday, texting for a couple days, then finally blocking you last Tuesday. I still wish it was different and that we could be together, but I can't keep holding hope and waiting for the breadcrumbs you drop. Thinking of you a lot today, not sure why......

Well, I met with you Sunday night.....after asking you TWICE not to ask to meet me if it was going to be negative. Nope----it wasn't negative for you--you just wanted to assuage your guilt and "explain things to me in person" so I wouldn't "be mad at you"..... Ummmmmmmmmm.....you said NOTHING different than you said a month ago, bringing me back to square one, like I asked you not to do......you are so incredibly selfish it's unbelievable. It's none of your business if I'm mad at you or not. You broke up with me, now you deal with the consequences of that. If I'm out of your life, why do you even care if I'm mad or not??? But of course you had to throw in there that you still love me....Exact words. Big effing deal!!!! You also told me she has a boyfriend!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA----- With the trust issues you have, you think it's a good idea to get with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend to go on a date with you. The karma of screwing over a good woman is the cheating WH*RE you end up with !!!!! And the funniest thing is that you KNOW she cheated and let you take her out, but you still want her>>>>>>laughable really!!!! EVERY single time you text and she doesn't answer right away, or EVERY time she goes somewhere with out you---is she telling the truth, or is she letting another man buy her dinner while you sit at home???!!!!! If she will cheat WITH you, sure as hell she will cheat ON you!!! And going into a relationship knowing she's a cheater, you deserve it!!!!!! Still wanted to play the "I know it was a mistake, but I still need time. You're right about all of it, but I still need time"....want to text me for two days flip-flopping......well, I'm DONE WITH THE GAMES. The text I sent Tuesday night is the last text I will send you. I have blocked you on my phone, and I hope to never hear from you again.........

DAY 11 - missing you today. Your sister is going to be a grandma any minute now, if not already.......I wonder if you'll give me the news of your new grand niece/nephew, or will I have to see it on your sister's FB? I wish things were different, but I can't open myself up to another heartbreak from you.........if only you would come to me with a sincere apology and desire for US again....but I doubt it will happen. Although you did respond to my texts on New Years and 11 days ago, the last time YOU contacted ME was Christmas Day...

For some reason I am fixated on you this morning. I want to know soooo badly if you miss me. I want hear that you f'ed up, you're sorry, and you'll do anything to have me back in your life. Is that too much to ask from someone you spent a year and half telling that you want to be with them forever???? Ughhhhhhhh. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!

Today is day 10 of NC......😢😢😢😢

I brought C. back to campus today, you were supposed to make the trip with us. You're so dumb.

Well, I made it past the 7 day mark----yay me!!!!! It hurts me still, but I will not contact you--I deserve an apology, and a lifetime of making it up to me. I don't think you deserve me anyway---I'll be fine without you, I'll do better without you than I did with you.....I'm seeing that more and more each day. Hopefully when you do decide to pop back into my life I'll be strong enough and over you enough to tell you to keep on moving-nothing left for you here......

We have never gone more than one week of NC in the 1.5 years since we met. Today is day 7, and I am DETERMINED to get past this hurdle. I will do whatever I can to keep myself from texting you.......you do not deserve my time or attention. I will move on from this and be better for it. You, however, are on track to be forever alone---or worse---a lifetime of meaningless, short term partners who will never love you like I did. You lost the best thing you've ever had--and for what?? SMH

Well, today is the one week NC mark again. One week is the longest we've ever gone without contact since we met over a year and a half ago. I'm going to do whatever I can to keep myself occupied today and not contact you. You broke up with me a little more than three weeks ago. I hate that you did this to us over somebody you just met. This sucks, you suck.

DAY 0 I did not contact him today, but we did have a short text exchange yesterday. Today I went to visit his parents. I'm having a really hard time with that situation. I love them like they're my own family, I'm finding it extremely difficult to just walk away from them. This was not our choice, this was his. It's not fair that we all have to suffer. I learned a lot from them today too. Today was the first day we saw each other since the break up, so naturally that was the focus of today's visit for the most part. I did say that if I am to continue visiting, that we will not be talking about him, we will just be visiting with each other. But I did learn today that in the 20 years since he got divorced he has only brought about three or four women to meet his parents. And out of those women he and I were together the longest… A year and a half. He never even introduced them to the one girl he told me he wanted to marry years before me (she ended up being a cheating liar) They honestly thought that he and I will be together forever, just like I thought. They agree that he is being incredibly stupid and he will regret it very soon. He was actually there when I first got there, but I did not stop. I went down to the gas station and sat there for a little while and then went back and he was gone. I told them that I had been by earlier but did not come in because I saw his car, And I wasn't sure if he had the new girl with him. His mom said that I should have gone in anyway, and she would have made them leave! LOL. She did tell me that apparently last night was their first date…… Three weeks after he broke up with me because he was interested in her. His hair was different, he was saying how much money he spent on the dinner, and that they had wine together. He is already being a completely different person, it will never last. He does not have the money to keep up such a show, and he does not drink. He's on a lot of medication because of his MS, so he does not drink at all. !!!! She is also newly divorced, and 13 years younger than him. She's also leaving to go on a cruise soon. I think she's probably not interested in jumping right into anything with anyone, let alone someone so much older, who lives in her building, with a progressive disease worse than her. His mother still believes that he and I should be together, and that we will be together. And then she went on to tell me how she and her husband (S.'s dad) had been separated for a whole year many years ago when S. was a teenager because her husband cheated, but then they got back together after a year apart!!!! I told her that of all the problems that S and I had, there was never another person involved, So this time it is much different. I told her that he would have to come to his senses very very soon, and I would settle for nothing less than the marriage that he promised me so many times........ This will actually help me stay no contact, though, because if I were to contact him right now he would probably want to kill me!! because his mom wanted to call him several times while I was there and tell him to come back over so that she could give him hell, but I insisted that she did not. As I was leaving, she did call him, and while the phone was ringing she said she loved me and that I should call her when I got home. I called her to let her know I got home safely, and she told me that when he answered she yelled at him "why the hell did you break up with H?! ".... Apparently his response was "what are you talking about? "…… And then she hung up on him !!!! He is probably not very excited to talk to me at all right now. It felt good to know that I was something special to him, different from the others, and perhaps there is some kind of a chance for us. I feel really good about everything tonight, hopefully I don't wake up in the morning and crash. Either way, I know I have the support of his family, and they are rooting for us.....

I am on DAY 6 of no contact, I saw his FB cover photo this morning. It's one he's used before, that makes me know that he is not happy. He has posted it before, and explained the significance to me. I feel bad that it makes me happy knowing that he sad, hoping that he is sad because he misses me. I don't consider it breaking no contact, because he has no idea that I can see it, and it actually helps me to not contact him. I miss him and I want to contact him, but looking at his FB helps me stay away. I can only see his profile pictures and cover photos, only what is posted publicly.