THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Hls923]

I am on day 6 of NC after meeting you last Sunday, texting for a couple days, then finally blocking you last Tuesday. I still wish it was different and that we could be together, but I can't keep holding hope and waiting for the breadcrumbs you drop. Thinking of you a lot today, not sure why......

[lje1994]

Today would have been around 32 days of NC (stopped counting) however ex texted me about money owed and she would give it to a family member who's she's friends with. So just replied with a thank you. Amazing what NC can achieve I had a lot of anger built up as to how things ended etc. However, I now feel a lot more composed I guess. Wouldn't say I'm over her but I'm on the right tracks, thoughts about her during the day are no longer as mentally draining as they used to be. I've started focusing on friends and meeting new people through mutual friends which has been great.

 

I've told my sister that I don't want to hear back from her as to how my ex is getting on or if she's seeing anyone etc as ignorance is bliss.

 

the only advice that I can really give to those in a similar situation is to stop counting the days, I know this seems odd and kinda defeats one of the reasons for this form but I found that each day I was counting I felt that I was still focusing on her each day whereas it should be about us moving forward and removing that connection. Just be proud everyday that you've had the strength and self control not to let them control your life and emtions. Stay strong 😀

[MrBrightside15]

Day 22. Starting to settle into a more normal state of mind. Still think about her almost all the time, but at this point it doesn't affect my mood, or hold me back from being productive.

 

Like I said yesterday, I will keep posting every day until Day 30 and then stop keeping track. I just need to finish it out because of my own OCD compulsions!

[misstinkerbell]

Day 5. I still don't know what exactly made him thinks there's no spark between us when he convinced me otherwise before. And I still don't know why he can think there's no future between us based on his gut feeling, when we haven't given it a try and work things out. I'm still devastated, yet I know there's no point of me contacting him...

[ArtyO]

Day 23(ish) - I say "ish" as I don't remember if it was 08 or 09 Jan when I last text'ed her. Anyway, it seems like I was suffering up until the weekend, now that it is a new month, I guess I've come to the conclusion that she is behind me. We've gone a month and just a little bit more without talking, but never past 60 days. She has always contacted me. I'm thinking something might come along around Valentine's Day, or before her birthday in April (So she can get more presents)

 

She broke up with her last long term boyfriend in March a couple years ago (I've read it happens alot after Valentine's Day), so I expect I will hear from her, for presents or money...

[skern]

I just want to commend all of you on working through the NC challenge. I know how hard it gets to cut ties with someone who you were so close to, but I assure each of you who are working through this, there is a reason you decided you needed to make this cut, and if you stick with it, you will heal, and find the happiness and love you truly deserve. Hang in there! For any of you that have a moment of weakness, don't beat yourself up, just get back up and work through it again, but remember what you truly deserve and the value you have as a person! This person you are trying to cut ties with does not realize the value of you or you wouldn't need to do this.

 

AND FINALLY, for a few of you, sticking with the NC Challenge, will give you clarity and your ex potentially clarity, and there is always the possibility things can get back on track, but don't go into it expecting that. Go into it expecting you will become a strong person, more self-esteem, and better individual in the end.

[SenseCanada]

Hey Everybody,

 

This forum is great and it helped me a lot.

It's around 1 month since the break up. She moved out pretty fast. Had some stuff left and I tried to solve it in a mature way so we had LC and met couple of times. Slept with each other 4 times.

It felt good in the moment, but I was only tricking my mind.

 

So Sunday was last time we spoke, I left the last stuff at her friends place.

 

And went NC.

 

 

Day 3 tomorrow, I miss her and it's hard, but you guys inspire me.

I'm a great guy and I don't think she knows what she is missing.

So I'm looking forward for the improved version of myself... NC is the way to go!!

[MrBrightside15]

Day 23. Busy day. Not a lot to say today. One of my best friends surprisingly came back to town today, so spent the night having beers with him and a bunch of other guys. Therefore, I was able to keep busy all night with other people, which is always a fantastic distraction.

[misstinkerbell]

Day 6. Busy day at work, but been thinking a lot about the reason(s) (those he said and didn't say) to the breakup. Was also thinking about the mistakes I made too. Very tempted to break no contact and tell him I'm sorry for the mistakes I made in the relationship without asking for another chance between us, but I guess it's just too soon to say anything...

[ArtyO]

Day 6. Busy day at work, but been thinking a lot about the reason(s) (those he said and didn't say) to the breakup. Was also thinking about the mistakes I made too. Very tempted to break no contact and tell him I'm sorry for the mistakes I made in the relationship without asking for another chance between us, but I guess it's just too soon to say anything...

 

Yup its too soon. You wont feel any better for saying sorry, and if he doesn't respond, you'll feel much worse. Say sorry if you run into eachother down the road. Don't give up!

[misstinkerbell]

Yup its too soon. You wont feel any better for saying sorry, and if he doesn't respond, you'll feel much worse. Say sorry if you run into eachother down the road. Don't give up!

 

I won't initiate contact. And we're in a LDR so I won't bump into him either... To be honest, I'm sorry but in a way I'm not. I was really sick for a while, in a LDR, so yes, I might have been a bit emotional, cried sometimes on the phone and wanted a little more TLC from him, but I was understanding and never bombarded him messages or calls (hardly any calls in fact). Never nagged him either besides telling him that I missed him... Was I really expecting too much from him?

[SeanCages]

I won't initiate contact. And we're in a LDR so I won't bump into him either... To be honest, I'm sorry but in a way I'm not. I was really sick for a while, in a LDR, so yes, I might have been a bit emotional, cried sometimes on the phone and wanted a little more TLC from him, but I was understanding and never bombarded him messages or calls (hardly any calls in fact). Never nagged him either besides telling him that I missed him... Was I really expecting too much from him?

 

If you're not sorry, don't say it.

If the only reason you would say you're sorry is to initiate contact, then that is the wrong reason.

 

I wrote my ex a letter when I dropped off her stuff a few weeks back. I needed to stuff out of here, needed to get some thing off my chest. But although she was home, I just dropped of the box, sent her a text that it was outside her door, and left before she opened the door. Because I did those things for me. Not for her. I needed to get those things off my chest, I didn't need to have a chat with her about that.

[SenseCanada]

NC day 3,

 

Today was a ok day. Still thinking about her a lot, Its hard to maintain NC but as seen on this forum it's very effective, I will not deny, I still feel I'm not only doing it for myself, still got the small hope of her getting back.

 

But I try to be positive and realize it's for healing myself. Just came home from some friends, had a great time, now I'm going to watch some movies and go to sleep. Work tomorrow, looking forward to complete this week and continue NC.

 

Tomorrow day 4!!!!!

[MrBrightside15]

Day 24. A good friend randomly came home for a couple days, so it was nice hanging out with him. The week is going by slowly, but it's going fine.

 

I can't recommend enough to others to find different things to do in your down time. Something that will keep you from just going on your phone and scrolling through Facebook or Twitter over and over. For me, it's mostly guitar. I've played guitar for years, but it's really been nice recently to be able to just grab that and practice if I'm having a weak moment. I also do crosswords, or read a book, though reading can be difficult because it's easy for the mind to wander. But yeah, get off the social media, and focus on something more productive!

[SenseCanada]

Day 24. A good friend randomly came home for a couple days, so it was nice hanging out with him. The week is going by slowly, but it's going fine.

 

I can't recommend enough to others to find different things to do in your down time. Something that will keep you from just going on your phone and scrolling through Facebook or Twitter over and over. For me, it's mostly guitar. I've played guitar for years, but it's really been nice recently to be able to just grab that and practice if I'm having a weak moment. I also do crosswords, or read a book, though reading can be difficult because it's easy for the mind to wander. But yeah, get off the social media, and focus on something more productive!

 

Sounds great. I'm playing a lot of guitar too. Also played when I was younger but haven't played for a while.

 

Does it feel better after 24days?

Is it a roller coaster or does it feel

Better and better ?

[misstinkerbell]

Day 7. Today has been hard. Couldn't stop the tears from running down throughout the day. I miss him soooo much and I really want him back. Just can't stop thinking about him... That said I also know that unless he changes his mentality, unless he wants us to be in the same place (either he moves or I move), we won't last even if we get back together...

 

If you're not sorry, don't say it.

If the only reason you would say you're sorry is to initiate contact, then that is the wrong reason.

 

I wrote my ex a letter when I dropped off her stuff a few weeks back. I needed to stuff out of here, needed to get some thing off my chest. But although she was home, I just dropped of the box, sent her a text that it was outside her door, and left before she opened the door. Because I did those things for me. Not for her. I needed to get those things off my chest, I didn't need to have a chat with her about that.

 

I mean I'm sorry for the part I played in the breakup, but then again, if he put in more effort into the LDR and was a bit more attentive, I would have acted differently... What was your ex's reaction to the letter?

[SeanCages]

Day 7. Today has been hard. Couldn't stop the tears from running down throughout the day. I miss him soooo much and I really want him back. Just can't stop thinking about him... That said I also know that unless he changes his mentality, unless he wants us to be in the same place (either he moves or I move), we won't last even if we get back together...

 

 

 

I mean I'm sorry for the part I played in the breakup, but then again, if he put in more effort into the LDR and was a bit more attentive, I would have acted differently... What was your ex's reaction to the letter?

 

I don't know. She messaged me that the bracelet my little sister made her was beautiful. I didn't respond to that, because that's just fluff. And that's that. The letter was not about getting a response out of her, and definitely not about making it into a lenghty discussion, we had those before, it was purely to get stuff off my chest. Stuff I couldn't say to her when all I was thinking about was getting back together before. The letter was mostly about me as well, no questions, just statements, no fingerpointing, just reflecting on myself, and a birthday wish, wishing her well, that sort of stuff. Closure. Just closure. I had exams, so did she.

 

It's been a difficult few weeks though, after december going pretty great. I need the schoolyear to start again badly.

[MrBrightside15]

Sounds great. I'm playing a lot of guitar too. Also played when I was younger but haven't played for a while.

 

Does it feel better after 24days?

Is it a roller coaster or does it feel

Better and better ?

 

The only way I can put it is that it gets "less hard" as time goes on. 24 days certainly isn't a long time, even if it might seem like it at this point. But the no contact is the key. If you have no info to go off of in regards to their activities, then there's nothing new constantly giving you something to stress over. Like I said, finding a way to fill time is so important. Ideally, you could go out and socialize with other people to take your mind off of the break up, but obviously that's only going to happen sometimes. For all those other times you're stuck at home by yourself, you need to be able to distract yourself even more, because those are the hardest times. For me, it's playing guitar. It takes enough of my concentration that my mind doesn't wander. Maybe for others it's playing video games, or drawing or something.

 

It takes a LONG time before things are ever "normal" again, but you eventually get to a point where the break up doesn't affect your daily life. At least, not on the exterior. Right after a break up, it's hard to find happiness in anything, because you're just so sad and heartbroken. Eventually, you can get to a point where that's not the case anymore, and even if you're still thinking about your ex and sad about the break up, it's not messing with your life like it was in the beginning. It's still a roller coaster, but the rises and falls aren't as extreme anymore. This is where I am at right now. My ex is still almost constantly on my mind, but at this point it's just a vague picture in the back of my mind, that throughout most of the day I'm able to ignore, or at least not be bothered by. I'm guessing that this will continue to lessen more and more as time goes on. The real hard times are at night in bed while I'm trying to go to sleep. I don't know how to handle those dark hours where you're left with nothing but an empty room and your thoughts. These are the times where I still get emotional.

 

Time will help, definitely. It doesn't ever get "easy," just a little bit less hard little by little, but the key is definitely to try your best to keep yourself occupied, especially with productive activities, and not to punish yourself by trying to stay in contact with them. Even little things like paying attention to their online profiles is enough to mess you up. Try and completely keep yourself free from reminders of them. Regardless of how you want the relationship to turn out in the future, this is the only way to proceed.

[ArtyO]

Day 26 - Saw last night by chance that she reactivated her public figuer Facebook Modelling Page after a year of inactivity. I blocked all her other pages so it caught me off guard that this one was reactivated at the end of January and came up on my feed. I went ahead and blocked it too yesterday. I don't want her thinking about me as an option anymore. She made her choice with this current guy(then said she must be cursed because the guy she moved in with didn't tell her all his secrets until after, one of them being the very same reason she broke up with a previous ex.)

 

No reason at all to contact her anyway next week after 30 days. She's the past.

[Bigdeal123]

No offense to the gentlemen here but I never knew men(generally speaking) can get hurt that much to the point of going NC! I always thought they go their way and done! It is so sad that they actually go through the same emotions and maybe even experience it more difficult.

[Bigdeal123]

And at this point... I am so determined I can go NC for the rest of my life! No one can make you inferior, (my take: get into your head!) without your consent- ER.

[MrBrightside15]

Day 25. Slow day at work. Nothing new to report. Went out with friends tonight for a little bit. They didn't know about the break up, so had to fill them in. It's actually kind of nice to talk about it, and not always keep it hidden inside.

[SenseCanada]

Thank you for your answer. Yes I guess I have to keep my head up and continue work out, go to work and build myself up.

 

Watching great series before I go to sleep helps me a lot.

[SenseCanada]

NC day 5.

 

Don't know really how I feel.

Haven't cried in a good while.

But yesterday at the gym I started to get small panic attacks but I managed to not break.

 

I packed a bag and went over to a friends place and slept there.

Felt so much better with company.

 

Yesterday I bought a big calendar.

I think it will help me keep busy. I'm trying to fill it with stuff.

 

Today it's Friday doing the laundry and I'm taking it easy this weekend.

 

Some friends invited me over for some movies.

 

Still miss her like crazy and miss our dog.

[misstinkerbell]

Day 8. Feeling miserable and depressed. Missing him like crazy... Even the supposedly fun series I'm watching, those that I used to like - the words they say, the name they use, remind me of him...