jamie7

Re-starting NC again today...day 1. Not doing too hot as it's the third attempt in a week, huh? Our social circles are so intertwined - he came over the other night while I was at work for my roommate's birthday party - roommates said he looked awful, like he'd been crying/not sleeping, etc. My roommates hang out with him more than they did when we were together. I deleted him from Facebook yesterday because I hid him from my news feed but we have so many mutual friends that I would still see posts/pictures. I found myself still checking it frequently. I told him, and he said, "Aw that sucks, but if you must." I told him it wasn't great for me to constantly be reminded of someone who didn't want to be a part of my life and he responded, "I think you know that's not true". I didn't respond and am back to NC. I don't know how to navigate a breakup like this - where we both are still in love with each other and it's just bad timing. His birthday is Sunday and I bought him a card, but haven't sent it. I guess I shouldn't. He invited me to his party but I'm obviously not going. I don't want him to think I don't care. I know I have to move on though and treat this like it's over. Today is a hard day.

NC Day 1 for me. My story is here: I ended up going to the concert he bought tickets for with him last night because he said he'd be sadder not going than going and he only wanted to go with me. It was painful because we had to say goodbye again. I told him I felt like he was giving up on me, and that I was doing everything I could to heal from my past wounds so I could be better. He said he didn't want to fight with me anymore and he felt like I needed to be on my own to sort through the pain from my last relationship that caused me to push him away over and over. He said he hoped we could give it another chance as we hugged and cried. I hope so, too. Seeing my therapist today and going to an energy healer tomorrow. I miss him and it's more painful knowing how much we love each other. It's all my fault.

Good luck with everything. It's funny how you put me on a crazy rollercoaster - wanting me and pushing me away, caring for me then treating me like nothing - and yet, I was the one always comforting you. Because you are afraid. Of what comes next - success, career, the unknown. I held you while you cried...and then you left. Now you are distracting yourself with a new location, new friends. But you are just covering up the issues you have. Like you said. You throw up walls and push things aside...but you're going to have to deal with them eventually. And your friends haven't been there for you like I have. So when you're stressed and need someone to talk to..good luck finding them. I can't believe I put up with all of that, but I did. Because I love you and care for you. But you need to grow up.