pokemonfan

NC Day 2 Guess I'm still not strong enough...need my daily journal here. Just had a weird dream last night about idiot ex. Dreamt that I was pregnant (!?), tried to call/text him about it but realised my number was also blocked by him. Went directly to meet him to tell him about it. After that, I remembered there was a text "I can forget our problems but not us". It was just weird. Gah I can't even have a good night's sleep without him butting in. Valentine's is tomorrow...I probably still don't have the capacity to stomach seeing lovey-dovey couples everywhere in the streets. Gah.

NC Day 1 Teared a bit today, but mostly tears of anger rather than sadness. How can someone who says he loves you lead you on like that? He mentioned marriage, he mentioned kids in passing, but when it came to a straight answer if he will actually do it, he escaped from everything. It was simply a waste of my 8 years. It's obvious he didn't love me at all. Maybe 20% but definitely not enough. Had the audacity to actually tell me that "if I want to get married off in a hurry to find someone else". What!?!?!?! Which loving partner in the right mind would actually say that!? He's such a jerk. Can't believe I fell heads over heels in love with him and wasted my youth with him. I remember more bad memories than good ones now, which helps. Gundam, it's so true that we get to see their true colours after being away for a while. Hang in there!

Started 1st NC on 2.2.16 3rd NC Day 0 I decided to write down what I thought of him in an email and sent to him. It was a harsh email. It didn't matter that he may just delete it or just doesn't respond at all, it made my mind clear that I DEFINITELY don't want him back in my life. Felt even stronger today. After sending the email, I blocked and deleted his number. Blocked his Facebook way back during 1st NC and no desire to unblock since. I have to say though, this won't work for those who are still hoping to get their ex back, you're likely to break down halfway while writing your email and start begging for them to get together again. I didn't care about burning bridges this time, we are never going to have a future. I want to get married to someone who does want to marry me, and I'm not going to wait until he gets G.I.G.S (happened last time) or just decide at 60 that he wants to marry me to be his caretaker. Might not update here everyday from now on, but will probably loiter around and contribute something back to this community. It has helped a lot in my previous breakup with this idiot as well. Cheers to everyone and believe that we'll emerge from this ordeal in a better place! We deserve to love someone who loves us back wholeheartedly!

Oops 2nd NC Day 1 should start from tomorrow isn't it? Silly me.

Started 1st NC on 2.2.16 NC Day 1 I broke NC today, to try and get him out to talk about everything about us. He saw my message, just ignored it. But you know what? Instead of hurting me, it made me feel even more sure that I do not want to get back together with him, even if he wanted to. He just proved that he's an immature jerk who's incapable of talking about serious things like commitment face to face. And to think he's 43 years old this year, pfft. I pity any lady he manages to pick up after me. Broke NC, didn't regret it. But for the purpose of this thread, it's back to Day 1. I'm stronger for it!

Day 8 Feelings are fluctuating. One moment I was confident that my decision was correct, next moment I'm wavering and was so tempted to contact him. Stared at his whatsapp more times than it's healthy. Partly angry that he refuses to fight for us. But also afraid that he does think we're not worth fighting for, and he just wasn't that into me after all, which scares me when we had 8 years of history behind us. Sigh. All the best to everyone out there! We will emerge better!

I'll like to join this challenge, if you don't mind. This community has been amazing in providing support to broken-hearted individuals. It's been Day 7 (1 week...woohoo!) since NC. However, it's actually me who started the break, because we faced conflicting views on marriage (long story short, I wanted it and he didn't) It might still have been negotiable if not for the fact that he didn't even seem interested in talking it out, and signed out of the conversation as soon as possible. He also initially led me to believe that marriage was part of the plans for us. I'm left with thinking if I made the right decision, and/or he even knows what I'm doing now since I didn't officially say I wanted a break-up. He's a stubborn pig which means he's likely to anticipate me contacting him first and essentially admitting I'm wrong. I'm not gonna do that!! My parents have been giving me amazing support in this journey as well.