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Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

annie24

By annie24
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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Those are really excellent points Fudgie, and they are my concern too. He said that he has stopped smoking for a long time before, actually when he was living overseas with his ex, he didn't know any dealers so he basically went a year without smoking pot.

 

I agree with the driving while impaired thing. I'm really not ok with it. I don't remember him hitting someone in the car, though I do remember when he almost crashed (almost missed his exit) and that was really scary for me. Do you remember where that post was about hitting someone?

 

I agree that while looking for a job, he can be harming his chances if they do a drug test.

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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I don't remember which post it was in, I know it was in here though. I said "someone" (meaning, another car) but I think I remembered the story wrong - he did almost crash, like you said. Sorry, it was a while ago when I read that. That's a near-accident. Was he sober at that time or not? My ex got into an accident several, several years ago (before I dated him) and he wasn't sober at the time BUT he not at fault. He was driving down a road and someone didn't obey a stop sign and pulled out in front of him. So the other person's insurance had to cover everything and they got dinged (while my ex didn't) but I told my ex "If you were sober at the time, you probably could have avoided the accident EVEN THOUGH you were found to not be at fault!" and he agreed.

 

Driving after smoking and while impaired is still DUI. Firiel is right. He could get booked on a DUI, technically. Even if he didn't ultimately get convicted, that's a whole lot of lawyer fees.

 

I'm not saying he ought to stop entirely, just not drive under the influence. I really wonder what his thought process is on it, I really do.

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hers Experienced

hers

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Well, when I met jared, he was unemployed, living with his parents, had bad teeth and bad credit.

 

He's doing much better now.

 

But I only brought it up bc it seems those were your black marks. Yea they're temporary things (except the pot I guess). But you have to consider how long you're willing to out up with them.

 

Jared's grandparents pointed out once that with all that negative in Jared's life when we started dating and how since with me, all that has changed for the better, then I must be a positive influence on him and they're grateful for that.

 

So maybe that can be the case here. You are his positive influence.

 

But even still I'm not sure how much I would've supported jared if I hadn't noticed a little ambition on his part though and I'm certainly not taking credit for his progress bc I wasn't in the best spot either and he was a positive influence on me too.

 

I don't think a DUI is going to be a habit. Personally I'm still put off by his frequent use of pot (solely bc it's still illegal in your state, not bc he smokes it. Trust me if it were legal here id be smoking it too). But you just have to consider how muh you're willing to deal with. I think a year is acceptable.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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oh yes, i remember now. he blew through a red light when we were looking for our hotel and we almost hit another car. he wasn't high. Though the time he almost missed the exit he had a few beers (over a few hours).

 

He swears that he is a good driver and pot helps him focus. I've heard lots of people say this, but I don't really buy it. I agree that a person who is smoking pot and focusing on driving is a better driver than someone who is sober, but has a million other thoughts in their mind, on the phone, etc...

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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oh yes, i remember now. he blew through a red light when we were looking for our hotel and we almost hit another car. he wasn't high. Though the time he almost missed the exit he had a few beers (over a few hours).

 

He swears that he is a good driver and pot helps him focus. I've heard lots of people say this, but I don't really buy it. I agree that a person who is smoking pot and focusing on driving is a better driver than someone who is sober, but has a million other thoughts in their mind, on the phone, etc...

 

While my ex did not drive after smoking, he put me into situations where I was told that it was okay to have a drink (because I wouldn't have to drive) and then his stupid friend would get intoxicated (smoking usually, I did not find out about until later, even though he knew he was DD) and then he would drive me home while intoxicated. I was a passenger. He blew through red lights. He would cut people off. he would speed. He was a great driver while sober, actually, and all those times, he never got caught/in an accident, but I didn't care - still reckless. I'm lucky to be alive.

 

Don't buy what other people say. All the other "I'm a great driver while stoned" people I know have accidents on their record - they are just BSing. People just like to smoke and then not have to wait to drive. It makes me very angry.

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Daligal83 Mentor

Daligal83

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I've struggled with the pot thing with dating as well. I have no answers haha. I do think it's typical for someone who smokes pot to down play their use of it when they are dating someone who doesn't smoke. My ex said he didn't smoke often and I completely disagreed and had to have an agreement with him that he wouldn't smoke while we were spending time together. In his mind, he didn't smoke a lot because he was comparing it to his friends who smoked even more. A lot of it is perspective, unfortunately. So you have to know what your limits are with smoking pot and see if he will be compatible with that. Will he only cut back on smoking once he has kids? Not before then, even if it bothers you? My biggest thing with smoking frequently is that it's an escape, just like drinking frequently. And then you're dating the high version of that person instead of the sober one, who may be different. People smoke for a reason, right? It alters reality for them. I'm not against smoking pot either, but struggle with anyone who drinks or smokes excessively.

 

The only other thing I would consider with him smoking is that it's very expensive. Considering he's unemployed, it seems irresponsible to be spending that amount of money on weed (or for anything that's not a necessity in excess) when he doesn't have a steady income.

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Daligal83 Mentor

Daligal83

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Hi sophie! That was so nice of you I actually do log in often to see how annie is doing and message with a couple of people. I just don't post much haha. I'm here though! I'm doing really well, just so busy all of the time. I'm trying to be better about that lol. How have you been?!

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Hi Dali!!!!!!!!

 

ok minor rant- I share an office with a few other people and I sit near a woman who is graduating soon. Her thesis is due tomorrow. Actually, it was due last week. But the guys in her lab have been talking to her for the last 3 hours. I'm wearing my headphones but I'm kind of annoyed by these conversations. But more than that, shouldn't she be? I mean, she needs to turn in her thesis, not sit around and chat for hours. Oh well, not my business. Maybe all these guys are in love with her and she loves the attention?

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Daligal83 Mentor

Daligal83

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sophie, I'm glad that you're feeling better! I'm assuming these were good changes then?

 

Same job. It'll officially be 4 years there on the 30th. I'm so ready to leave haha. I'm just so bored there. I have so much to do and I'm never caught up, but the actual job duties are boring. I've decided that direct work is no longer right for me and I really need a macro level job. They are just hard to find and rarely pay the bills. The good things about my job are that it pays well for the field and I have a ridiculous amount of flexibility. That would be very hard to give up.

 

I'm dating, but I have no idea what to expect from the situation. Long story short, we've been on six dates since the very end of June (we've both been out of town for a week at a time and he's had three weekend camping trips). Things seemed really good right before my trip, but it's been a little weird since I got back. I didn't see him at all last week, mostly due to circumstances. But he also could have seen me last Monday and was too burnt out. I'll be seeing him tomorrow and possibly this weekend. My guard has gone up a bit and there are a couple issues that I need to feel out as I get to know him better. I'm just looking at it as casual dating right now instead of relationship potential. At this point there's no one else in the picture besides him.

 

Oh and yes to the working out! I ran my first half marathon at the end of June and I have my second one on August 31st! Then I get my life back haha. I should be doing weight training right now (I already ran before work this morning, although not as far as I should have probably), but I'm going to go sit outside and read while it's still nice enough to do so. Good news is that I have discovered that beer and nachos create the perfect night before race meal. Win!

 

Hi annie!! I hear you on the loud conversations. It happens a lot at work, so a bunch of us have headphones. sophie might be right about needing the break. My best friend is defending on September 23rd and she called me last night with two more paragraphs to write before sending it to her professor. She needed a break haha.

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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yeah, she is probably trying to blow off steam. I guess I don't need to be the one to tell people to keep it quiet, if she doesn't want quiet herself. One of the guys walked in when there were already two guys in there talking to her and he says, "oh wow, there's a line!"

 

I'm looking forward to hearing more about this mystery man, Dali!!

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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yay, had a good meeting with my supervisor this morning. he and the department chair and the vice dean are happy with my work, so i can stay for another 6 months. i'm making good progress on my projects (i wish it were going faster but I ran into some snags, but I'm getting through it). so, yay!

 

Logan is coming over for dinner tonight, I'm making stuffed peppers.

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luminousone Grand Master

luminousone

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yay, had a good meeting with my supervisor this morning. he and the department chair and the vice dean are happy with my work, so i can stay for another 6 months. i'm making good progress on my projects (i wish it were going faster but I ran into some snags, but I'm getting through it). so, yay!

 

Logan is coming over for dinner tonight, I'm making stuffed peppers.

 

Woo hoo! Congrats!

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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yeah, it's definitely a good place to be, i do like it here.

 

gah, Logan didn't like my stuffed peppers so much. oh well, i tried. i have lots of food for work meals now. He usually likes what i make, but i usually dump in a ton of cheese for him. this time i made an overly healthy version of stuffed peppers with tomato sauce (he hates tomatoes).

 

let us know how the wedding goes!

 

oh, i got an appalling linkedin message today. it was more of something you'd see on a dating site, not on a networking site!!

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