annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Annie, this sounds like good advice... I too feel as though however things may turn out, by giving yourself a little bit more time to think things through, you'll always know you did all that you could at this particular point in time ... Hugs ... If you're going to give this a bit more time, try to put the conversation you had with Logan behind you for now ... Hard as it may be, try to enjoy the wedding and the time you have (internally?) given him and the relationship ... If you keep dwelling on the "deadline," I suppose you might as well pull the plug now ... Whatever anyone says or thinks, I know that you'll figure out what's right for you. You're really smart and I've always appreciated your advice on matters, big and small. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Thanks. I agree Ellie. It's like baking a dish and checking every minute if it is done. It's never going to be done if I keep opening the oven door and checking on it. Asking him if he feels like he loves me everyday won't work, nor will thinking about it. I've had a lot more time lately, I haven't seen him now in about 10 days. I had time to work on my resume, submit a job application, cleaned, got to spend some alone time, watching netflix. I should actually try to do some more work tonight. Today was also the first day I didn't cry about him, so I figured that was a good enough time to call him, as I did tonight. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Well, in happier news, my friend had a baby. She is the one who the wedding shower was for last week, she wound up having the baby boy 3 weeks early, the day after the shower! so, that was good timing, hehe. I just got an email from the 'link removed' registry, where friends can sign up to bring food to the family. So, I signed up for a date 2 weeks from now, so i have to figure out what to make for them. looking forward to meeting the new baby! This isn't the same friend who is having the baby who is very sick. I should email her right now to say hi. She's due pretty soon too. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I just wanted to tell you, good luck with everything, and I like everybodys advice to you. I hope everything ends up working out. It is hard to walk away from a relationship even when you know it is the best thing to do. Hope Logan shapes up, finds a job, etc. Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 That's great about your friend. May I ask: is it her first baby? I still have a couple more months to go and since I'm teaching until I "pop" and I have to teach up to a certain date, it'd be a nightmare if the baby comes early ... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes, that is actually her first baby, and early too. Surprising! The couple is from Europe and said that in their country, the don't have baby showers and particularly not before the baby is born (could be inviting bad luck). But he said he felt ok because the baby was fully baked at this point. Then she went into labor the next day! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 That's great about your friend. May I ask: is it her first baby? I still have a couple more months to go and since I'm teaching until I "pop" and I have to teach up to a certain date, it'd be a nightmare if the baby comes early ... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Yes, first babies are typically late. Mine was 9 days early! Good luck! Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes, first babies are typically late. Mine was 9 days early! Good luck! Thank you, Batya!! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 I just wanted to tell you, good luck with everything, and I like everybodys advice to you. I hope everything ends up working out. It is hard to walk away from a relationship even when you know it is the best thing to do. Hope Logan shapes up, finds a job, etc. Thank you Rennie. Sigh. I am going to see him tonight. I guess we'll see how that goes. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 you know already what I think about this situation. and his reaction to your conversation just emphasizes that he is thinking mainly about HIS needs and wants and although he wants all the benefits of a relationship (emotional support, someone to distract him from all his issues, the physical stuff) he is not willing to invest himself emotionally. However, I understand you are not ready yet to cut the cord and want to give him another chance. If you want to do that just make sure you have very clear and specific timeframes and ideas of what your expectations are. Communicate to him your expectations, so he has a chance to make a decision if he is willing to meet you half way. If you want to see for yourself if his lack of emotions is really solely due to his job situation (doubtful, but possible) then give him a very specific timeframe when you want to see changes (1 month to find a job, 1 month max to get used to the new situation). Don't allow him to to come back to you with new excuses (he needs x amount of time to be settled in the job, he needs to see if he likes it, it's not exactly his dream job ...). After you have stated what your expectations and timeframes are - back off for a bit and give him the chance to show you if he is willing to invest the energy and personal growth without the need of your coaching. In the meantime, prepare emotionally for the possibility that this relationship may not last. Start applying for jobs in other cities. An application doesn't mean you are not giving him a chance, but it means you are keeping YOUR options open. Reconnect with all your friends who may be a support system. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Thank you Penelope. Yes, I know you are right about most of this, including the comments you previously laid out. I was even thinking last night, he said something to me like, "You are old enough to be dating someone who has his act together." When in reality, I think that he is old enough to have his act together! I know 25 year olds with careers. Ugh, it is not looking good. He also said that I will enjoy the wedding, that his sister's friends are "your age." Which is really kind of stupid, because he's 2 years younger than me. But I guess that the divide is that I have a career, while he does not?? ugh. As a matter of fact, I did apply to some jobs on the other side of the country today. And I had a Facebook conversation with another friend who just moved back to my area, I suggested drinks or lunch soon. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Don't allow him to to come back to you with new excuses (he needs x amount of time to be settled in the job, he needs to see if he likes it, it's not exactly his dream job ...). I was trying to explain this to him last night, but I don't think I must have communicated it clearly. I said that even when he finds a job, it will take some time for him to get settled into it (learn the new procedures, training sessions, reading, learning the office politics....) I don't think that he got that, he said, "oh, well I'll still be able to see you 2-3 times a week..." When I was really trying to say, just getting a job isn't going to settle his life overnight... hm. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Ugh, and another part of me just dreads going back on link removed, going to singles events, etc.... I understand now why some people don't leave relationships until they meet someone new. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 do you believe you are the kind of person who can start making a connection with someone new while you are still in a relationship? (I'm not judging, but not everyone is able to fall from one relationship into another without a break). I would try to focus on what your long term goals are. If your long term goals are to find a long term partner, then everyday that you remain emotionally invested in someone where you have doubts if it will work out, will be one day less where you can start trying to find someone more suitable. Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Annie, I don't comment, but I read your journal regularly because I feel a connection to you. We are both single, professional women who are around the same age, and I can identify with your struggles. I wanted to let you know that I completely empathize with what you're going through right now, and I know it's hard. I was in a relationship that was less than I deserved for many years, and it was very hard to leave because of the uncertainty and the thought of having to start over. It just seemed easier and more comfortable to stay with him, even if it didn't make me completely happy. (He was emotionally distant, much like Logan seems to be.) Eventually though, we reach a breaking point where we realize that the unknown is better than the miserable known. It can take some time, so I completely understand your hesitance. I think we all need to come to the realization in our own time, knowing that we did the best we could. You'll figure this all out. I'm so sorry though that things with Logan have not turned out as you hoped. I was so excited for you when you first met him - and I don't even know you. I can imagine how disappointing it is to have it all end up this way. (hugs) Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 do you believe you are the kind of person who can start making a connection with someone new while you are still in a relationship? (I'm not judging, but not everyone is able to fall from one relationship into another without a break). I would try to focus on what your long term goals are. If your long term goals are to find a long term partner, then everyday that you remain emotionally invested in someone where you have doubts if it will work out, will be one day less where you can start trying to find someone more suitable. No, I definitely am not the type to start finding other guys to date while in a relationship. Nope. I don't think Logan is either (because again, he is lazy). I will keep the long term goals in mind, for sure. hugs Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Thanks. (HUGS) Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Interesting development.... I have been offered an interview for that position that I applied to on Saturday night (along with a ton of other people). However, the timing is when we need to be leaving for the wedding rehearsal (Friday afternoon). I was randomly assigned an interview time, I asked if I may interview at another time. We shall see if they grant the request or say no. Hm. Link to comment
einsteins_girl Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 If they can't change the interview time, I think this was meant to happen this way, and you should do the interview. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 If you are seriously interested in this job I would go for the interview! Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Yes, I am seriously interested in this job. I'm surprised how quickly this moved along. I will see if they have another space, otherwise, I will not go on Friday. I guess i can potentially take a train out to the destination on Saturday morning and see if Logan would pick me up, but who knows. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 how do you think he would act if the situation was reversed? Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 You mean if he had an interview at the same time when I had other plans for us? A similar situation happened back in June - I bought tickets for an event near my birthday, but then his parents wanted him to be back in town that weekend because his sister and her fiancé actually were getting married in the courthouse, and they wanted him there for that. (They are actually already legally married.) He actually had a great deal of anxiety on canceling on me, and was trying to figure out if he should drive back and forth for the events (the cities are about 2 hours apart). I just told him to go and enjoy and I would take a friend with me to the concert, which is what I wound up doing. He really seemed upset to have let me down when I already bought tickets for us. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 oh wow, the guy got back to me and suggested a time on Thursday, but I have a previously scheduled meeting that day (it's been scheduled for over a month) so I don't want to move it. I told the guy that if there isn't another time, then I'll do the Friday afternoon, and then I'll just tell Logan. I guess if he picks me up directly after the interview, we can still make the rehearsal. Or i can take the train out there.... and he can pick me up. We'll see what he is inspired to say. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 ....And he says there are no other available slots, so Friday afternoon it is. We will see what Logan has to say. Oh man, this is going to be a crazy week!! I have a meeting with professors on Thursday to present them a progress report on my work (obviously I've been distracted the last few days here), and then Friday afternoon is the interview. I also need to "bone up" on the company and have some intelligent questions to ask them. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 focus on the preparation of the report and the interview and let Logan take initiative about his sister's wedding Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.