Lol.... Hmmmm

[JeckyllNHyde]

It has not been a week. It has been a week since I stopped crying and realized that all this grieving will not get her back. Then I realized that I don't want her back. Now... I am out again and living life to the fullest.

 

 

 

Thank you! Means a lot.

 

Ohh. I didn't realise you went thru the whle crying fase. I've been in that horrible fase/place so...

In that case: I'm even happier for u that you have had someone catch your attention. Good luck buddy.

 

I haven't gone thru the 100 pages of responses lol but I take it this chick is older? I'm not an ageist and realise "age is just a number", bla bla.. but to an extent it just makes things a bit easier to "get" each other when the other person is closer to ur age or has about as much life/love experience.

[Raistlin]

This thread has gone through a lot of ups and downs, and most of ENA has posted here, so I thought I'd toss in my $.02.

 

Avi, I admire your emotional strength. You've admitted to your emotional lows, and still found the strength to pick yourself up and ascend to a higher place than you started out in. That, in and of itself, has me floored.

 

I am a weaker man, and after spending months reading posts by you, Ghost, Drew, and SuperDave, I've been working hard to find that same level of inner peace and confidence so I, too, can step up and JUST DO IT.

 

I've gone out there and put myself out of my comfort zone. I have been rewarded. I've been burned. And I've reaped all the benefits of both. I'll admit that I have let it drag me back down, only to re-surface and get dragged down again.

 

All I can say is that reading this thread has given me inspiration (from your OP and your advice to Gry) to JUST DO IT! Thank you for the advice, and keep it up man. I'm glad you're sorting through the garbage life throws at us and just keeping on.

[Aviatormy]

So was it not yesterday (11/12) that you posted a thread saying that you talked to her, told her you were movin on, not waiting for her on Saturday.... and she moved her stuff out on Sunday?

 

I'm just lookin for clarification....

 

I posted that on the 11th... tuesday. I posted that in reference to what had happened on Saturday the 8th. That was the last time I talked to her.

 

So it has been 5 days since I have been able to start fully healing. (aka know that it is over and no longer worth grieving over).

[Aviatormy]

Thank you Sir. I know how hard it is to get over relationships and I am in no way blind to that fact. All I know is that from the past, it is MUCH easier to move on when you know that you did all you can.

 

I have hurt women in the past and it took me a bit longer to heal from that because I know that it was ME that messed up... not them.

 

Just cry it out, let it out, talk it out and then move on. Thats all you can do.

[ImThatGirl]

Sorry... I deleted that. Not needed. Just be careful and be safe. Sometimes we try our best to show our strength by moving on quickly... but in the end, it's the fact that we didn't give ourself time to work through everything that ends up causing problems.

 

I wonder though - did you have thoughts about ending things long before they ended? It would make more sense to me if say weeks or months ago, you started preparing yourself for an ending....

[Aviatormy]

Sorry... I deleted that. Not needed. Just be careful and be safe. Sometimes we try our best to show our strength by moving on quickly... but in the end, it's the fact that we didn't give ourself time to work through everything that ends up causing problems.

 

I wonder though - did you have thoughts about ending things long before they ended? It would make more sense to me if say weeks or months ago, you started preparing yourself for an ending....

 

No I didn't actually. The week before she left me I wrote her a poem, bought her two of her favorite Disney movies, 3 dozen roses (one nice bouquet, two others to use the rose petals to make a path to the bathroom), a nice sauna/medicated bath tub full of petals and I massaged her for an hour (all because she said that she had a hard day at work earlier and her back hurt her). She told me that night how much she loves me and how I sure know how to make a woman fall in love and STAY in love with me.

 

One week later.... She is gone. Go figure.

[livinginsbi]

Hey Avi for whatever it's worth... I say keep yourself happy, but please don't hurt the new girl... you did state that she knows about your break up and that it was not all that long ago... as long as you both understand where you are at, then what's wrong with that. And you are right, sometimes it's only when the person is gone, do you really see the bad and hurtful things about them... same goes with me and my relationship with the husband... now that he's gone, I can see clearly his flaws and that the relationship wasn't all that great for a long time now. I think you're doing fine.. just be honest with yourself and the new girl.

[grymoire]

No I didn't actually. The week before she left me I wrote her a poem, bought her two of her favorite Disney movies, 3 dozen roses (one nice bouquet, two others to use the rose petals to make a path to the bathroom), a nice sauna/medicated bath tub full of petals and I massaged her for an hour. She told me that night how much she loves me and how I sure know how to make a woman fall in love and STAY in love with me.

 

One week later.... She is gone. Go figure.

 

Wow... wow.... I mean... Geez.... She IS unbelievable

 

Another thing I am surprised is how you didn't have a clue about her troubled past all these days and went to the point of making her your fiance.

[Aviatormy]

Wow... wow.... I mean... Geez.... She IS unbelievable

 

Another thing I am surprised is how you didn't have a clue about her troubled past all these days and went to the point of making her your fiance.

 

No No... I knew of everything. Even helped her a lot in what I thought was her actually "healing". Guess not.

 

Oh well. Like I said.... I am very happy and just an hour from meeting up with the new hottie. Why not? lol

[veneratio]

Aviator, first off, CONGRATS. Having that much emotional strength doesn't come over night. It took me a long time to get over one of my exes, close to a year, and I never want to do that again. I think you have to go through that one breakup, or maybe a few, to realize that moping just aint gonna cut it after awhile. I haven't had success with my latest relationships, but I definitely learned to put myself out there and have fun. It's helped. So I know where you're coming from.

 

Anyway, have fun and good luck.

[grymoire]

No No... I knew of everything. Even helped her a lot in what I thought was her actually "healing". Guess not.

 

Oh well. Like I said.... I am very happy and just an hour from meeting up with the new hottie. Why not? lol

 

hmm... well... good luck with the new bird

[ImThatGirl]

Have fun~~~~~!

[Aviatormy]

Thank you for all the wonderful responses. While some helped me... other posts helped many others. I think this was a great thread as everyone was able to share different views and opinions on how to heal.

 

Bottom line is that everyone has their own way to heal from things. Some (like myself) let out a good cry, 2 weeks to be exact, and then move on as if it never happened. Others (like my ex) just hold it in and let it out in their next relationship wayyyy down the road.

 

Either way is fine as long as that person does not commit any self harm. However, the harm my ex inflicted on me is not forgivable. I can not take her back for walking out on our dreams together. I did the best I can and I sure hope that she is letting out a good cry for her fathers death, her bad relationship with her mother, her past as a stripper, her bad days at work and losing the one that loved her most... ME.

 

I hope she is crying not because I want her to hurt. I hope she is crying so she can let it all go and move on with her life. If she has already done so... more power to her. I hope she is well and able to live with herself once again.

 

As for me... like I said. I am moving on and happy with my decisions.

 

God bless!

[lady00]

Bottom line is that everyone has their own way to heal from things. Some (like myself) let out a good cry, 2 weeks to be exact, and then move on as if it never happened. Others (like my ex) just hold it in and let it out in their next relationship wayyyy down the road.

 

And still others take a longer time to heal and do not take it out on their next partner. For me, it would never be "like it never happened." I never can feel that way about things like this. But I do learn from them. And I try not to repeat the same mistakes over again.

[grymoire]

I hope she is crying not because I want her to hurt. I hope she is crying so she can let it all go and move on with her life.

 

This says a lot about you. It is noble of you!

 

All the very best!

[JeckyllNHyde]

i agree that everyone has their own way of dealing.

my ex bf/now one of my best friends deals with it by going out and sleeping with as many ppl as possible.

some people, like avi are lucky enough to meet people they arent just attracted to but they actually are interested in them/feel they can connect somehow.

 

and others like me stay home a while in their "caves" to keep guys/girls away. lol.

 

 

it's all just how we deal and what makes us feel better.. that's most important

[Aviatormy]

And still others take a longer time to heal and do not take it out on their next partner. For me, it would never be "like it never happened." I never can feel that way about things like this. But I do learn from them. And I try not to repeat the same mistakes over again.

 

I say this because I have a very strong faith. Although I am human, my beleif is that Jesus Christ can forgive AND forget "like it never happened"

 

I can easily forgive my ex for what she did and I just try to move on with my life as if "It never happened". I will never forget it because I am human. I will always remember the pain. I just don't want to go another day with my head in my trash can ya know.

[greywolf]

avi no offense bro.. but i do not think it is nice of you to form cliques just because some posters agree with you while others disagree... you have to realize that ppl that are disagreeing are not disapproving of you in any way... they are only trying to understand how some one can move on so fast as they are on a different plane.. that is all.

 

it is your life. you will make the decision that works for you.

 

Has nothing to do with cliques. People of like minds get along better than people that don't think alike.

[tiredofvampires]

I do not feel like a "hot tamale" lol. WOW!!!! where did that come from? Because I said she had a crush on me? Or was it the statement that DrewciouS281 and I have never had problems finding someone to date?

 

Either way, sorry if you take it that way. I guess confidence on my part makes me conceited too. LOL!

 

Grow up people. SERIOUSLY!

 

Sorry, I didn't mean that to come out as backhanded, about the "hot tamale"...if it did, I apologize. If you read what I said, it's more of a self-critical analysis/contemplation of myself (or anyone like me) on this thread who might be feeling a bit jealous of your "easy come, easy go" attitude and ability to let go.

 

In addition to that -- which is not a statement of your being "conceited", I also must say that to me, your uber-confidence in those statements you mention, above, in addition to the one saying, you know you can move on and find someone else because "I'm a great guy" is just....a little much for me. I think it's great to be confident, but confidence that carries itself a little more quietly speaks louder to me. I'm not saying you're insincere, I'm just saying personally, confidence that doesn't shout from the rooftops about how great one is, is more appealing. No offense. So I guess that inherently kind of throws me. But then again, take what I've said with a grain of salt, please...I was born and raised, and live in an Asian culture, where modesty is of high value, so even though I'm Caucasian, I've been steeped in this.

 

I think I've been respectful to your healing process in my posts on this thread, and have tipped my hat to your turning over a new leaf if she doesn't want to be on board with you. And I actually agree with you: it's better to "seize the day" when "it's all water under the bridge", to overwork cliches.

 

I still think I could NEVER frame a breakup with someone I was dearly in love with as "It's like it never happened". Even the people I am "over" now still have a place in my heart where they made history, and it can never be annulled.

[Aviatormy]

Well thank you for the response. Don't mistake what people say on here for what they might say in real life situations. This is like a phone conversation on here or a councelling session. People say EVERYTHING and ANYTHING on here about themselves. Good and bad.

 

If I say that I am "A good guy" on here.... That does not mean that I go around town telling everyone that. Just like I don't express half of my feelings to others that I do on here.

 

It's like a safe ground here. I feel I can say things here that I don't usually feel comfortable saying in person to anyone.

[ghost69]

Well thank you for the response. Don't mistake what people say on here for what they might say in real life situations. This is like a phone conversation on here or a councelling session. People say EVERYTHING and ANYTHING on here about themselves. Good and bad.

 

If I say that I am "A good guy" on here.... That does not mean that I go around town telling everyone that. Just like I don't express half of my feelings to others that I do on here.

 

It's like a safe ground here. I feel I can say things here that I don't usually feel comfortable saying in person to anyone.

 

we all already know it's a lie. lol jk buddy.

[Aviatormy]

we all already know it's a lie. lol jk buddy.

 

Shhhhh! It's supposed to be a secret that I am a JERK! lol

[ghost69]

Shhhhh! It's supposed to be a secret that I am a JERK! lol

 

i know. once they find out you really are, that's when they fall in love.

[Ac143]

How did your date go avi?

[Aviatormy]

i know. once they find out you really are, that's when they fall in love.

 

Exactly! That's what I have learned....

 

Women WANT the "nice guy" for the first few weeks. Once they fall for the nice guy act, you have to become a complete jerk. Just give them enough so they keep wanting more.

 

Smack em around a bit and tell em you love em at the same time. Always works! lol.

 

JK! but not really

 

How did your date go avi?

 

VERY well