Ac143 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 totally agree... i think people like avi, drew, and ghost are emotionally strong. OOhh Im emotionally strong when it comes to everything in my life minus losing loved ones, be it a death or a break up. Those 2 things hurt my heart more then anything else in this world and it takes me along time to grieve. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Totally..... Or are those of us who have felt so easily dispensed with, discarded and replaced just jealous of Avi for feeling he's such a hot tamale, his investment in her really doesn't feel like a loss of such proportions? like being on the Island of unwanted toys:sad: Link to comment
riley123 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 wow, this thread has to be setting some type of record. anyway, i think the point here is that everyone is different. what one person does to heal may not work for someone else. good luck, avi. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I never understood the concept of healing in someone else's bed. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around it, no matter how much it's explained. It's so foreign to me as a way of healing. But who am I to judge? If it works, it works. If it helps, it helps. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Totally..... Or are those of us who have felt so easily dispensed with, discarded and replaced just jealous of Avi for feeling he's such a hot tamale, his investment in her really doesn't feel like a loss of such proportions? I suppose I get dating again. I get that. That part doesn't bother me. It's the whole cut and dry process of the end of the relationship that gets me. People do it. I've been engaged and it not working out. A phonecall "I changed my mind - need my ring back....." I don't know.. just seems that engagements aren't taken so seriously. To me, proposing shouldn't happen unless 2 people know 100% they are willing to work through thick and thin. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I never understood the concept of healing in someone else's bed. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around it, no matter how much it's explained. It's so foreign to me as a way of healing. But who am I to judge? If it works, it works. If it helps, it helps. well stated Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 oh god!!! healing in someone elseses bed? pssh! Some of yous choose to mope for months, some of us realize faster than others that what we thought was perfection was truly not so whats the point on grieving any longer than you need too. This doesnt mean his OBJECTIVE is to get into someone elses bed, it just so happened that way. When your not looking for someone or something is when it comes your way. like i stated earlier. if you have the options take them. There is that possibility of the rebound or whatever being the real deal. be open people! When i was seeing someone from work afew months back, she messed with my head and i was a bit bummed but a couple days later i met someone ten times better. well she turned out to be a criminal (thats another thread) but after her, a girl from work aproached me sorta like the one with Avi. This girl ive hit it off with great so far so as i always say "WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY OR IMPULSE IS THERE, ACT"! Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 To me' date=' proposing shouldn't happen unless 2 people know 100% they are willing to work through thick and thin.[/quote'] That's another thing, there. I don't feel people should use their engagement period as "trial period" for the relationship. To see if it'll work. By the time you're engaged, you are ready to marry this person and are mutually committed and there are just some particulars to fall into place before the wedding. I think what makes this easier for Avi is that he was dumped, but in a way that involved the dumpee saying, "It's not you, it's me" and REALLY meaning it. Her past is "sick" and thereforee it's not for him to try to fix anything on his end to win her love back. It's all on her. And that's not a critique on you, Avi. As I said, c'est la vie, if she doesn't want to be there with you after you (IF you?) asked her to stay with you despite the pain and vulnerability that would require. It's just that this makes moving on easier and the grieving process not as complex. Because much of grieving is our feeling that we could have done something differently and can't reconcile the complexity of our role in the loss. Link to comment
grymoire Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 If I am in Avi's situation I would be running after that girl even if she was the one that walked out on me.... I am weak that way Link to comment
greywolf Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I never understood the concept of healing in someone else's bed. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around it, no matter how much it's explained. It's so foreign to me as a way of healing. But who am I to judge? If it works, it works. If it helps, it helps. It's not about healing in someone else's bed. It's about realizing that you can't stay at home moping all day. The relationship didn't work out. Not all (most in fact) all relationships do. Many people obsess over what they could have done differently, what could have been done so that things could have worked out. They obsess about wanting them back, and how could they have done such a thing? Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted November 13, 2008 Author Share Posted November 13, 2008 So what she was saying was, "I'm messed up, so badly that I don't expect you to stay and wait for me." And instead of your saying, "But learning to communicate also means having a safe, intimate person to learn with, who will stay. I want to grow with you, I don't want you to have to face this by yourself" -- you said, "Sounds good to me." Love your assumptions. I did tell her that. I told her that I wanted her to continue the relationship and I would be there for her till the end. So I didn't say "sounds good to me". I said "I love you and will be there for you through this. Lets work on this together". She said "She can not work on these things while with me" So I said "ok, well I must move on. I love you my angel". And thats the last I heard from her. maybe even in couples counseling so you could be a support to her. We went to 2 christian councelling sessions. Just thought I would let you know that we did TRY before ending all contact. Thank you. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 If I am in Avi's situation I would be running after that girl even if she was the one that walked out on me.... I am weak that way perhaps this is why you are having the issues you are??? No offence and i mean that with the utmost respect. Change things up man! Link to comment
greywolf Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Because much of grieving is our feeling that we could have done something differently and can't reconcile the complexity of our role in the loss. Exactly what I was trying to say. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I would never advocate sitting alone in a dark room moping after a breakup. I'd go out, have fun with friends, go to events and the list goes on. Not wanting to date or hook up for a while is not the same thing as locking one's self away from the world. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Love your assumptions. I did tell her that. I told her that I wanted her to continue the relationship and I would be there for her till the end. So I didn't say "sounds good to me". I said "I love you and will be there for you through this. Lets work on this together". She said "She can not work on these things while with me" So I said "ok, well I must move on. I love you my angel". And thats the last I heard from her. We went to 2 christian councelling sessions. Just thought I would let you know that we did TRY before ending all contact. Thank you. Well as I said in a previous post, it sounds like you've done what you could and are taking this philosophically, if you did make these efforts. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 bingo. holla holla holla holla misery loves company. i think it sounds as if some of the people going the other way saying people like avi should just stay home and mope and what not have been led down the wrong path by someone in rebound mode. who knows, maybe avi ends up marrying this girl. (not likely) but things happen. he has an opportunity to move on, why not?h AVI, seriously, you have 2.5 more months of crying before you can go out man. pffft. Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I would never advocate sitting alone in a dark room moping after a breakup. I'd go out, have fun with friends, go to events and the list goes on. Not wanting to date or hook up for a while is not the same thing as locking one's self away from the world. Hell, when i go out after a break up, its not my intentions to do this either but if a down to earth, fun, attractive girl presents herself, * * * * , im taking the opportunity! Its called living! Maybe we live in different ways but to each thier own. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 bingo. holla holla holla holla misery loves company. i think it sounds as if some of the people going the other way saying people like avi should just stay home and mope and what not have been led down the wrong path by someone in rebound mode. who knows, maybe avi ends up marrying this girl. (not likely) but things happen. he has an opportunity to move on, why not?h AVI, seriously, you have 2.5 more months of crying before you can go out man. pffft. Eh Ghost! That is Not what we are saying! lol Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 What is coming out here is that people have different definitions of engagement. To me, it's about knowing for 100% sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with the person and then you start planning and set a date. But not everyone feels this way. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I agree with those who opt to move on instead of going into a period of mourning. As you get older you realize that time is precious and God ain't making any more for you than your alloted amount. To waste any of that time on someone who could cold-heartedly dump you? NO thanks! I'll move on with the next hottie or rich guy. Living well is the best revenge. And, no, these are not rebounds. Or if they are, they always turned into long-term relationships. I don't carry people who dump me around in my heart, how pathetic is that? I am immediately ready for my next relationship. Link to comment
grymoire Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 perhaps this is why you are having the issues you are??? No offence and i mean that with the utmost respect. Change things up man! no offence taken bro... i know you mean it with good intentions. i do agree that i am emotionally weak and many of my problems are tied to that... i will have to be honest and be aware of my weaknesses otherwise i have little chance to fix them. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I would never advocate sitting alone in a dark room moping after a breakup. I'd go out, have fun with friends, go to events and the list goes on. Not wanting to date or hook up for a while is not the same thing as locking one's self away from the world. okay lady. you are a guy right? it's like the lottery. 'dam i didn't win on this ticket. i shouldn't play for another 3 weeks cause i lost yesterday, even though it's 55 million.' remember the guy in line ahead of you that bought that lottery ticket and all you got was a gallon of milk? yeah, he won. dam. should have bought that ticket huh? omg, brain freeze...my analogies are so on point. Link to comment
greywolf Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I would never advocate sitting alone in a dark room moping after a breakup. I'd go out, have fun with friends, go to events and the list goes on. Not wanting to date or hook up for a while is not the same thing as locking one's self away from the world. Sometimes dating is part of the fun. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I, for one, am just sharing my views. Nothing to do with misery loving company, at least not in my case. I am happily taken. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 no offence taken bro... i know you mean it with good intentions. i do agree that i am emotionally weak and many of my problems are tied to that... i will have to be honest and be aware of my weaknesses otherwise i have little chance to fix them. talking with us for a bit, gry will be a player in no time. Link to comment
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