Lol.... Hmmmm

[lady00]

^^^

No, I don't think it's weakness at all. I think that is what happens to most people when you break up with someone you are either super emotionally attached to or in love with. Nothing weak about it.

[DropToZero]

If it only takes you a few weeks to get over someone you weren't ever "in love" with them. When you love someone, no matter who you are it takes more than a month to get over that person. You also can't just "move on" to another person within such a short period of time after being "in love". It doesn't work that way. So truthfully, and please don't take this the wrong way but I honestly don't believe you have actually been in "love".

 

Actually it is possible to get over someone that quickly... I've done it, within a week after breaking up with a girl I was in love with for 2 years. I don't recommend it though... it comes with a lot of other problems.

[Aviatormy]

To me, this seems like a graphic illustration of why the divorce rate is so high.

 

To each thier own. Had she been able to communicate with me and actually tell me if I was doing anything wrong in the relationship... God willing, we would have got married.

 

I know for a fact that I did everything possible to show her how much I love her and how much she meant to me. She just simply could not get over her past and felt like she needed to deal with it now or she would never be happy.

 

She has told me countless times since we broke up that she would love more than anything to get back together with me and make it work. She has told me that she is not confident that she will ever find a man as loving and as patient as I was.

 

Even at the moment she said this last week I told her that I would still be patient and help her with her past... she simply said it would be too hard to deal with everything and she knew that she would not be able to communicate with me right away. I accept this and I am moving on.

 

I think that the divorce rate is so high because people get married too soon! She and I had plans for at least a 2 year engagement so there is nothing wrong with what happened to us. Our engagement was simply a stronger committment to each other. No wedding bells yet.

 

If people would wait till they know each other much better before getting married... the divorce rate would not be as high. This is why I have been engaged twice but never married. I refuse to get married until I am almost 100% positive that it will last forever.

 

I give my all and hope for the best but I am not a fool. Any relationship can fail. I just don't want my marriage to be the same.

 

I will not move fast into marriage for this reason. I can care less if I am engaged 5 more times before I marry. At least I will be confident that when I do marry, there is a great chance for sucess!

[lady00]

I've done it, within a week after breaking up with a girl I was in love with for 2 years. I don't recommend it though... it comes with a lot of other problems.

 

I don't get that...if it comes with a lot of other problems, then how is that being over the person?

[DropToZero]

I don't get that...if it comes with a lot of other problems, then how is that being over the person?

 

 

Because in order to do something of that power, it's a conscious choice and decision to not care about anyone or anything, and I don't mean just "saying" it... it comes with the complete package of shutting everything and everyone else out. The best example for people who haven't been through it, is dating/knowing a person who has a very cold heart... I do not recommend it, pain may be horrible, but it's better than not feeling anything.

[grymoire]

Even at the moment she said this last week I told her that I would still be patient and help her with her past... she simply said it would be too hard to deal with everything and she knew that she would not be able to communicate with me right away. I accept this and I am moving on.

 

this is really confusing man... why wouldn't a girl talk to her own bf??

[Ac143]

One thing I disagree with is "divorce rate is too high because people get married to soon" My parents knew eachother 16 weeks and have been married for 33yrs. My cousin was with her BF for 10yrs - got married and divorced in a year.

 

So its not really about how much "time" you spend before getting married, its about the commitment, respect, honestly and hard work both people put into a marriage.

 

With that said - I still dont understand getting over someone so quickly. That you were truly, madly and deeply in love with. I guess to each their own. If you can heal that fast, good for you. I know if I lost my SO now would left me I would be devasated for quite some time and certainly not dating for a longggg while

[Aviatormy]

Out of curiosity - how does your ex feel about you dating again? Does she know you two are done for good?

 

 

Yes she knows I am done for good. She told me that although she would like me to wait for her... she does not know how long that will take because she has years of depression that she has to face. I told her that I will not wait a long time and that it is best to just move on with our lives and IF we are both single once she is all better, then we can see what would happen.

 

Just because I am dating again does not mean that I am completely over her... Just means that I am aware of the situation, I know it will not be fixed in a timely manner and she knows that I am moving on.

 

Why on earth wouldn't I move on if that is what is being suggested?

[Aviatormy]

One thing I disagree with is "divorce rate is too high because people get married to soon" My parents knew eachother 16 weeks and have been married for 33yrs. My cousin was with her BF for 10yrs - got married and divorced in a year.

 

So its not really about how much "time" you spend before getting married, its about the commitment, respect, honestly and hard work both people put into a marriage.

 

With that said - I still dont understand getting over someone so quickly. That you were truly, madly and deeply in love with. I guess to each their own. If you can heal that fast, good for you. I know if I lost my SO now I would be devasated for quite some time and certainly not dating for a longggg while

 

And I thought the same thing as I was crying in my office for 2 weeks. Suddenly, I felt a lot better. A couple days later, I put myself back out there in the dating world.

 

As for Gry... she couldn't communicate with herself, much less her BF. She has a very sick past. A past that I never fully shared on here out of respect for her.

[grymoire]

She has a very sick past. A past that I never fully shared on here out of respect for her.

 

It is very noble of you!

[ImThatGirl]

Yes she knows I am done for good. She told me that although she would like me to wait for her... she does not know how long that will take because she has years of depression that she has to face. I told her that I will not wait a long time and that it is best to just move on with our lives and IF we are both single once she is all better, then we can see what would happen.

 

Just because I am dating again does not mean that I am completely over her... Just means that I am aware of the situation, I know it will not be fixed in a timely manner and she knows that I am moving on.

 

Why on earth wouldn't I move on if that is what is being suggested?

 

Because you truly love her.... and are supportive of her getting better.... and willing to wait because you love her so much!

 

Honestly, and I don't mean to offend you, but I think the way you are explaining indicates that you will always be out for numero uno. That you will NEVER accept someone less than perfect. That if things start to get shaky, you will run away.

 

And the thing is, Avi, you two weren't together for very long. It takes a good year or so to really see who someone is completely. I don't feel like she was playing a game of being perfect. It just took her time to open up. Just so happens that talks and engagement came before she was emotionally ready to do so.

 

Another point, didn't you say her mom always says "you're too good for her?" and talking down about her? Well, you walking away from her, when she started showing difficulty and troubles.... proves that when she opens up, things fall apart. Hopefully she knows that's not true.

[ImThatGirl]

 

As for Gry... she couldn't communicate with herself, much less her BF. She has a very sick past. A past that I never fully shared on here out of respect for her.

 

Did she just tell you of this past or did you know for awhile?

[grymoire]

But Avi says he tried to help her and she simply wouldn't open up to him right? What can any man do in this situation? That said I am surprised though that Avi had no idea about her troubled past...

[melrich]

If it only takes you a few weeks to get over someone you weren't ever "in love" with them. When you love someone, no matter who you are it takes more than a month to get over that person. You also can't just "move on" to another person within such a short period of time after being "in love". It doesn't work that way. So truthfully, and please don't take this the wrong way but I honestly don't believe you have actually been in "love".

 

I don't think Avi is saying he is "over" her. Just that he is not letting himself get stuck in grieving. Personally I think it is not a bad way to handle it, just throw yourself back into life....maybe you will have to face some residual stuff down the track but at that time emotions will not be so raw.

 

Best I know, she left him so it is not like he is "running away" from her.

[Ac143]

Yeah whatever happened to fighting for love and sticking by the person you "love" no matter what. My SO is not perfect and neither am I, that's for sure but we work hard on our relationship to make it work.

 

BUT I guess if this girl didn't want your help and didn't want to make it work there is nothing you can do.

[lady00]

Avi, it sounds like you did all you could to make the relationship work. I'm just worried that you may be in a bit of denial about how much progress you've made in moving on. But that's just my opinion as a total outsider. I'm sure you think I am way off base. I've just never seen anyone get to where you are in such a short period of time after a breakup with someone they love. It may just be that you've developed a better way of dealing with breakups than what most people do.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Actually it is possible to get over someone that quickly... I've done it, within a week after breaking up with a girl I was in love with for 2 years. I don't recommend it though... it comes with a lot of other problems.

 

If you can get over someone that quickly it wasn't true "Love". You can call it love all day long but in reality it isn't and if you do "move on" with another person that quickly the chances of that relationship going anywhere is extremely slim. A person needs time to mend otherwise they are just going after what they miss and are getting into a relationship for the completely wrong reasons (Missing having someone there, the closeness and feelings.)

[grymoire]

I've just never seen anyone get to where you are in such a short period of time after a breakup with someone they love.

 

yea man.. it simply blows me off as well.... either you are very strong emotionally OR you were not in love with your ex like you thought you were.

[drewciouS281]

some people take longer time to heal. I have seen Avi go through much worse situations to where this is nothing. Sure im sure he is hurt but he cant stop living because of it. A person becomes so strong after enough heart break that after a while you get your mourning out of the way, realize its whats best for the time being, and get yourself back out there.

 

I will admit it takes me a bit longer to get over someone but for me its because my relationships are far and few in between. I make sure its someone i can see myself investing alot of time with. This is all just the normal stage of living and learning.

[tiredofvampires]

First of all, you do have my sympathy for being with someone who presented their "best face forward" to make it seem and FEEL like perfection, at first. There were red flags along the way that I thought we could move past, but in the end, I had the same issues with him as you have with her. The communication falling apart and all the buried hositilities and grudges and insecurities that had always been within him were all directed at me.

 

My situation as well as timeframe was very close to yours, so I do relate in some ways.

 

But still, it was the loss of a dream, the loss of the potential we actually had together, and my wanting to be with him what we had always planned, before the "inside story" started to come out.

 

And that required a long process of grieving, not just me saying, "I could have anyone, why cry over this one?" THIS ONE was not just another fish in the sea.

 

But I'm not as confident a person as you are, apparently. I admire your confidence, and we can't do anyone else's work for them. But I'd like to think that when you love someone -- so long as they are not mistreating you or abusing you -- that you would not let go of them so easily.

 

Were you being abused by her?

 

 

She told me that although she would like me to wait for her... she does not know how long that will take because she has years of depression that she has to face. I told her that I will not wait a long time and that it is best to just move on with our lives and IF we are both single once she is all better, then we can see what would happen.

 

And I thought the same thing as I was crying in my office for 2 weeks. Suddenly, I felt a lot better. A couple days later, I put myself back out there in the dating world.

 

As for Gry... she couldn't communicate with herself, much less her BF. She has a very sick past. A past that I never fully shared on here out of respect for her.

 

So what she was saying was, "I'm messed up, so badly that I don't expect you to stay and wait for me."

 

And instead of your saying, "But learning to communicate also means having a safe, intimate person to learn with, who will stay. I want to grow with you, I don't want you to have to face this by yourself" --

 

you said, "Sounds good to me."

 

I'm not saying you should stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you, who says, "I have to be single, I honestly can't be in a relationship", because you can't force anyone to be with you or control them. But it's my feeling that her getting close to you brought up all that stuff from the past, and then that was the time to really grow together, maybe even in couples counseling so you could be a support to her.

 

Sometimes people with a "sick past" feel unacceptable to another person, their partner, until that partner shows them that it's okay to have that past and still be loved, and still be worth that relationship.

 

That's part of healing, too, not just sitting in a therapist's office, a person who isn't there to hold you at night when you cry and get vulnerable (which she was just scared to be with you) and say, "I love you, this stuff really is OKAY with me."

[grymoire]

some people take longer time to heal. I have seen Avi go through much worse situations to where this is nothing. Sure im sure he is hurt but he cant stop living because of it.

 

i think Drew what many ppl are surprised is not about his ability to move on and live his life but about the fact that he is already hooking up with another girl. that's a huge difference there..

[Aviatormy]

To all that are saying that I gave up... she is the one that walked out once she got this feeling. I was asleep when I woke up to find her gone. What does that tell you about how much I gave up? I thought everything was fine. She left me and then the next day regreted it. I told her to come back but she said that she really needs to work on herself. What am I supposed to do? Just wait it out? Not knowing how long this will take? I don't think so.

 

Had she said "I will work on this TOGETHER with you" then I wouldn't have been happier. I would have opened the apartment back up to her and forgave her for walking out on me. The fact is that she left me and felt that she needed to take this journey solo. So be it. I can not change her. I can not interfere with free will. This was her decision thereforee I am moving on.

 

I can not dwell over this. She wants to work on herself alone, without me in the picture, so be it.

 

I tried.

 

I am healing wonderfully and I thank everyone that is not looking too much into it. I thank all of those that trust that I know what is best for me.

 

To everyone else... I thank you for your concern and your theories on how long it should take someone to move on but that is not for me. I am a strong individual and I know the consequenses of my actions. I have learned a lot since I started dating but the one thing that I will never do again is allow myself to get into a deep depression over something that I can not change.

 

 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

 

I know the difference between what can and can not work.

 

I know that right now and not anytime soon will my dear beloved ex be able to change enough to be mine again. I have accepted this through many tears and heartache over the last few weeks and I am now ready to show the world that my smile, although gone for a few weeks, is still there and strong as ever.

 

 

[midnightrambler]

i think Drew what many ppl are surprised is not about his ability to move on and live his life but about the fact that he is already hooking up with another girl. that's a huge difference there..

 

we all grieve in different ways

[greywolf]

To everyone saying that Avi should wait and heal first:

Everyone heals in different ways. Avi and his ex broke up about the same time my ex and I broke up. I'm mostly doing ok, so I don't doubt that he could be doing ok as well.

[DropToZero]

If you can get over someone that quickly it wasn't true "Love". You can call it love all day long but in reality it isn't and if you do "move on" with another person that quickly the chances of that relationship going anywhere is extremely slim. A person needs time to mend otherwise they are just going after what they miss and are getting into a relationship for the completely wrong reasons (Missing having someone there, the closeness and feelings.)

 

 

But it was true love, only on my part though... only because I know what love was now. I can only tell you that now because at the time I did not know I was in love, love to me is true unselfishness, I treated her like a queen, I'd do anything for her without even a thank you, I bought her presents I couldn't even afford for Christmas, my heart was always on the line, I'd have died for her at those times... it was love, whether you'd believe me or not, I know. I only took the coldness of my ex's heart and made it a part of me, and that's how I got over it like "that." In turn, you'd know that my g/f at the time, I did the same things to her for a long time, she experienced what I felt too after we'd broken up before, and it's empowering to not feel. but it is very dangerous too... I believe many people have felt numbness in their lives from time to time, but not to such a level that I've taken it. You could punch me in the face and I would not even raise a fist back in anger...