lilazngal

If you are ok, then forget about him, he should be the one to contact you, considering he did cheat on you, you've already tried to contact you and he has not responded. If he really does love you, he'll come back on his own terms. You should move on, meet other guys and stay focused on your own life, enjoy it while you can! No need to wonder if he'll ever respond, etc, etc---he's not worth it!

three cheers! here here! well said! 8)

because he or she, whoever you are talking about, wants to be able to keep control of the situation. text messages really doesnt talk that much effort however email requires some thought and IM's requires attention, i think its a bit of a push and pull game of someone that might be confused about how they feel about you (not ready to get rid of you entirely) but also wants to control how much you can be in their lives.

most people post because they intuitively know that something is wrong. if things were smooth, there wouldnt be a need to post, right? so his hesitation, as mentioned by others and as you probably have figured out right now a signal that things arent OK. but the key is for you to get that off your mind, dont blame yourself. keep yourself busy and just see what happens. good luck.

definetly dont do the assignment, he broke up with you and should no longer be a priority in your life. it's actually a bit nervy of him to call and ask for that. he should allow you some space. wow, he was rude.

Yes, I agree with Laura. I think he's actually playing some sort of control game because he has you in this position of *wondering* what's going on and leaving you completely vulnerable because instead of being straight forward with you he's just being vague, taking his time to respond, etc. etc. Of course everyone needs time and space to think, but if someone does care they should be able to be straightforward enough to let you know where you stand. Someone who really cares and isnt afraid, will be able to do that. He sounds like a little boy, playing games.

hahaha, i know everyone is dying to hear an update from me, (LOL, NOT!). anyway, i thought i would post regarding the irony of this whole situation im in. so this morning he emails me and it's in response to some random email i had forwarded to him and a few other friends last week. in this email, he asks me *is this what you were calling me for and what your phone message was about when you said for me to check my messages?*. again, i left him two messages, one on thursday night with my original question, then friday afternoon telling him to check his freaking messages and get back to me ASAP. bwahahaha....i think it's not only BALLSY AND TAKES SOME NERVE to even email me like that, with no apology for missing my call (s) and for not getting back to me soon enough. BUT JUST FOR ALSO thinking that i was sitting around waiting for him to get back to me. someone else was able to give me the answers i needed on friday, hahaha. NOT TO MENTION---not even acknowledging that i had emailed him about going hiking with me. all these dumb games he's playing with me, his age is starting to show now. i am not interested in being his girlfriend---HELLO, i just wanted to be friends, but what is all this nonsense for? why could he be acting so unbelievably difficult? is it possible for anyone to act this stupid?

god this bothers me so much. the lack of consideration people have for others. regardless if he's mad or not that you slept with someone else, he shouldnt have someone else call for him and he should at least have the balls to tell you how he feels. to leave you hanging and wondering is just rude. it shows a serious sign of immaturity on his end. i know you'd like to get closure, but perhaps knowing that you're better off with without this guy, is so much better.

i wouldnt hold my breath, once it comes to people telling you theyll call. sometimes people get forgetful, busy, so you could always take the initiative to call. i wouldnt worry too much about the decline of phone calls or emails, he could again be busy, etc. however, if you're just starting to date this guy i wouldnt question it, either. it may make you appear to be needy or attention starved. i would go about my own business, keep going with your daily activities and not wait around for this person to call. if you really want to go out with him, why dont you strike up the question? some guys are attracted to a bold woman who goes after what they want--- but also doesnt appear too available and needy. being yourself, being busy and active, not focusing on his calls, will probably be the best thing to do. afterall, he's not blatantly ignoring you, which is a good thing.

Thanks for the input! This guy has been riding on some serious thin ice. I hate to be questioning and analyzing every action of his as of late, but Im looking out for myself, there's no need to be in a friendship where everything is 90/10. Well, I havent bothered to attempt any other phone calls, because well, no need to call someone who doesnt call back anyway. I did email the other day asking if he'd be interested in tagging along with me on my hike. No response to that, either. Ive actually seem him online, so I feel he's had more than enough of an opportunity to speak up. He is being blatantly rude. It would seem a little difficult to confront a person who doesnt respond to phone calls or emails. It's just pathetic, that every single time he has just decided to go reclusive on me and use the silent treament/cold shoulder routine. Hell, if you're busy say so, if you dont want to be friends, then say so. I really dont have time for little children who choose to play games and cant own up to their own feelings.

my last post is a follow up to this, i just want the general opinion of some guys here as this whole thing has blew me away by how ridiculous this situation is. sorry this is long! When do you think it's appropriate to confront someone who really doesnt seem to be putting in their weight of the friendship? Ive had disagreements with this person in the past, but we've managed to get over it and get back to normal (at least what I think is normal). The truth is, I think we just are so different in terms of how we value and prioritize our friendships that I constantly find myself keeping this one particular friend under a microscope. I dont necessairly believe that's just the way it is and I really do feel alienated. For the past 2 months I have been the one to make any effort/contact to get together or hang out. I have also been the one to initiate conversation. We were working on a project together and during that time we also spent a lot of our free time and social time together. Now I feel akward to even contact him. In the last 48 hours Ive called just to get his opinion on a few things that I thought he would be able to help me out. He hasnt answered his phone, so I just left 2 messages. No response. It seems like the last time he got in touch with me was when I had something to offer him that that he wanted. Last week I asked him, along with a few other friends (very short notice) if they wanted to go out for brunch, by the time I heard back from him, I had already gone out to eat. He responded telling me he couldnt go anyway, that he needs to save his money since his main priority is on some vacation he's taking next month, that he'll contact me if he thinks he has any extra funds available. I can understand being broke, but please, I dont know what's up with the excuses like that. Many times Ill offer to just cover the cost of going out for a friend if I know I can afford it, but Ive done that already a few times for him (just to be nice) and all I wanted to do was get a bite to eat and hang out. Im also not going to be sitting on the edge of my seat at home waiting for him to respond to me, either. I feel like this guy is playing control or mind games with me. He doesnt respond to any group emails I send out. I think if it doesnt really have anything for him to personally gain, that he wont bother to respond. This just bothers me, considering I have always been a reliable, dependable friend to this person. When he needed advice, help, etc. I was always there. Sometimes I couldnt respond to his calls right away, but Id at least call back in a few hours or so. And even if someone doesnt respond to you soon enough, they usually apologize for it anyway. Im just getting tired of this. I feel like it's way too much stinking work to maintain any type of friendship with this person. Im not a high maintenance person, either, it's not like I want to go out and blow tons of money every single weekend, it's not a big deal to get together for lunch with friends once in a while (because if someone doesnt have enough money, we'll cover for each other), you could always go for a hike, go to the beach, we both have a lot of common interests. I work hard all week and really love to make the most of my weekend and just have a good time, no matter what. There have been times if he's been stressed out (over some things that have really been turned into mountains from a molehill) and he's just become completely reclusive and announces he wont be going out this weekend or talking to anyone. It does worry me that he does that because you shouldnt make the people who care about you suffer from your stress by alienating them. So here's where I stand. Lately, Im the one doing all the foot work, to keep in touch, to spend time together. Often I have been shot down and hey, I understand we're all busy and I really should try to plan things in advance, but Im just tired of all the excuses, that carry the tone that Im competing with other things in that person's life (saving up for my vacation is more important or too bad i didnt get in touch with you soon enough, i was busy cleaning). I think just wondering if this person will ever call me back after Ive left two specific messages (and of course, I couldnt wait, I got my answers from someone else) in the past 2 days with no response---I have to ask myself what is going on? I thought we were friends, but maybe he wants to be friends when it's convenient to be one---like he has more of a methodical approach that isnt meshing with me. He has always been uninvolved. I just feel like Im being dragged down whenever I try to be his friend. We have a good time together, but it really shouldnt be this much work or stress on my end. I keep few and close relationships with my friends, I have a ton of aquaintances, but the people I call my friends hold a special place in my heart/life. I dont know what to do, is it even necessary at this point to confront him? Is there a need to even continue this friendship? Because he's such a reclusive person, If I dont say anything, he wont think that anything is wrong and he wont ask, either. If I tell him Ive had it, at least he knows where I stand now. I also thought maybe I'd give it one more shot and invite him hiking and see what type of response I get, but seriously Ive already tried to call him enough anyway. I dont know what to do because he will probably be totally uneffected, either way. Any thoughts? Advice?

Katie you are really perceptive, must be a virgo! At least you knew and you dont blame the other person, it doesnt sound like you feel any guilt either which is outstanding, you were being a good friend and sometimes that's all you can do, but I can understand how you feel, as Ive been there before dealing with emotionally unavailable with numerous problems. It's hard to not feel any resentment, all you can do is let time pass. Try not to think about it so much, keep yourself busy with other activities, exercise, going out with friends. Soon enough, youll forget all about any anger or disappointment you may have felt. I think you have given me some advice in the past here, so feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about this stuff, we probably have a lot in common, lol. 8) 8)

Well yeah you should try to call him if you havent heard from him in 2 weeks, especially if there was no fallout. It sounds like it's a long distant friend and sometimes it's hard to keep up with other people, but he could also just be very busy with his day to day activities. If it were a person I spoke to on a regular basis, well there is definetly a need to be concerned. It doesnt hurt to phone at least once but if you've already made several attempts to contact him, then stop, that might scare him off. Nobody likes a needy person. If you really feel that perhaps something is wrong, then you might try to contact other friends of his to see if he's ok. I know it's upsetting, but keep yourself busy so you wont worry so much about him. Go out for a walk/hike, read, go out with friends, good ways to keep busy!

i usually get annoyed when someone tries to avoid resolving conflict by not talking. i tend to think and analyze a lot, so the longer the silence grows, the angrier i become. she sounds like she's not over any of this yet, but you do have every right to ask for your things back. youre giving her what you want by staying away, not everyone forgives or gets over their anger at the same time. maybe give her another week to calm down before you ask to get your things back.

I must say that I am pretty fed up with this particular person. We had not spoke in over 2 weeks, mostly because we just avoided each other because we werent able to agree on the dynamics of how/what our *friendship* was all about. Though I was willing to budge and make changes, he wasnt. Friendship to me is a high priority and I wont loosely call anyone a friend if they are just an aquaintance. I have found myself exasperated. The 2 weeks we havent been speaking, though I have missed hanging out together and our witty/stimulating conversations, the truth is, those have been 2 very stress free weeks. His problems were always turned into BIG PROBLEMS and became such a main factor in our friendship, talking about his problems and then him never taking my advice, then having to hear about the same thing. It was very draining, as I felt more like a counselor and less of a friend. Though this has been discussed, the conflict was ignored and returned quite a few times. A week would go by, things would be fine, but he would behave selfishly again and it would upset me. It got to the point where I took action, decided to stop communication and just be civil when we ran into each other at social occasions. We are both in the same social circle, so really there is no way to avoid each other. A few days ago, I ran into him with mutual friends at a party. I was talking to our friends and I eased my way to talk to him, nothing about *our conflict*, just made a few jokes with him, yet he seemed to play it off as nothing I was saying had any impact or effect on him. You can get a good sense by someone's body language that they are giving you the cold shoulder. I got a chance to step outside to talk to him and just asked him if we were ok. He barely looked at me and said we were fine. I decided to just leave it as that and go back into the party and enjoy myself. Well throughout the night we were in the same circles of conversations and he was ignoring me, as if I werent even there. So I tried to talk to him and asked him nicely *hey lets go outside for a second*. He refused, said he wanted to hear the music inside and didnt want to leave. Well 1 minute goes by and he has actually walked out of the party to use his cell phone in his car. I found that to be disturbing. He wont go outside for a second to talk to me yet he will go outside to make calls on his cell phone? You know, he told me were FINE, but his body language and the cold shoulder treatement indicated otherwise. I was being very nice to him, the only thing I didnt do was beg, grovel and kiss his feet ----- I know I shouldnt have to do this. I have tried everything possible to keep our friendship going, to keep him happy without losing every bit of myself, but he hasnt budged at all. I have felt guilty because in reality he is a nice guy, but after he walked off to use his cell phone, I basically gave him a piece of my mind and stormed off. I really tried, but this guy wasnt giving me a break at all. Im not certain if he has to have complete control over the relationship, but that's what it is coming accross. I have been very open and honest about my feelings, been left in a vulnerable position when I had made the first move to talk to him in person and start up a conversation, that isnt easy. I sent him an email later on and I told him that was the last straw for me. It seems like he's never going to budge for any reason and it almost comes accross that he wants to be miserable. I was doing well those 2 weeks without him and just that 1 night of running into him it has caused so much unwanted stress and grief for me. I think he is angry at me for not just sticking with it from the beginning. I understood our differences and I was more than willing to be flexible on things so we would both be happy, but he just throw his hands up in the air and say *oh well, you dont accept me for who i am, so too bad*. That was his solution. Im wondering if I am being unfair? I cant express it enough that I felt I have tried my best. I know storming off that night and telling him off probably wasnt the best thing to do----but at that point, I was frustrated and it already was clear that being nice wasnt going to make a difference, either. He looked at me in shock, with this *what did i do to deserve that* type of look. But that is kind of the problem, it seems like he doesnt even acknowledge his stubborn/unforgiving attitude is contributing to our conflict. Does it seem like I am doing the right thing by just moving forward? I know Im going to still run into him and it makes so hard having mutual friends. I want to be friends with our other friends still, but I have no clue how to make this all work out. Any ideas?