tattoobunnie

If you really don't care if she had a one-night stand or night, why you keep trying to make her look like a fool? One, I think this overkill tactic is from you being embarrassed, because she kept it from you for so long, and knowing if anyone else knew, but kept it from you is also embarrassing and makes you question your friendship with those who knew. But I also think a lot of the problem is you trying to deflect from the fact you probably have been a less than stellar partner from time to time. You don't mention what happened 9 years ago, other than you were starting a business, or how you two pulled through. It's easier to make her out to be the sinner than figure out how you were culpable in the marriage. But I hear you...one kiss can cause years of distrust. An affair can really takes years to work past. Just take it one day at a time. Looking at phone records won't make you feel better. And the witch hunt won't either.

With every second, you have an opportunity to speak up. Not to make such a big statement, but think of how statute of limitations for rape can be up to 30 years. You may not have the words right at every moment, but when you have time to decompress or think about it, things you want or need to say will come, and you should say them. There is nothing wrong with a delayed reaction or additional discussion, because you weren't expecting him to be such a sore loser. But trust me when I say this, if this is how he behaves now, it's all downhill from here.

Fights can last a long arse time, cool, happens...but after only dating for 3ish months...pass. Just major incompatibility...if they already feel they need to placate one another when they barely know eachother, can't see it working out.

Pass Passive aggressive behavior is the pathway to gaslighting. You not keeping score correctly is you just having fun, and not taking it seriously. Him not telling you to keep a real score, but expected you to just know to do it, and blame you for not meeting his unknown to you expectations is completely unrealistic. And the fact he wouldn't let it go for hours, eekk, I'd be careful. He sounds like a sore loser in life.

$400/month for one person for groceries is high. I buy in bulk in Costco, and buy some lose things at a regular supermarket, and we spend about $550 for a family of 4 with 2 dogs. Water isn't included in rent? Either way, I spend about $25/month for a half acre for water, watering the lawn and water needs. Used LED bulbs to keep your electricity down. Even if you buy expensive shampoos and conditioners, I would still estimate that at $50/month generously. I think you have a good amount going on.

Speaking as a dog owner with kids, I advised you to never have kids and never have dogs. They are messy, destroy things, and beyond noisy. Sure, they will love you with every fiber in their being and bring endless meaning to your life. But that's not for you. You two are incompatible. My dog opened my heart so much that it made room in my world, and I got with the love of my life. And I loved my life and very proud of it, but having kids, I truly felt like I knew the meaning of life then. And it's okay to never want kids or pets. I just don't think you two will work out. I'm on year three for allergy shots now btw. The image is of my hub's who never owned a dog, didn't ever want a dog, but now is a sad clown if she doesn't sleep with him.

He can cheat when he's away. How does driving equal cheating for you?

It's rude to bring it over in a serving dish unless you plan to eat with them!!! Always use tupperware, this way, they don't have to worry about returning the container. And can do so if and when or not. What makes you think they aren't well off? Did they both lose their jobs? I would give them a gift card to a supermarket, so they can get food. Food pantry items aren't always what you need, and leftovers are good for a day for a family. You thinking to use a serving dish was you subconsciously telling your neighbors how well off you are that your wife's prized serving dish means nothing...which is probably why she called you an elitist.

Trust me, I get debt. But she was hiding her addiction and her debt.

My dad was addicted to gambling in the stock market and has been since he was 30. 50 years later, he's lost over 2 million over the years. Cashed in my mom's life insurance policy without telling her, and has also had to have my mom bail him out with $30K in taxes when he secretly cashed in all his 401K. He is broke and has nothing, but my mom who always bails him out. But he built a life to have a certain lifestyle with owning restaurants and property in different areas. And he was able to save money as well. My SILs dad was addicted to betting on sports. He had a super fancy home in a super fancy town...and now lives in a run down 1 bedroom in the city. This girl is a straight-up deadbeat. Gamblers are they cheaters...they are addicted to the rush, and never give it up.

I'm really interested in the Lovense vibrator. You get to control the vibrator with your phone.

I'm really interested in the Lovense vibrator. You get to control the vibrator with your phone.

Repost - Sorry - I didn't realize hide was an option, and clicked by accident. What I wrote with a small edit: A person can been ASD and have ADHD, but they are not the same thing at all, and it can be dangerous to treat people as so, because people with ADHD can also be depressed from constantly hearing how lazy they are or they aren't doing things right or good enough. And, ADHD is NOT solely about not being able to focus on one thing or not...People with ADHD can hyperfocus on one thing because it may trigger rewards centers of the brain because people with ADHD have lower levels of dopamine. My husband is a slob with clothes, but he will do all the plumbing, electrical work, yard work, and auto maintenance, and all the food shopping with zero issue...why?? Because it's interesting for him. Many, many people loathe laundry. And to a person with ADHD, laundry can be crippling because it can be overwhelming. I would definitely think about what other ways he can contribute in the household. You will just have to accept, laundry is not his jam or move on to someone else.

Don't do any of his laundry, nor put it in a hamper...it helps to not build reasons for resentment. Because, quite frankly, you're not a maid. Get another hamper for him to use on his own. If you are feeling feisty, put his clothes under the bed or in a separate closet, but that won't get him to clean it...out of sight, out of mind.

This clearly shows you don't know much about ADHD. And I'm not trying to bust your balls. My eldest has ADHD, and I been learning more and more about it myself, and have come to realize both my hubs and I because we are definitely neurodivergent. I 100% recommend this youtube channel: How to ADHD This is it. This is him. You can either focus on his positives and the many ways he contributes and love and accept who he is because you can't cure ADHD, or it's a deal breaker, and you break up because he doesn't match your cleaning skills. I have learned to just tell my hubs when I need him to do dishes or something else, and I don't do any of his laundry, but I wash our kids laundry. Don't ever for once think his not ability to clean without direction is a personal statement on you or maturity. It's a layer and layer hardcoded way of life for them that underneath is riddled with anxiety. You may not recognize the anxiety because of the many, many coping mechanisms. My hubs and child, when they are giving tasks matched with rewards (guests friends coming over), they move mountains. Focus on the positives and be clear with what you need even if you need to remind them daily. It's not a "you're a mom thing (or if you are)" they just work differently and have so much from here to the moon to offer. And trust me, put away the chore chart...that will not do anything.

I think you need to let her go. Speaking as someone who did long distance, and now married with kids, then had to do long distance for his work...there was never "some day" talk. All our plans have been definitive. If she wanted to be with you, she would be making decisions to do so. And you will never find someone new if you keep up the light contact. Tunnel vision never helps anyone.

I would have also been someone that asked if my siblings, cousins, friends could go 🤣. When it comes to traveling to different countries, I see it as a once in a lifetime thing, and there's a place to stay with someone who knows all the cool stuff and things to eat and do and see? Super bonus. You could have just said, "not this time, but definitely another time." The way you responded was one, you don't see your BF's brother as future family. And two, your BF if a moron who didn't know better. I think you built up all romance in your head without letting him know. I mean think about it, your mom will be there the whole time too. Doesn't translate as romantic to me.

Sounds like forever social anxiety. Coupled with insecure husband who probably makes her do absolutely all the childcare, which she probably resents that you are free. I think you just have to accept, this is it, and who she is. You aren't tight sisters. Sucks, but it happens.

Nope. He's a shallow POS who is completely ugly on the inside and is deeply insecure, so he overcompensates by making it all about your looks and the way others look. You will always walk about on egg shells, and never be happy with someone like this. So, if you get pregnant one day and gain weight or get sick, he can break up with you because you are no longer meeting his standards. A man like this is a dime a dozen loser. Whatever you do, this is not normal, and there are so many MEN (REAL MEN) out there that will think you are their sun and stars just by being yourself, and listen and value what you have to say and what you think.

OMG - I think about that scene all the time where she's outside and in the rain, and her soon to be ex is like *** you doing out here, and she's like, "Get the F out of my house," and you see her growing a spine is what brought them back together again and happy...knowing what you want

Most men who start calling you baby or honey right away do so, so they don't mess up your name...because they do what they do all the time.

If a person promises you a million dollars, it doesn't mean you're gonna get it. You do understand that, right? If they were pushy from day 1, it will always be about what they want, and they will say and behave any which way to get it, then once they get it, drop you like a ton of bricks. I once had a guy who I was hanging out with offer me a trip to Paris to sleep with him. Should have taken him up on it, because the outcome would have been the same, and I would have gotten a trip out of it. So I would chalk this up to a learning experience. Sometimes, it's all about getting into your pants. So if they push right away, each time, that's what it's all about for them.

Talk to them for at least a week or two online and by phone (at least once). Initiate the dates and ask for the first one by phone. Take them out to lunch or dinner. Offer to pay. If they offer to split or pay, decline, and let them grab drinks. Don't go meet for the first 4 dates in their homes or your home, ever. Do something fun like a museum, hiking, picnic at the park, see a band (not a movie) so you can stay close to hear eachother or an experience like a cooking class or paddle-boating. If you kiss on a first date, keep it light, not hot and heavy. I made out with people all the time; and could care less if I didn't like them to begin with, even if the date was going sour. Dating happens with the getting to know you period. Kissing isn't a declaration of anything but a good time.

Why would this post get banned? 100% honest here, hire a matchmaker. They will go over your style, dating tips and etiquette, and pair you with people that may be a good fit for you. And buddy, I know short run of the mills looking millionaires who have dated and married and divorced plenty of bad apples. Don't beat yourself up. You just haven't met the right person yet. My old buddy was built like a hot adonis, and women were constantly throwing themselves at him. He never, ever noticed.

You have learned to let go the first time. Honestly, I don't think he did anything wrong, and you are punishing him for your expectations and thoughts and wishes. I would write him a long ass letter. Read it outloud to yourself, and burn it, and make the choice to move forward. Stop letting your high school self call the shots for your present self. Because no one, even God can change the past. What helps is learning what you really want and need out of a relationship. Figuring your life goals and seeing if he is the right person for you. And the other part, find a bigger problem to solve. A few things I read is going to college. Focusing on just what could have been, should have been, will never help you.