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mablepierce

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  1. so, just kinda thinking out loud, i guess i don’t know what type of love to go off of? how could i tell he loves me? last time he said he loved me as a friend, he was cool not speaking to me for years. but now, how do i gauge his love? does he love me the way i know i deserve and always deserved (even in friendship)? does he even acknowledge it, regret it? he loves me today after my growth, but left me during the process, and it’s like my heart is just upset about it as we get deeper into it
  2. but you are absolutely right. setting boundaries, obviously not using this to stump my growth or his is what’s important for me and i know this. i have to bring it up to not hold it in but i’m venting here because i’m strategic with how i communicate it with him.
  3. makes complete sense. what’s funny is, i know this and used that to grow into the person i am today. the way i’ve grown from my trauma is unbelievable. when we re met, it was like everything i didn’t get out of my abusive relationship, he just brought me out of such a dark time. so as i love him more and we get closer, this whole thing stings, because imagine it happened to you and you used that for your own growth, kinda forgot how you learned it, and restarted an amazing relationship with the person who in a past life made it one of your hardest life lessons? get how this sucks so bad? and having to learn that at 15 sucked, learned the hard way but sucked. but im just struggling with it now, and that’s why im here 🙃
  4. yup, that definitely hurts. aside from it all, aside from the entire relationship, I was still once a person in his life during that time, and he confused me, which i probably would accept. but just, no attempt to recognize it or care enough to. and then i feel left behind without him really considering that or probably even caring. so how do i accept that as me right now, grown because of these types of situations, when i was once that girl? and it hurts me because i want to start a life with him. because i love him so much today, that’s why it hurts me. as the feelings i feel today get stronger, the louder this whole thing just comes up from the back of mind. thanks for your response ❤️
  5. i hear you. when he broke up with his ex, I was so naive. i didn’t understand love, and that was his first and after falling in love after that situation, i understand. he didn’t understand it fully either, which is why he accepted being cheated on and didn’t understand how to go about our friendship, but my naive choices didn’t result in hurting him. i was far from perfect but i can say with confidence i didn’t have ulterior motives. i was just someone who got along so well with another person and didn’t know how to feel. if you felt that way about someone and they told you they liked you, how would you have responded? i guess my thing is, i get it allll. but what bothers me is, he loved me as a friend. he abandoned me as one easily, so regardless of his relationship, what about my friendship that tried to help him through that? it meant nothing. and not feeling hurt by that sucks, and i know i gotta go to therapy and handle it. just lifeeee
  6. I also want to add that this keeps coming up because he's friends with the same friends from hs that new about all of this. There are even songs that talk about it, it's just everywhere. And we still live together right now.
  7. Hmmm, those are good questions. 1. Right now, the compatibility is the one thing that brought us close together again and is the one thing that keeps me. It was something I had then that I hadn't had again until we started talking again. 2. He makes the mistake of not understanding and getting frustrated sometimes, and the hard things he says are the logical things when I'm more of the emotional one. My answers can be more emotional, where his is about what makes sense and what doesn't. 3. We have lived together for more than a year and a half. 4. We've been inseparable in the sense that I can be myself around him, and we're best friends. We've even talked about this, and he wants to work with me. The being happy part is a complex question, because i'm happy with our compatibility. Our relationship is stable and healthy and full of growth, but triggers that remind me of the past that kinda felt like betrayal is what gets in the way now. So I fear being abandoned, and I fear making mistake of choosing someone who could've chosen me before and doesn't deserve me now. Thanks for your advice though, I appreciate it so much. I know my trauma can even make this bigger too, and I've been told I could have a personality disorder without being fully diagnosed. The 5 year relationship I was in before I re-met my current boyfriend contributed a lot to my emotional struggles now. I wonder if I would've even been in it if I had the support from people like him, so that's another thought.
  8. MESSED up the timeline, after the first time we hooked up, he asked to stay friends. asked me to hook up again, i said no, he got back with his ex, and then nothing
  9. I've been with my current boyfriend for about 2 years. We went to the same middle school, became really close friends in high school (around 2011), and because of his relationship at the time of like 3/4 years, we kind of drifted apart around 2014. Some sort of social media post led to a conversation, which led to us being inseparable since 2020. I've been struggling lately though, because he's great. I love him so much. He makes mistakes, but even when things start to turn unhealthy in any of our behaviors, he acknowledges it. He can say the hard things, but he can also sit with his thoughts and come back understanding. When we began talking again, I had gotten over a tough 5 year relationship, so I started an entirely new life and hadn't spoken to most of the people I went to high school with. Once I graduated, I immediately had to work and eventually moved in with my boyfriend when I was 19 because my family home was being foreclosed on. I paid bills (every single bill. rent, utilities, everything) on my own for 6 months not knowing if I'd be evicted with one mistake and was working for a miserable utilities company that I hated but had to stay at. I couldn't even afford to go to college, and paid out of pocket for a class or two just to have something. All the while, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that ended with heart palpitations and suicidal thoughts. I went through a lot of trauma even before then and I've been putting the pieces together to fully heal. It's been so hard. I forgotten so much and was so happy to just speak to him again because we were so freaking close and the same. Little throwbacks would come up when he would say I was always there for him on social media or some old, long conversations we used to have when venting. I admired that kid since day one. He was just like me, a weirdo. I wanted to know him since the day I first saw him. Lately, a lot of our high school past has been resurfacing. It's been years, right? But I started to remember how much I cared for him and some hurtful memories began to pop up. He was in an on and off relationship with someone who gaslighted him, and I was there for him to speak to for advice. I remember liking him but was such a tolerant person who accepted any treatment to be real with myself. I put my energy into being mature even then and did what I could to *never* selfishly give him advice against her. I rooted for them hard. To me, he was so admirable. He treated her wonderfully, and if anything, it probably would've changed my entire perspective if he ever crossed a line with me. I had a lil crush, but maintained it without ever being disrespectful and keeping my distance always thinking about how she would feel. After being told about awful cheating and gaslighting, they broke up. During that time, he crossed the friendship line and began flirting with me after 3 years of just being close friends. I was like a lil school girl, talking to his friends for advice and being all giddy updating them on how things were going. He confessed to me he always kinda liked me, we hung out, hooked up (he was probably only like, the second guy I ever hooked up with at the time so this wasn't a light thing for me). Right after, he asked to stay friends, he eventually got back with his ex and after high school, again saw their relationship flaunted everywhereeee, he asked me to hook up again, I said no, and we "drifted" apart. Thinking back on it, I think I'm starting to realize we didn't drift apart. He actually hurt me, and during that time, I dealt with sexual abuse, dealt with losing my family home, dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts and I remember always talking to him through his depression but don't really remember him being there for me. I remember us being so similar, but so different. I went to a pretty wealthy school, but I was not that. His parents were together, mine divorced. He lived in a wealthy neighborhood, mine was being foreclosed on. He was allowed to have people over, I was stuck to my house and actually "snuck" out just to simply hang out with him. He went to college, no student debt, for four years right after and got to experience his life, I had the opposite and had to begin paying bills fresh out of high school and had to pay to go to school online, on my own, still pursuing that degree. What life handed us does not take away a single thing he's been through, but it gives some context, but thinking back on it is so painful. I was always there for him, little ole me who went through abuse and trauma and betrayal, but I was always there. He never checked up on me or reached out. ***ty exes reached outs and I ignored them, but still always had a glimmer of "I meant something to them. *** them, but I meant something" and nothing from him. After going through all of that, and putting it aside to be there for him, I didn't even get a check up. Even after knowing I liked him, he didn't check up to make sure I was okay. After his got back with his ex, I was nothing to him. I'm looking back now and I'm so hurt thinking that's my story, and it's like I remembered it all wrong. It feels like I'm the nice girl who finished last and I'm so internally pissed. He doesn't remember though. All he remembers is his ex, his ex and what she put him through, the ex that unfortunately is also a part of my story because him going back and forgetting about me is what made me feel low, and like a side piece, and like someone was chosen over me, like people who hurt others are the ones that win and people like me are forgotten, easily. I remember him, I remember the good things and the bad, and what he put me through, maybe even unintentionally. It's like my soul feels like he had a chance and waited so long. He had the chance to be there for me when I was going through the worst pain but he wasn't. Was he willing to go on without me in his life forever? After all that time? Was he part of my villain origin story where people like him had no interest and dropped me and I was moving on, and then regressed and now I'm dealing with this? And also, is it even fair to him?! I'll go there, because it was years ago. The thing is, this isn't something I held on to and slowly threw this up, I've been trying to figure it out and put my thoughts together on where certain unrecognized behaviors from me come from. He thinks it was a lifetime ago. Even my friends remember. I'm 25, we started talking again when I was 22 and that happened when I was 17. I've been having nightmares about it, and having gone through that trauma, me and him have two entirely different processes and understandings and memories. It could be small to him, but this is needed for my healing journey and I'm done telling myself to let it go if it keeps coming up and is obviously something I have to deal with. I feel so bad for my inner child, and I'm feeling that hurt. What would you do? How can I process this and in a healthy way try to get past it?
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