Rose820

I personally think it’s disgusting. It’s disgusting to continue to lie and throw around all sorts of words to see if that’ll be the key to unlock a girls panties. When you mean NONE of it. It’s hurtful and not right to do anyone. Especially when you take it back 24 hours later after you got it. You can still be intimate, without going all the way and having sex. I’ve had guys agree to coming over and sleeping at my house, I told them I wasn’t ready and they respected it. Never tried. We just laid there, cuddled, talked, kissed. It’s about spending time with that person, and if you want to carry out the rest of the day with them, put your pjs on and go to sleep together… what’s wrong with it. Obviously that’s not the way people think these days about sleepovers. But just because I say I want to spend the night with you doesn’t mean you’re getting any.. because I simply didn’t owe him anything. Same thing with going back to his place the first time, was it an ideal first encounter? Probably not. I just wanted to continue to spend time with him…. So I did. And I was well aware. I wasn’t slurring my words all a mess and didn’t know where I was. I just wanted to spend more time with him. And sure everyone can express their sexual side how they choose, when they choose, and how they choose. But straight out lying to someone’s face about how much you like them (for days), how comfortable you feel around them, how you *trust them* how they calm you down, and how you want to be committed to them just to get in their pants……is just pure evil and soulless . So yeah, I do blame him.

Of course. I’ve had guys offer to fly me to Mexico, take me to France, be their date for a wedding in Costa Rica, all of which I declined because I wouldn’t put myself in that situation. I know men are very sexual human beings, and it’s not a man’s fault that they’re highly sexual. They all want sex and there’s nothing wrong with that. So I took it as oh well, he’s a guy and he wants sex of course.. but I trusted his words and not his actions. This whole time he told me how much he liked me, I make him feel comfortable, he feels he’s known me for a while, he wants it to be more than a fling.. blah blah. I laughed it off because I know men will say whateverrrrr they can. But when after we spent all those days together, having fun going out drinking with friends mind you.. we weren’t alone… the guard went down and so did my judgement. So most of you are right… and appreciated. But asking me to commit was a shocker for me. I’ve heard it all but that.. no. And of course I believed it at the time because my judgement was off, and it shouldn’t have been. I mean, only took him 24 hours to show the true colors. Then bring up the other guy, and bring up how he had commitment issues… gas light me.. etc. But I’ve also had guys I went out with, if we drank too much he would make sure I was safe because he cared. That’s what you do when you like someone. When you’re out to just get laid, they take it as an advantage and strike… and that’s exactly what he did. Now talking about this the red flags were 100% there.. most of you are right and now I know for next time

I never got drunk and passed out. We both went to our friends after party and slept there. Then we woke up in the morning and he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. He got me fresh clothes and I showered there, not together. We were out with friends both nights that we both knew, drinking. And he wasn't a stranger, he was someone I had worked with previously. To me that's not an aspect of having no self respect or not being a girl he could bring home to his family. It's rare but I have many friends that actually had one night stands and now they're married. This is just me trusting someones word when I should've seen the red flags after asking about sex multiple times. I had a gut feeling, but going out and having fun and drinking with him in our group of friends had me put my guard down, mixed in with my raging hormones. I didn't sleep with him until the 6th time hanging out, and after he told me he wanted to commit to me. But I agree with some aspects, I should have never agreed to sleep over if I didn't intend on sleeping with him. I just thought you could still show forms of intimacy, (cuddling, kissing, sleeping in each others beds) without going all the way. But most importantly I shouldn't have gotten drunk with him both nights, because things do get mixed up. You live and learn.

So long story short I met a guy at a staff party who was a new manager where I had used to work (I am no longer an employee) We hit it off, would up getting drunk and I went back to his place for a shower and passed out. He tried to hook up with me a few times and I refused. When he asked me why I told him that I want to establish an emotional connection before getting intimate. I've come up with these boundaries after being burned so many times but I left that part out. He explained that he knew why I didn't want to hook up, because I would "catch feelings" and then become scared, but he said he was ready for that, and that he wanted this to be more than just a fling. So he kept asking me to sleep over, I declined a few times, and kept it moving. We decided to go on a date on his next day off, do something fun during the day, and I agreed to sleep over Tuesday. In between there we hung out during the day at his pool a few times so this was a total of 4th or 5th time hanging. He was calling me honey, babe, telling me how comfortable he felt around me, and then preceded to ask me why I didn't want to get intimate when we laid down. I told him look, these are my boundaries, thats it. He responded that he knew what I was trying to do, and he's okay with it. He said he is willing to wait and he wanted me to know that he wasn't all about sex. We hung out the next day, we went to the pool and he grabbed me close, as he did I felt he was turned on. He brought it up AGAIN, trying to understand my boundaries. And I finally said look, I just want to make sure we're on the same page here....I'm looking for something serious EVENTUALLY, but I don't want to jump into a relationship right NOW. He said " why don't we finish our little suaree and decide if we want to be committed"........which to me, that was basically what I just said but reworded? So we went out on a double date with our friends that night, everything was fine, he acted like my boyfriend and all. We wound up drinking a little more than I had expected, but whatever, we had fun. I brought up how I noticed he had kids on his instagram, and asked if they were his. Mind you, he never brought this up to me. But you know what, it's his business. He didn't have to tell me EVERYTHING, but I figured that's something you should maybe bring up especially since he asked me if I ever wanted to have kids while we were in the pool that day..... Long story short, he said you know what " I know what you want, you want to be committed? Lets be committed. So of course I smiled and agreed, mainly because of the 5 margaritas I had in my system. Was it too early? Of course. But I thought okay I guess this guy is really serious and we can talk about things tomorrow. I went WRONG by letting my guard down and sleeping with him that night. I just thought I could trust him after that I mean what MAN asks to be committed if they don't mean it? We woke up the next day, went to the beach with our friend, and then went out that night again. I brought it up like " hey, did we agree to be in a relationship last night?" Just to talk about it, not to be crazy... and then he brings up how he knew I slept with this guy from work. Which totally didn't mean anything to me, I'm single and can do what I want.... but him and this guy are friends ( not good friends they met briefly at work) and he says well, "you know he's kinda my good friend and thats a little weird. And you know he was banging this other girl you worked with too". Basically making me feel like some *** or something. So then he goes, " why did you make me wait but not this guy" makes no sense. He sort of had a point here, but I told myself I was done feeling like *** after having casual sex. I also liked this guy. And I told him well, " because I like you, it's different". .. Then he precedes to tell me he has commitment issues.... Which mind you NEVER CAME UP until he slept with me. We had a lot to drink so I kind of thought this isn't the right time for this conversation. and he changed the subject anyway.... so I moved on. So his friend calls him on facetime, and he puts me on. I starting waving to his friends and they asked who is that? I was like, his new girlfriend!. He grabbed the phone immediately. I knew deep down that was crazy and I probably shouldn't have said it, but we were drinking a lot and I also thought why would he ask me to be committed if he didn't mean it? So SCREW HIM. We wound up sleeping together that night... and we thought I was on my cycle but I wasn't. He went inside of me without asking and I was furious. The next morning I woke him up because we had to go get the pill, and he tells me... "Publix is right down the street why don't you just go". I made him get up and go with me because absolutely NOT. So then I was pissed, I had an attitude bad, because I feel I had every right to. Long story short I told him I was upset, and if somethings bothering me I'm going to say it... So I asked why he would say let's commit? If he had commitment issues? He immediately turned it around on me and said that was all you! It was your idea. I said NOO, I remember. And he goes well, " I was just drunk". Then preceded to raise his voice at me and say " You're moving too fast, you've been eluding this whole time you want a relationship, we don't even know each other!" Mind you, I was bringing it up because I could not get over someone would just say that and not mean it.... not because I wanted a relationship THAT VERY MOMENT. He couldn't seem to understand my point. The rest of the day went on and the disrespect was unbelievable. I was so sick, so upset, he asked me what I was in the mood for, and then said well, I don't want that, I want tacos! Like why would you even ask. I got back to his place and instantly started packing my things. And I gave him the sass right back. He started to be nice, asked me what I was doing with my day, and then as I was leaving asked me for a kiss. So I kissed him and told myself I would never see him again. I know men get freaked out when girls say they want something serious. But the difference here is I never brought it up, I never said I wanted a relationship right then, he asked me? But then gaslighted me to make me feel as if I was crazy. I could understand if he asked me to be in a relationship because he was drunk, and then woke up and said hey look, you know maybe we should slow it down xyz. But to not even bring it up to me...when I brought it up he flipped out.... and then act like that? I don't know.. I've been with some ***s but this I can't seem to understand.... He never reached out to me since Friday, to ask how I was feeling after taking the morning after pill...nothing. I reached out to him yesterday because I left some things there and told him I'd come by to get it. He said " okay, and how are you feeling?" I didn't even respond. I didn't care to get into it, and come on if you gave a damn you would've asked before. Maybe I'm being crazy because my hormones are all out of whack but... I plan to get my things tomorrow before I go to the pool with my girlfriend who lives in his building. I'm debating if I should have a talk with him, or tell him to leave my things at the front desk and avoid it. It's all just so WILD to me

He left at 1:30 am so I doubt another date but it could be he was just bored and wanted a quick hangout with me

…

I agree with all of that. But he said that on our first date within the first 20 minutes that he wasn’t looking for anything serious but also open. I mean? That’s how I knew it wasn’t me. Then on our third date he said I’m a cool girl, he’s been hanging out with the wrong girls etc. and he just doesn’t want to jump into anything serious so soon. I agreed because it takes time to get to know someone. I mean I think anyone wants to know someone pretty well before committing. Since our first hook up I haven’t felt like he’s been making plans in advanced as much though. I just feel like it went wrong where I made the comment before sex. But like someone else said it was just tongue in cheek I wasn’t trying to be accusatory. But I’m sure now he feels a type of way and doesn’t even want to hook up. I invited him to spend the night so I could redeem myself and turn him on, making him forget about the first time we hooked up and how always I made it by making a comment but it didn’t go that way lol. Like I wanted to show him I was down to hook up and he shouldn’t feel like he forced me into anything. And then make it good lol, but it didn’t go as planned. Almost just seemed like he wanted to get ice cream like friends would do. And maybe threw away any intimate idea to not lead me on like you said. Then for sure didn’t want to sleep over because that would lead to sex. But why bother asking to hangout? Just a very weird situation

Yeah! I mean I wasn’t looking to jump into anything serious or committed so soon either. Just wanted someone to go on dates with, have fun, hook up and see where it goes. I’d consider it dating. But if your a guy that gets freaked out over the thought of spending the night or you just simply don’t want to that’s a sign. Or then again it could Be he’s just weird about going to A girls house or staying at a girls place because he likes his space. I asked if he wanted to stay over before he picked me up. We didn’t talk about what we were going to do exactly we just said “something chill” and he’d pick me up at 8:30. If anything I feel like that sounds more sexual by asking him to stay at my place. But he said “lets get ice cream first” before he even got to my place to pick me up . If it was a guy that wanted to just hook up no strings attached wouldn’t you just take the bait when a girl asks you to stay over? Or say yeah ill come over let’s “watch something”. Instead of let’s go get ice cream lol. I thought I was kind of incinuating I wanted to hook up not be in a relationship necessarily. I don’t know everyone has their own view points I guess

So should I meet up with him and express this to him? Or wait for him to ask me to hangout (if that ever happens) 🤦🏼‍♀️ and then express how I feel? Or maybe neither one of us contact each other again

I honestly never thought of sleepovers as something so serious. I said it to be taken with a grain of salt. I mean I’ve had guys that stayed over that I wasn’t even dating and it was fun I mean we kissed cuddled a bit woke up had a coffee and moved on with our lives lol. But I’m definitely seeing this as a red flag with this one. Thanks for the responses helps a lot!

So I met a guy online and we hit it off immediately. He told me he wasn’t necessarily looking to jump into anything serious too soon, but still would be open to it if it happened. On our fourth date we had a few drinks, he invited me back to his and we started to get intimate. We started kissing, had a bit of foreplay, and he went to reach for a condom. I made a comment by saying “ are you trying to have sex” 🤦🏼‍♀️. I made it super akward where he said well I thought we were on the same page here. We still wound up hooking up but I was extremely mortified afterwards. It just came out of my mouth and I meant it like oh this is happening, rather than “what’re you doing” if that makes sense. We’ve had small talk here and there since…because he isn’t much of a texter. Then he asked to hangout last night and I asked if he wanted to stay at my place. We were both a little hungover from New Year’s Eve and agreed to do something chill so I asked him if he wanted to stay over. Meaning let’s just chill in sweatpants, order some food, maybe cuddle and nurse out hangovers. He didn’t respond for an hour and said “ how about we get ice cream first 😅”. Long story short we went back to my place and watched a movie, then he told me “ I’m going to get out of here” he left, we hugged, and he kissed me on the cheek and said guess I’ll see you around? For me “ see you around” is something that you say to someone you ran into at a grocery store. But he said that the first two dates when we said bye as well. It just felt very akward with him leaving and I felt rejected. I don’t know if it’s because I made things akward when we first hooked up and he felt like he didn’t want to do it again? And wouldn’t you just stay over a girls place if you’re into them? I don’t know if I should text him again to hangout, or kind of just forget about him because he’s not into me any more. Someone help! Lol