Truthwillsetufree

Thank you all again for the responses. I'm going to listen to my gut on this one, and I'm so thankful for running my thoughts by this forum. I think to myself, if there wasn't a concern or flags then I probably wouldn't be typing out my story. I will also check out this book recommendation as well since I do have to work on being a person to set boundaries. I usually accept people as they are too. I think I have some growing to do. I agree I don't think there's a lot to stick around here for, despite really being into the guy. Its unfortunate that he has made assumptions about my character based off our last date even though they don't hold true. He told me he still wants to work this out with me - so basically over exaggeration of comments about me being a cheater and dishonest in fun games - leading to being a cheater in other areas of our relationship suddenly goes out the window and he wants to resume a relationship with me the "so called cheater"...hmmm. interesting to say the least. But I don't think this relationship of mine has any more value, its time for me to step aside even though it will suck for a while but I will eventually be alright.

I just want to thank everyone here for their responses. I appreciate the validation. I will say this, how do I get that experience and strength to walk away from this? How do I establish boundaries? I don't think I have the greatest tools when it comes to walking away. Knowing that the event that has occurred here is far more blown out of proportion than it should be, and the fact that this disagreement and argument is probably about more than just mini golf, I need to talk to him about these feelings. We haven't really spoken much today, and he hasn't really given me much emotion or encouragement on making this work. He has never made me feel like he wants me to stick around. We were supposed to talk on the phone later or meet up and talk about the larger issue at hand here, but he has conveniently decided not to check his text messages so it will have to wait for a later date. We have an event coming up this weekend together, and I'm now guessing that isn't happening anymore. I am very upset that one moment it could feel like I've found someone I can share my life with and then the next, I feel like it all just came crashing down in the matter of an instant. Pretty hard to wrap my head around it 😕

Okay so I've read a few comments now and I appreciate them all! So I just want to thank you. I agree we both have different view points on what is important to us. And me seeing it as a trivial matter isn't trivial to him and I've acknowledged that and told him that even though I don't see it as such, that doesn't mean your viewpoint isn't valid. I've seen this happen a few times where something will bother him, but it doesn't bother me, and that's because we are two different people who are going to react differently to things. As far as mini golf - I get some people are in to playing by the rules. But I was looking at it as just having fun, and I guess in his mind he wasn't. So two very different pages on what our expectations are for playing. I have no problem sticking to the rules if it was made clear to me that he wanted that. However, it was not made clear that he wanted us to play by the rules. I mentioned that if something is bothering him he needs to straight up tell me because I'm that type of person. I am not good with indirect especially if we don't place the same value on what it is that is bothersome. Regardless, having a 2 hour conversation about this after what was supposed to be a fun game of mini golf is a bit much and definitely something for me that felt blown out of proportion. I told him next time we play, ill play by the rules I have no problem doing so. And then he tells me, "you know what? I don't care, I'm going to let you do what you wanna do and I'll have a big smile on my face" And I told him no, because it bothers you, and I have no problem accommodating that instead of you not feeling happy. And for the record I could've cared less who won, maybe I didn't even realize those actions showed something else aka being competitive and it wasn't even my intention to be so. So that can be a lack of my awareness as to how I'm portraying myself, regardless...I've mini golfed with my friends and nothing of this sort has ever come up even if we do re shots. I personally don't know if I can recover from this, I still feel distant and don't know if these feelings for me will come back. Or do I just feel distant because I feel unresolved? Personally I feel like my character was in hard question and for me to actually defend myself, is just a bit much at this early stage. Part of me isn't sure what I want, I thought I enjoyed him, but would it just be best to end it at this? I don't know if I can feel close to him again.

Been dating my boyfriend for the past 3–4 months. We’re both in our 30’s. Me and him rarely fight, actually we haven’t really fought. So the other day, we decided to go mini golfing - which is supposed to be a fun date night which became the complete opposite. Not our first time going mini golfing together. I thought we were having fun in mini golf but after we finished he brought up the concern to me and told me he likes to play by the rules and it really bothers him when someone cheats in the game. He referred to me wanting a “re-do” shot because there were a few times I didn’t put enough power into the shot to get it up the hill and that I didn’t count those shots on our score card and that this bothers him. I mentioned to him that I personally didn’t see a big deal about this, I was just having fun and I thought he was too. I told him I didn’t even care if he wanted a re-do shot it wouldn’t bother me. I told him that I didn’t share the same feelings on the subject so it was hard for me to understand where he's coming from. But because this is how he feels, I need to respect that he has these feelings. And he mentioned that he would never do that, and would just take the shot from where it was because that's how he plays. So I mentioned that if this bothered him the way it does he should’ve told me it did. And he mentioned that he did tell me, but it was indirect and not straight forward and because of the trivial nature and my thought of having fun it didn’t register with me. For me, I felt like it was trivial in nature and something not even worth a disagreement or fight about. But this event led to almost 2 hours of talking about it. He mentioned that he felt like I have a competitive side - which I actually don’t and could care less about the score, but he mentioned that my actions showed otherwise (me keeping our score was me being competitive) but to me that had nothing to do with how I felt about the game. But I also mentioned to him that how he interprets a behaviour, not everyone will have that same interpretation. I know myself and who I am, and I almost felt like I had to defend my character, and that my character was being questioned. But he seems adamant on thinking he knows that I'm competitive even though I keep telling him I'm not. He also mentioned that me keeping score and not counting all the strokes was a form of gas lighting? I can admit there were certain holes where I didn't accurately put the score because I lost count of the actual swings so I just wrote a number and I straight up admitted that too I wasn't hiding anything. I don’t know where this is all coming from, but I haven’t felt more distant from someone in my life. I almost feel like I can’t repair this, how can I feel close to him again after feeling like my character was in question. How does this relationship recover from this? Also this isn’t the first time he has brought of a trivial matter, there was one time early on in the relationship where I kissed him while he was driving and he got mad because his eyes were off the road, and we talked about it after. And I literally was like oh I’m sorry I didn't know that bothered you or I would've never done it in the first place. But this, is almost like another level, and now he basically says, if I can cheat in mini golf what else can I be dishonest about?? And wow I have no intentions of being dishonest to this guy and I was literally just having fun…what do I do?