tattoobunnie

Just say when they turn "three" and don't feel bad. Or do an extended layover, and visit a friend or family in the middle. Or tell them, my friend moved to California, and then her sister and her husband and her other sister and her husband, and then her parents moved by them too. And then tell them to move to the West Coast, so you can all be together. Great way to change the subject. And every time they ask, say, "why don't you move here!" It shuts down the conversation really quick. And trust me, they can ask, and you can always say "No," but don't take it personally. They just want to see their grandkid.

I am not saying excuse it or just accept her behavior, but I think after 5 years of this...I seriously doubt it's to the point the kids are in danger. It's annoying, it sucks, and I'm sure he's discussed it ad nauseum. Approaching the situation differently with more knowledge about it is helpful. With treatment, she would learn new coping techniques and helpful tactics to help them treat these symptoms. I gather he thinks she's doing this on purpose or with malintent . But I have a feeling based on the exact same scenarios to a "T" that it can very much be undiagnosed ADHD. Definitely watch this.

I see one of my best buds once a year who lives a few hours away. I either go visit her, or vice versa. I only chat with her to make plans for the visit. Then, we have the best time. I may not see or talk to her, but she's and I would help "bury" bodies and drop everything to help each other. And, she is a best friend to me. I think you just need to try to make local every day grab coffee or movie friends. It's not easy as adults, but vary for each person, and you will have friends to chill with on the regular. Lots of men my husband knows are the pits at making plans, but they love each other nonetheless, and have full-on texting all the time.

My hubs mom is a hoarder, so I get what you're saying. But, my hubs has garbage all over his seats too. So, I can speak from experience that the OP's statement may just be from his frustrations, and lack of understanding from the invisible barriers that his girlfriend is struggling with. When you don't understand this neurodivergent behavior, they are just told they are lazy, uncaring or selfish. And they are nothing like this. My hubs hates that he's not clean; the endless clutter. ADHD is very complicated and treated as a moral failing and made to feel ashamed, but it's a medical condition. Learning more about it on her end and his makes a huge difference for the better. My son also has ADHD. Always made to feel ashamed of themselves doesn't help. I think the OP should get some info and learn more about it, and encourage her to get checked out. Talking, making lists, approaching it with neurotypical methods aren't working.

This is a good video to start: and ADHD presents differently in women! It's not just about being able to pay attention.

Yup! You would be surprised how he keeps his workspace and work vehicles. All about the dopamine! Work life and personal home life are 2 different things.

Sounds 100% ADHD Check out https://www.youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD/videos Your GF sounds exactly like my hubs right down to leaving the meat out. She won't change, but there are tools she can incorporate into practice that can definitely help.

No and No. Just went to a funeral with my husband, and a big Ex walked in with us, and I had no idea. He then tells me how awkward that was, and then I confirmed it was her. Wasn't awkward for me; just went about my day, and caught up with old friends. It's one thing for her to throw a party, invite an ex, and not tell you. But someone else is, and you are guests. Sorry, but so what if the ex is there. Are you going to avoid all hers and your exes forever, when you can run into them on the street? Just be cool, and have a good time. The best revenge is a life well lived.

Smoked for 16 years, and tried many times to quit with little to no success even with people offering large sums of money. Then, I found out I was pregnant, and went from half a pack to 1 a day for a week, to done, period. And never did I once ever tell my hubs I thought he was a horrible human. Sorry, bub, that's just her talking, not the nicotine. She's just an A$$hole.

Very good. Please keep us posted. It can be very very hard, and many times you will feel guilty, but trust me, he is a violent, toxic person, and you and child must stay safe.

Yes, he got what he wanted.

How does you having a sex life before you dated each other, hurt him? Because he can't claim you're a potential blushing bride? What is this time portal? The 1950's? Were you suppose to be a practicing nun before him? A REAL MAN wouldn't hold your past sexual experience over your head like this. You have done nothing wrong. If I were you, I'd drop this bozo. A person who really deserves you is someone who loves you warts and all, and thinks you are the best.

Babies take 9 months to cook full-term. Was the baby born at 7 months, or 9 months? I mean, your kid is 6 now, you should have an idea by now. Sorry to hear how jealous you are about her writing about her ex. Reminds me of the TV show Self/Life. I mean, did you think she was an inexperienced woman at 30 YEARS OLD? And you've never gotten back together with an ex before? I think you need to stop what you are doing. Focus on all the positive things in your marriage and your kid, and just take each day by day to move forward. I have plenty of stuff out here, including this forum that I kid you not, have no idea what I wrote over a decade ago. I honestly don't look back much. Why in the world are you punishing her for having a sex life before you?

Open a separate savings account, and ear mark it for something big like a vacation. Have 10% automatically distributed with each paycheck into this account. And put 5% in an IRA whether from your company, or create a ROTH IRA. Then, if you are feeling really antsy, put another 10% into an additional savings account with each paycheck. This way, whatever is leftover, you use towards bills. And give yourself a $50/week allowance to buy whatever you want, like treating yourself to lunch or dinner. Just because you see coworkers buying clothes or manicures...who cares. That's frivilous spending to me.

Pinching isn't discipline. It's abuse that is a buildup to straight hitting. If your sister isn't going to kick him out, you must do it. Kids don't know how to protect themselves, so just accept it; and it becomes their normal. This is why child molesters and child predators are people they know. The build up slowly to gain their trust.

It's been 2.5 months, and you still can't see her point of view either.

So you tell him he was rude first. Then, he tells you, you were being rude. You could of just said, "so what did you think of the photo I texted last night?" Instead, you accuse him straight off the bat that he's a selfish as$wipe with, "I sent something nice but you ignored it" His response sounds perfectly matched to yours to me.

Your young daughters should never be made to perform. And it's not up to your girlfriend to act like a second mother. I think your expectations that you'd mesh so quickly and effortlessly are over the top and unrealistic. You are putting way too much pressure too soon. Regardless of how her kid is with you, 1.5 years is not typical for two families to blend. Slow your roll. Don't have her at the house when your kids are there. Meet at the movies. Meet a museums. At the park for hiking. Axe-throwing. Things that have you all naturally get to know each other. Let everyone and you take your time.

I had an advanced painting teacher that was annoying He was a first year there and a schmo, and I had him fired. I also have a buddy who never painted in his life, and one day started doing it and was one of the best at school. My point is, don't take what one professors says as what to do in life. I find a lot of times, they are talking about their own shortcomings. Follow your heart. Live your passion. And you go to college for networking too; it's not just about the courses you take.

I would just block him without her knowledge. I everyone here will say, be respectful, blah, blah, blah, but I have been where you are, and have the T-shirt to prove it. Out of sight, out of mind, and trust me, all good upstanding people aren't regularly or if at all busting into someone's marriage, to lull them into an emotional affair. I'm not saying they aren't doing their part, but really, some low lives are out of sight, out of mind. That was several years ago, and she never contacted my hubs since...cuz I blocked her, and he never bothered reaching out. I believe if it's not good for the marriage, and they aren't people they need to speak to, then why permit it. About to celebrate 11 years soon, and we are happy.

Custody doesn't have to be a battle. Custody arrangements is about the deciding what is best for the children. The abuse she shows you is what she will do to the kids when you may not have them. Sorry, you didn't have the best time during your folks divorce, but if that is the only reason why you stay, then, sorry man, you are just as selfish having your kids watch. This is becoming their normal. How you are treated is how they believe someone should be treated.

Doesn't matter if you like it or not. It's where the ladies all are. Try it...sends the message you are evolved, even if you aren't.

Do you not want a divorce because you believe you will lose friends and prestige and not look like picture perfect? Do you feel like you're a failure if you don't stay? The kids don't need you to be married to be happy. Your marriage isn't what makes kids happy. It's happy parents that make kids happy and thrive. You've tried for 20 years to make it work, and the common denominator is that your wife is selfish and lazy. That's on you for staying. If you want another 20 more years of the same BS, then stay, and just enjoy sleeping not in a room or having any respect whatsoever. I don't care what you did in the past or whatever friend you had. You're not happy. This relationship aka "partnership" isn't working, and no amount of therapy or walking on egg shells will fix it. No one needs an extra adult child to deal with. She isolates you from your folks, new friends. The only thing you get out of it is stress and fear you won't have access to your kids. Start keeping a daily log of when she fails to pick them up, living conditions, inability to function; I would seek full custody to get them away from her shi77y parenting. A person who can't make anything on time or keep the home in livable condition isn't a fit parent.

Yoga!

Once they feel they've conquered you...isolated you, made you feel you're the one in the wrong, question yourself, had you quit your job, have him become the sole source or breadwinner...it's downhill from there. Narcissists never realize they are one, and do not get better. They just finetune when you see the real them, and by then, they've become successful as gaslighting you, that you don't even see it or believe it.