Jake247

That’s good advice. I talked to my dad and he said the same thing. Who cares what people think, because my happiness at the end of the day is the most important.

I’ve reached out to talk to a counselor. I agree that I do need some help here to help me process my emotions. I will be hopefully getting help soon. In the meantime I appreciate everyone’s responses and their help. She can’t seem to come to that conclusion in her mind that it takes both people and that her unhappiness could be form other factors or how she feels about herself.

I know I’ve done things that have hurt her. My childhood trauma is rooted in me feeling no emotions at time and she says that I have no empathy towards her. I do agree that this is a very complex issue and she constantly reminds me this isn’t her and I’ve caused her to become this person. I just feel like everything is my fault in this relationship and she never takes accountability for herself. It’s all justified. She’s called me a narcissist and made me out to be the bad guy in every scenario. While I do struggle to show my emotions or talk about them, I know I’m the furthest thing from that. She even had me buy a book to understand how narcissistic I am. Then I read through texts with her mom and her mom told her I’m the furthest thing from that and she’s dropped that story now. I’m well aware of all my mistakes and the things I’ve done to hurt her. being a single dad I had issues of wanting her to be there for me and fox my problems. I would get upset when she would leave or wouldn’t be there for me or something that had to do with my son. I guess I’m just looking for advice because I feel like I can’t walk away. I’m too embarrassed to have a failed engagement again. I just can’t seem to get it right.

I’ve been with my now fiancé for 2 years. Our relationship has definitely had its ups and downs, but overall there’s been a lot to figure out. I’ll admit, I brought a lot of baggage to my relationship. I’m mid thirties, divorced with one kid, and had a failed engagement (I chose to leave) due to many different reasons. When I met my fiancé she wasn’t a smoker, she quit for over a year but has struggled with smoking on and off since college. I have such a hard time with her smoking because not only does she get my hopes up and almost always fail, but she has major mood swings and within 7-10 days of quitting we end up in massive fights with her raging on me. When she comes at me aggressively she’s always going off and says such horrible things to me. It’s eroding my self confidence and I feel like I’m constantly a problem. in the moment she continually makes me feel like I’m the reason she smokes, how unhappy she is, why my last fiancé cheated on me, and how horrible of a human I am. I literally just sit there and have nothing to say while she goes off on me for hours. this fight lasts usually 2 days and then she comes to a realization that it probably was the nicotine withdrawal and she’s sorry for what she’s said. im really struggling with everything and feel extremely defeated emotionally. I’ve never in my life felt so ***ty about myself and feel like I never do anything right or can say anything right to her. there is some truth to what she has said.. I do struggle with depression and have childhood trauma I’ve never understood how to deal with. She’s helped me in so many areas but these fights are weighing so heavy on me and make me feel like a horrible person, when I know I’m a good person and I care so much. just looking for someone who has gone through quitting and what advice you can give me. I’ve completely let go of making any comments to her about smoking anymore. She wants to quit, but I guess I just have major anxiety every time she tells me she’s quitting because I know she turns into a different person. One time she flipped on me for not getting her the right candy. It’s been a struggle and I need some help.