tattoobunnie

I would just block him without her knowledge. I everyone here will say, be respectful, blah, blah, blah, but I have been where you are, and have the T-shirt to prove it. Out of sight, out of mind, and trust me, all good upstanding people aren't regularly or if at all busting into someone's marriage, to lull them into an emotional affair. I'm not saying they aren't doing their part, but really, some low lives are out of sight, out of mind. That was several years ago, and she never contacted my hubs since...cuz I blocked her, and he never bothered reaching out. I believe if it's not good for the marriage, and they aren't people they need to speak to, then why permit it. About to celebrate 11 years soon, and we are happy.

Custody doesn't have to be a battle. Custody arrangements is about the deciding what is best for the children. The abuse she shows you is what she will do to the kids when you may not have them. Sorry, you didn't have the best time during your folks divorce, but if that is the only reason why you stay, then, sorry man, you are just as selfish having your kids watch. This is becoming their normal. How you are treated is how they believe someone should be treated.

Doesn't matter if you like it or not. It's where the ladies all are. Try it...sends the message you are evolved, even if you aren't.

Do you not want a divorce because you believe you will lose friends and prestige and not look like picture perfect? Do you feel like you're a failure if you don't stay? The kids don't need you to be married to be happy. Your marriage isn't what makes kids happy. It's happy parents that make kids happy and thrive. You've tried for 20 years to make it work, and the common denominator is that your wife is selfish and lazy. That's on you for staying. If you want another 20 more years of the same BS, then stay, and just enjoy sleeping not in a room or having any respect whatsoever. I don't care what you did in the past or whatever friend you had. You're not happy. This relationship aka "partnership" isn't working, and no amount of therapy or walking on egg shells will fix it. No one needs an extra adult child to deal with. She isolates you from your folks, new friends. The only thing you get out of it is stress and fear you won't have access to your kids. Start keeping a daily log of when she fails to pick them up, living conditions, inability to function; I would seek full custody to get them away from her shi77y parenting. A person who can't make anything on time or keep the home in livable condition isn't a fit parent.

Yoga!

Once they feel they've conquered you...isolated you, made you feel you're the one in the wrong, question yourself, had you quit your job, have him become the sole source or breadwinner...it's downhill from there. Narcissists never realize they are one, and do not get better. They just finetune when you see the real them, and by then, they've become successful as gaslighting you, that you don't even see it or believe it.

It is a high sex drive, or do you need the adrenaline from being in years and years of abusive relationships to feel you are loved? How often do you have sex or masturbate? Does his breath smell? How's his teeth? Does he floss? Exotic foods and traveling? Do you invite him to places, and let him know where to expect your next adventure together. Sounds like you are looking for drama or the other shoe to drop, so you nitpick. Which is a product of fear of commitment - reason being PTSD from previous relationships. Nothing wrong with taking more time get back to yourself.

Perfect. It's sweet. And perfect as a grad gift.

Your son and DIL can rent a place. They don't need a house. They need to learn to budget and save. Just because they're in their 30's does not mean they need a house. If they can't afford and apartment now, there's no way they'll ever be able to afford a house, and that's not on you and not your problem. It's cheaper to put that hotel money towards a full deposit for an apartment.

Speaking personally...When you're holding down a very fulltime job, 2 barky dogs and 2 kids, 1 who has special needs, all other obligations, and all of their obligations like parties, sports, clubs, all of the planning for family events, having to tell the other grown adult what to do, where to take kids while you get to stare at your phone when you're there and where to go is unsexy...UNSEXY...I will repeat, stressful and unsexy. This pretty much sums her orbit right now. And, she has to plan the romance because I guess you can't do it or something? And when you don't divide and conquer unless she has to spell it out for you, ughhhhh...make her life easier without being told, and the gratitude will come. Try organizing the calendar...actually cooking the meals. Doing your own laundry and the kids. Whatever is happening now, just being a chauffer and ordering takeout isn't enough.

How's this working out for you. Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. His bills, his mail...they are seen as bargaining chips you hold over them. My husband and I are in this boat where his mom was doing this, and it drove us further and further away.

My MIL tried holding gifts and promises of money and fortune over my hubs and my head...drove us even further away. Using bribes and him building resentment over that is not a learning or teachable moment for him or you. You also tell him you treat him like a child who cannot be responsible for himself or his choices when you pay his way. The #1 way to not come off as the overbearing parent is by stepping back, even if it's important mail. It's called mail forwarding. All full-time jobs in the US offer medical insurance. You want him to grow from this experience and find his way, let him learn what fundamental bills are. He has the choice to come home.

No it won't. You are enabling his choices. Stop thinking money will keep you connected, or sway opinion. He needs to learn, actions have consequences. Money hasn't gotten you out of this yet, and money won't get you through this now. Paying them makes you look guilty. Like you are buying his love because you are in the wrong. If you can't see it that way...stop giving money to a drug addict.

Stop paying his bills. He made his choice...let him eat his beliefs. She can pay for them. Kill her with kindness. Don't fight it. If you try to get others to fix it, it will drive him further away. Hang back, and he will soon (well not soon) get tired of her BS. But it will happen.

Buckle up! 5 doesn't make them fully-emotionally formed human beings...there are ways to go! It's not just how you parent. Kids want to feel empowered, in control, and don't have the same perspective as adults. So lower your expectations! I mean that kindly. Don't blame yourself...kids will be kids. I use the 1-2-3 Magic. I countdown from 5 to 1, and that situation fixes itself faster. And you only have to punish them once or know what the punishment is...not even sure if I have ever had to punish them when I count down 🤣

I am in the epicenter of the crazy BOE and library people, so I get your pain. Just nod and smile and change the subject, or get up and talk a walk elsewhere. And use catch phrases, like, "what?! Really?! That's crazy!"

All the grandparents my kids know, they love each other so much, and we regularly see and visit them. Whether or not your son stays a deadbeat, you can still have a relationship if the mom is up for it. Congrats!! My hubs dad was 18, and my mom was 20 when he had her brother. Don't feel bad for your kid.

Yes, but on a first date. Screams low self-esteem to me. Who has time to fix a broken bird?

I have seen or spoken to my MIL since 2010. She's an abusive narcissist. Can I ask did they get into a fight long ago, or what does your wife say why she hates your mom? How often do you bring her up - do you ever compare them on how they are with kids, discipline, cooking, shopping, places traveled, how they dress, etc. Treating your wife as second fiddle would cause any partner to hate the top person.

RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG! You haven't even been on a second date, and she's already trying to make you feel guilty.

Sounds like Andrew wants to get with Claire. I would not take it personally, and invite Andrew and not Claire for things. I wouldn't treat her like a bestie, but okay to treat Andrew as a bestie who also wants to date Claire.

Nope. That is the PTSD talking. You did nothing wrong, but protect others from this turd's bs.

My kid had this, and we took him to the urologist. He got fixed right away. I forgot the name of it, but it's common!

I believing in protecting whistleblowers. Whistleblowers should be protected. The company doesn't want a potential lawsuit on their hands. I would breathe easy. Being a manger means making tough decisions, and you won't always be liked. It's interesting - no matter how much you care or do your best for employees, you are always looked at as "the man" rolling around in money. People aren't going to dislike you for keeping a toxic person out. What you did was right. They may dislike you as a boss, but that comes with the territory! Own it!

Owner of two a multimillion dollar companies, and also hires people. I would 100% take you word for it, and not hire the guy. But I would have also spotted predatory behavior in my due diligence of qualifying a candidate. I got you. Take a deep breath. You need to not keep swallowing their poison. It will work out.