2clueless
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Well today sucks for some reason a little more than some others have, I am having such a hard time trying not to think about the ex and the more I try not to the more I do....then I keep running through everything and I really really miss him today. It sucks going through this, and I know everything happens for a reason but I really can't see the reason right now...the hardest thing for me to let go of is the whys ? and I know there will always be whys ? but I can't stop thinking about them !! I thought things were suppose to get better after a month...my problem is I don't want to move on and I keep hoping that everything will be fine when I know in my heart it wont be, but my mind keeps hoping...I am torturing myself. I just hope that those on the other side have to feel some of this pain as well becasue it is not fair !!!!! Augh !!!
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I would tend to disagree, I find that many men tend to move on much faster by filling the void with another women...or by having the rebound relationship. I have seen 4 of my guy friends recently not including my ex move right into a new relationship or dating just weeks after breaking up...and they were all in very serious relationships. Maybe it is just my friends but I find that quite a few men will pick up a girl, not only to fill there time but the empty feelings they have, and also for sexual reasons. Not to say they will not miss there ex or feel loss later on, but most of the men I know dismiss these feelings while it would hurt the most. I find that women are picker with moving on because either they were badly hurt or they are looking for a certain standard. I also thinks that it makes a little but of differance what side you were on wether you are the dumpee or the dumper - not to say that it will not hurt for both parties, but I think the one doing the dumping has time to mentally prepare themselves in advance for the breakup making it easier on them. Just my thoughts
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Well said eaqrlier it wouldn't get any worse !! Well it did ! Found out the my Ex of just three weeks has alredy started dating, talking toa mutual friend today form the marina, and he had her out on the boat on the weekend !! Anyway found out and called him, asked if he was cheating all along, or course says noand then says that he has done nothing wrong that after all it has been three weeks !! Augh !!! When he left he said he needed to be alone, as if !!!! What a S***Head, anyway as you said before Kinatra at least this is happening now and not later when we could have been married etc...just hurts like heck !! Really don't get how someone moves on so quick, he must have left me to be with her !! No way he meet her last week after he got back from FLa. and already taking her out for full days on the boat !! Well he certainly filled a void real quick !!! I think his problem was he was to good looking and to rich !! Thinks he can do anything !!! He actually had the nerve to start yelling at me and getting mad at me becasue I called him after a three weeks and asked him that he actually tried to lame blame on me by saying I forced moving in etc when I was always the one to pull back !! I should n't be surprised though he didi this to his ex wife as well - I think there may be serious underlying issue with teh loss of his mother as a teenager after looking after her for so long, may have something to do with him always deserting happy relationships and jumping into the next !! WOW sorry for the Vent - just pissed I guess
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Hey Kinatra Yes of course we all have these days, 3 weeks for me to, and still have those moments. Actually had an entire weekend moment ! Went away to the cottage with a bunch of friends and of course they are all couples. What sucks is that you all of a sudden start seeing the little affections people show for each other and it makes me miss that !!! Miss Him ! For me it is the simple things that I miss so much ...the little pecks, the affectionate touch etc.. Also to me, it all of a sudden seems as though the world is couples everywhere .... everywhere I look.... Anyway this I am sure will all pass with time, it just sucks right now and the best thing is...think back to three weeks ago and think how you felt it will never be that bad again !!!! I'm sure we will be posting in three weeks time again, and it will be better than now as well !!! 8)
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How is it that so many men once they get into a serious relationship don't know what they want anymore !! I have read so many post everywhere about men doing this ? What causes the "I don't know what I want" syndrome ? Is it fear of being tied down, not being able to play the feild, grass is greener syndrom, commitment ? Just don't understand Men's thinking ?
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Hi...just wanted to express what I am feeling....
2clueless replied to kinatra's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Kinatra If you don't mind me asking - how did you know she was not the one ? If you loved her and had fun with her and enjoyed the relationship etc.. what was missing ? Was it simply a fear of commitment ? Did you know all along she wasn't the one or did something just click one day that you knew that she wasn't the one ? Did you consider marriage and contimplate it before you decided she was not the one ? It seems as though you are happy and know that you made the right choice, which is great and shows you are a very strong person for letting go of the security and not being afraid to be alone but how are you so sure ? Sorry for all the questions just trying to understand mens way of thinking? -
Not sure I'm the one after 4 years ? Need Advice from men?
2clueless replied to 2clueless's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Well I think I finally found the missing piece.....I went away for a corporate retreat for a weekend he was happy at 5 on Saturday and couldn't wait to talk to me etc.. leaving me voice mails and by the time I got back on Sunday at 12:00 he had changed. I remember now asking him if he had done drugs or something becasue he was so out of it and just acting weird. He said no, just tired from partying late with the boys and I never thought anything of it....Well as you have probably guessed I think he cheated .... after that night he acted weird all week and didn't want to be intimate Now I am just assuming this but it does make sense - I didn't call him to ask him if this was true becasue I am trying to stay away but it is the only thing that makes sense, because people do not change their minds that quickly about love...especially after 4 years ..I had asked if his feeling changed for a while and he said no....so something happened to change him on Saturday night.....it does make sense why he would want to end things so quickly and not want to see me ....also he hasn't given me a reason except as I said before that he needs to be alone. Would this be normal behoviour for someone who cheats ? He probably can't live with himself now and it would make sense why he wants to be alone to figure everything out ?? How do men who cheat normaly act if something like this happens ? -
I have a question for all those who have broken up with there SO to be alone..... Why do you make promises of a future when you really don't want one ! What I guess I am trying to say why would you mislead your partner to believe something that is not going to happen ? So it hurts more ? My ex-BF would always bring up the future and say we were meant for each other, that he was happier with me than he ever has been etc.. and he would also tell this to other people voluntarily. He was also the one to always bring up Marriage and making future commitments .. not me !! So what I am wondering is, why would you do that ...if you have no intention of following through.. I mean I can understand agreeing with someone to keep the peace until you have had time to mull it over in your head and make a decission whether or no to stay.. but to be the instigator in bringing up the long term and inforce that we would be together forever and grow old etc...I really do not understand !!!! If anyone has any answer please help.. I am dwelling on this fact and can't seem to move on and I need too !!!!!!!
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This is just and extension of Women and Commitment ?What about Men? Men do the same thing, I am living proof right now it has been 2 weeks since my live in BF of 4 years decided that he needed space and to be alone to find himself. He also said that he needed to know that he could make it on his own and make decissions for himself ? To figure out who he was before he coudl decide what he wanted out of life. I don't know I don't get it, but that is coming from a women that does not need to find herself. His biggest issue was that he has never been on his own, he has always gone from one realtionship to the next, now I can't say that I am much better but I have been on my own before when my second removed ex went to England for a year to get his Masters Degree, so I guess I already know what it feels like to be on your own for some time at an older age ??? Personally I think being alone is overrated, especially if you can be your own person in a relationship and there personality complement's you. Who know maybe it is similar for women to feel they can do it own there own too ?
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Not sure I'm the one after 4 years ? Need Advice from men?
2clueless replied to 2clueless's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Well Boy do I knwo how you feel as well Cynthia!! Everyone keeps telling me in including him that he has been crying every night !! He did say once to me that maybe it was relief as well !! But it still doesn't make sense becasuse he keeps telling me that he does love me, and is still in love with me and that we were great but he is just not sure we are ment to be together. He is previously divorced (31) and I am 27 and we actually started dating after his seperation and alot of people think that may have something to do with it !! A fear of a previously failed marriage ? Who knows I wish I knew but something doesn't make sense ? But I guess all our cases really don't make sense ? I just wish I knew beacuse he keeps telling me that I was great and everything was great but he is just not sure if that is all it takes to make a marriage work or if i am the one ? AnywayI guess he has to figure it out on his own and be on his own right now, so all I can do is exactly that !!!! -
Not sure I'm the one after 4 years ? Need Advice from men?
2clueless replied to 2clueless's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Thanks so much for your replys I am sorry that both of you also have had to go through this as well. I guess I will just have to let him be, it's hard thought because my problem is that I stew, like I should have an answer. I keep running through what went wrong, and I guess that hardest thing to believe is that nothing went wrong as he tells me. He just need space !! I guess my thinking is Happy people don't need space, they know what they want. I guess it is just hard to let go when you feel like you have no answers !! Thanks again!! -
Hi all, Well it is my first time ever doing this but I am really confussed and in need of some advice. My BF of 4 years living togehre for 1 decided onm Sunday he no longer wnat the realtionship because he is not sure I am the one. WE were very happy never fought got along great, had great chemistry etc.. and he agrees and said he was happy and that he loves me but is not sure we are ment to spend our lives together? I am so confussed beacsue he was always the one wanting more and just two weeks ago he said he wanted to be with me for life ? No this ? I just don't get it... I asked him if he was lying all along about wanting to be with me and he said no that he meant everything he said but he is not sure ? How can someone be sure for 4 years and then not the next week ? He said that it has nothing to de with me that I am great and that it has everything to do with him ? So confussed ? Does anyone have any insight at all as to what is going on......he said he is trying to be honest with me but he just doesn't know right now and the only he does know is for the past week something hasn't felt right ? That he has a gut feeling ? How does someone change so quickly ? How does he tell me he lpoves me and never lied about spending our lives together but then not want what you said you wanted all along ? He keeps saying if it is meant to be it will be ? I can't leave it up to faith and not sure what to do ?