shep88ner

i see what you're saying, but drinking is much more accepted than pot. i went through a phase in my life where i smoked pot too and was always high. ive since stopped but i did notice people were different towards me when they found out i smoked. my highschool though was known around our area for drinking. you were in the minority if you didnt drink at my school. so it was WAY more common and people looked at you weird if you didnt drink. and the way college is, people are staight up to our professors and tell them "im getting wasted right after class" and the professors just laugh. so, i dont know, i know it can get me in a lot of trouble but im so desperate for friends right now...but i have a while yet, if i do this "go to class drunk" thing, i wont be until april anyway...so, we'll see what happens

i really enjoy the song "standing outside the fire" by garth brooks.

nah, it's college...i chat with a few people here and there and joke with some people. i just dont talk unless im adressed first. but yea, it's college. if im drunk in class and someone asks why im talking so much, ill just grin real big and laugh and tell them im wasted...they'll think its funny and it'll be a good icebreaker for everyone and they'll see the cool side of me long enough to know im not just some weird quiet kid. and then from then on out they'd probably talk to me more

if you read my other post about my anxiety disorder theory then this is kind of a more in depth look at it...with a lot more feelings and thoughts...thanks! i am pretty positive i have social anxiety disorder. i know it's not just me being really shy because i get so nervous talking to people i could almost throw up sometimes. but i have found that alcohol really helps. being drunk off my butt makes me who i want to be. i know you're thinking, "well of course it does! you're drunk!!!" but i just dont know why. ill explain... i was at a bonfire with a couple close friends of mine. then on top of that there was this guy ive never seen before in my life and he was there with us. before we drank, they were all talking up a storm and i stood back and didnt say a word because i was too nervous infront of this new person. so we cracked open the cases of beer and stuff and before long we were all stubling all over the campsite wasted. my buddies walked off somewhere and it was only me and this new guy left at the fire. i walked up to him and we had the most engaging long conversation of my life. i had never met the guy before and we were talking about all this personal stuff and all that. i was complelty comfortable around him and i loved meeting him and getting to know him. (like normal people do when they meet someone new). so the night ended and we all said our goodbye's. the next time i saw this guy, i couldnt talk to him again. i was too nervous again, just like always. but when i was drunk, we were talking about his family, his past, his friends...everything. it's like i knew what to talk about when i was drunk. and it wasnt the drunk that i dont remember anything and have no idea what i was doing, i remember it all and i remember i was thinking very clearly. i know getting into a huge drinking habit is terrible and i cant be doing it just to feel good or i'll become an alcoholic. but i was just curious of why i was able to let my emotions go when i was drunk and have a real conversation and be the real me and open up. i LOVE how i felt that night, that was the real me, the real me that people never get to see. and i was making a great friend in a matter of minutes. i am in college now and i have no friends here. im too scared to talk to anyone or participate in almost everything. i just stay in my room a lot. but i know if i felt like i did when i was drunk id have SO many friends and id be a totaly different person. i really know deep down once you get past my shyness im a fun person to be around. it's got to the point ive considered bringing some vodka to my room secretly and going to some class's drunk just so i can fit in and make friends. but i know that's the absolute wrong way to handle this...what should i do? why is it like this?

thanks Derailed! yea, i do still love her and i care very much for her. its just sometimes i dont always know what to do. we fight so often and we've got into some pretty seriously mean arguments. talking to her might work out well. because i guess one reason i am considering ending it is because she doesnt think id ever do it. she thinks ill just put up with her crap forever and id never have it in me to actually say it's done. so i guess to put her back in perspective i had the thought of just moving on and being serious about it. but talking to her and telling her straight up that it's over for good unless there are some serious changes made and im honest, i think she might come around. or if not, then maybe we shouldnt be together anymore...who knows

ive been with this girl now for 10 months. we talk often about the future and how our wedding is going to be and what our house will be like. i bought her a $100 promise ring for her and gave it to her the night i left for college. it has both our names engraved in it and everything. ($100 for me is a lot of money). well, for a while i thought college was making us closer. but i just dont know anymore. we've both grown very bold in our arguments and we say the most mean things to eachother. ive got to the point when she cries i dont try to comfort her anymore. it's just all messed up. when i come home on weekends, it seems like all we do is fight. we've "broke up for good" countless times. ive never had a girlfriend for this long. she is only my 3rd girlfriend and im 18 years old. my longest before her was 3 weeks!!! i really love her a lot and i cant let go. her family is SO good to me, and my parents LOVE her. my sister is even in her marching band squad! to everyone else we seem SO so perfect. we're the "cutest couple". but behind the scenes we're always fighting and yelling and saying mean things. tonight i traveled to an away football game (1 hr away). it was pouring rain and it cost me $6 i didnt have so i could watch her final marching band performance. we had a little argument before the game and when i got there, she ignored me. she glanced at me 2 times the whole game. she usually talked to me, wanted me to sit by her, she'd call me to do stuff for her...all that. she didnt even LOOK at me until i was about to leave. we said NO words. i sat there and got soaked and watched our team lose...again. i had it set in my mind i was going to end it tonight for real. but we got together after the game and had the normal "bad fight". i couldnt bring myself to do it. it would change my life SO much and she's really all i got since i have NO friends in college (im really shy). i talk to her all the time to make myself feel good. but it's so hard on me to keep doing this. we're both extremely jealous and we disagree on almost everything. she hates my drinking habits, i hate her flirtationsness. i jsut dont know what to do, i have my own little plan to see how this weekend goes, then if it stays like this, im ending it this weekend for good (seriously this time). but i just dont know. because when we're not fighting, we really are the perfect couple. i just cant let go, and i cant bring myself to do it. anyone have and comments or anything? i just really need to talk to someone about this...what should i do???

i was with my girlfriend about a week after we had been dating. well, we had some to drink and she more than i was pretty drunk. well, we were kissing and stuff (i wasnt being a jerk and not trying to take advantage of her situation!). neway. we stoped for a bit because her ex bf had called and they had a lil argument bout w/e in their past. so when she hung up. she was making fun of him. and mentioned how she tried to have sex with him once and he didnt know what to do. she said he just kept screwing up and eventually she laughed and said "andew...just put your pants back on..." and she was making fun of him. she doesnt remember this convo because she doesnt rememebr nething she says when she's drunk. so she was scared she told me too much bout andrew and all that. well, a few months later, we tried to have sex for the first time. i was a virgin and of course i was extemely nervous. so everything was going ok and we both had all our clothes off n everything, and then i tried to put on the condom. lucky me, i couldnt get the damn thing on! i went through 4 condoms trying to get it on and i couldnt (i paniked after the 1st one) so i was just freaking out and ended up just tellin her i couldnt do it with total embarrassment. THEN, a week later, i tried again. i got the condom on, but just before i was able to put it in her, lucky me again, i came right then n there b4 it even got 1/4 inch in. so my question is, if she made fun of her ex SO badly about not being able to perform then what is the possibility she thinks stuff bout me messing up? i mean, we've been dating for 9 months now and needless to say, ive fixed my problem and we have sex quite frequently now and not to sound cocky, i think im pretty good for learning all on my own. im jsut scared she has thoughts about me and how i messed up too. not that she tells ppl, but that she feels the same way bout my misfortunes. SO from a ladies mindset, what most likely would you say is her thoughts? if you were my girlfriend, what would you think?

yea, dont worry about the size, the most important thing is confidence. just go into it with the mindset that you're HUGE and the most amazing guy ever in bed. this well inevidably make you more confident. size doesnt matter if you have confidence.

yea sure, just whatever turns you on during sex or before sex or whatever. because everyone has their own little preference and their own little "things".

alright this is weird. i am in college and my girlfriend calls me ALL the time. we talk on the phone just about every single free moment i have. we used to spend every day together when i was back home. so when i left for college i knew it would be a good thing to be apart for a while, because we all know it is unhealthy to spend THAT much time together. it would eventually break down the relationship. so we talk all the time now, so it's kind of like we're not apart. i miss her sure, but i dont miss her as much as i would like, as weird as that sounds... i enjoy the free time i have when i know she's in school and im not in class (she's in highschool). so i take those moments and enjoy my free time. with that said this is where the weird part comes in. although i love the free time and not talking. i tend to get upset when i know she's out of class and doesnt call me. like, if i know she's done with her appointment at 9pm...and she doesnt call till like, 940, i always tend to be upset because she doesnt call soon enough. so what is this about? i dont want to talk to her so much because we need to be apart and miss eachother. but i get upset if she doesnt call soon enough!??? this is so weird! what is going on????

i a little more old fashioned and i believe sex should be with someone you truly love. i dont like the thought of sleeping around or sex buddies. i used to think that the idea of a sex buddy was a great idea, but once i had the chance with my one lady friend, i realized i didnt want that for me and i didnt do it. im so thankful i saved it for my current girlfriend who love dearly.

is it true for women during sex that confidence is more important than actual performance? ive read this in several places and i was wondering if it was true. also, my girlfriend loves to see my facial expressions and she likes it when i make noises and stuff...what do you ladies think?

no you're not a freak, whatever feels the best for you

the one position i really enjoy is the cowgirl when she sits up vertically. it's a fantastic view of her and you have the option of watching the action if you want. it also allows for a very deep entry

the pillow technique is the only real trick or position i have found that really really works...does anyone else have any other suggestions or tricks?

yea, we've tried this one in the shower a couple times, i couldnt seem to really get a good rythm going.

Alright, everyone has their own little preferences and fetish's. What is YOUR little quirk during/before/after sex that's a real turn on to you? Any suggestions on positions that have worked wonders for you? (ive tried the position where you put a pillow or something under the girl's butt, then do it missionary like normal, the new angle created by this has deffinatly been a big advantage for her)

thanks everyone im 18 though and shes 17, so we cant do the little romantic getaways or anything. just something small to say or whatever

my girlfriend and i have been together for 9 months. she has been brought up in a very very loving and caring household. they always say i love you, her and her mom confort eachother when they're crying, there's always "check-ins" througout the night...all that. they also are very sensitive and although they joke, they're usually mild mannered. my family is much different. i was raised in a loving home too but we are not very open at all about our feelings. we dont really say i love you when we leave, we never cry infront of eachother, hell, we rarely even hug unless it's a special moment. this does not mean we dont love eachother, we just are a little more private is all. my house is also very sarcastic and joking. we are all easy going people who see it as "if it gets done, it gets done" kind of thing and our jokes can be down right mean, but we know we dont mean them and it's all in fun so we just laugh it off well...i tend to have a problem. my girlfriend is EXTREMELY emotional and cries at almost anything. if we fight, she cries, if i say the wrong thing, she cries...ect. we have even had fights where we have broken up and she was balling* and although it effected me the same way, i just bowed my head and got quiet. i never cried. i left for college in september, she was balling* again and like always, i didnt. sometimes though, something will happen that makes me tear up and cry. like, 2 nights before i left for college, it hit me that i was very unprepared for like on my own and i just curled up on her bed when she was away and cried and cried. she came back and was shockd to see me crying and was very comforting. but when i actually left, i didnt even feel a tear. my girlfriend is always getting on me to show my emotions and often asks if i still even care since at the midst of a breakup, i dont cry. i DO care a great deal, but im just not emotional i guess, i dont know. instead of crying, i get quiet and i dont talk much, and instead of crying and being over it in a day, i dwell silenly about it for days and days. she thinks i dont care a lot of times because of this because she thinks guys should show their emotions. (her ex. cried like a woman all the time, but she liked it i guess) but after 9 months, she should be used to my style that i dont cry. is there really anything wrong with me or am i just heartless or what's the deal? ive tried telling her my real feelings with little progress. thanks

i know the genaric answer to this question is "it comes from the heart" and all that bla, but i want answers that are more to the point and aren't genaric generalizations. i was wondering what some sweet things to do for my girlfriend. like to say or to do. Here are some examples from other people she thought was "sweet" Ex. 1- Her male friend told a girl that there were no stars out that night because somebody took all the stars and put them in her eyes. Ex. 2- Her other male friend stoped in the middle of the road on night, and got out and looked at his girlfriend through the sunroof. then he said "i just want to see you how the stars see you" is there anything you can think of that's really sweet? any past experiences or anything? Thanks!

and what really frustrates me is how she completely shuts down and wont do anything. so she could build me up and get the mood all exciting and stuff, then i dont take a slight hint and she litterly goes to sleep, so i get to lay there in silence and think about how im not going to get even a kiss now

yea, it puts a lot of pressure on me because i feel i have to be perfect in everything i do to pick up every tiny hint and know exactly what she's thinking. because when she says she's "tired" sometimes this means she's seriously sleepy, and sometimes it means "if you're not going to try anything i'm going to sleep"...so i dont know what do to a lot of times. because i want to be the sweet boyfriend and hold her while she sleeps, so i dont want to mess up and try to do anything when she's really tired, that just makes me look like all i want from her is sex. so im always in no mans land when this happens.

i am 18 and she is 16 (17 in december)

me and my girlfriend have done everything there is to do since our 9months together. well...tonight, as well as other nights in the past, she got upset with me over something i believe is completely stupid. we'll be laying together in her room or something and have the chance to do stuff. well, we'll be laying there and joking around and laughing and wrestling around a little, and usually in this process a lot of times it leads to us making out and so on. well tonight, we were joking about and she ended up saying "my boob itches"...so i moved her hand away and itched it for her well, i did it through her clothes not thinking, so when she said "through my clothes is all you're going to do?" i then realized my stupidity. so i went in her shirt and scratched her. so then we layed there a few more minutes and then she just layed her head down on my chest. so i asked what was wrong and she said she was tired and going to sleep. so i was all confused because she was WIDE away just a minute ago. so i said "you're going to sleep?" and she said "yea, since you're not going to do anything." so basically she got upset with me because i didnt try to do anything else when she "gave me the chance". i guess she expected me to go down her pants or something, i really dont know. so i asked if it was too late and she said "i dont know" so i tried to kiss her and put my hand on her stomach right at the top of her pants, and she wouldnt cooperate. so i just said alright and let her go to sleep. she woke up still upset with me because she said "i gave you the perfect chance and you didnt do anything, so i went to sleep" this kind of pissed me off more than anything, but she still got all huffy and puffy about it. and this is by no means the first time this has happened. sometimes if i dont go for the kill fast enough, i lose it all. its just i have problems figuring out when she wants it and when she doesnt, so sometimes i dont always go for it and it costs me. but other times, i dont go for it right away and she still tries and throws hints and i eventually get going and all is perfect. ladies, would you get upset at your man for this? and also, what is some hints and what should i do when i find myself in that decision making moment when i have to either go for it or let it be?

i am 18 years old and i am in my first year of college. for as long as i can remember i have always been a quiet kid and havn't really ever talked much. Once i am warmed up to people i tend to be extremly outgoing and i sometimes do not know when to shut up. not to sound cocky, but in a lot of friend group settings, im more of the life and fun of the moment. it does in fact, take me a long time to warm up to this extent however. i have been dating my girlfriend for 9 months now and i still find myself too 'shy' to say things to her or do things that i know she'd be completely cool with, but i just cant muster the motivation. so yea, it takes me a while in highschool, i wasnt the popular jock type with every friend in the world. i have my fair share of friends though, dont get my wrong. i cant walk around at our friday night games without hearing my name shouted every 10sec. but in class, i am very very very quiet and all around too scared to talk. when i am in a sporting event or a TON of attention is on me (award banquets and stuff) i tend to be a little more open. (weird i know). and when i played tennis, i wasnt shy at all, i would mess up and yell as loud as i could with about 100 strangers all staring at me, and i didnt care at all. but once i was done, i sat in silence again. i always feel like anyone i am talking to is judging me in the most negative way and is constantly finding something wrong with me. i cant get this feeling out of my head that although im probably doing nothing weird, i always feel this person is seeing me and thinking "wow, what a weird kid"...and if group settings with people i dont really know, i feel "out of the loop" so to say. i dont really feel like im apart of the group too much and i tend to not talk until i am asked for my opinion. i had to give a speech in one of my class's a couple days ago. when i got to the front of the room (about 20 in my class), i could hardly see anything. the whole audience was a blur and i was somewhat dizzy from my nerves. i did my speach and cracked the room up. they laughed at my jokes and i ended up gettin the highest grade in the class (97%)...so aparently all this feeling is in my head that im awkward because this showed me i am normal, but i cannot convince myself of this for the life of me. i try SOOOO hard to make sure i look nice and there is nothing wrong with me before i go out places, because i try to convince myself i am normal and nothing is wrong with how i say or do things. it gets so bad sometimes, i even have changed how i walk because i think people behind me are thinking im walking weird. i always have the feeling that EVERYONE is watching me and paying attention to every move i make. even in situations like football games. large crowds of people everywhere all acting crazy, but i always feel all eyes are on me, and judgeing me negativly. this feeling has made me be really antisocial at college. i typicaly stay in my room and dont venture out to do the fun stuff that college is all about. i really feel like im missing out on a lot. do you think this is just me being extremely shy, or do you think it's deeper such as social anxiety disorder? if you think it is S.A.D. then what can be done about it? what medication can i take? thanks!