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Everything posted by shep88ner

  1. I just wrote this poem describing the difficulties of being painfully shy. - A little background. In my poem, the "lady" is my girlfriend. This is written from the standpoint of a college student whos away from his regular friends and family and is struggling to create new bonds and friendships. So to protect himself from feeling even more inadiquit he fabricates different made up stories about what he does in his free time so people think he's doing alright. I don't write a lot of poetry but i do actually enjoy it. So there might be some words and stanza's that sound weird or funny...but hang with me. Thank you for reading. Comments would be appreciated! Shy Kids Like Me A Friday night I sit alone But it’s alright you see No one else will know I’m here Cause’ I create who I want to be The lady will here this The parents will here that Neither of them will get the truth To never know where I’m actually at But in my head I know I’m fake And it eats me up inside Total sum too many to count Of times I’ve quietly cried Besides the pain I feel in my heart There are other pains in me All the feelings of reticule And insecurities I feel as if I cannot speak The anxiety makes me numb Scared if I were to speak They’ll all think I’m dumb I try to blend in with all the rest And never make a scene 365 days a year… It’s sort of my routine So that I don’t feel ashamed I create a false image you see I don’t tell people who I really am They see my fabricated me So to all of you I have to say Enjoy your personality Because easy-talking isn’t always easy For the shy kids, just like me…
  2. just a slow soft kiss is the best starter...and i really didnt realize it until a couple of weeks ago, but when my girlfriend would breath or lightly blow into my ear or just below it, that was diffinatly a turn on
  3. I have an update about the accident. The initial report was that there were 2high school kids killed in the accident. The offical report came out today and verified that 3 people were killed, however they were all international college students at a nearby university. Nobody from my high school was killed however there was 2 of them that were injured in the accident. They are both in the hospital and they're doing alright.
  4. As a lot of you know i am in college about an hour and a half from my hometown. I'm from a rather small high school of about 500 total students between all 4 classes. everyone knows everyone and even if you're not friends, you still know everyone. Well today there was an accident. About 5 minutes from my house, a man in an SUV plowed into a line of cars stoped at an intersection red light at about 90mph and never slowed down. I received calls from my family and my friends telling me what had happened. I read it on local websites back home and it was verified about this horrible accident. In total, there were 9 cars in this pile-up and at least 4 were confirmed dead at 8pm. However, the police chief would not release the total number. The thing is, one of the cars that were hit was full of kids from my high school. witness reports had people saying, "the victims were kids" and "they were all young..." The last i heard there was 2 people in the car that had died that went to my high school. the part that really is bothering me is that we dont know who they are, they have released VERY limited information and we wont know who was involved until morning. the car that was hit that held the kids was a ford taurus. out of everyone i have talked to today, they only know of one kid in our school that drives a silver taurus. and this kid happens to be a good friend of mine that i played tennis with in high school. i know him personally. There is a hill by this intersection that quickly filled up with students from my school that were there to see what had happened and to lend support. they ended up calling in two trucks and hung up a huge tarp so the view was blocked. the reason being because they had to cut some of the victims out of the cars...and at this point, it had already been 3-4 hours since the wreck, and they were still fighting to get the bodies out. i have a final exam tomorrow and i cant study, i cant focus. im so upset about this. 2 kids i know are dead tonight, 2 nights before our Sadie Hawkins Dance which is saturday. im so shook up about it and i cant get my mind off of it. so i ask that you all keep my high school in your prayers and keep your fingers crossed that it's all rumors and it's all ok, although this is doubtful. Please, i ask that your hearts go out to the students and family of Kenton Ridge High School tonight. thank you
  5. im getting off of being sick for the past week with a cold. the fevers are gone and the sore throat is gone...but suddenly my nose has completely stopped up and i am coughing uncontrolably. i havnt taken one breath out of my nose in over 2 days and the only air that passes through it is when i blow my nose 10,000 times a day. i dont have any cold medicine right now because our drug market sold out of it. do any of you have any suggestions about how in the world im supposed to sleep tonight???
  6. there wasnt a problem with it when i was there last. this all happened just recently and i only noticed it was greyer becasue when i was brushing my teeth it was very obvious that it wasnt the same as the others. and it's more sensitive sometimes. but i'll get it checked out...the thought of a root canal scares the crap out of me...the dentist has already suggested i have one on one of my back teeth as it is...*sigh* stupid teeth!!!
  7. kind of embarrassing but i figured i'd ask anyway. my teeth are usually pretty good, i used to have braces about a year ago so they're pretty straight and everything. but lately ive noticed one of my lower canine teeth is getting increasingly darker than the other teeth around it. sometimes when i eat sweets or cold water it's also kind of uncomfortable. There is no signs of a cavity or any spots around it to indicate decay or anything. i brush my teeth regularly too. i went to the dentist for a cleaning about 3 months ago and they looked at all my teeth and didnt see anything wrong with any of them. so what's up here?
  8. dont worry too much about it...sometimes it takes me a very long time to orgasm from a handjob...which i actually think would be worse than doing it too fast. because after a while its kinda like..."alright, just do it already!" lol
  9. im not...i mean we have our fights and arguments like any other couple. we're both young and so/say stupid things that most older people would never do...but as a whole we're very happy and i just want what's best for her
  10. thank you flower...my other posts mentioned some of our personal disputes and stuff and really has nothing to do with this. ive seen her struggle and try her hardest to make friends and he's only nice to them, but it just doenst happen for her for some reason
  11. this is the second time you've come out of nowhere and s*** on my post...this isnt about anything in the past. having someone call you with a blocked number like a coward and call you names is not because me and her have had our differences. so no...you're wrong, the asnwer to every problem or situation i ask about on here is not becasue she's so terrible and i'm going to get cheated on bla bla bla...but hey, thanks for the concern
  12. thank you everyone...i do have another question though is it harder for girls than it is guys? because to be honest i was never as nice to people as my GF is and i still was able to make friends and all that. i never once had a group of guys blow me off and stick to themselves...they were always willing to talk and joke and listen if i had something to say...is it different with girls? something about them that just makes it harder for someone to come in and fit in?
  13. Im asking this question on my girlfriends behalf since she doesnt even know i come to this site...but this is something that has been ongoing and it troubling me just as much as it is her. my girlfriend cant seem to make any friends at all. now i know you're probably saying, "well maybe it's just her attitude" or something, but that's not it at all...and that is what is so confusing about it. my girlfriend is one of the most sociable people ive ever met. she loves meeting new people, is good with words, can talk easily with strangers, and is an all around fun girl to be with. she is incredibly nice to people and goes way out of her way to help others and put them before herself. she's as nice as can be and never causes any trouble intentionaly. yet she cant make friends. she always get shut out of social events and is always the odd-person out. she had a valentines thing at her church yesterday and it happened again. they were told to go sit at a this table and everything, so my GF was the first one to the table and so she sat in the middle. EVERYONE else sat at the far end and didnt even acknoledge she was even there. no body even said a word to her. when she arrived at the church, everyone walked in as a group and my GF was trying to catch up behind them because she was late...the group went through the door and let it shut right on her. she spent 10 minutes outside in the freezeing cold before anyone even noticed she was pounding on the door... same at school. people write all this crap about her on the bathroom walls calling her names and stuff, saying "call ashley **** for a good time!" and they put her real cell number. she gets pranks all the time of people leaving her voicemails calling her names. and the thing is, she's never done anything to anyone, she's only nice to people. she tries SO hard to make friends but it never happens for her no matter how hard she tries. she talks to people to get to know them then ends up getting blown off. i feel absolutly terrible when she calls me to tell me about how bad her day had been and it hurts me so much when she gets those prank phone calls because i can hear the pain in her voice when she tells me. when she told me about the bathroom walls she was fighting tears trying to tell me...it tears me up inside and i cant understand why nobody will give her a chance... any ideas???
  14. im not seeing my girlfriend today...she's back home and im here snowed into my college dorm room lol. i just sent her a few little things on myspace and called it a day
  15. i was home this past weekend from college and me and my girlfriend were laying there on Sunday before i left. we were talking and all that, and then we ended up kissing. things progressed quickly and we were fooling around and stuff (no sex). we stopped kissing long enough for me to look over and notice her digital camera was sitting really close to us. i kind of joked and said, "i get some pictures to remember you by right?" and she laughed and said, "if you want, go ahead". so i was pretty excited. so i got up and got her camera and she posed a few times for me nude. things then kind of settled down and i had to pack to leave. she fell asleep on my bed as i was rushing around getting ready. when i noticed she was asleep, i took her picture of her sleeping (because it's the cutest thing in the world) and i took a pic of me kissing her forehead. we went to her house before i left to upload the pics straight to my laptop to take with me. well, in our rush and everything, i ended up accidently deleting all of the pictures off of the memory card before they could get to my computer. so i ended up losing all of the pictures i had taken of her that night. once i realized what i had done, i instantly started to feel way worse about losing the ones of her sleeping. she sleeps around me ALL the time, yet those 2 pictures of her sleeping meant more to me than did the nude ones. by the time i got back to my college i was still kind of upset about losing the pics of her sleeping, yet at the same time, i started to feel bad about even taking pictures of her in those situations to begin with. im an 18 year old guy, most any guy my age would give their left nut to have their girlfriend allow them to take nude pictures of them. but i sort of feel bad for doing it. why do you all think this is?
  16. alright, this is the last post for me on this thread...we took the pregnancy test today and it was clearly negative. we used first response and within 30 seconds it came up negative with one bright clear single line. i want to thank everyone for helping me and trying to calm me down through this. sorry i freaked out and asked the same questions time and time again. ive deffinatly learned from this and it was all of you at ENA that pulled me though! thanks again!
  17. thanks everyone for the advice! Icnoland, my book has some information about the police culture and stuff like that, but doesnt really offer up any suggestions. Thanks for the link, i'll have to check that out. DN, that's a good idea too. And thank you Dako...its good to know i can always count on this site for any kind of help i need! thanks again
  18. i am in college and i am majoring in criminal justice. i have a paper due here in a few days and i am supposed to pick the topic in which i am writing about. it's a class about Policing and it's functions. i can pretty much write about anything which would make it sound easy but ive hit a road block. Some possible topics would be: WACO and the FBI Police Racism Police Subculture ect... stuff like that. im thinking about doing WACO but i dont know if someone else is already doing it which would mean i'd need a new topic. if anyone has anything that deals with a Federal agency or can think of something that'd be interesting to write about dealing with policing, feel free to throw idea's out there...thank you!
  19. he's not saying her dad is going to be with them, he's going to ask her father for her hand in marriage before he proposes. but the actual carriage ride is only going to be the two of them.
  20. i disagree with you Cyprian. I think falling in love is easy and staying in love is easy. the reason i say this is because if you get bored and lose feelings for someone after the initial "honeymoon stage" then you really dont love them at all. if you truly love someone, it isnt difficult at all to remain in love. true, it can be straining sometimes when you have arguments but at the end of the day, no matter what was said or what happened, when you can still look at that person and still feel the same emotion towards them you did when you met...that is true love.
  21. my girlfriend just started the pill about a week ago and we were reading through her little informational booklets she got with it. it said that around 70% of people who use the "pull-out" method get pregnant within the year. I'd either get her on the pill and/or wear a condom if you dont want a child.
  22. GOOD LUCK BTR!!! You're baby is going to have an amazing mother!
  23. i cant believe you remembered my first posts on here...that's crazy lol. but ya...what would i even say to her or do or what to try to fix it? because i obviously havent figured it out yet...
  24. i bet you're right sophie...thanks for the advice. i just get frustrated easily and she does too...so it makes for some disagreements from time to time. im trying really hard to bite my tongue and it works more often than not. and the pregnancy scare too is also a good point, it's just an ugly situation all around for us right now. but you have to take bad with the good sometimes. but i bet we'll be ok. thanks again
  25. here's my situation with my girlfriend. she is very emotional and her attitudes towards certain situations change ALL the time. we've been together for 13 months tomorrow and things have changed so much with us out of nowhere. she seems to have lost all sense of humor. im a very jokable kind of guy and i joke and laugh about anything and everything. i rarely dont have a smile on my face. if something bad happenes to me, i get upset, say "that sucks but whatever" and i go on..i dont dwell on things and let it ruin the rest of my life. she used to be JUST like this till a few weeks ago. now she doesnt joke, and all my jokes are "offensive" and she gets mad or sad about them. she gets hazed at school a lot for whatever reason and someone today called and left her a voicemail that simply said, "skank". then they hung up. she called me and didnt seem very distressed or upset or anything. so i was trying to keep the mood light hearted and upbeat and after i asked if she knew who it was and i all i said, "hmm...well, that was pretty mean of them. but what does that make me? am i a skank too now??? we can just be skanks together, just me and you!" and she was laughing about it and saything stuff like, "yea...we're the best looking skanks walking this earth" and all was ok. so then tonight, she calls me and we're talkin and everything is ok. then i make a joke about her ex. boyfriend that i frequently make fun of and joke about. (it was a clean joke, i know the guy and i dont hate him, so it wasnt a big terrible joke). so she got real serious and the mood of the convo died instantly. then she brings up babysitting this week at her church. i asked if we got paid the $20 again, she said yes, then i said, "is Gaven going to be asleep the whole time again?" (Gaven is this 3 year old who runs around and is a pain to watch. last week the slept the whole time which was REALLY nice on us). she she says all rude, "i dont know bryan" and then i said, still light heartedly, "i hope, makes it easy on us". so she gets this attitude like, "bryan! that is SO mean! he's 3 years old!" and gets all serious and junk. then she gets to crying and saying stuff like, " you dont think that phone call hurt me? and all you could do was joke and say 'that sucks'. what good does that do me???" and all this. when earlier, she was laughing and joking. which is why i joked, to get her mind off of it so she didnt make it a big deal and let it bother her. she's never ever been this serious and uptight. im a joking kind of guy, and i forever will be, plain and simple, but now she doesnt joke back. there's this guy named "bob" at her church we both know and he's a joker too. he says the most messed up/mean/funny things ever. he makes fun of her, jokes and makes fun of other people, the whole bit. but she NEVER gets on him or takes him seriously or anthing. she always jokes back and thinks his every word is hilarious. when i questioned her about why it's different with me, she said "because that's just how Bob is, he's not mean". which is crazy! he's called my GF ugly to her face and told her to re-due her makeup!!!! (joking way). last time i commented about her makeup, HUGE fight. (btw, bob is 40 years old and has a wife, so it's not anything like she has a crush on him or whatever). it's so crazy...if she cant joke and be herself anymore, it's not going to last another month, which would crush me. i want us to last, i just want to know where my girlfriend went!!! it's like, since i dont know the healing words to fix her problems, im the bad guy. i get blamed since i cant take care of her every need. im not some psychologist and i cant use the perfect words to soothe her ailing. i do what i can and i try my best, i do things the way i always have. but now she doesnt want to tell me her problems becuase she knows i "wont understand" and i will just say "that sucks" and i wont be sypathetic. which i am, i just dont know the PERFECT words to say to her!
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