zummyum

What do you think? Is it possible for a single man and a single woman to be friends? I'm beginning to think not.

In my situation he wasn't the problem - I was sick and the treatment (which took a couple of months) really kicked my butt and pretty much killed my sex drive. We just never recovered once I started to feel better. If your girlfriend is dealing with hormonal stuff due to the birth control it might take some time for her to level out, and every situation is unique. Good luck!

Ugh. That sucks, chris. How is your relationship otherwise? I'd guess you two have been having problems or feeling distanced for a while? Personally, I'd be less concerned about my partner having an opposite sex friend than about some of the other behaviors you've described. Like, the fact that she's staying out all night without checking in with you, and is disregarding your feelings when you're expressing them to her. Both these things show a certain amount of disrespect to you and your mutual relationship. It sounds like the two of you are in need of an honest relationship assessment, because loosing respect for your partner makes having a healthy relationship difficult. Are you respectful of her wants and needs when she expresses them to you? Are the two of you able to talk openly and honestly about difficult subjects? Look closely at your own behavior first. Good luck!

Great advice, Rose! I went through a similar situation and it really would have helped if my boyfriend at the time had continued to show me affection, physical and emotional, without the end result of sex. As it ended up, we stopped touching completely because it was frustrating for him to cuddle and kiss without it leading up to sex, which made me feel completely undesirable and even more uninterested in sex because I felt un-sexy. It's a vicious cycle! Of course, my sex drive came back with a vengance right after the break up.

Hey, SuperStar. Ten years ago, this was me. You're so right that your symptoms are very real and also emotionally linked. It can get better! When I was in college I started to have all kinds of stomach problems, heart palpitations, muscle spasms, and strange aches/pains. I was also depressed and tired all the time. It wasn't until I really started dealing with the intense and difficult emotional stuff behind the physical symptoms that I began feeling ok. I couldn't afford therapy at the time, so I figured out ways to change my thought processes on my own - like instead of focusing on something in my body when it felt weird, I'd trust my body to take care of me (it really does know what it's doing!) and would distract my mind with other thoughts. I remember I actually came up with one or two specific comforting images and thoughts to turn to when my brain started obsessing. Physical activity helps a lot, too. Even just going for a walk. You're on the right track already by reaching out. Keep it up!

A lot of artists describe that time between sleep and being awake as the most innovative because your mind is allowed to just wander without limitations. I love that time! It's like dreaming, but you're just awake enough to remember. I'm sure that's true. Take your time - 14 is just the beginning, you will find someone, I promise! This makes me worry. Are you thinking about commiting suicide? What's up?

Thanks so much for the advice. It's interesting that it seems like the women are saying he's not over his ex, but the men are saying to give him the benefit of the doubt. So, I'm still going in to the cafe regularly and working, but since the appearance of the first couple of paintings I've pulled back a lot - less eye contact, chatting and smiling. He's pulled back, too, but is still pretty friendly. Any tips to help me decide how to either move this forward or put it to rest?

Thanks for the replies! Born and Jayar, I know you're both right. I think I was already feeling the same way, which was why I withdrew right away. It's just so rare that I'm attracted so intensely to someone at first sight. Wishful thinking, I guess. sumguy - thanks for the bright side!

I'd be weirded out, too. What if he tried to direct your real life sexual encounters? A little to the left . . . no, right . . . no, lift your leg . . . aak! I don't know, can people in the porn industry separate real sex from the directed kind?

I work from home, so I spend a lot of time in coffee houses, just to get out a bit while I'm working. A couple of months ago I met a guy who works at one of the cafes. I was immediately attracted, and he seemed to be, too. For a while we had lots of smiling, flirting, gazing, and he has even come over to sit with me several times to chat for up to an hour at a time. We talk, laugh, conversation is easy, seems like we're on our way to working up to a real date, right? In our conversations, he's mentioned his ex-girlfriend a couple of times. No biggie, everyone has an ex. But, he's an artist, and a few weeks ago he brought two huge paintings he'd just finished into the cafe and hung them on the wall. One is of him, the other is of his ex. And the paintings just keep coming. There are now 7 pieces of her hanging around. As soon as I saw the first painting I pulled back, because it seems like he's not over her. Am I crazy to get involved with someone who is completely surrounded by images of their ex?

What?!! You're kidding right? I love my vibrator, but it is no where near as stimulating as a real man drawing his fingers over my skin and pulling my body close to his. Sex toys don't moan, caress, whisper, push, pull, breathe, suck, or tease. At least mine don't. A sex toy might offer up a sure bet orgasm, but what about all the other things that make sex intoxicating and mindblowingly pleasurable? You can only get those from a real live sexy man (or woman).

I agree with Shadows Light that the doors of white flames sounds like a positive image. Doors are often used to describe opportunities - "When one door closes, another opens," "I'll take door #3," etc. White also has all kinds of positive connotations in our culture, and fire is considered life sustaining. More importantly, though, is how you feel when you think about these images. This also sounds like a positive image to me. Blood is the life force, and the fact that you are willing to give of yourself for the image of someone special sounds like you are able to love very deeply. It seems natural to me that these thoughts would come up when you are depressed. For me, depression is often my body's way of asking for contemplation and rest. Take the time to listen to the images that come up, they must have something to say. It sounds like you are intelligent and sensitive in the best way, with a lot of access to your creativity. You might not feel it now, but this is a great combination!

I second the massage idea! You might also look into partner dancing, especially Argentine Tango or Blues if you're feeling more sexy. It's all about holding and being held with lots of rules to keep it safe. Plus, you'll meet lots of new people if you take a class and start going out dancing. There are also such things as a "cuddle parties," where people meet to play goofy games (think pillow fights) and cuddle in their pj's in a supervised environment. I've never been to one, but have some friends who go regularly. You can google it to see if there is a cuddle group in your area. Sometimes, after my last break-up, I would just pick a day to be lonely and really let myself feel bad without fighting it. Some days I'd feel better after an hour, sometimes it would be a whole day, but I always felt better once I allowed the feelings to be for a while. Good luck!