andrew05151

I'm going to start crying now, and I'm in the office. I shouldn't have clicked that myspace...but I guess I had hope that there wouldn't be much to find. That I'd be relieved to see she hasn't said much...but I find he has my old pet name! Oh my god I want to shoot myself just thinking about this!!! It hasn't even been a week, yet!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!

I just failed myself...I logged into my myspace and she had a bulletin about new pictures and I clicked into it...saw I was off the top 8...saw a new picture of the new guy kissing her cheek...saw comments from her to him "hey there cute boy, i had fun buying underwear with you, hehe. we'll have to do it again some time " That was my stupid name..."cute boy." I think I'm spazzing out now. God. Why. I'm going to die

are there any actual success stories with NC? If so, how long did it take of NC before they decided it was time to get back together? I'm getting more and more worried every day that I'm losing her more and more... Also, how many people have gotten back together...and stayed? Is the relationship now permanently damanged? Or, are there success stories where things actually do go back to good?

Delete her SN from all of your BLs. That'll make things so much easier. No more away message stalking, no more info checking non stop... You'll be curious at first and want to re-add her...but after a few days it'll be okay...

Amen! I know exactly what you're saying. For me, it was only 2 years of love and commitment...but we also talked about the future. Talked about "forever and ever" and she promised me multiple times "I love you, forever and ever...no matter what." And then, after she goes on this stupid trip to NYC with her class one weekend...with her ex-ex-bf...she comes back and tells me she has feelings for him, she's "confused" and she needs a "break" to figure things out. Now, I feel exactly like you do. What a monster. How can you lie about feelings like that? I thought she said forever over and over again. I fought her for one week, denied her a "break." Told her I'd always given in to what she wanted, always came to see her when she wanted me to...and now it's my turn. I told her there will be no break, and I will come see her every night from now on, because that is what I want to do. And, she agreed. Every day I swear I made so much progress, we remained sexually active twice. It was intimate, passionate...we whispered we loved eachother during the sex, over and over. She promised me she loved me, she said she'd stay with me. She promised she wouldn't go with her ex-ex. She said it was me. She smiled when we were together, more than I remember. She laughed with me, more than usual. She seemed happy again. So happy... Then, a mutual friend tells me that while I'm at work and she's out "at walmart" or "doing an errand for her aunt" she's really seeing the ex-ex on the side. Going to the lake, talking by the water. And they have some sort of plan worked out where she'll stay with me for one month, and if at the end of the month she still has feelings for him, then she'll leave me. And, she also said that when we have sex it doesn't feel the same, and when we kiss it's not the same... How could I take this? It's so sick! So twisted! I confronted her on some of it, and she told me that it's true...when she looks at me it's not the same as it used to be. She doesn't see me as the same. So, I left. We're coming up on one week of NC, now. I assume that things are going good with her ex-ex...he might be better for her than I was. Since she hasn't bothered to try to contact me, I assume she just doesn't give a damn. But, unfortunately what I think we've been taught...is we can't trust...anyone. Love...promises...they break, they dissolve. And, often you can't even see it coming. I haven't found another girl yet...but I'd like to. I'd like a reason to wake up in the morning again. But...I'll probably be so insecure...knowing that whatever they say...it's not necessarily the truth...no matter how many times its said and promised...

Yeah, I know the feeling. It's harder for me, with the talking with friends thing, since I am a guy. Being a broken record certainly isn't good, though. I don't want to irritate any of them... But, this situation is just so crappy. No matter who we talk to, what we do...there is only one thing on my mind. 34 days of no contact? Wow. It sucks to think what the other person may be like, now...do they have a new girlfriend? Do they miss me? Would they take me back? Would things be the same if we did get back? 34 days is a long time...if you think you can talk to him without becoming extremely emotional...without backtracking the progress you've made...maybe it's time to do that. It could end disasterously, amplifying all of your pain. Or it could give you closure, and allow you to move on... Often, though...I think we're stuck in lose-lose situations.

Aww, thanks! It's good to know that we're not the one ones feeling like this. I have that same exact fear, though...how long will this last? It could be years before I find the next one. That scares me so much. Remember how we had motivation to go through the day, before? Sure, work sucks. But, we go there and at the end of the day, we know we'll have them with us to talk to, and hug, and kiss...and that made it okay. That was something to look forward to, every single day. Something to wake up to, that comforting thought that she'll be with me today! And now....what do we have left to wake up for? Why do we want to get through the work day...to go home and do ... what?! And, I'm terrified of how long we'll be stuck like this... I'm terrified that she'll contact me...take me back...and I'll find out that things can NOT be the same. Or she'll just do it to me again. I pray every day that today will be the day I meet someone new. Someone accessible. Someone interesting. Someone who's not a party girl that's not worth more than one night. Someone who enjoys just being with me, laying in bed and watching sit coms, going with me for groceries...not someone who likes to go out and drink at the bar. It seems everyone's a couple now...I'm so envious, so jealous as I walk down the street and see them all arm in arm...

Yeah, exactly. I know that it's so tempting to check the site...to look at the profiles...I'm tempted to do it myself, all of the time I am online. I'm at work now, 8.5 hour days...on a computer. The days are slow...lots of free online time...it's SO tempting to just take a peek. But, when I fall for the temptation, I can feel my progress I'm very slowly making slipping away rapidly. That feeling in my chest explodes, I get sick, I nearly puke. So, just don't look. You know there's not going to be anything on there that will make it better. They won't have some wonderful love poem about you...so, you gotta just let it go...

I can relate to that completely. It's not so much the girl, per se...as it is the comfort and safe feeling that we got from them...from having someone to hold, and to hug... But, we can get that from another girl, too. The problem is...how do we find one? I won't go to a bar to pick up a girl..they're immature there. They're partiers, they just want to drink and have sex.... And me, I'm all for sex but...I'm happiest when we're just laying together in bed watching TV together. Or, when we go out to get dinner, or cook it ourselves, together. I hate that party lifestyle...and it's not trustworthy. Long term relationship...it was so wonderful...so safe. I wouldn't know how hard it is when they contact you, though...mine doesn't seem to care enough about me to do so. Killing that piece of your mind that continuously has hope...that sees her running back into your arms, realizing she made a mistake...it's immortal. I come home, sit at my computer...log into windows and my heart starts racing. Am I going to have a message on my away message from her? Then....nope. And my heart sinks. My cell phone rings...and my heart starts pumping again...is it her? ....nope. I can't imagine the pain of when she DOES contact...the hope must grow tremendously....and only to be let down.

I wish my ex thinks like you... I would never throw her out, ever. I would never ignore her. We were having a lot of stupid fights, and a lot of them were my fault, or my overreacting. But I always loved her, I always told her that no matter what. And she left me for her ex-ex. You sound like you've been emotionally abused by this guy...yet, you're still willing to go back. You're still willing to keep loving him. He doesn't even deserve it! Even though she hurt me a lot...and betrayed my trust...I still want to make things work...I still love her. She said she loved me, too...but it wasn't the same anymore. But, I think...me and you might be similar in the way that we're both willing to sacrifice our self esteem, ourselves, for another person...someone that we love. We feel weak, but we're stronger than our ex's in that manner. Our ex's took the weak way out, they don't have the courage to fight for love. I think that if there are someones out there like you, who IS willing to fight...and there are someones out there like me, who IS willing to fight..to make things work no matter what. We're bound to run into eachother one of these days, right?

Dude, I know the feeling. I feel the same way you do. I want to die. I hate myself. I hate myself for loving her still. I hate myself for hating myself. I hate her for making me hate myself. Look at what they've made us become. We're men, dammit! Yet, they've sucked out ever last ounce of our self esteem, and shattered our wills. We've forgotten our sense of self-reliance. They were like a crutch that we were leaning on for so long that we forgot we have legs of our own. Then, all of a sudden, they kick that crutch out from under us and leave us laying in the mud, broken, trying to crawl back to safety. But, there's no safety to be found. And with our memories, and photographs....we can learn to love the lie. They bring comfort to us, yet feed the void at the same time. Eating...you'll be able to eat some toast and a salad in roughly 3 days. Sleeping....nope. That won't happen like it used to. The dreams work their way in, no matter what. And there are two kinds, the good and the bad...but, in the end...both are bad. You dream of the good times, you dream she's with you...she loves you. And, you wake up to find: it's not real! Then you sink further away. And have the bad dream, you dream of her loving the new guy. The new guy taking off her shirt, kissing, doing things you used to do...then you wake up and find: it's not real! And, you feel relieved for a second until you realize: it soon will be. Then you sink further away, too. I know that in the end, I can overcome this. I can win, but for now....I've decided to die. When will things get better? It feels like never...and honestly, I don't think they can on their own. Was it really her that I was in love with, or was I just in love with being in love? Can someone else not provide that comfort, that happiness? We can't get better on our own...but when we find the next person...the next long term relationship...then and only then will we reach the level we were once at. The colors we once saw. We're broken, and we can't fix ourselves. Friends can't fix us. Only that comforting, safe feeling of love... But for now, we notice the emotional attachment we have to EVERYTHING. Our cars where they used to ride all the time. The way we drove over the train tracks with them...oh, look...McDonald's...and we used to get those 99 cent hot fudge sunday's there and she'd tap my nose with her spoon when it was all sticky and give that cute smile...and look over there, it's the park...we used to sit and watch the water...and then play frisbee...oh, and the internet...we used to be on AIM together whenever I was online...and now...those IMs from her, they don't come in. And EVERYTHING sucks. SO much. And the days get worse. Will we come out on top? God, I hope so...more than anything else...

hahahaha, that's awesome! You handled that situation well. That's well played guilt.

I really hope that theres a happy ending to our stories somewhere. Me too, man. More than anything else, I just hope that things will work out for all of us. And now we know how much we love them...we won't take what we had for granted again. We can truly enjoy ourselves...

But, how do we know No Contact will work? It's been three days, she hasn't contacted at all. Today my friend got an IM from her, asking about this girl that's been my friend for a while. My ex never liked this girl, she was always threatened. So, my friend IMs me her question. "Do you know that Jess' last name the one that Andrew always hangs out with?" Immediately, my heart begins racing. She cares, she cares! She must have noticed my away messages that I was with Jess... Then, NOPE! "I got the paper with my roomate today, it is Jess Foregrow and that sounded really familiar." No, she doesen't care. So, I ask my friend to let her know that I am hanging out with Jess a lot recently...and that I might be asking another girl out. "So? We're not together anymore, why should I care what he's doing? It's his own life, not mine." Wow. That's harsh. I see NC is good for me, because if I don't talk to her at all...don't see her myspace, her AIM info, her Aways...then it's like she really is out of my life. I'm not _AS_ stuck in the rut...BUT...I think it's also negative in some ways, too. Because, it's the same for her, too. It also helps her get over US. The less she hears from me, the less she thinks of me...the easier it is for her to get closer to her new boyfriend. That's why, I need to ask this girl out. I won't talk about my ex...I hope. I just need something to give me back some color. Something to wake up for.... I gotta give it a chance.

I feel you there. I know exactly what you're saying, I feel the same way. Your situation is really messed up, more than mine. I can't believe that a girl can do something like that...that makes me lose even more faith in women. Do you get the dreams at night? Dreams of when everything was so good, so nice...? Only to wake up to realize it's not real. I sink further away every night.

Wow...our situations truly have many similarities. I started dating her my second year of college, she was a junior in High School...I had never dated anyone before. I was too insecure in High School. We started talking on AIM at first...and she pushed things along quickly. Too quickly for me. I got scared and ran. I told her I didn't think we should talk anymore, and that she should just forget about me. She fought a little bit, then found another guy. When that happened, I had a change of heart, and decided maybe I _DID_ want a girlfriend, after all. I managed to get inbetween her new relationship, which lasted 3 weeks. From there, things really took off. It didn't take her too long to express that she was "falling for me." She showed me what it was to passionately kiss, she showed me what affection was all about...and, somewhere around 6 months or so...we took eachother's virginities. She wanted me to, and I wasn't sure...but I eventually cracked. She's so beautiful, too. Walking into a public area with her on my arm made me so proud. I felt blessed, lucky, wonderful, loved...alive. But, there was something that started to get to me... She was a very negative person. She would complain about almost everything, and lacked the ability to make decisions, as well. At first, I tolerated this, of course. But after a while, it really started to wear on me. It seemed no matter what I was doing, there would be a problem with it; somewhere, somehow. It felt like whatever I did wasn't good enough for her. I would ask her what she wanted to do for the night, she would say she didn't care. I would suggest we go for a walk down by the river, she would say something negative and discouraging over that idea. I would suggest we could hang out at her house, she would say it's boring there and there's nothing to do. And then, she would complain that we always do the same things. She wanted something new. I'd ask her what she wanted to do, then. She would reply with an "I don't know." Well, what can I do about it? I tried my hardest to keep things interesting for her, I tried to make her happy all the time. But, it felt impossible. Like I was fighting an uphill battle...but, nonetheless. She always said she loved me more than anything. She promised me she would love me "No matter what, forever and ever." I became increasingly frustrated with all the complaining...and I became stressed from classes as well. This affected me negatively, and I decided to change my approach. Instead of trying to please her all the time, and get cut down for it. I decided to become hostile whenever she complained. I thought that this would discourage her from complaining in the future. It was the biggest mistake of my life; all it did was cause a lot of stupid little fights, which were all my fault. My hostility hurt her deeply, and ultimately pushed her away. It wasn't 100% fair to me, in the first place. Her negativity hurt me, as I felt I was failing her...However, I realize now there was something I should have done. I should be remained positive, and countered her with that. That's all I needed to do! I hate myself more than anything for failing to realize this. Because, she just needs a jolt start. She complains and drags herself down, but I've done it before; given her a little positive kick, and it gets her moving. Unfortunately, I am an idiot, and failed myself, and her. She was becoming increasingly closer with her ex-ex-boyfriend (who she's with now)...Now, she always sent me very sexy pictures of herself (as we only saw eachother on the weekends, another mistake I sadly made). One day, my brother tells me that in his history class...someone was playing with her ex-ex's ipod and found a topless picture of her on it, where she was cupping herself to cover the nudity. This totally shattered me. I puked, I felt so hurt, so betrayed. I thought all I could do was dump her. However, she cried and begged me not to. She wanted a second chance, she said she never meant to sent that...it just happened. I didn't want to leave her, I love her so much...so I agreed to give her another chance. However, I told her not to talk to this guy anymore. That, was another mistake I made...probably. But, at the time...it seemed like a good idea. Unfortunately, the pain this caused me didn't go away. Subconsciously, I wanted to hurt her back. I lost most my trust in her, and I started to stop caring about what happened to us. This caused me to become increasingly more hostile; causing a fight over every little stupid thing. I just completely took everything for granted. I didn't realize what I had, anymore. I had forgotten how lucky I was, and how amazing every minute with her was. She was graduating, and on the senior trip. Away from me for the first weekend in a long time. She called me the first night of the trip, but my brother grabbed my phone to play a joke on her. She told "me" she missed me, and he just said "oh...yeah?" I tried to get the phone from him, but he kept it. She hung up. I called her back immediately, explained to her it wasn't me. After a bit she seemed to calm down some...but she kept talking to all her friends in the room. I started to get irritated with that, as I thought she was supposed to be talking to me...can't she talk to them afterwards? It's rude to call someone, and then talk to everyone else around you instead...so I told her "You obviously can't focus right now, so I'll talk to you tomorrow." I don't remember if that was the end of the conversation, I don't think I said I love you. I was such a moron. I guess she cried after I hung up. Her friends most likely told her I was a waste of her time, and then her knight in shining armor, mr ex-ex came to the rescue. They got close that weekend, in a more than friends way. They cuddled, they danced, they held hands. She came back that Sunday to give me the bad news. All of a sudden my vision cleared... It all became so clear what I had, but only because I was losing it. I realized then how much I really did love her. I didn't care about her complaining or anything else. I just needed her around me. That's all I want, anymore. I can be positive, I know I can. I fought for her for a week, she wanted to go on break. I refused, told her people never get back together. She said she was confused, needed time to think. I knew what that meant, though. She decided to be with this new guy, because he made her feel better than I had...and he was something new. She was bored with me, and sick of me hurting her. She needed time to accept that she was going to leave me, but her mind was made up...I knew. But, I tried to fight it all. We had sex, we kissed, I bought her flowers (she also complained that I didn't buy her anything, but I don't have much money, either). I thought everything was going good. She seemed so smiley, so happy with me again. The sex seemed great, intimate and passionate. Then I find out from her friend that she told her that when we kiss she doesn't feel what she used, during the sex it's not the same. This drove me over the edge, into suicidal tendencies. It became apparent that I was losing everything. I was driving in my car, and every time I saw oncoming traffic, I could see myself swerving into them. I managed to keep control of myself. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping for the most part. I haven't regained either, yet. I left her after that. I told her she had to either choose me, or I was leaving. She still stuck with her "I'm confused, I need more time, I don't know what I feel." So, I left. I figured, if she's not sure she she wants to be with me, why should I stick around? The uncertainty with her "I don't know what to do" was killing me. The false hope it creates. The high I would get, only to crash time and time again. At least now I stay down. I've been in no contact for a few days, it's so difficult. I know I love her, I know I can change and not hurt her anymore. I know I can make her happy...but, she won't give me the second chance I gave her. She's selfish, and weak. But, so am I. I hate myself for loving her, and I hate myself for hating myself. I hate her for making me hate myself, and everything around me. I hate her for breaking my will, and for sucking every ounce of my self esteem. But, I love her more than anything. I'm twisted and sick in the head. She saved me from myself, and showed me what life is truly about. Then, she stole it all away. I need it back again. But, she's with this new guy who "makes her feel good." So, I'm out. I think about the upcoming days, knowing that the happiness I once had will not be returning...and it keeps me down even further. I try to sleep, but am awoken by dreams every 20 minutes or so. Some of the dreams are of happy times, when she loved me still. I wake to find that it's not real, I wake up in my own hell and I cry. Some of the dreams are about things she may be doing with this other guy, and I wake up already crying. Everything leads back to her in some way. I can't bear to hear music, anymore. I can't bear to do anything, anymore. Me and my friends went to the mall, and hit on some girls there. Got a bunch of screen names. It was really fun, and boosted the self esteem. But, like you said...that's temporary. Those girls were mostly arrogant, and live too far away, anyways. With my ex, we could just sit in bed together, holding eachother, watching stupid TV Shows. And, it was the best, ever. There's a girl I like that works here on campus, and I think I might ask her out later today. Her acceptance can heal this pain I feel, but her rejection.... All this wishing I was dead is getting old. It goes on, but it's old. I want my innocence back. With all my memories, and photographs...I'm learning to love the lie. Before I left her, she still told me she loved me. So, I'm not sure, but I don't think she's lying to me. I just don't get why she needs to date this guy again, if she loves me. This is the third time they've dated. You'd think if they've broken up twice before, they'll do it again. But, probably not. In my mind I hope she's dating him just to see for herself if she loves me, but it's been three days and she hasn't contacted me...so, I think she might have dated me only to find out that she loves this guy instead. Things are just so messed up, how can things ever get back to good? I think all we can do is move on. We can learn to love the next girl, right? I certainly hope so.

Yes, I believe that I will eventually look back on this and be ashamed. But, for now...I cannot do that. It's too strong. I made her my life, and she shattered it all. I envy all the couples on the street...

I can't remember what it was like to be truly happy, though...because I don't think I ever was truly happy until she came along... That's what keeps me down...I know I was only happy because she was with me...she showed me something I'd never experienced before...and it's not coming back. Going out with friends can be fun...but, it's nothing compared to that tingly feeling that surges through your body when you're with that girl...it's nothing compared to the feeling of comfort that they'll be there for you no matter what...nothing compared to the thought that at the end of the night, she'll be there to tell me she loves me...oh god...that's all gone. The more real this becomes, the more depressed I get. I'd do anything to make this pain go away...anything to get back to where I once was...

I'm really glad that there's a similar situation to mine. I'm not completely alone in my feelings, then...but I don't think I can read your posts if they are on the 'get back together forum.' I can't read about how people are getting back together...that makes me worse. We've only been broken up for 2 days, so I'm still in the worst of it. Right now I will feed on any thought of hope like a drug, and when that hope falls through I will crash again. And, I can't listen to music, either. Today on my lunch break I had to go to Wendy's to get a salad...and on the radio came one of the songs we heard together in my car so many times before...and I felt suicidal all over again. This is really too much to bear. But, I deleted her screen names from the AIM and MSN list, I won't go to her myspace...seeing her picture hurts way way too much. I was thinking maybe in August I might contact her, if she hasn't contacted me...but that's for the future. No point in making plans yet. Right now...I just feel so lost, hopeless, helpless, and weak. You felt so special, didn't you? Like you were the only one for her, she needed you to live...to be happy. Then we're just replaced, so quickly...and we realize, we're not special at all. Love is a lie. Our problem is that we made them our life. Now, we don't know how to go on without them. It's like going to somewhere fun, but alone. Like a carnival, sure the rides are still there, it's still fun....but yet, you can't be happy just going on those rides by yourself. But, when we had the girl that we loved so much with us...those rides were just so amazing. We were so happy...and we thought it wouldn't end. And now here we are going in alone again; I'd do anything to see those colors some more. Anything. And the situation feels so hopeless...it kills me. I'm dead on the inside. And now, even if say she did come back eventually....would I be able to take her back 100%? Would the relationship work anymore? After this betrayal, this pain...can it truly be forgiven? Will we be able to build a stronger relationship on this broken foundation? Hopeless...

It does help, and I am trying to heal....but I want to talk to her so bad. I'm so torn up inside. It's killing me to not talk to her, but it would kill me to talk to her and be shot down, too. My friends try to take me out to have fun, but all I can think about while I'm out somewhere is how much better it would be if she was there with me, too. Being so weak and helpless...ugh

hello everyone. I am having some serious emotional problems. I guess, to begin with...Im only 20, my ex is 18. I started dating her when I was 18...and it lasted for 2 years. This is my first experience with love, which is probably a lot of my problem. We were so happy...everything was so wonderful. She told me she wanted to marry me, she said she'd love "forever and ever and longer." I got comfortable, I took it for granted. I stopped caring as much, I stopped showing as much affection. I didn't particularly notice the signs, I thought she'd choose me no matter what...then one weekend, she decided she had feelings for her ex boyfriend still. She was upset because of me, I "hurt her." Her ex came to save the day, comforted her, and ... ugh. She said she loved me, she still loved me...but she "was confused." "I need time." I fought for her, I apologized for everything, I made promises of changes, I showed her proof of these promises with a total attitude change. I became more affectionate than ever before. For one week. But, she still wasn't sure, she said she needed time...she needed to sort things out. I couldn't take it, the uncertainty was wearing me down. I felt like a failure; why wouldn't she choose me? So, I cut it off. I told her either she chooses me, or I'm leaving. She can't have the best of both of us. And I warned her that if I leave, there won't be any of that "we can still be friends." I'm in no contact mode. And so that's how I pretty much pushed her into his arms...but I think her decision was already made that she was leaving me. She was just too weak to accept it. Delaying the inevitable was too much. The constant ups of hope, only to be shattered. So, now...I'm left in a constant low... All I can think about is her. All the time. I've lost my life. I'm weak and pathetic; I cry all the time. Like a little girl. I hate her, I hate this world, I hate myself. I sat in my car with my keys in my hand, imagining myself swerving into oncoming traffic. I want to die so much, I'm getting tired of fighting. I have no reason to wake up in the morning, nothing to look forward to. When she was with me, the world had so much color, I was so alive...and now I'm stuck in this ugly black and white. I thought I was specia, but I'm not. She's broken me in every way. I've lost the will to be alive. People tell me it will get better...it gets worse. I can't eat or sleep. When I do drift off for the 20-40 minute intervals that plague my nights...I dream of her. I dream of happy, wonderful things with her. Then I wake up to find it's not real. I wake up in my hell, and I hate myself. She's everywhere, in everything. I used to play video games for fun, but now I can't. It's not fun anymore. Nothing is. My friends took me out to the beach to get my mind off it...but all I could do is remember all the times we went to the beach together...and wish she was with me. No one can substitute her....I loved her so much. I need help, she's destroyed me, and I'm unable to fix myself.