Moonlight80

We have been friends since 98. But along the years we found out that our families have been connected for long. I do miss hanging out with her and I'd love to address the problem myself. But every time we're together she always makes me feel like I'm just imagining things. She's always telling all of our other friends how much she has missed me and loves me. But deep down I know she's aware of how i feel. I guess I've just been looking for the right moment. Thanks for your insight!!

Okay... last year, May 2005 to be precise, my best friend and I went away for my b-day. We stayed at a beautiful resort just the two of us. I had told her that we would be meeting with a new friend that I had made online. This guy was just a friend and we had been talking for a long time online and on the phone, exchaging emails. She had heard about him, and so had he. So I wanted to finally meet him and introduce them as well. When we all met, it was fine. We went out for some drinks and had a good time. The next morning she looked upset. I asked what was wrong and she told me that last night for the first time she felt like she could not trust me anymore. That was shocking... I could not understand. She told me that the guy that we had the drinks with knew way too much about her and our friendship. In my opinion, he knew just as much as anybody does. They were both my friends, in different levels and it's obvious that they would know about one another, right? After all, everytime she meets someone new wether a guy or girl, she always mentions me to them. After she said that I did not know what to say or do. But as the day went on, things went back to normal and it was as if she never said anything. Well throughout the summer, she acted very weird. See, she has a weight problem, and she gets depressed a lot, so she hibernates in her room and does not go anywhere. That's what she did. We met a few times to go to the beach and for drinks. But I noticed she was not telling me what she was up to anymore. She always called to discuss things and to tell me about her boyfriends and stuff. She stopped doing that!! All of a sudden we stopped sharing everything. I was doing what i always used to do, go out, staying active, dating, etc. I always used to call her, and get things to be better between us. But never mentioned that I thought things had changed. After all, she always acts like everything is fine. So all summer was like that. In November I met a great guy. She was the first person I called to tell about him. And she showed no interest. It really hurt me. I started this serious relationship with him and even brought him home for Christmas. When I told her that... she said I must be very serious about him to do such a thing. That was all she said. For new years' eve I intorduced her to my guy... she never made a comment. Good or bad. It was like she had no emotions or didn't care at all. The whole time I was dating him, she never called, she never emailed, nothing. So I used to call her and try to have our conversations. But she never wanted to share her things with me again. She said her life events at the moment were too depressing for someone who was in love. I decided not to call her as much. Until today, I do not know what went wrong. She has a brother who is four years younger than me. He always had a crush on me and we even attempted something... but to no avail. I don't think that's the reason she decided to pull away! After all, she always knew it was just a fling with no importance. Right now, we're still talking and see each other occasionally. But I feel like I have been abandoned by her. Now that I have broken up with the guy, she has called me a little more. She's always saying that she loves me and misses me. I don't know how sincere she's been. Everytime we're together I just keep thinking about what happened. I know that she knows something is wrong. I don't really know what to do. I think the best thing to do would be confront her... but I don't want to do that. I'd rather she came to me and told me what the problem is. The whole situation put a dent in our friendship and I can't really get over it. Should I just forgive and forget?

Hello, Try and contact him. Maybe there is something you can try to solve things. If can't spend time with you because of work, school or other important things, then maybe you should give him a break. Now, if it's because of silly excuses... don't even bother. I do think you two should sit down and discuss things. Always know exactly what's going on before making drastic decisions. Trust me I know.. Good luck!!

I think it's a good thing that you're 17 and a virgin. Don't let that get you down. Sex is totally over rated, unless shared with someone you care about. Save yourself for the right moment. And keep in mind all the danger you are saving yourself from. It's countless. Try and focus more on other things. Things that will make you happy. Maybe working on not being so shy. Make that your goal. Once you accomplish that and you're out of your depression.... everything will follow. Being 17 and a virgin is rare these days... be proud of yourself!! Holding a good thought for you!

Hello I understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I too, felt like that with my ex. No... that's not why he's my ex... lol. He was very romantic too and I had never had that in my relationships. So, I felt like I had to do the same in order to respond to his actions. Which I loved... the flowers, teh txt, the emails, the cards. It was all so beautiful. But when you're not used to it... it's hard because you don't know how to respond back. She might feel like that. Try to think of ways to ease her into it. Don't come accross as too romantic aor no romance at all. Romance is beautiful. She just has to get used to it. Deep down, she is loving it. More men should follow your steps... Good luck

All you've mentioned are things that you don't like about yourself and all the negativity that's around you. Did you ever try to look for things that aren't so bad in your life? Things that you actually like about you? Even if they're aren't according to your mom and society... it does not matter. As long as you respect your mom... always, but don't forget, your life is about you. It is your choices that matter. Make choices according to what makes you happy and where you want to be in life. Cutting yourself may make you feel better - but you must substitute that with something that is less harmful to you. Life is such a gift, you must embrace it. Don't worry about what society thinks, even if you fit in their circle, they'll still have things to say about you. Do what feels right to you... your lifestyle and choices are your business. One thing to keep in mind is your family and friends, ya know those that really matter to you. Try and think about them every time you choose to do any harm to yourself. Best of luck to you.

What you're going through is very much real. Unfortunately she has made up her mind and probably has moved one. You need to do the same. You should find something else that you're passionate about. Like a new job or hobbie - definetely not a new girl - for now. Just try to think about something that you enjoy doing and put all your effort into that. That should take you into a new path and your mind off your ex. I know, it's easier said than done, but give it a try. I'm going through a break up too, and I'm trying to do the same. So far so good. Good luck!!

Thanks RayKay, I will try that again. I have tried before and was all frustrated and got mad and we didn't talk about it anymore. He has mentioned that he wants me to go with him, and has told me what the treatment consist of - again not willingly I've had to drag that out of him - it was like pulling teeth! See, the thing is he'll agree with me being there - but when it comes to actually doing stuff together relating to his health he'll change his appointment last minute or he'll go when I can't get off my job... see, I can't win! I guess I'll approach him nicely... since we haven't seen each other for a while and our phone conversations are reduced to once a week. Maybe I'll invite him for coffee or something and have a real talk - even if it will lead to the breakup!! Whichever way... I need closure. Thanks so much RayKay, your advice has been very insightful!!! - Thanks Hope your mom is doing good!! I'll keep her and your family in my prayers as well.

Thanks a lot for all your advice. Everything that is being said I have tried and tried. I really want to be there for him in any way... that's what I know. But most of the time he won't even tell me when he has to go to the doctors. It will go something like this..."oh... I didn't tell you?" That's what makes me angry. It happened too early in our very premature relationship... but I'm just concerned about his approach to the situation and dealing with the pressure. It shows me he may not be able to deal with bad situations full of pressure and decision making. He's a very smart guy and he knows he's dealing with it wrong. He says he's scared I'll leave him. I keep telling him... that keeping things from me is the reason that will make me leave... not his illness. I understand he has all rights to be selfish and angry at the world. I admire him so much... because he's very strong and positive about it. I just admire that sooo much! I can't understand why he just can't be upront with me and just fill me in on his health. It's been so hard being away from him lately... but I really think it's what he needs. He has a good family and good friends so I know he is getting good support from them, I just hate that he can't let me do the same. Why can't I be part of his support group?

Hello I've been in a relationship for six months now. My boyfriend is wonderful and everything was going well until about two months ago. My boyfriend is a concer patient and he's been on remission for almost three years now. Well, he went to the doctor in March and the doctor found some cancer cells in his system. Now he has to go back and get some shots to get rid of them. My problem is not that he's sick but the way he deals with me and the stituation. For instance, when he found out about the bad news he did not tell me right away. Instead he began to act very weird and distanced himself from me. The relationship changed dramatically. I thought it was me … something I said, or did. Until I found out what was wrong. Of course he did not tell me willingly, we had a fight. Ever since then he said he was going to open up to me and let me in his life more and help him go through the procedures to come. Nothing has happened. He's been nervous and frustrated and he won't talk to me about it. Instead he's always arrogant and makes me feel like I don't know what he is going through and never will. In the past two months we have spent no time together, he hardly ever calls me. Our communication is totally over. Instead we talk through emails and Ims when we're online… occasionally. I have expressed to him how I feel. I have told him I don't mind that he's sick and I would never leave him for that reason. I know he loves me and I love him too. Lately has been hard being away from him when I know he needs my support. But every time he says he'll change that.. he never does. He has left me hanging waiting for his call when we plan to do something together, and calls me way too late and acts like nothing is wrong. I feel like he does it on purpose and I can't help it but act different towards him. We have talked about it and he has admitted to me that he's wrong about the way he's dealing with things. He said he's nervous and does not know what to do. And I understand that. I personally think we have not much of a relationship left. My feelings are slowly fading away and I don't really feel like hearing from him because he's always cold and arrogant. I always feel like I'm a chore for him. He wants me to stay in his life but he acts the opposite way. My question to you is, Is there any other way I should be dealing with this? Should I just leave him? I don't want to do the easy thing, but the right thing. But I have to think about me and my feelings too, right? If I'm not happy how can I make him happy? He makes me feel like he does not want me there to help him, but he wants me to stick around and be ready when he's ready! That's not fair to me. After all I'm supposed to be ther for him for better or for worse. In sickness or in health. I guess he does not think like that. Please advise as to how to deal with all this. Thanks,

Hey, It sounds like both you and your mother are stressing about the situation leaving both of you not to understand each other's point of view. I think your mother loves you and wants your best. I think what she's looking for is to actually see you doing something good for your future. That's why she wants you to get a job. Even though all you can get now is simply a cashier job, take that and gain experience to do other things in the future. Of course she'd rather see you at home other than partying at some club... but she knows that's what kids do these days in order to socialize. There are other ways to get around that. If dance classes are really not your scene then explain to your mom that you don't want to do that and you will find something else that you like to do and benefits you. Bottom line is, your mom, just wants you to succeed in your life and when she sees you lying around the house she thinks that there is no good out of it. Maybe there isn't. What you have to do is try and show her that there are other things that you can do, other than partying, that make you happy. I'm sure if she sees you doing things that will be good for your future, wheather in our out of the house... she'll get off your case. Parents are like that, they just need to see their kids progressing. Since you don't mind getting a job... do that for now. Use that as a stepping stone to get where you want to be. You never know what may happen. Going against your mother's will isn't going to help you at all. She will always be in your case. I'm 25 yrs old and I still live at home. My parents are cool with it. But I had to show them that I was making some progress in my life. I have a full time job and am in college, part-time. I have a few good friends that are dear to me... but not really the partying type. We just have quite gatherings and just kid around. Maybe you should just find the right type of friends for you and stick with that... they don't have to be the partying type, just people that you're able to have a connection with. Your mom is just worried for your well being - give her and you a chance and try to do what's best for YOU!! Best wishes