newzealand

Err... yeah right. If that would be true, there would be a lot more rape going on in the world than we realize. Not to defend this guy's actions, but if a drunk woman makes a move on a guy (whether he is drunk or not), it's her own action and her own fault for being drunk and stupid. How can you possibly call this rape...

Hi, I had (have) a similar situation, where I was thinking a lot about how it would be to be apart from each other for 7 weeks, and my partner didn't seem to be that worried about it. Well, I've learned that people just have different views on it and different ways of handling it. I've learned that some people prefer to not think about it a lot, and to minimize contact to make the separation period easier. This used to worry me, like it does you, because I do like to keep in touch a lot. But then in the middle of our 7 week period, I decided on impulse to go see her. I've spent quite a lot of money on a flight, even though I could only go to her for a few days. But I have to say, it was worth every penny if not more. It made me realize she did care a lot, but that it was just easier for her to handle this way and that she just didn't show it that well over the phone/email. Anyway, she was very excited of my coming and we had a great time. After that, I felt much more comfortable (still do) and the remaining time is much easier to cope with. Maybe an idea for you? Drop by for a long weekend, it will split the 8 weeks in half. It will do you both good And in the mean time, I wouldn't worry about it too much. He will miss you too, even though he is excited about the job. For your own feelings of anxiety, I would suggest trying to force your mind into more positive thoughts. What I have found with myself, is that like you, I kept on thinking about it, and kept associating it with bad feelings and I felt miserable about it. What I would do, is just tell myself that it was nonsense to feel like this. I would replace the negative thoughts by good ones, just through simple reasoning. For example, I would tell myself she does miss me, she loves me, everything is alright, so I should be happy! I will see her soon, in a few weeks, time will fly by! That really helped me too. I would really suggest you give it a try. I wouldn't call it meditation, but it does help Good luck.

All is good

I have know two 'nerd' friends, as you describe. Both ended up with girlfriends eventually. 17 is still very young. They were 23 when they first started dating.

Thanks for you view, Haley, although I think you've misunderstood a bit.

Thanks for the advice again.

Really... I am a guy, and if he acts like that, he most likely has the hots for you too! Trust me, from what I read, it seems like he really likes you, and just doesn't dare to say it too. That's why he says things like "because at least we're friends and i dont even talk to the girl i'm going with now". It's like indirectly telling you, oh, I like you more than her but I don't want to say it in so many words. Go for it!

I couldn't agree more. I really started thinking about this, and realizing it myself when I went on a big trip to New Zealand for several months. I noticed, that small decisions in my schedule (stay here or there a day longer or a day less) made a HUGE impact on the whole rest of my trip. Just follow this chain of events... Me staying at one particular place for a few more days, ended up in me meeting someone who told me about a nice track to do that I hadn't heard about, then, because I did it, I met two really nice girls with whom I travelled for a while, and then, because I met them, I didn't do a part of the track which I ended up doing again later, with another friend that I met along the way. Then, because of this second trip, I ended up in a town for a few days where I met a wonderful girl, who I started dating, and with whom I've had a great time so far. All because of one silly decision... I can't even imagine how different everything would have turned out if I hadn't decided to stay longer at that place. You see, I would not have met her probably, if I hadn't decided to stay, hadn't decided to do the track in the first place, hadn't talked to the two israeli's, etc. etc. etc... All a matter of timing and decisions you make.

Hi Joyce, I understand what you mean. I have been in a relationship for 3 years a while ago, and during that period we broke up and got back together 2 times. (We broke up permanently half a year ago.) What I've found, is that when you get back together after being separated, the relationship is no longer the same. For me, I kept on thinking about what happened during the break-up and kept on seeing this as a "stain" on the relationship. It would just never be the same again, never would this relationship be pure and all good again. It would always have this bad episode written on it. You try, of course, and you attempt to forget it, move on, be happy again... but every now and then it comes back, and it can hurt a lot when it does. It can strike in the most peculiar moments, but mostly I've found is that you end up bringing it up during fights or arguments. Which of course doesn't make matters better... Initially I was the one breaking up, but I was also the one regretting it the first time. I can tell you, I didn't have a "good" reason either, as you put it. Sometimes you just don't need a reason. You just feel that you are not in love with the other person anymore, or just don't feel like you want to be together anymore. I think it would have been better for us, if we would have stayed separated the first time. Like I said, I ended up regretting the decision, missing her. But when I reflect back on it now, I think I just missed the idea of her, the idea of how our relationship used to be. Maybe I just missed being with someone, anyone. So although a break up is painful, like you say, when you get back together, for one side there will always be the fear and anxiety... will it happen again? Will he/she leave me again (for no reason)? And for the other side, the guilty feelings of having hurt the person that loved you, the fear of doing it again... I think, a break up has a reason (even though one of the two may not see it as clearly as the other) and you should not forget this. Then, if you do think about coming back together, you should think about if it's really worth it to possibly go through all the pain again later, and to have the fear and anxiety, just for the sake of some extra happy days/weeks/months. That's my take on it.

Thank you for your reflections.

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