Batya33

I can't sleep if the room is not cold or at least nearly cold. AC for sure. In Europe where we just returned from we realized they're not fans of AC like in the U.S. Was stifling on certain forms of public transportation. Luckily our AC in the hotel room worked fairly well.

The vast majority of people who say they have commitment phobia do not. Phobias are rare in general. The vast majority of people who utter those words to a person they are having sex with simply want to make sure their sex partner knows there will be no commitment so there is no leading on and it's easier than saying "I don't see myself committing to you". Many people with "commitment phobia" in quotes miraculously are cured when they become the right person to find the right person and choose commitment over fear. Fear is not phobia. Many people have fears and concerns about committing romantically. But they choose commitment over fear just like many people choose X over fear because they want X badly. Do you typically refer to your sex partners as "girls?" They're adult women, right? Do you feel like a "boy" when you are having sex - childlike or childish? Perhaps that is contributing to your ED.

FWB is a euphemism for a sexual arrangement. You weren't good friends first who then decided to also have sex. You just met her a month ago -the typing and talking to her when you two were strangers for all practical purposes is irrelevant to getting to know someone. How long is your divorce final -you said when your ex wife moved out but are you actually divorced? That might be why you're content to do this couply/insta-relationship kind of thing. If you're comfortable having intercourse and all this intensity simply ask her what her intentions are. Tell her you are not seeing anyone else, you don't want to pursue anyone else for dating and ask if she feels the same. What conversations have you had about birth control, STDs, and potential failures of birth control? Sounds like a lot of sex and kissy huggy stuff and whispering sweet nothings and very little substance and clear communication.

Why in the world would you be having intercourse with someone you have so little trust for?

It may not be about drive but about being with the wrong person. Perhaps you are a person who needs to be in love and committed to feel more motivated to have sex and feel comfortable as far as the ED (ED can be emotionally related from what I understand). Right now you have been having sex with a woman who is very focused on male attention -attention from males other than you -and male attention related to her physical features and photos. That would be a turn off to me if a man acted like that with me.

Because some people -men and women - want another person not to date anyone else even if they are not interested in dating the person -just in case they change their minds. He's not being "territorial" as you are not property. You are a human. My husband would not do this if he saw me talking to another person -that would be rude and he trusts me. People who trust each other rarely need to behave in a rude way to assert that they are committed to a person. This person cheats on his girlfriend with you and most likely others. So I would spend zero time analyzing why he does the things he does or says the things he says.

I take compliments in context. This person who said nice words to you is a person who justifies cheating on his girlfriend and exposing her to STDS. Not too classy. Also you gave him an opener to dispute your self-deprecation - which was an odd thing for you to say about yourself. Especially to someone you slept with. Why do you care if he was flirting -this man you already had intercourse with? You don't need to read signs as far as sex- if you want to have sex with him again ask him. Cats out of the bag so to speak. I doubt he wants to date you otherwise he would have asked you out -he knows you're attracted to him. Good luck with the new job! I love museums and hope you enjoy your experience there

But he didn’t ask you first before he started looking. Right ?

You don’t have to share physical space by living together to be committed and emotionally close. He’s deigning to ask you to come with him ? Did he ask you to be involved in his decision to relocate ? I relocated for my husband and we discussed it at every step.

Who cares - if he cared about involving you in his life he’d make sure to facilitate everyone getting to know each other. Will you meet them at your wedding for the first time or would that be too scary for him too?

I didn’t invest more than a few dates if someone was serious minded. I knew he was because he would tell me. He wanted me to know asap. I didn’t have to ask. If it was a dating site I focused only on serious minded profiles and stated in mine that I was looking for marriage. Didn’t seem to scare anyone away - I always had tons of messages and interest in meeting and I did most of my dating through dating sites in my 30s.

I didn’t drink more than a half glass of wine and used to hang around with and go to many parties where there was drinking. Sometimes it was too much for me and even unsafe but in my teens and 20s I went. So what if they’re influencers. No biggie. Dime a dozen. Do you like that his friends are big drinkers ?

It’s cringeworthy that she even notices that sort of attention let alone brags about it or thinks it would make anyone jealous.

Since you are not the bride I wouldn’t do hair or makeup. Do it yourself. The end. This is just an unnecessary time investment and expense particularly for this wedding. I’m sure you’ll look more than fine.

No you should not give neighbors your wife’s special Thanksgiving serving bowls. Of course not. As long as the Tupperware is clean and seals properly it’s fine. I’d anonymously leave a gift card in their mailbox. That’s the highest form of charity since you’re not doing it for the appreciation plus you don’t know if they have dietary restrictions or allergies. also I’m not sure leftovers are appropriate if they look like leftovers. If they came for dinner and took home leftovers fine but otherwise it seems questionable.

I live in a warm climate but we’re in Portugal and it’s really hot.

Traveling is fun without kids and when it’s not for business although the latter is more doable. It’s fun with kids but balanced with a lot of work. Lots of planning and shopping and prep work before, lots of managing of a child out of his time zone and routine and typical stuff, and although I love the adventures I plan for my son and me on the day or days of my husband’s conference it’s fun but also exhausting. We’ve only gone to Europe so far with our son for conferences to save on hotel and airfare. 3 times - France, Sweden and now Portugal! My husband and I had fun in Paris when we were first dating in the 1990s and in Iceland too shortly before we got married and became parents. We’ve also gone all over the US together before and after marriage. With a child for me it’s not a vacation and I manage my expectations that way. Having said that my son is such a trooper when it comes to exploring new places with me and he always tries to learn the language enough to be able to say thank you and please to those we interact with. Thanks Kamurj! I hope you get to get away too! It is good for a relationship for sure to get out of comfort zones etc.

When is your wedding ? What I would do. Throw money at the problem if at all possible. Have a weekly or twice monthly cleaning service so you have less cleaning to do. Buy paper plates and disposable plastic utensils. Have him set alarms on his phone as far as laundry etc. or send out his laundry to wash and fold. Again if you can afford it. I agree with Cherylyn that he’s unlikely to change.

It’s so hard to type an answer. I like Seraphim’s. Also the lyrics to Billy Joel’s song You’re My House You’re My Home. I’m often baffled at how some will resort to ten dollar words and psychological terms to describe their vision of a healthy long term relationship or marriage. My husband son and I are traveling in Europe right now for a week. Healthy looks like : not taking your jet lag out on your family or your immense irritation at what “coffee maker” actually means in a European hotel room (I’m the only coffee drinker and have had none since Monday morning - son would like to be lol). travel I find personally - not everyone does - tests the health. Typically you’re out of your routine , lots of Covid complications, you have to compromise on how to see the sights , when to eat and what and how, how to budget, etc. it’s kind of a microcosm of the real life of couples on steroids. Today I chose my health over waiting more time on a long line for a questionable sightseeing thing. After sightseeing for about 6 hours. Heatwave got to me. But I also chose to make sure my husband and son felt free to stay and I found my own way back in a subway and I don’t speak the language. That’s what I mean. Compromise. It’s constant. I could have been a martyr and sucked it up and dealt with the exhaustion and heat related stuff. Which I would have done if it meant my son couldn’t go. But my husband was happy to wait with my son. All of these experiences present opportunities to act in a healthy way or not. Much much more than abstract musing about “Communication” and “Love Languages “. JMHO

Yes sounds fine to continue a casual dating arrangement. Since she is a commitmentphobe and doesn’t trust you I’d make sure to have clear communication about what happens if you two conceive a baby. Seems messy to be sexually involved with someone who doesn’t trust you because of how you two met. And if she is afraid generally of commitment then if she gets pregnant that kind of complicates the options.

I am so sorry too. My sister is 5 years older and we’re very close and she got married young and all- had 4 kids - but she didn’t pull the mother card to that extent at all. I can’t stand that and I’m sorry your sister is doing this. I’m glad others gave such good advice and input. Unfortunately I have three female friends whose siblings behaved like jerks when it came to taking care of aging parents. Awful. I hope posting helped.

I think that’s asking a lot. But I’m unfamiliar with what is typical in that type of work.

I would tell her matter of factly sure and what is the pay rate for tester classes ? This is her trying to get free work out of you and I wouldn’t do it

To me this is not about a wedding. It’s simply about a really rude and thoughtless person who is also a poor planner. I’m really mad on your behalf on how the MOH is treating you. And what is this activity that costs $100? Of course you can hang out with them and when you’re tired go home and sleep in your own bed. Because you live close by. Take Lyft if you want to drink. Or something. Whatever. I don’t even think at this point it’s the bride’s fault. She may be clueless about this situation. I would do exactly what you plan (other than I’d want to know what my $100 is going for. I now remember in 2007 or so my friend got married. I was not in the bridal party. The MOH wanted us to come to her house for a bachelorette night with someone who was going to show us I think sex toys and maybe pole dancing moves etc. there was a light meal involved and not sure we had to chip in. I declined. I didn’t feel comfortable going and it didn’t sound fun. As an aside the MOH ended up flaking on our friend the bride shortly after. My friend understood my decision. I thought it was a poor activity and probably designed to try to sell us stuff.

I think it’s different if you meet the friends together rather than one person introducing the other to “his “ friends. Timing matters. I didn’t like when my friend stayed in touch with my ex and thought it was ok to invite all of us to a gathering at her home. Or tell me “oh if you can’t come I’m inviting ex”