DecemberGal

Onesxxylady: he said he came back because he missed me too much. Hear him say that was definitely music to my ears. When you consider that at one point I didn't think I'd ever hear from him again, hearing him admit that to me is a lot. He is generally very protective of his feelings, so I know it took a lot from him to come right out and contact me and say that. Dogg:Since a lot of the breakup was my fault (he does share some blame but I took things over the top with my excessive arguing with him) I had called him once to apologize to him and then left it at that. No contact whatsoever, even though I was dying to call him. But I knew he didn't want to talk to me, and wasn't ready to in the first place, so I let him be. I figured if he did come back, I wanted it to be of his own free will and not from me hounding him over and over about it. And that is what he did.

Oh Echo, I am sooo glad to hear that your ex is at least open to communicating with you. Considering that like my ex, your ex had wanted no more contact with you ever again (or at least that is what he had claimed, anyway), anything involving positive communication is a good sign. So yes, like the others have mentioned take things as slow as possible and try to keep your expectations to a minimum, such as I am doing right now in my case with my ex and I in the beginning stages of getting back together. Good luck. My fingers are crossed for you.

Hi everyone... I am happy to report that things have been going great so far. We are rediscovering each other and spending a lot of quality time together. The breakup has definitely taught us both a lot about each other. I'm all smiles over here.

Thanks for all of your advice to take things slow everyone. I intend to do just that...take things slow and keep living my life for me as opposed to making my world revolve around just him all over again. That was one of the biggest mistakes I made. And while I share a lot, if not most of the blame for our breakup, I have learned a lot in regards to respecting the other person. I have read enough good advice about reconciliations both on these forums and elsewhere to last me a lifetime, so I have no excuse not to do things differently this time around. Anyway, my ex and I hung out both Saturday and Sunday and it was wonderful. I could tell he was savouring every single moment of being with me so it appears that absense really can make ones heart grow fonder ---even though to the dumpee (myself) I had been feeling as though the more time we had no contact with each other, the more it was allowing him to forget about me. As it turns out it only made him miss me, and miss me terribly--he even admitted it to me. Honestly, I never thought I'd be able to post a positive update thread here on making up with my ex. I've read so many other happy stories from others here who had either kept in contact with their ex one way or another, or who had finally received contact from an ex after having not had any for a long while. I had read these posts and thought it could never be possible with me due to the way things had ended with me and my ex and him telling me not to call him ever again. But lo and behold...there it was, an email from him after three long months, wanting to get together with me so we could see each other and talk. Even though I was missing him terribly and the weekends were sheer hell without him, I do take pride in the fact that I was doing my best to get on with my life and date others, hanging out with girlfriends etc so I could take my mind off him. So while it remains to be seen how things will progress, for the meantime, I am basking in the reconnection with my ex and the joys of us getting reacquainted with one another and building on our renewed friendship with each other. Yes Echo I remember that our stories were very similar. But do take heart because it just goes to show that time really can be a healer if we'll let it. Wow acuraman...your ex finally contacted you too? That is good news.

We're wanting to try things again.

Woke up this morning, checked my email and there it was...an email from my ex telling me he wanted to see me! It was the last thing I would have ever expected to see. I was floored. For those of you who remember, my ex and I broke up three months ago in what was a really bitter and terrible breakup. I thought we'd never be able to be civil with each other again. There had been lots of hurtful words and arguments and things ended with him telling me not to call him anymore - which had crushed me, but I'd had no choice but to do NC. Anyway, we met this afternoon and had a good talk and he told me how much he's been missing me. I guess the NC really does work - definitely gives them time to miss you. The good thing is, we have both learned our lessons from what happened between us. I'm an incredibly happy gal right now.

I'm almost 100% certain he was ignoring me. It is his way of telling me he's not ready to talk to me yet. He did it when we were still together and would have disagreements. He'd do that until he felt ready to talk. Besides, it was his cell phone I called and he takes phone calls for his business on that phone as well as his regular calls, and has the phone with him at all times. I suppose it is possible that he might not have heard it ringing but if that is the case, he still could have phoned once he realized he'd missed my call if he really wanted to talk to me. And it has been two weeks since then...surely he'd have returned my call by now. He's just giving me the clear signal that he's not ready to talk yet. I do agree with what you're saying though....we dumpees have the tendency to think the most negative thoughts in relation to our exes, unfortunately.

You're in exactly the same boat as I am in. I contacted my ex in late September to apologize for causing the arugment(s) that broke us up and he was appreciative of my phone call but I could tell he was still hurt over things. I have tried contacting since then, on Canadian Thanksgiving to be exact, and he ignored my phone call and wouldn't pick up. So I kind of have no choice but to do no contact. It is hard not hearing from him and not knowing what is going on with him, but I don't have much choice but to wait (and hope) for him to come around. It is a few days short of three months since our break up. I am so glad to hear of the reunions of those here. It is very encouraging to say the least. I wish you all the very best together and hope your new relationships with your exes work out for the best!

whoa. Your ex is on the same board?!! If my ex read everything I wrote, good grief! LoL...I hear ya. Then on the other hand, I haven't really said anything bad about mine. At least he could read these boards he'd see that I genuinely love and care about him.

The traffic light analogy is excellent...but don't forget about all of the intersections that sometimes come along with those traffic lights. Those things can be bloody tricky.

While I agree the card is somewhat clever and revenge is a good thing if it helps bring you closure, I have to also ask whether or not you're truly sure that you're ready to move on or if you're really getting over him? Because if not, this sarcastic gesture may come back to haunt you later on. Like others have mentioned, if you were truly ready to move on, his birthday would have been more of a non-issue, in that, you wouldn't have felt the need to send him any birthday card, let alone a sarcastic one. The bottom line is to always look at the reaction of things from the receiver's point of view. What do you think he thought when he received the card? It might have cut him a little or bothered him somewhat, and on the other hand, he might have gotten a little chuckle out of it because it shows him that it is glaringly obvious that you are not yet over him, or at the very least, not yet over trying to get back at him. I'm not denying that the gesture might have actually helped give you closure, however. Just asking you to think about what it means in the grander scheme of things.

I have always maintained that the purpose of NC is two-fold depending on the situation. I think NC is about healing and moving on, but also leaving the door open for a potentional reconciliation if possible, by not bothering the other person and showing them that you are getting on with your life. That way, if they don't want you back, you've already begun your healing process, and by the same token if they do, you've been working on bettering yourself. Let's face it, depending on the situation, even if someone is exercising NC to get over the person, there's always that chance that they want them back too. at least that's my take on it.

Allowing your ex to miss you so that they eventually call you is a great concept and all, but what if your ex is the proud and extremely stubborn type? That is my ex to a T. Hell, my ex is so proud that when we were still together, he was even afraid to come right out and tell me he loved me and instead he kept pressing me, asking me if I was in love with him and after I expreseed my true feelings to him, then and ONLY then would he tell me how he felt about me. And after we broke up, the times I tried to contact him, spilling my guts to him, telling him how much I loved him and wanted him back, he wouldn't answer his phone so I had to leave him a voicemail. He didn't respond to any of these messages. Then one day I got really angry for his silent treatment and called him and left a really scathing voicemail, telling him he was a jerk etc (I know, I know...stupid me in the heat of the moment) he calls me right back. I have a hard time understanding this. He wouldn't respond to my messages where I pleaded with him to take me back, yet as soon as I leave a message and tell him off, he calls me back immediately, questioning why I said the things I said??? Is he that insecure? If he doesn't care about me or us, why call me back? Did he need validation that I didn't really mean the horrible things I had said about him? Anyway, back to the pride and stubbornness thing...if an ex is that stubborn and too proud to allow you to think he's "giving in" to you by calling you, how can they ever call you? And if I am maintaining strict NC with him, how would we ever reconnect with each other? Speaking of which, I did a really stupid thing yesterday...I was really missing my ex and decided to call him for Thanksgiving (yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving day) but when I called him, he didn't answer his phone...which really devastated me. Granted he may not have heard his cell phone, but who knows? I regret calling him now and wish I hadn't done it. I had been maintaining strict NC since I called him three weeks ago and apologized to him for telling him off back in September. The thing is, when I called and apologized to him, he had acted very civil and very relieved to hear from me, asked me how I was doing etc...then when I ended the conversation and said goodbye to him, he said goodbye to me in a really sad, forlorn sounding voice. Yet I call him three weeks later and he's apparently back to ignoring my phone calls? What??? I am so puzzled by his behaviour. I think he's trying his best to forget me and move on and that is the reason he didn't answer my phone call last night. I suppose him answering my call would have set him back and would have rehashed all of his feelings for me....and of course, he's too stubborn and proud to allow that to happen. I didn't leave him a voice message either and I am glad I didn't. Hell, it was bad enough that I broke down and called him in a moment of weakness in the first place. It would have been ten times worse had I left him a voicemail for him, giving him the impression that I want him to return my call. Stupid me...and here I was doing so well with NC...I feel as though I've set myself back tremendously.

One word I can think of for your ex: coward. Anyone who would break up by email or text message is just that, a coward. The age of technology and the internet has certainly changed the dynamic of how we humans interact with each other - and not necessarily in a good way either. Sorry for what you are going through right now. Hang in there! We'll get through these tough times together. (((hugs))))

Well my ex and I are slowly creeping up on a total of three months of being broken up and I miss him just as much now as I did three months ago. Since I called him and apologized to him three weeks ago, I haven't had any contact with him whatsoever. Me calling him and apologizing at least allowed us to clear the air with each other as there was a lot of tension between us. But now I am worried that I might have given him the impression that I was moving on and didn't care about reconciling with him (even though I'd love nothing more!). I remember saying something to him along the lines of, "I don't care whether or not we get back together at this point, I just wanted to tell you I was sorry for the way I acted and for the things I said to you..." And after I hung up the phone I thought, stupid me, why on earth did I say something so stupid??? Well DUH! Of COURSE getting back together with him matters because I still LOVE him!!! So now I sit here wondering if he went away from my phone call thinking...."She doesn't care about getting back together with me anymore so there's no point in me contacting her anymore either..." I certainly hope he's not thinking that. In any event, I hope that our time apart has shown him as it has shown me, just how much he misses what we had together, as it has certainly shown me how much I miss him and how much I took him for granted when I had him. NC has helped make me stronger and to look at the bigger picture of my life. Hell, I have even been dating others. But I still miss him terribly.

Actually, I always spend Christmas with family. And I know my family and friends will always be there. But is different to be able to spend the holidays with that one special someone. It is a whole different dynamic. I suppose all is not lost yet. I'll just have to wait and see.

I may be getting ahead of myself here but you know what scares the hell out of me? The possibility of having to spend Christmas alone without the love of my life. I can't help it...it's just a fear I have. I was alone last Christmas and vowed it would be the last Christmas I spent alone. Oh well...so much for hoping....

LoL....heard this on the radio yesterday while driving to work and though it couldn't have been any more timely. September has been a terribly emotionally painful month for me post-breakup. Hopefully it gets better from here.

Wow...great post. I really needed to read that today. Thanks.

I would love nothing more than for my ex to call me up and ask me out to dinner. Oh well...heads up for the time being I guess. So glad to hear things are working out for you and your ex. Good luck to both of you.

I agree with what the others have said. Back away and give her the space she needs. I think her silence right now is an indication that she is trying the process and evaluate things between the two of you. Once she has had time to do this, she will contact you. I know on your part it is hard not having any contact with her and it is easy for panic to set in because you are uncertain of what is going through her mind. Hopefully during her silence she is thinking about how tolerant you have been with her to put up with her consistant pulling away from you. I think you did the right thing by telling her you were not just willing to hang out with her. At least she knows where you stand in that regard. If she is truly interested in being with you, she'll come around shortly.

Well folks....I finally took the plunge and called my ex to clear the air with him after having cussed him out three weeks ago. I was afraid at the reception I'd get from him but I called anyway. It was just something I knew I had to do as the way I had left things with him has been weighing heavily on my conscieous. I just felt that the time was right to call him, even though I have been exercising strict NC for the past three weeks. I was afraid he'd be angry with me for calling him after he'd told me not to call anymore, but he wasn't. He sounded almost glad to hear from me. I figured these past few weeks have given us both time to cool off. Anyway, I told him that I was sorry for the unkind and hurtful words I said to him. He sounded very relieved to hear me tell him I was sorry. He said he appreciated my apology. I also let him know that I regretted all of those horrible things I had said to him, and that it was unfortunate things had gotten out of hand between us. Then we asked each other how each other were doing. The conversation wasn't that long just long enough for us to clear the air and then that was it. I feel like a one-hundred pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am hoping the phone call leaves the door open for a reconciliation between us---but it will have to be on his terms as the ball is now in his court. And now....back to strict NC it is.

I wish I could share your faith that we'll get back together but it is very hard for me to feel anything but hopeless. So much damage has been done between us. I am too close to the situation to see the light of day. I would like to apologize to him for the things I said, but he is angry with me right now---not to mention he told me not to call him anymore (even though he said it while in the heat of anger). Since he said not to call him anymore, I don't want to further alienate him by calling him and pushing him further away...besides, I am afraid of what his reaction to me would be. Would it be acceptable to email him? I know email is rather impersonal, but I want to show him that I am at least respecting his wishes not to call him. It has almost been three weeks since we last spoke and I am wondering if it is still too soon to contact him. At least by emailing him he'll be able to read it and ponder it and not feel pressured to make a decision about us or to respond in a certain way. If, and when I email or call him, what could I possibly say to him to let him see that I am genuinely sorry for embarrassing him in front of his friends, and then later on saying the hurtful things I said to him?

Ok, here are the details on what happened: The argument arose out of what seemed harmless at the time - I was driving his truck (because he had, had a couple of drinks) and he started nagging me. One minute he'd say, "slow down, you're driving too fast" and the next minute it was "speed up you're driving too slow", then it was "stop tailgating" etc, etc. I tried my best to hold my tongue becuase there was company in the back seat. But when his nagging persisted, I became very irritated and we ended up getting into a shouting match with each other - all the while, his friends in the back seat hearing all of this. I said some really, really insulting and sarcastic things to him that bruised his ego in front of his friends---a definite no-no. I should have handled it much differently than I did, I know. But I have my limits too. His constant nagging about my driving had irritated me to my limit and that is when my words got away from me. Then later on, after dropping the passengers off, he and I argued again and I ended up bursting into tears. It was PMS related, and not an attempt to manipulate him, but of course he didn't know that and I should have told him at the time that that is why I was crying, but I didn't. So naturally he assumed I was using emotional blackmail to get my way to win the argument. So understandably, him thinking I was using emotiona blackmail would make him even angrier at me. That week just before the argument we had a real heart to heart conversation about where our relationship was headed, with him asking me how I felt about him and then him telling me how he felt about me. Our feelings were very mutual and we both expressed that we wanted the relationship to move to the next level. And then of course, the argument happened and squashed all of that. So a few weeks after the argument --after having no contact with each other, we had a couple of conversations over the phone where he expressed his anger and hurt over how I acted towards him, yet during these conversations, we also managed to talk civilly with each other also. Both times we talked I had asked him if he still cared about me and he said, that he did. Then I asked him if there was a chance of us getting back together and he said, yes there was. I had apologized profusely to him the same day of the argument and have since then also, but it seems he's been having a hard time accepting that am truly sorry. Apparently other women acted rudely towards him and he let them walk all over him in past relationships and that is why he has a hard time with how I acted towards him. And then our final argument a couple of weeks ago, which in my opinion put the final nail in the coffin, we exchanged more insults and hurtful things and then he tells me not to call him anymore and then hangs up in my ear??? Sounds hopeless if you ask me. We were together for almost four months and 99% of the relationship was wonderful. So you think another apology would work? Honestly I fear that anymore contact with him will drive him further away. Afer the initial blowout I had written him an apology email but the wounds were still very fresh at that point and he didn't respond to the email...but then ended up calling me a few days later. I really don't want to mess up what is already a delicate situation! It has been one of those things that should have been remidied sooner, but got out of hand, unfortunately. There is a lot of pride, stubborness and anger involved--on both our parts. But he's having a harder time getting over it obviously. Things between us may even be irrepairable at this point. ReadyorNot your story is very encouraging. THanks for all your advice everyone....it is much appreciated.

My ex dumped me sometime back in early August over an argument we had. Before then, everything had been going wonderfully. We had both admitted how much we cared for each other, were talking about the potential of having a future together etc. Unfortunately, during our argument I ended up saying some very hurtful and insulting things to him that I shouldn't have and he later dumped me. A few weeks later we started making attempts to get back together but then a couple of weeks ago, we ended up having another very heated argument - he's still very angry and hurt over the things I said to him during our initial fight. Anyway, during our last and final conversation a couple of weeks ago, in the heat of the moment, he angrily told me not to call him anymore because he was sick of my behaviour. In my anger I then proceeded to give him some more choice words which caused him to hang up in my ear and I have not heard from him since. I have been doing strict NC since then - not that I have a choice, afterall, he did tell me not to call him anymore. Problem is, I am still aching for him and I wish we could work things out, or at the very least get back on speaking terms. We left things on such a sour note that I don't see much hope of any reconcilation or even any contact ever again. Though I still have my bad days and nights where I cry over it (weekends are especially brutal) I am still very much in love with him and hope that at some point we can work things out, I am trying to heal and move on, even doing a little bit of dating. I know there is no way in hell I can contact him anytimes soon---if ever again. I just wonder if he'll ever call me, possibly after his anger and hurt subsides...opinions anyone??? Thanks in advance for your input