Kwothe28

Same. She broke up so he really doesnt owe her anything including him staying off dating apps. Though I do agree after hearing more about it, that its good they broke up.

Well, not really. You work abroad. That means that you are well above some Bulgarian taxi driver(just an example lol). You maybe dont own Hotels, but perception about you is not the same as some local guy without a money. Quite the contrary, they would think you do have a lot of money. So that you could at least buy them gifts. Just saying what her perception might be. Anyway, when they tell you who they are, believe them. If you cant resist not to message her, block her on everything. "No contact" is good for that kind of stuff. You floating around thinking she would want you isnt really good for you.

I was the romantic soul once. Believed that love has no boundaries and that if 2 people are really connected they would make it out somehow. Sadly the reality kicked in. And I discovered that I was the only one who thought that and that the other side didnt particularly care about me or my feelings at all. Oh well, live and learn I guess... Anyway, I would advice you against it. At the end of the day its just a fantasy. Sure, maybe some hot Latino speaking to you affectionately every day is nice. But you dont know that person. Until you spend some time with them, its pointless as some things you would find out just by that. And you cant see each other for quite a while so you are just losing time there. Time that you could spend by finding somebody that you could actually see.

Did you already posted this before? Seems familiar story. Also, I am going to go against the grain a bit. While I dont think you did something admirable, I also dont think its that big of a deal. Especially after 7 years together. So if you want to tell her, do just that. Do you think she would be mad about it? Is that why you didnt tell her for 7 years?

I think people take some things way too much to the heart. Them spreading rumors and saying nasty things about you is not a reflection on you, its the reflection on them. Just dont hang out with them. And maybe even find somewhere else to volunteer.

Well yes, actions have consequences. By choosing what you did, you took the risk of losing both your family and your sisters family if things go awry. And now when things did go awry, you arent ready to take accountability for your actions. Even though you knew the consequences of it. Take accountability and confess to your husband. Even if it means that you will face the consequences of it. Its the right thing to do.

I think "patterns" rarely change. Somebody who was comfortable with that kind of a behavior is going to need very strong will to restrain if it comes to the situation. Like an ex alcoholic if you offer them a drink. For example I have an acquitance. He was in a very "toxic" and abusive relationship with his ex wife with who he has a kid. Now he has a girlfriend that is pregnant with his kid. She did "domesticate"him a bit. Meaning that he is not who he was with his ex. But if she angers him I am not really sure he would restrain himself. People morale code works in a way that people draw the line in the sand that they dont cross. Once they do, that means that the line changed place to where they are now. And that its very hard to get back to the original line as they already crossed it. So I would advise very good caution there. Especially because you both have a history of abuse.

"I got other plans" is enough. There is no need for further explenation. In fact I can almost guarantee that he pulled out "exclusivity talk" because he felt threatened by the competition. Avoid that kind of stuff. In this case, it got weird because of his insecurities, in some other men maybe wouldnt like that you multi- date so they will get cold etc. The same way you wouldnt like him to tell you how he has other dates besides you. Its maybe implied in some cases that you both are multi-dating as you arent in a relationship yet. But it doesnt need to be said.

I read about case a bit. There is a "Lifetime movie" about it apparently. Will maybe check it out. But as I understand, he claimed in a diary that she injured herself and that he gave her "merciful death" like she is some animal. Very disturbed individual. Anyway, you never know with cases like that. My high school classmate was killed by her ex. He straight up murdered her and her cousin with the gun to the head. They were going back to home, he stopped them, they have gone somewhere else and started arguing. Then he murdered both of them. Even went out with a search party tomorrow. He was very peaceful individual by all accounts. Didnt drink, do drugs or even smoked cigs. But, by the looks of it, also very disturbed one. We dont have the killings in same number as Americans do. But every now and then, cases like that happen. Anyway, the kind of cases like domestic violence should be at least documented and reported. Hope you will never go through it again. But I do implore you to at least contact the police and authorities in case that you do. Even if they dont do anything about it it should still be documented. Also, I think this is maybe why the issues occure If you got used to a mess and abuse, that is the norm you would seek later through life. hope you explored this in a therapy so it wouldnt happen again.

I am not saying you made a mistake because for all we know, you didnt. Just dont think his reasoning warrants a break up after 9 weeks. Ofcourse he would want to protect his kid first. Has there been other "red flags" aside of that? Are you sure you arent just scarred because it was going good? Because it seems way too abrupt to go from something that went pretty good to just breaking up in a few days.

He just wants casual sex. He ghosted you because he had other options but now wants back because those other options probably run out so he wants back. Have a little more self- respect and dont allow that kind of behavior. Say "No thanks" and move on from the player.

Depends how you look at it. You had "nice" remedial job behind the desk. Kind of work you would have at McDonalds, as well as people who are the customers, as well as people you work with, are maybe not worth the hustle. For example heard "Waffle House" works 24/7 and that you literally need martial arts degree there. There is a very famous clip of a woman worker there stopping the chair thrown at her with her bare hands. Imagine a customer throwing a chair at you lol My friends girlfriend works in a bakery, even though she has a chemical masters. Very hard college but she cant get a job in her field in my town so she took the bakery job so she would at least work. She doesnt work with customers but her colleagues are all kinds of people(she works in production). So there is definitely a disparity. But I do agree there is nothing wrong with taking at least some job if you need to. And that is where we come to OPs problem. Her boyfriend doesnt work because he doesnt need to. She provides for him and allows him to not work so he can "pursue his passion" whatever that is, probably something like being a famous musician or something. While she bankrolls his life, including dates and going out. If he needed to work, maybe he would. But he simply doesnt need to. And when she tries to get him to do that he reaches for "Oh but I sacrificied a lot for you". Which might be true but that doesnt mean he shouldnt work. Which shows his very questionable work ethics. And that he would rather stay home and "pursue his passion" then do an honest work.

Being that he doesnt deny it, it is the truth. I dunno why you are shocked though. You knew he is a "horndog" by your own admission and that he likes random women Instagram photos. Are you really shocked that he messages them and flirts with them as well? One goes with the other. "Crazy ex" is an other red flag. Always remember that, no matter how crazy she is, your boyfriend has been with her. That should have been a warning by itself. Being that you now even know that he openly flirts with other women, just dump the guy. This will continue, no matter if his ex is in the picture or not. He will still like other women selfies and send them DMs. MOs of people like that never change. Dont fall for him claiming how he loves you and stuff like that. He doesnt love you. Otherwise he wouldnt do stuff like this.

Because partners are not gived based on our arbitrary opinions of ourselves. But mosly based on how others see us. For example, you mentioned gym and eating right but think you also mentioned before that you were over 100kg(220 pounds in silly American units). That is a severe disadvantage to a woman by itself. And sorry, but not something that is marketable as "attractive". You have to understand that most of that stuff you are doing for yourself. For your health, for you to feel attractive, to be a good person by your moral standards etc. That doesnt always translates in attracting others. Because, as Ive said, that doesnt mean you are presentable in a good way and that you will attract the right man. Dating is more about marketing then about anything else. Sort of "selling yourself" to others. Others cant really see all that stuff you tell us. You have to "market yourself" in order for them to do that. Also, I am sorry to be a bearer of bad news, but being jelly of your friends isnt really a good property. You can be happy that your friend is pregnant without sobbing how you havent found anyone and settled down. You are still fairly young. There is still decent time to do it.

You maybe wont like what I have to say. But you have every right to be mad at the situation. Some guy she went out is a part of her company? That is an instant red flag. Further more him showing up to your face warranty that you never talk to him again and even say to your woman that she shouldnt do the same. Its disrespectful to you. And I would even maybe reacted way more agressive to some yoko going to my face. Further more, her even messaging him is another red flag. No boundaries at all. And further even from that, she has a problem with you not being comfortable with some ex of hers who has either slept with her or is trying to do it? And even is combatative about it? F that, boot her to the streets where she belongs. Let her and Bob(sounds like a Twin Peaks villain lol) do whatever they want. But without you in the equasion. Some people lack boundaries. And think you as their partner should be comfortable with that. Even though she would probably throw a ceramic plate at you if you paraded your ex date Megan in front of her and make her hang out with you as a couple. So again, just boot her to the streets. Trust me, you would be more happier with somebody who actually respect you.

Do you think he just couldnt handle it? Your story reminds me on my family friend one. She married the guy, was pregnant and even had a baby. But sadly, the baby was weak, was on machines and died after 40 days. But her guy was very bad at handling that. He shut her down, close within himself and just go to work and be in his room after. So when she needed him the most, he wasnt there for her. So they separated. Tried to reconcile one time after that but just didnt work out. Your guy did way worse stuff to you. But cant imagine his journey has been smooth either. Though he really did extreme thing with cheating and all. Anyway, for what its worth, both my family friend and her guy found their own hapiness. Just not with each other. She found some guy and went with him in different town, they are doing fine. He encouraged her to pursue a good job and even to get a really nice promotion on it few months ago. And her ex husband found somebody else too and think they have a baby now, even though I heard his second wife had one miscarriage before that. So, I think you should maybe more look forward to the future. Rather then backward. As Ive said, lots of that stuff, including anger, can stop us from growing and moving forward. Which should be your ultimate goal. Especially with new thing going good.

Its usually like that. Cheaters have a very strict moral code to justify cheating. For example one of my acquitances said how "once you have a pizza every day, you wish for a good burger instead". People tend to not see themselves as a "villains". So they justify their actions with their ethics being like that it allows cheating without them feeling bad about it. For example, think rainbow said how her ex husband accused her of cheating with her best friend. So, that could be pure projection cheaters usually do. As they think because they cheat, everybody will. Or even to justify his own actions. So its probably just him not being trully sorry about stuff if he exhibited that kind of behavior. But wanted to know what rainbow thinks.

I wanted to ask since I think nobody did: Do you think he is generally sorry for his actions? Sometimes people explore their past and regret their actions in general. For example, in therapy they are maybe implored to do so by therapist. So I guess my question is do you believe he is sincere in his apology? Or he just has alterior motive and wants to go back to your good side?

Narcissists are really not loving people. Sure, they may promise you love and "Love bomb" you, but they are not really loving or caring. They do "Love bombing" so they could get your attention. As far as care and love goes, they dont love anyone but themselves. Everything they do is in terms of self- preservation. They dont need partner, they need a "worshiper". Somebody to kiss their feet and uplift their ego. That being said, from your story, I dont believe she is one. As Ive said, narcissists are really not "warm" people. At most they can pretend to be that, but at the end, that is just pretending. I think she just had somebody else there in Bulgaria. And that, when it became serious and you wanted to see her, she canceled whole thing. Bad of her? Sure. Narcissoid? Not necesseraly. For example, ask yourself if she has: - Unrrasonably high sence of self importance - Feels that she deserves priviledges - Expects to be recognized as superior - Makes achievments and talents seems bigger then they are - Be preoccupied with fantasies about success - Believes she is superior to others and spend her time with other people she deems equally special - Be critical or looks down on people that she thinks they are "beneath" her - Takes advantage of others - Doesnt have empathy and cant recognize the needs or feelings of others - Behave in arrogant way - Insists on having the best of everything Its easy to spot a narcissist once you recognize those patterns. They are not exactly subtle about them. No matter how they pretend, once you spend more time with them, you can spot it in their speech and actions. For example I came on the Forum because of one like that. She told me while she talked about her long time ex how she broke up because he has a crazy aunt and "she doesnt mix her genes with somebody like that". At the times I thought its just a joke but once I thought and recollected more of some conversation and actions, its pretty clear she was severe case of it. From giving importance to her family name and achievement to just having very inflate self worth in general despite her being generally ordinary woman. That is one more thing about narcissists, they are no1 only in their head. In reality, its often not like that. So, if you can maybe recollected some instance of what I described, maybe you have a case. But, as Ive said, from what you told before, dont believe she is one.

You cant delete threads "per se". What you can do is hide them. That means they still exist, but other members cant see them. Moderation still can see them. And only way for them to really be deleted is through moderation. Maybe kamurj or some moderator would say otherwise but from what I understand, its like that.

Holding on an anger means that you are still in the stages of grief. Or that you are really "difficult person" who would hold a grudge forever. 5 stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sometimes we miss some or dont do them in order, but the important part is, we need to go to "acceptance" stage. In that stage you just accept that its over. And that you need to move on. You may come through "anger" stage and its fine to do so, its a part of the process sometimes. But you dont need anger when you go to acceptance. Because then you know you wont be coming back so there is really no need to be angry in order to not come back. You are already over that situation(or a person in your case), so there is no need to hold anger there. Because anger would mean that you are not really over it. Like those dates who talk about exes a lot. Yes they are maybe not with that person but its clear that they are not over it. For example most I feel toward some of my exes is apathy. Their bad behavior reflects on them as people. There is no need for me to hold grudge because I am over those situations. That doesnt mean that I forgot, it just means that I really dont care. There is no really a need for me to feel anything there because I dont. You just get over some stuff and move on. Because anything else is not really good and healthy for you.

I mean, you could probably create her some trouble with the immigration. I just dont see why? Do you have some profound view on justice? Do you really hate this person? Its uncertain why would you go to such lenghts to create that trouble for somebody. You literally gain nothing from it. Your roomate is already out, and government wont send you even a "Thank you" note for being a snitch.

Being attracted, yes. I am attracted to Alexandra Daddario. Doesnt mean I want to leave everyone behind and try to be with a Hollywood actress. But your girlfriend thinks about other men in a way that she wants to actively be with them. As in to leave you and be with somebody else. That is not natural state of somebody who is in a committed relationship. And that all "spills" to everything else. From her treating you bad to just being disinterested in a marriage ceremony organization. I would at least cancel it and save some money. You both have many things to work for before you commit to marriage.

OK, if this one doesnt work out you have your other girlfriend. (I know its a typo but couldnt resist 😂 Anyway, was threesome your idea or something she pitched? Like, that she said she thinks about other men or something so that is why you proposed threesome so she wouldnt be tempted to find other men on her own? I am asking because other then that, only other explanation would be that you enjoy sharing her, which by your story isnt that likely. And that its painfully obvious that she is only with you because you are "safe option". And not because she has some feelings there. You maybe made kids with her. But whatever brought you together then isnt here now. She isnt suppose to be thinking about other men. Or not be sure about marriage after 16 years and 2 kids together. Those are all the signs that she isnt happy with you. Maybe you are with her and that is why you tried to accomodate her, even arranging a threesome. But as you can see, those kind of stuff wont help when she just isnt happy there.

He is a millionaire, isnt he? Anyway, joking aside, way too much egos involved in both cases. You are both equally messy individuals so no wonder you are attracted to each other. It was literally you that ignored him and then spend your time "living your best life"(codename for "I wanted to make him jealous so I went places and shoot 100 pictures for my Instagram, possibly some with other men for him to see it") and then we he "bited" and started spamming your DMs, now you want to "ghost". And I aint defending the guy, its quite resonable to assume that he has a bunch of them like you and that he chases you for one reason only. Just saying that this "cat and mouse" game doesnt help you when it comes to dating. If they dont want to continue, that is fine, just move on. Dont try to chase them and make them jealous.