Kwothe28

I mean, sure, but what Ive discovered with people who are political is that they would not be afraid to impose that politics on you in any shape or form, either in person or through social media. Meaning that, if there is something to be told, you would already known that. She is probably not that political person. But if you would like to know more about her country, sure, there is no harm in asking.

No, just no. Lots of times exes come back looking for validation. And not because they care qbout us. This one is looking for that also. For example. He used to be very kind to you because he wanted to show up and be presented in the best light. But when that faded away and he didnt need to prove anything to you, there was no need for him to be generous to you. He still does it with his friends to keep up that facade. Very disingenous person who just wants your attention that he doesnt get now. So would suggest to not give it to him in the future as well.

I always have a clean shirt so I am not worried about that. Its just that, I am worried work would pile up. I have few days of dishes which isnt too bad since I dont create them that much. And I love doing dishes so will do it today when I have more time since its weekend. But I still hate when I see the sink with lots of them. So I try not to postpone that kind of stuff too much. That is a good idea that should deffinitely try. Thanks.

That is like saying that an adult didnt know that the fire will burn them. Meaning that you didnt needed to discuss boundaries about stuff that is very basic for an adult to know. If you arent in some "modern" poly open relationship thing, its a common knowledge that she shouldnt message exes as your partner would mind such things. So yes, its an excuse. It doesnt justify what you did later though. That was bad from your side of things. Anyway, I think this is over, sorry. I have an aunt who chosed to stay with her ex husband after the divorce as both dont have anywhere else to go and they both invested into mutual home. But they both live on separated floors and dont mingle and their kids are adults already. For your own sake you should consider other options. You need to work out custody for sure. But you need to separated yourself in some way if this is over for good. So start exploring maybe some affordable appartment for yourself.

I like phone calls but have a hesitance about it. So I do them in bulk. Yesterday it was family friend birthday so phone o congratulate, heard uncle was at doctors checkup so called to see what he has done, phone few friends to see how they are doing etc. Its easier then with texts because I can talk to people nicely in few minutes then to spend an hour texting back and forth. But still need preparation to do it. Am "on schedule" today and done everything I wanted this morning on time. But setting up a list would maybe make it more effective on day to day basis. Yes its true. But I feel I "failed the task" as I didnt do it on imposed timeline. For example, I do have a fresh clean laundry and clothes to wear so failing to turn on washing machine isnt that big of a deal. But not doing it on time makes me agitated as I feel like I failed a video game quest. As I think that I should have done it in timely manner. That is why I was curious how is everybody else handling stuff like that as it bothers me a bit. Thanks everybody.

Thanks everyone. "Bribe" might be a good idea. I can do "If I dont do X then I wont get or do Y". Part of the problem is that I postpone activity as I get taken away by some different one. So it may help to put "paywall" on the other activity until I finish what I need to do. Thanks. I do have an app for list that even has an alarm until when you need to do stuff. Never tried it for serious so I might do on daily basis and see how it goes., Its a nice idea with more urgent and less. Its true. For example I need to go to supermarket now instead of answering here lol. But will do right after. I do try, as for example I dont have much time now as before. I am not a fan of TV and barely watch it. But I do enjoy TV shows and movies on computer. But now I even "slack" with that as I dont have too much time now. I do get up very early, its part of my routine. But always postpone preparing for work at the last minute as I check messages, internet etc. Will try to reverse the order tomorrow to see how it goes.

I was planning to post this thread a while ago, which is funny in retrospect since Ive been dealing with procastrination. Ive been generally OK. My mom sadly passed away but been handling it OK. And in the middle of that mess, I managed to land full time job with my college diploma. I did part- time teaching in one school but place opened up in another school since their "educational specialist"(dunno how else to translate in English, most closest to that as a job is a guidance couselor at school) went on pregnancy leave. So Ive been doing that full time for a few months now. Coincidentally at my own elemantary school, my own teacher is still there lol. Did 2 months for them to see if I am a good fit and they decided to leave me there(they seem to be happy with my work) until the other person gets back to work(roughly until the end of the year). Pay is pretty good for my country and in addition to that I have been doing freelance work for years so in a way I have 2 jobs though I did put less hours into freelance one because Ive been doing something else full time. Anyway, Ive been doing OK. But my procastrination issues are showing up more since I do have less time for other things. For example, I never late for work or miss a deadline. Always wake up on time(always have alarm on) and been handling more urgent things like preparing food or feeding the dog at good time. In freelance your timeline is flexible so as long as you keep up a deadline its OK. But for example, I tend to prepare myself(wash teeth, shave, shower etc) at "the last time" right before work. Always manage to look presentable and show on time but its infuriating that I do it within an hour before work. Same with other stuff. For example I turn on washing machine fairly regularly because I change stuff frequently. But if I want to do it one day, I sometimes leave it for tomorrow. Colleague and I change shifts since kids here go to school in 2 shifts and we cover both. So its not so much of an issue when I cover earlier shift since I do have a time for stuff like that later in the day. But when I do afternoon one, I get home late. So, yesterday I planned to turn on washing machine and order some stuff online(I wanted one of those vertical steam irons because Ive heard they are good and hate ironing with an old iron and board). But managed to put washing machine on and sadly slept away till this morning where I had to do a morning shift. So, I turned off machine in the morning(its not that big of a deal since it stops working automatically when it finishes, just not turned off from power and all), prepared and gone to work, so I put stuff from the machine on wire to dry only when I have came home. And ordered the vertical iron after that. See how infuriating that is? So, I guess my question is, how do others manage it? Again, its not that huge of an issue. Usually when I set up to do something, I do it, if not today, then tomorrow. But its still something that I like to work on since it bothers me. Do I setup a list and try to check stuff of from it? Do I try to do something else? Any other ideas to get over this issue?

I read it. Just think you are not focused on other people because this is still an ongoing thing. And that it doesnt do you good in maybe connecting with somebody else where you could achieve a relationship. As you already feel connected here. Just my opinion and something to think about.

Old friend as in "We used to be good" or old friend as "We still hang out"? I am asking because lots of times people not necesseraly fall out but just dont be so close anymore. For example I had a friend who I met because we both played D&D. We hanged out for years and both helped each other a lot. But we dont play D&D together and we dont hang out as much, so surprise, I wasnt invited to his daughter 1st birthday party(big deal here, you have almost like a wedding reception crowd of 100 people). But again, we dont hang out as we used to. Again, sometimes friends get bumped up to acquaintances. Sorry it happened. But now you know that they arent really friends to you at least.

I dont think Kim has a fear of intimacy. I do think Kim is just probably average millenial/genZ member about whom I talked on a different thread. And how they avoid phone calls and prefer text messages because first causes them anxiety and text messages give them time to respond so they prefer that as a mean of communication. Anyway, I do have a different observation about the whole case. Kim, I think not conneting with anyone in real life is in part because you have a 20 pages thread about some other guy. Who still doesnt want to come to see you while you saw him twice(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh he doesnt have a job, I had a job there excuse). And all this texting/sending voice mails doesnt really do you any favor in that department. I am sorry, but at one point you would have to let this go completely. And focus on something actually feasible to make a romantic relationship.

I dont think he is wrong about your drinking. If you cant control your alcohol intake and by your own admission "do stupid things", then you shouldnt drink. At all. You are probably young so you want to drink, have fun and all that. And that is good. But you need to realize yourself that drinking doesnt do you good. However I do think he is controlling. If a person wants to hit their head against the wall we cant say "I forbid you". We can just move out of their way. You two are simply not for each other. Him with controlling behavior and you with drinking and, quite possibly, cheating. And you are both better without each other.

And that is not "Chris Hemsworth type" how? Aside of his super- buffness ofcourse. We usually should at least go for something we like physically. But if you cant score "Indie lead singer of the band rebelious type", maybe you are just not that hot and there is a big competition there. That would be like me going for, lets say "pharma saleswomen". All hot to sell you that sweet pharma pills and all reasonably well with money since they work for big pharma companies. So would need to be Chris Hemsworth or at least reasonably rich. Because they can literally choose from a big pool of men and you need to stand out. What I am trying to say is, its not really viable target to have for dating. And I think that if you dont have success, you should try to lower your standards, sorry. It wont bring you happiness in the long run as you dont really have success and it would just bring you down. And yes, I think it is because of previous issues with looks and validation. Which would require a proper therapy. And not trying to fix those issues by trying to score lead singers of UK indie bands.

I dunno how much is feasible to maintain LDR when you are on a different coasts. Without long term plans to actually have a future together. Would think differently if he plans to come to California or you are short-term there and then come back. But as far as some future goes, your paths are on different sides at least for now. Pay gap is another thing. I am not really materialistic but it can create a divide. What if you want to go to St Barts(googled that as one of the most expensive vacation spots)? And he cant follow that on teachers salary? That could create a problem even if you are on the same spot. Though you did very well even with that divide as you were together so it might not be a problem. Also do parents mind that he is white and not for example Asian? Or is it just a traditional thing where they believe a man should be a provider and that he should also be on a 6 figure salary to support you?

Ive heard good and bad things about that show. Would probably like it since they are pretty centrist with politics lol Anyway, also not sure why you are freaking out. He just wants you to watch it together. You can start from beggining. Pretty sure he is excited because you watch one of his favorite TV shows.

From what its worth I dont think he cares she has a baby coming, he just wants sex. Just as he just wanted sex with you and not to be with you or have a family. And for as much as it was your choice to keep it or not, I think you made the right decision. You are 18 and dont think bringing baby to a world and being a single mom at that age is a good decision for both you and a baby. I think therapy is a good choice. And good you took care of him not to be in your life anymore.

Do you even women? Its just a cry for attention. She probably feels neglected with you dedicating a time to a project and wanted you to spend some time with her in any way possible. You could talk to her about that and see if she feels that way and see if there is a solution.

People in lots of cases confuse "turbulence" with "love". And think that one is the other. If he blocked you days later he doesnt "love" you and cant live without you. He just confused that turbulence you had with the feelings of love and wants that back. Which is a mess by itself. You keeping him in your life is also messy. Or even contemplating on giving him a chance before you were blocked. Do better with men in your life. And dont let this mess into your life ever again. Consider that he blocked you and doesnt want nothing with you a blessing.

I mean its OK if you dont feel something. But she clearly is interested in dating and you like her. So why dont you at least try something at 3rd date(not what is usually tried on 3rd date, more in line of being more opened to flirting or touches) before you give up? I say that because I have a feeling that its not that you dont feel something toward her but that you dont feel her opened enough to try more. Which is fine reason to stop because of that, but if you feel anything there, maybe you should at least try before quiting. Who knows, maybe she opens up more. If you really dont feel anything romantic toward her then I think its OK to give up. And say that you just dont work out romantically so she wouldnt hope for more and both can move on.

Have you heard about the term "emotional blackmail"? Well, what you described is basically that. You do know that you dont have to succumb to her blackmail? If you wont have groceries for tomorrow she wont have one too. If you dont have sex with her, she wont have one(well unless she cheats lol). Consequences are not exclusive just to you. And at the end of the days, you dont have to suffer emotional blackmail from somebody else. You can just leave.

Lots of people will excuse behavior like that on the account of you not being "exclusive" with Lily. But I dont think so. You going on 8 dates with somebody and then casually sleeping with your ex and then saying "We werent exclusive, it was a mistake, wont happen again, see I already blocked ex" doesnt mean a thing. All it shows is that you dont really care about Lily enough not to do something like that. So I would avoid "we werent exclusive" excuse. In fact I would avoid the relationship with Lily at all. As you arent really capable for monogamous loyal relationship.

Some people would do anything to avoid accountability. It was you who broked your boyfriend trust. Its you who should apologize. Instead of thinking how your sister is "out and about to ruin your engagement".

Wut? You are both not serious relationship material. Stay away from each other.

If you know that he cheated twice before and ask what is he doing with 2 phones, I am afraid you are either a) too guilable b) so hard in denial that even if you catch him in the act you would refuse to believe it He cheated 2 times as far as you know it and is still hiding stuff from you. What do you think he needs 2 phones for but to hide his tracks from you? Liars and cheaters stay liars and cheaters. You cant expect them to change. Oh and you asked about 2 phones thing when you dont look at his phone. Well, due to hiding things, lots of them develop paranoid state of mind. Where they think somebody would look at their phone. Also, if you dont look at his phones, doesnt mean his other girlfriend doesnt lol

If he doesnt ask you on a real date but just on some lame hanging out with friends, its a pass. Because he doesnt make any real effort into dating you.

Is it worth? Eh, probably not. People change through years. Even if you reconnect, you would maybe find out a lot has changed. Her divorce for one and how did it affected her. Especially with cheating involved. After some time passes, some people have "ideal" look at some past relationships. While, even then it wasnt ideal. At the end of days, you did broke up for something. But, due to you not having anyone at the moment, you think of her from the past and want to reconnect thinking its something you would like to come back. And in lots of cases, its not. But hey, it doesnt cost you anything to at least try. Maybe she wants to reconnect too and would maybe work out now. We do have a frequent Forum member with that story.