harmlessmystic

Over the last 2 months, I have begun having some doubts. It feels like all the things we do are about her. It also feels like I am 5th or 6th in the importance of things (after career, friends - even things like Instagram or plants). We also had an incident about a month and a half ago where she was away on a work project (theater) and I called her and she asked me "Do we even like each other anymore?" I was stunned. She had only been gone for a week, and she was asking with sincerity. Later I went to visit her in this other city and she asked me again in bed "Do we even like each other anymore?" It really hurt. She went on to treat me like a stranger for that entire trip.

You're right. It makes me lose trust potentially. The experience was harrowing and potentially detrimental to my career. I do not know if it's going to happen again.

This is really interesting. Thanks for sharing. I just don't know.

Sorry to sound melodramatic, if I did. Part of it is the situation. It takes a lot of stamina and concentration to direct for ten hours with all eyes on me. On less than an hour of sleep, it was absolutely brutal, not just mentally but physically as well. I'm still recovering.

I think she'd say she was very happy in the relationship. What I meant was that other than what happened the night before the shoot, things have been going well.

Something pretty heavy just happened in my relationship, and I'm reeling, exhausted and devastated. Last week, I had an important film shoot (I'm a producer/director). I was delayed in picking up the gear, so it was 10:30PM or so before I had a chance to check all the equipment in our shared studio apartment. Still, it was 1:30hrs of work at most, and I could still get enough sleep that night. My girlfriend arrived home around 10:00PM or so and the moment I started looking over the gear, she asked me if I needed help with the equipment. Initially, I thought this was a little unusual of an offer because she and I both knew that she doesn't know the gear. I politely reminded her of that fact, and that what I needed now was total quiet so I can focus on the 8-10 bags I had in my possession (to make sure nothing was missing, everything worked, to charge the batteries, etc.) We had done projects together in the past (with her starring, she's an artist), and she knew enough to know that, well, she didn't know the gear. So I continued to my task at hand. Then the next question came (Do you want to look over your storyboards?). "I said, no, actually storyboards have been done for two days. What I really need is quiet." And then the next question came (Do you need help with interview questions?). I repeated a similar thing: "No, interview questions are done. I just need quiet." There was nowhere for me to go in our small studio apartment, so at one point I put on Airpods to drown her out but she still talked over the music! I had audio gear, camera gear and lighting, so even the smallest missing piece could be costly on the day of the shoot. It wasn't a hard task but I needed to be really focused for that hour and a half. What followed from here I'm still having trouble getting over or understanding. For the next 2-3 hours, I was being offered help, which I didn't need, and I repeated myself again and again with the same refrain ("I just need quiet. Please.") that she repeatedly ignored. Every time I was interrupted, I lost my focus, and I had to start that particular task from the beginning. I was getting more and more desperate as the hours went by. First, I was worried that I wouldn't get enough sleep. Then, I started worrying if the task would get finished at all. At a certain point in the night, this was still going on, 2AM or so, I started losing gas. So I shifted strategies and tried going to sleep. The idea was to get a bit of rest and then do it in the morning. But at that point, my heart was racing, and I was so upset and confused about what was going on, that I couldn't sleep. So I got up again, with a bit of a second wind, and tried again, and there she was again, offering her help, distracting me. Over the course of the night, I went from politely asking to be left alone, to pleading, to begging, eventually I got angry and yelled. Nothing worked. In the end, I got less than an hour of rest that night, and was late to my own set because I had to do that essential work I couldn't finish with her interrupting me. The shoot went well, somehow. But it could have been a complete disaster with me running on no sleep if I couldn't perform properly. I'm writing all this because I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I have had a loving relationship with a lot of common ground and a lot of good times. I've known her for our entire relationship to be somewhat obsessive in her career (theater) and interests, which has its drawbacks. But I really love her. I'm still leaning towards breaking up. She gives no explanation for what happened. What the actual heck just happened? Has anyone ever heard of behavior like this? In the context of what was seemingly a happy (4 years) relationship? I can't seem to get much out of her besides "You seemed stressed." But I wasn't! I was ready. I just don't understand what's going on. The shoot on no sleep was grueling but I survived. I'm still so physically and mentally tired and beat up by what happened. I'm stunned anyone would behave this way. I just don't understand. TL;DR My girlfriend of four years repeatedly interrupted me during important prep for a project and kept me up all night, jeopardizing me and the project. I'm stunned, have never heard of such a thing, and don't know what to do.