Hi everyone,
It's been the same all my life- I can never attract the men I want. For context, I'm 33 buy can pass for early 20s, have been a UK size 8-10 all my life and have been described as "stunning", "beautiful" and "striking". However, had severe acne as a teenager and was bullied a lot for it. I was called a "f****g ugly cow", a "minger" and a "scruffy/dirty cow" on a daily basis, by both boys and girls (sorry, I'm from England and some of you may not understand these words).
The acne cleared up but I was left with lasting self esteem issues because of the bullying and the acne itself. I have good days but on my bad days i think im the ugliest thing in the country. As I say I've never been able to get the men I fancy. I'm hoping that this is because of the underlying self esteem and confidence issues, but I'm terrified that it's actually because I'm not really that good looking and I'm trying to shoot out of my league/looking for validation.
For more context on this, I don't even go after the gorgeous, buff, macho male model Chris Hemsworth types that most women love. My type is reasonably fit, long-haired, sweet indie rocker types. I don't like men who are ***s or overly confident. I can attract men I don't really fancy no problem as I act myself around them because I'm not bothered about them liking me or not, but with men I fancy I get nervous and doubt myself, try to act "cool" and make a fool of myself. I have tried to give plenty of chances to men who are outside my type, but it never leads to anything more. Attraction is important to me.
So is it my looks or is it my self esteem issues? I also have ADHD which doesn't help either. I feel so sad when i see couples who are obviously really into each other and scared that I'll have to settle if i ever want a loving healthy relationship (I dont want children so thats not a worry).
Any advice would be appreciated but please be kind xx
