Im sorry that this will be so long…
My partner and I are in a long distance relationship and we have been dating for over a year now.
Before dating him I knew he wasn’t a big fan of drinking alcohol and he didn’t like when people get drunk, but I didn’t really worry about it. A few days before we started dating I had my birthday party and I got drunk. I told him about it and he said he doesn’t want me to drink alcohol on parties anymore (I don’t remember the exact reason but probably because he doesn’t like it and I got so drunk I didn’t remember half of the stuff that happened there, and also I called him with my friends). Again, I didn’t care about his words and I made a big mistake I admit that - a few weeks later I had another party and I drank again but I was telling him I am not doing it. On that party I wasn’t really giving my attention to him and he had a couple panic attacks because I wasn’t picking up his calls and I smoked (what he doesn’t like and tells me I can’t do). So yes, I admit i messed up that time. After that, he said I can’t go on parties anymore, so I missed like three birthday parties of my friends. After some months I regained his trust and he let me go on party, but without drinking. Again, after some months he let me drink alcohol, but only the amount he told me.
Trough that year my friends and family had been noticing that something is off, I wasn’t drinking and I didn’t want to tell them why, maybe a couple of times I was a bit sad because it wasn’t my decision to not drink and I saw my friends doing it and having fun. So I wasn’t really agreeing with his views on alcohol, I wanted to drink because it was helping me to be more confident because I don’t really know to have fun on a party (I used to get really anxious and stressed on parties). But I also didn’t want to lose him so I was just letting him decide.
At the end of last year I decided to break up with him, one of the reasons was his controlling behaviour, I wanted to finally have fun on parties like my friends and decide on my own how much i drink.
I went on new years eve party, I finally drank how much I wanted and well, I did something I regretted later, it wasn’t a big thing, but I told my friends “crush(?)” some things that some people can consider as flirting (which wasn’t my intention at all!!!)
Two weeks later my ex texted me and I was feeling really sad and lonely and we got back together. BUT, I knew a week later I have a party so I told him “I will come back to you only if you will not control my drinking on this party”. And he agreed. And of course, I did a bad thing again, (also he did try to control my drinking there anyway) something bad happened on that party and I went to the bathroom to cry and complain to my boyfriend on a call that “no guy ever gives me attention because im ugly”. After that he got really sad and mad at me and told me you will not drink on parties again because you mess things up.
And now Ive been thinking, and Ive realised that yes, everytime I drink on a party I talk too much or do stupid things so he is right. And a few days ago I saw a facebook post where a couple of girls said that it wouldn’t be a problem to them to stop drinking alcohol because their partner asked them to.
Ive spend all this year thinking that he is kinda wrong, and that I can be responsible after drinking, and that I should be the one to decide about myself, my friends and family were telling me the same thing - that I should break up with him because he is too controlling. But now i wanted to break up with him again for the same reason, but it seems to me like he is right. I dont want to not drink on parties again, Im feeling really left out, but maybe I am wrong and he is right?
